March 8th, 2012
06:48 PM ET

Letters to the President #1144: 'Delusional'

Reporter's Note: Each day I send a message to President Obama, laboring under the delusion that he reads them.

Dear Mr. President,

So the Supreme Leader of Iran is now calling you “delusional” for talking about putting more economic pressure on his country. Ha! What a kidder that guy is. I’d love to see more of that kind of talk in our Congress. “Senator, if you like the idea of higher taxes, you are delusional!” “Mr. Congressman, the idea that you think this measure will pass is not so much a measure of optimism as it is a delusion.” Or maybe just now and then someone should hurl a nice, sharp, “You’re crazy!” across the floor.

In any event take heart. I’ve been called delusional before, and let me tell you there is nothing to fear. Heck, I’m pretty sure I’ve actually been delusional once or twice and I’m none the worse for the wear.

Examples of my delusions:

I was once absolutely certain that a 1970 Chevy Biscayne with green shag carpet in the back window, and an eight track player loaded with the Best of Bread was a surefire girl magnet. I mean, I wouldn’t even have to mention being Vice President of the chess club!

I was pretty sure when Johnny Carson retired I was going to be called up out of the blue to be his replacement. (Damn you, Leno.)

When I got married I thought it would make perfect sense for my vintage Rush and Kiss posters to adorn the dining room. Turns out, not so much.

I once believed that the money I poured into a government program would one day come back to me in old age. Hmmmm... what was it called? Oh yes, Social Security.

And of course, I once thought you’d write back to me one day, after oh say... 500, 800, or 1000 letters.

Anyway, like I said, I’ve recovered from all those mistaken notions just fine. Was I delusional about them for a while? Sure, but who isn’t that way now and then? And oh, by the way, what if those economic sanctions work? Who’ll be delusional then, Mr. Supreme Leader of Iran? Ha!



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