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March 18th, 2013
10:49 PM ET
Teen's apology: I know I ruined her life
CNN's Gary Tuchman reports on the emotional response to the guilty verdict in the Steubenville, Ohio, rape trial. Trent Mays, 17, and Ma'lik Richmond, 16, were convicted by Judge Thomas Lipps on Sunday. Mays received a minimum of two years in a juvenile correctional facility, and Richmond was sentenced to a minimum of one year.
For more on the story, watch Social media consequences and Steubenville
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Post by: Gary Tuchman Filed under: Crime & Punishment |
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I do agree if everything went down the way they are saying the boys were in the wrong. But i feel as tho this girl agreed to go with these guys when she had a choice to leave with her friends. I also feel that she agreed to these acts even tho she was drunk she agreed, now she is embarrased about what she did and decided to blame RAPE. That is wrong. What most likely happened here is that a girl thought she could have some fun wiht some boys, was drunk figured oh well. Then after she found out how the other girls looked at her she just blamed rape. I think these boys got a worse punishment than they deserve. They were not 18 so it wasnt an underage thing. And probably had no idea they were doing something wrong when this girl was agreeing to everything and lets not forget they were drunk as well. But of course everybody will blame the african american boys in this, without having any idea what truly happened...
That's the dumbest thing I've heard to date.
How convenient that they're sobbing and apologizing after a guilty verdict and sentencing that wasn't to their liking? They should've been charged as adults and locked in a box until they're 35.
It is amazing how some people here are complaining about the girl drinking. What the – are you thinking about? it is people like you that perpetuate and condene this type of behaviour from the male section of the society. It doesn't matter if the girl is naked and dancing on top of a table, if she doesn't want to have sex with them she SHOULDN'T be forced. What kind of human being enjoys a violent act on another human being. We should be worried about not only these boys' set of mind, but also all the people who took/sent/recived/saw the picture and didn't feel it was wrong and something should be done about it.
Amazing how still in 2013 women are treated as a piece of meat whose only purpose is some males' pleasure. We need to EVOLVE.
I would like to know what happened to all the kids that were at this party and watched and did nothing. Are they not guilty in some way ? Who took the video and laughed and did nothing, aren't they too somehow involved ? Yes, these boys were wrong but the kids at his party who knew this girl was too drunk to know what was going on , just sat there and watched. Are these kids her friends ?? I thought friends watched out for each other. Very sad all around.
These kids did this to themselves (which, obviously, I'm glad for) so of course they're crying now! Please, the first kid's "apology" sounded like he was reading off of cue cards. They clearly knew what they were doing all along so how does so-called empathy or remorse magically appear in the courtroom when a guilty verdict is read? I've never understood or bought that at all.
Also, I guarantee that Kurt Cobain himself would be sickened that Rape Me was even associated with such a disgusting act. For those not familiar, it was always intended as an ANTI-rape song. Nirvana was a band that was frequently open about stopping violence against women, etc.
As a rape survivor myself, I would like to tell the young victim that her life is NOT ruined. She can heal from this trauma and flourish. The boys who raped her, however–now THEY have ruined their lives because they will forever be known as sex offenders. I do not wish that they would also be raped in an adult prison. All that will do is cause them to become hateful and seek to hurt others more. Some true repentance on their part would go a long way toward helping the healing all the way around. They will have healing of their own to do if they ever realize the harm they caused by their night of "fun."
Well stated, Nancy
The black kid did appear to be remorseful. I don't know whether it was genuine. I don't know the details of what he did. I mention that because there are some acts that I don't understand how a person capable of feeling real remorse would do in the first place.
The white kid gave the impression of having no interest in the words he was reciting, like he was devoid of empathy. Of course, that's just my impression.
I hope they learn how to dig ditches, nobody's going to hire them with a felony rape conviction on their record.
Hence why people repeat that same lifestyle
will it be on their record? usually your record is wiped clean (for most background checks) at 18.
Rapists, murderers only feel regret and find jesus after they've been in the prison system awhile. let this kid out early and he will be back to his rapin self.
Dang right!
There should also be some punishment for those that took pictures/video and posted them. They were guilty of a crime as well and the coach should be charged as well with endangering the welfare of a child. He knew of a crime happening to an teenager and didn't report it. Hopefully there will be laws enacted regarding taking pictures/videos of crime like this. Maybe this will stop people from recording everything if they can be charged with a crime. This girl has been humiliated beyond belief. Even if she doesn't "remember" what actually occured she knows that she was violated and this will stay with her for life and effect every relationship she has.
I hope that the boys are required to make restitution to this young girl by paying for the counseling she will need to recover from her experience. I hope this Ohio town has the resources available for sexual trauma counseling and that she takes advantage of them. The sooner she gets help, the sooner she can move past the event and get on with her HAPPY, PRODUCTIVE Life.
It should definitely not be illegal to record such images or video. They can be used as evidence, and generally, there's no way to prove or know at the time of recording what the "photographer" intends to do with the recordings. What IS significant is WHAT IS DONE WITH THE RECORDINGS.
Is it just me – – or does anyone else find it weird that they are "sorry".....AFTER they got convicted?....
Yes these boys were wrong BUT the victims parents act as if she's so innocent. Try being a parent and realizing your daughter went out to a party and consume alcohol UNDERAGE. As a parent they should be prosecuted as well, YOUR daughter made the decision to go there. You did nothing to prevent this.
I wonder as well where the parents were. They have a responsibility for their children and their actions. In addition, I question if the girl and her parents are being charged for HER underage drinking (to the point she was passed out). I am not excusing the boys AND their parents but the "victim" certainly was not an angel.
You clearly do not have children.
So right Rebecca#
agreed.
The girl had "roofies", DRUGS, put in her drinks by the criminals. It was a premeditated attack and vengeance by one of the boys for the victim breaking up with him. Shame, SHAME ON YOU for victim blaming! Not being continually monitored by her parents does NOT make her fair game to be attacked. Your attitude is part of rape culture and making excuses for rapists!
Whether you mean it or not, you're perpetuating victim-blaming. When high school boys get drunk and pass out, maybe someone will draw on their face with Sharpie. Girls should be able to do the same. I had great parents but drank in high school at parties. Who knows where they were, maybe they went to bed with her safely tucked in, only to sneak out of her bedroom window later. Parent's can't be held legally responsible for their teenager drinking alcohol. If we're holding parents responsible for anything it should be the parents of the brutal rapists, not the drunk teenaged girl.
Prosecuted the parents of the victim because their daughter drank? Why is no one suggesting prosecuting the parents of the boys because their sons raped?
Mike – This girl did the drinking herself she was not forced to drink and that is her responsibility, what these boys did was violate her WITHOUT her consent and I believe they should have gotten a harsher punishment period. Their lives are over but not her's.
Really Mike ?? Were you never a teenager .Did your parent know everytime you either snuck out a window and went to a party or to meet up with a girl ? Did you grow up with mature, decision making properties built in? You do NOT have to be an "angel" to avoid getting raped . You do have to be, at the very least a decent human being not to rape someone With your theory, even as an adult ,if you go to a party and you drink and get raped , its your own fault. I hope i dont meet up with you at any parties I am sure it will be my fault not yours if I drink and party and you cant control yourself
If she had been in a diabetic coma (therefore unresponsive), and someone had raped her, would you still say this?
Iif someone had chosen to shave off her hair, or beat her up, or rob her instead of raping her, you'd still blame HER and HER parents?
I don't know when YOU grew up, but I grew up in the 70s and most people I knew (like 75% of guys and girls) in high school would go to drinking parties at the lake at some point. Yes, kids should not be drinking, but they do, and likely have been for as long as alcohol has been available.
People who take advantage of those who are not able to resist are criminal people, whether they rape, rob, beat up, or simply bully those who are unable to fight back for whatever reason.
I grew up about an hour from Steubenville. They have always had the reputation of being a football crazy town with major priority issues. I'm glad these kids finally got caught. I can guarantee it wasn't the first time something like this happened in that town. It's just the first time someone spoke up about it. Maybe now that their town is nationally known, they will clean up their act together.
To the victim (even though she may not read this): I know it seems like your life is pretty crazy right now but I guarantee it's not ruined. You still have so much to live for and so much you can do to be a positive influence in the world. After you graduate, go out into the world and do something amazing. Show those perpetrators that they have no power over you! I may not know you but if you have enough guts to speak out about what happened, you're a strong young woman who is capable of doing anything she sets her mind to.
Very good points Kelley. Hope the victim heeds them. Not only that, they are saying they ruined the victim's life, they ruined their own lives. I feel very sorry for them if they suffer the same fate in jail.
She was a victim when it happened. She is a survivot now!
Moving apologies by the two teens found guilty comes much too late. I wonder if they truly feel sorry for the girl or for themselves.
I don't think they are sorry for what they did. they are sorry only because the got caught.. 2 years thats all!!!
I also think these girl needs to take some RESPONSIBILITY..
I am going to give these two young guys the benefit of the doubt. I do not agree with putting them in adult prison. If it was up to me, I give both of them 5 years probations and 250 hours community service.
@dennis you obviously have no respect for a woman, it is her body it was not open to these criminals. One and two years is nothing they should have gotten 10+
What benefit of the "doubt" are you talking about; did they leave _any_ doubt?!
they're not going to adult prison? it very clearly states and has stated over and over and over again that they are going to a juvenile correctional facility
The reason they did not apologize for the rape is that it would be a tacit admission of guilt. As long as they maintain their innocence, they can hope for an appeal.
The first defendant apologized for the pictures and then said they shouldn't have been taken – HE DIDN'T APOLOGIZE FOR THE RAPE! When boys commit 'man' crimes they should be punished according to the crime – kids theses day grow up quickly – they know that such an act is a horrendous crime. I can see them not adjusting well to their new environment and staying longer than the minimum sentence. May God help her heal.
Give these young guys a break. That girl is all guilty for all this.
Are you kidding? You must be.
She was barely conscious. She was neither old enough to consent nor physically able. Big deal she got drunk, many kids make that kind of mistake it does not excuse their behavior in an way.
That they received only 1 and 2 years for this is disgusting. Where are the others who took and posted photos? They watched and did nothing to help. They are every bit as guilty as the two who were prosecuted and they deserve to be in jail with them. They might get a lesson in how it feels to be raped at the same time.
How is being raped the girls fault???
She was not guilty of anything more than anyone else at that party. She drank like anyone else at those parties. She may have been drugged. Is it not obvious that they didn't admit to anything real because they want to appeal? They are still worried only about themselves.
She was drugged by roofies slipped in her drink,. They should be charged as adults and get at least 10 years.
Sports has to much power. The people in this town actually felt sorry for the boys that did this.
Wow, from the posts, people are getting it! Way to go people!! I thought there would be more "poor guys" but my hope in the human race has just up'd a bit!
I blame the parnets. Where were the parnets? It is past time for parnets to step up and start doing their job as a parnet. But no, too many times parnets try to be buddies with their kids.
You can't blame the parents. As a parent, I know that you can try to install good values and morals in your children, but when they reach a certain age, they are going to do what they want. Hopefully, they will think about the things you have taught them and make the right decisions. Unfortunately, as in this case, they don't always do that.
Actually, you probably can blame some of the parents. The teens went from party to party at peoples HOUSES and were drinking. The question is: where were the PARENTS whose kids were hosting the parties? Why did they allow their kids to have parties with alcohol, but did not supervise them?
Blame the boys first, what they did was despicable. They should be thankful they don't live in a place and time when their lives would be taken in punishment. The boys' parents deserve condemnation too because they foster that kind of behavior in their kids with lax discipline and permissive attitudes. The girl's parents also deserve condemnation. They should know where their minor daughter is, and with whom she is. They should know what kind of boys she is frequenting and if she is drinking. Shame on them for their own lack of discipline and laziness. And we should condemn the adults who see underage drinking and allow it knowing full well the kinds of things that go on in those parties. The girl did deserve punishment for her own behavior, but nobody deserves what she got. NOBODY.
Parents are responsible for children under age 18. It was the drunkenness of everyone that this all happened. What happened to parental supervision at the house where this happened. No one can predict in advance what is going to happen once alcohol is involved. I hope these children learn their lesson on the crazy life of drinking. I think the parents are just as responsible for this crime....all of them.
i can "predict" that no matter how much i drink, i'm not going to rape someone. That is true now, it was true when i was 15. Alcohol has almost nothing to do with this. Sociopath individuals have everything to do with this.
A bit late for apologies, is it not? Give me a break.
I think this situation is a cry from our youth. Our youth needs more supervision, not just in the classroom or at home, but when they are let out to go to parties or the mall or where ever they go. Parents need to know where the kids are and that they are for sure not doing things that will put an end to success they have to look forward to in their lives. This is a result of bad parenting mixed with crooked law enforcement and school officials. These kids are suffering because their PARENTS DROPPED THE BALL.
Unless you are a parent, you have no clue what it takes to be a parent. In the end, the young ppl invilved in this knew they were doing something wrong and choose NOT to stop. As a perent, you can teach your kids all the good ways, to respect, to be a good person, ect. But each person will choose what to do, right or wrong. I feel for the parents on both sides, and especially for this girl who because of a bad choice ended up being raped. Tese two teenager are old enough to know better, they got off easy!
I am parent. Marie has it 150% right. The kids got off easy because everyone knows that they were let down by their parents and the community too. You could tell that they were only a part of a larger problem in that town (and many others?) They were the ones who got caught going too far. as for the girls' parents. They need to know where their underage girl is and what she is doing. They let their daughter down in a major way.
No. Her life isn't ruined. Yours is. People will be willing to care for her and love her and see her as a gift for the rest of her life. You will be lucky to get looked at in your eyes when your parents speak to you. We all make mistakes – i hope life allows you to make up for yours. Either way though, we have better people like her making great headway. You are pretty moot.
Yes people make mistakes. Taking part in a prolonged multiple rape including dragging your victim from place to place while taking photos, videos and the time to post them to social media is not a mistake it is a felony and they should be treated as such.
If at 17 they don't know the seriousness of what they were doing then they need to be locked away for a long time for the protection of the rest of society.
Did they even try to find out where the alcohol came from for these kids? Actions have consequences, they should have thought about that before raping a girl too drunk to consent. Very sad that the apology was about the pictures and not the act and sad that none of her "friends" at the party came to her rescue.
If the girl had remained silent about the whole mess these 2 guys would still be laughing about the fun they had at her expense. I doubt either one of them would have had the slightest feeling of remorse. Any feelings they have of regret are due to the fact that they got caught.
I have a feeling it's not the first time it happened either. Only the first time it came to light
In Oct of last year my 17 yr old daughter was raped by three boys at a party. She also had been drinking and was intoxicated. She remembers trying to get away and they kept dragging her back in the room. The were 5 others there who did nothing. The police did nothing. The school did nothing. Our laws need changing. These boys got away with it and yet my daughter will have this horrible memory for the rest of her life. I feel for this girl and her family I am happy the boys were caught and sent to jail. Please talk to your kids about this. My daughter was an honour student, well liked by all teachers and now has changed. Please pray for the victim i t was not your fault
This problem started at the boys and everyone else that did nothing to help her homes.
I can understand the thinking behind putting them in an adult prison, but that's not the solution. They'll come out a rape victim, and would you really wish that on anybody else? We need a sweeping change in society's attitude toward sex and toward women/girls. Sex seems to be ubiquitous; you can't escape the theme. Until boys and young men understand the violence involved, nothing will change.
Please don't get me wrong, I believe in consequences and am hopeful that this decision will not only help bring closure to the victim but vindication as well. Its just that I can't help but feel that while a series of very bad decisions were made at that party(by more than just the students directly involved) these decisions weren't made with a concious malicious intent. They were a result of too much alchohol and a society who has let the lines blurr around what is right and wrong. Again, I want to stress that I am not suggesting that the victim was in anyway was at fault or the crime against her wasn't a crime but I would bet my last dollar that it didn't occur to these two boys that they were "raping" anyone.
Everywhere you look, sex, drugs, alchohol, the objectifying of women is glamorized. Teens are modelling these images in their search to be popular or even just accepted. Add the impairment that comes with alchohol and you have a recipe for disaster.
I hope this case is a wake up call to everyone. I know I've had serious discusions with my son about respect and right and wrong. I wouldn't want my child on either side of this equation but I can see how easily it could happen.
I hope
I think at their age they know that its wrong to do what they did, and they should pay for the decision they made to take advantage of this girl. I dont care if she was drunk, passed out, whatever. Its never ok and they are certainly old enough to know that. I wish people would stop blaming the parents all the time-lets face it-most people have done something against what their parents taught them-hell, i snuck around and went to a few parties as a teenager. It wasnt bad parenting on my parents part-it was teenage rebellion-so lets get over that already. No matter her location or what state she was in-she didnt deserve what happened to her. Right and wrong is often known by kids, its their lack of impulse control and thinking they can get away with it. But regardless of the age, they will have to face up to the consequences of that decision and hopefully learn from it and move on.
I feel sorry for everyone, in the sense that, they will have to live with this for the rest of their lives. Some more than others. But, to some who think that just because they may not have thought what they were doing was wrong. How can they not think that having sex with another person is not serious. And for those getting angry at the victim, What you are doing is blaming the organs for malfunctioning and not the cancer. There are some people who have evil and malice with in them. It was there before the victim showed up.
They knew exactly what they were doing. They made jokes about 'raping her dead', 'raping her dry', they called themselves 'the rape crew' and there is a very strong line of evidence that this girl was not the only, nor even the first. I will agree that our culture allows people like them to think they can get away with treating others with no respect or even empathy and I do truly hope that several of the coaches who KNEW about this particular episode (one told them to get her off his property, instead of calling the police or an ambulance) and the head coach who told the rapists 'he'd fix it, and not to worry'. As angry as I am over the actions of the young men in attendance as well as the two convicted rapists, it is the actions of the adults who knew what was happening that truly makes my blood boil. (and kudos to the one boy who did try to stop them, even calling them felons and rapists to their faces )
Hmmmmm, the victim was too intoxicated to remember anything then how is she going to have a life time of memories now? The problem here is societal. Adults expose these kids to way too much, and then expect them to be able to measure it out reasonably. None of them should have been drinking perpetrators or victims. .
True to the not drinking part, however the problem is, is that in rural areas, you'd be surprised at how easy it is to get drugs and alcohol. All it takes is knowing the right person. Teens can gain access to alcohol at an alarming rate and all it takes is knowing someone who is of age to get it and is willing to buy it for them. It has very little to do with their families and everything to do with their environment. drinking is almost a rite of passage in highschool in the rural midwest and south. i cant tell you how many times i've heard about MIP convictions and busted parties when i was in highschool.
Underage kids have been drinking for a very long time now. I'm 56 and they were doing it when I was a kid. This is not something new.
um, there are videos that SHOW what happened to her. She may not remember, but those who video taped her have memoralized this rape for their own sick pleasure. So she may not have a memory, but the internet does!
the whole world knows about her situation, and i'm sure there are so many other girls in her exact situation. i try to tell my teens that i didn't have twitter and facebook and myspace when i was a kid to tell on myself....this generation documents everything and producing their own evidence to their own 'crimes'...large or small....and then you have people who care more about their town's image, these rapists and their destroyed lives, what it's going to do their football program than they do about this girl......threats to kill her or mess her up.....if she hadn't seen the pics and heard the rumors, this would have been just another sweep under the rug situation that the douche bag coach could have 'taken care of'.....makes me sad this is the times that we live in!
Did anyone notice Trent Mayes only apologized to the girls family, not to the victim herself. And he said the pictures should've never been taken let alone sent around. How about you mention that the attack on this victim should've never happened! He seemed to overlook that. I agree that they are only sorry they got caught. They should be addressing how wrong their actions were, raping this girl and taking complete advantage of her. And shame on the other bystanders at the party who did nothing to stop this, completely dispicable!!!
I think the apology was directed to the victim's family because the victim herself was not there; she did not attend any of the trial so as to protect her privacy. Still, it makes you wonder.
Maybe he didn't apologize for the rape because he pleaded not guilty? Maybe, even after being convicted, he is still under some delusion that he hasn't "really" done anything wrong? I don't know....just taking a wild guess....it totally irked me that he didn't apologize for the actual crime, he basically only apologized for getting caught.
I I noticed he apologized for getting caught and not for his actions and the first thing I said was wow he didn't even apologize for what he did he just blew it as far as I am concerned
This problem started at this girl's home. Why was she out, and totally drunk? So drunk that she did not know what had happened to her before seeing pics on the internet.
No, the problem started at these BOYS' homes. Yes there is a problem with the behavior of all involved, including the lack of parenting going on in that town, but this problem, this crime, is the boys' fault, no one else's. If these boys were raised to be GOOD MEN, this problem, this CRIME would not have happened.
The problem and the responsibility are completely and totally at the feet of the rapists. You can tell women 'don't get raped' until you are blue in the face but that won't stop a woman from being raped. Women grow up in fear, we constantly run scenarios through our heads; can I jog safely here, if I scream will anyone hear me, could anyone look at my clothing and think 'slut', how far am I parked from the entrance is the area well lit, will I have to leave after dark are there any hiding places that someone could lurk. We walk to our cars will our keys poking out between our fingers in case we have to defend ourselves. And it goes on and on and on, but you know what? We still can't stop from being raped if a rapists decides he's going to go out raping. You want to place blame someone then place it on the person who treats women as if they were nothing more than objects made for his amusement, who doesn't consider or care about the damage he's doing. Blame it on the culture that immediately asks the victim, "what were you wearing", "why were you there", "why didn't you do ____ instead" It's like we're living under Sharia Law, minus the burkas, because if a woman is outside of her home and raped it immediately seems to be our fault that a man can't keep it in his trousers. And if seeing a woman sleeping, passed out or drugged makes your pole rise, YOU are the one with the problem. Most of us see a person in a situation like that and our first instinct is to keep them safe, not stick things inside of them.
I guess I just don't understand any of this. I deplore what those boys did to the victim, but what was she doing drinking so much that she doesn't even remember what happened???? When I was that age my parents knew where I was and who I was with at all times. I wasn't even allowed to be in a car with a boy by ourselves at that age. I know times have changed, but I think these parents need to wake up and start parenting. It all starts at home and these kids are being punished for parents who didn't do their jobs. Hard lesson, parents! WAKE UP and do your job and these things would not happen.
What you are saying is technically true but they knew they had the power over her and I suspect they kept giving her the alchol and maybe a date rape drug. Young immature girls want to be loved they don't understand that boys want sex in any way they can get it.
We don't know that she wasn't drugged, and she wasn't the only drunk person or drunk girl at those parties. If there had been respect and kindness for her as a human being, no rape would have happened. She would have slept it off in a blanket with new or old friends watching close by.
Why is it that girls can't go out and have fun too? They get blamed for being drunk, so why don't the boys get blamed for being drunk too. Sexism is still prevalent among many males, usually the ones who are unsure of their own manhood.
EVERYONE is sorry when they get caught. As someone that has been through rape I can tell you that this girl has been handed a LIFE SENTENCE of memories of the aftermath, even if she does not remember the actual rape. She will have to live with the knowledge that it is out there on the internet for all to see. As to the POOR BOYS that have had their lives wrecked by their own actions and their decisin to drink even knowing that they were to young, I DO NOT GIVE A HOOT THAT THEIR LIVES ARE FOREVER DAMAGED. Seems to me that you need to focus on the damage they have caused this girl. What I would also like to anwsered is how many times have they done this and not been caught??? I say put them in an adult prison with men known to rape men and cause physical harm while doing so, lets see how they feel then....
I don't agree with putting them in adult jail and hoping for male rapes. More wrongs do not make anything right.
No pictures should of been taken, let alone sent around. How about, this should never of happened. These guys are only crying because the label they now carry. Neither of them view what they did as wrong. Pathetic
Exactly!
And one and two years? They got off with a fricking slap on the wrist.
Now they know how it feels to sob over a lost life – like their victim – they are now suffering.