July 4th, 2012
09:48 AM ET

Letters to the President #1262: 'This one is for the grills'

Reporter's Note: While the nation celebrates the anniversary of our independence, I hope President Obama also celebrates the arrival of my latest letter in a long string of missives to the White House.

Dear Mr. President,

I trust that this 4th of July finds you happy and healthy, and ready to enjoy the holiday. Falling on a Wednesday like it does this year, I realize that it has put some people off a bit. They’d love to see the day cozied up to a Sunday or Saturday so they could have more fun with a short string of time off, but sometimes holidays just find themselves marooned in the middle of a week and there is nothing to be done about it. Sure, some folks might want to take the whole calendar apart and rebuild it to avoid such problems, but gracious, if we do that pretty soon we’ll be rewriting the Constitution, the rules of baseball will change, dogs will start sleeping with cats, anarchy!

All of that leads me to a question I’ve been pondering: Does the White House have a barbeque grill? I can’t recall ever seeing one around there. If not, you should get one. No matter how much Michelle may carry on about healthy eating and her precious garden, there is just nothing like the sizzle of burgers and ribs in the dead of summer.

Heaven knows the Secret Service won’t want you messing around with propane, but you could always have Biden light it, right? Seriously, he’d probably appreciate the break from making ice and chip runs to the 7-11. (Btw, I’m pretty sure he caught on to that whole, “It’s a secret mission, Joe,” trick.)

“Oh yes, Mr. Vice President, here is the bag with the ‘classified information.’”

“Why is it dripping?”

“Uh…I have some other customers…”

But back to the topic: Whether or not you can get Biden on board, I think you really ought to have a grill. It would fit nicely in by the Rose Garden, and when you and the family gathered out back to watch the fireworks, the aroma of all that cooking would be magnificent. After all, what is freedom for, if not for enjoying those things we enjoy most.

Call if you want me to bring some bratwurst.