Reporter's Note: Mississippi GOP Gov. Haley Barbour has decided that he won’t run for president. Although I don’t really care who gets into the race, I do hope the prospect of receiving a letter from me every day did not unduly dissuade him…although I can see how it might.
Dear Mr. President,
I’m sure it is a great relief to know that Mississippi’s Republican Gov. Haley Barbour is not running for president next year. And if it helps at all, I have compiled a partial list of others who I think are also not running: Charlie Sheen, Lance Armstrong, Charo, Lil Wayne, Bret Favre, Rosie Perez, Tonya Harding, and the guy who lives down the street from us with all those weird bumper stickers about animals. (I’m not sure what his position is; but as best I can make out, he thinks the government is either being run by cats or ought to be.)
I’m being silly, of course. I’d guess that it really doesn’t matter much to you at this point who will or won’t be in the race, because you know it will be a knock-down-drag-out brawl no matter who gets the nod.
But seriously, how crazy do we have to be to waste our time discussing who is not running for a given office? If a sitting president (like you…I mean, assuming you are sitting as you read this) or some other well-known political leader decided not to seek re-election, I can understand the ruckus. Otherwise, all this noise just seems as if we have nothing to do with our time.
Now, I could totally get behind it if the goal was to report the decision of each and every American; “News from Missouri today; Bob Stebbins of Farnsworth Lane has decided he too will not run for president.” That would be entertaining to say the least, and not a bad way to cross check the accuracy of the Census btw. I mean, I can understand people not wanting to be counted, but who would pass up the opportunity to top the nightly news by doing absolutely nothing? Come to think of it, isn’t that what Congress has been doing for months now? Ha!
Perhaps you should consider some legislation requiring that each American publically declare his or her intentions vis-à-vis the presidency each four years. While you work on that I’ll keep my eye out for other non-candidates and keep you up to date.
Call if you can.
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