May 1st, 2011
09:00 AM ET

Letters to the President: #832 'Excessively royal'

Reporter's Note: The royal wedding is over. I’m still waiting on a thank you note for the blender. Meanwhile, I’ll write my daily letter to the White House.

Dear Mr. President,

If everything goes well, by the time you read this I will be finished running yet another marathon. I say “if” because my leg muscles have been tighter than ticks on a basset the past few days, and you may recall my last big run was only about five weeks ago, so this could easily turn into something out of Saw VII. But let’s hope not.

The run is up in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and my plan (as of the moment I am writing this) is to get up around 4 a.m. to drive there, pick up my race packet, slap on my number, and start trotting. If you want to go along, I’m sure I can finagle a late entry for you. Just saying. Ha!

Speaking of long slogs, I missed almost all of the royal wedding despite all the hoopla leading up to it! I saw a few highlights for a very few seconds: The dress. His jacket. The kiss. Oh, and a quick shot of the carriage ride.

I did hear pretty outrageous claims about the cost of her dress, which on the modest end were still pushing $100,000, and I nearly swallowed my tongue. Seriously, she seems like a pleasant person, but is anyone that important? I realize that big time royals fans may take offense, but it seems a tad insensitive in the midst of a global recession to be cavorting about in an outfit so extravagant. In some places, she could have worn a house with a family of four for the cost of her gown. Of course, it would have been hard to make it down the aisle that way, but you get my point.

And btw, do you really think anyone could have told the difference if she’d worn, oh say, merely a $10,000 dress? And don’t even get me started on the flowers.