Letters to the President #1063: 'Christmas shopping'

Reporter's Note: President Obama has never written even so much as a postcard to me, despite me writing more than a thousand letters to him. But I'm pretty sure he's about to crack.

Dear Mr. President,

If things go as planned, before this weekend is over I will have a Christmas gift for my wife.

I know, I know, there are men out there who buy their gifts weeks ahead of time, who always know precisely what they want, and who shop around endlessly for the perfect deal. I assume they are crazy. Or they have more time than I do. Or maybe they're just better organized. Who the heck knows?

All I know is that each year I vow that I will get onto the case much earlier, but then Halloween comes around, Thanksgiving roars up behind it, our birthdays rumble into view, and Bob's-your-uncle once again I am on the threshold of Christmas with no gift in hand. It is infuriating. Doesn't make it any easier that frequently I have great ideas in, oh say, August or September, but somehow they no longer will work.

Don't get me wrong: I'm almost always happy with what I finally find for her, and she always seems delighted even if secretly she is not. (Well, maybe she has despised some of my gifts to her. Who knows?) I just don't like the pressure of wading into the throngs of shoppers knowing that I actually have to find something in that madness. I would much rather be roaming around looking for a few extra trinkets or stocking stuffers; you know, the kind of items that don't really matter all that much.

So if you are thinking of calling me this weekend, I'm afraid you might need to wait until Monday. I'm just going to be too busy. Still, if you want to call then, that will be fine. I can tell you what I found! Ha!

Regards,
Tom