Crystal Bowersox: 'Just Imagine…'
[cnn-photo-caption image=http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2010/images/10/08/art.crystal.cnn.jpg caption="Crystal Bowersox: 'If you, or your child is being bullied, I encourage you to take the battered mind and spirits, and lift them up.'"]
Crystal Bowersox
Special to CNN
Editor's note: Bullying is in our schools, and it's online. Why do kids do it? What can be done to put an end to it? Don't miss an "AC360°" special report in collaboration with PEOPLE Magazine, "Bullying: No Escape," all this week at 10 p.m. ET on CNN.
Bullying is not acceptable at any age, for any reason. To my adolescent mind, the reasons why my peers treated me poorly were cruel and insignificant; and mostly for reasons that were completely out of my hands. I experienced what seemed like constant emotional bruises and jabs, repetitive negative verbiage, name calling, and harassment not only within the walls of my home, but also in the halls of my school. I understand that growing up is tough for everyone. It's not an easy task for pliable minds to weave through the labyrinth known as puberty. But there are lines in this human experience that are not meant to be crossed so furiously and frequently.
I was often picked on for being poor. My brothers and I were part of the low-income school lunch programs, so our lunches were free. My clothes were never name brand or new, and usually rust stained due to hard water. I remember feeling so proud of myself for making the junior high school swim team, then hassled for attending meets wearing a used Goodwill suit because we couldn't afford the team ones and gear. In the winter season, I smelled like a camp fire and kerosene because our mother would use anything to heat the house, i.e. kerosene heaters -pluming smoke into the middle of the living room, or old shoes or garbage to stoke the wood-burning stove in the kitchen. My home life was beyond humble. At school, I was punished for it. I was also taunted by a few students for being diabetic. I was diagnosed at the age of 6, so these taunts started early on and were usually based upon fear and/or curiosity. Literally, students used the word, "Diabetic!!" as an insult among sneering and scoffing when I would eat something in class. I later learned to manipulate my health to miss school, because I dreaded being there so, and the hospital felt safer than home.
There are a few incidents that I remember quite vividly. I've managed to let go and block out a lot of things, but this one has stayed in my mind. School had just let out. I was headed to the bus, when I was suddenly pelted with ice. A few of the Varsity jackets had taken snowballs dipped them in water, which then turned into baseball-sized hail, and began stoning me. In pain, I tried to throw the ice-snowballs back, to no avail. I went home that night with my body and my spirit, black and blue.
There are far too many incidents to relive and write, but I will tell you this: the abuse that I encountered while attending public school drove me mad. I remember feeling suicidal all of the time, between dealing with a brawling, unkempt home life and the bullying at school. A pivotal moment for me was when I had learned to tie a slip knot, and spent a few hours staring at a noose. I had hung the rope over a rafter in the barn. I just stared at it, wanting to slip it over my head with almost every fiber of my being, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt that I had no place in the world, or even in the cafeteria until I was invited to sit with the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) kids. There I was accepted, straight, poor, diabetic, and all. I saw and heard some of the most demeaning things from other students directed at these kids. Immediately through association, I was branded and sent to slaughter, as well.
I left public school in what was supposed to be my junior year. My grades had fallen so much that I was held back. I had been playing gigs and shows around town through all of this, and music and writing was my only passion, love or friend. I was approached by a teacher who was working at the Toledo School For the Arts, a Charter school that was in its first experimental year. My father and I jumped at the idea of attending a school where kids played guitar in the halls before class, or were graded on their level of creativity and inventiveness. Not only did TSA offer me a place I could fit in, it offered me hope.
Even at TSA, it was hard to do well due to stress at home and illness, but I was a much happier and hopeful. Music and art were my saviors, and my parents and teachers knew it. And despite some lingering behavior issues, I excelled at the classes I was most interested in. When I was about 17 1/2, a light bulb came on above my head. I realized that when you turn 18, the only person you have to answer to is yourself. Bullies are no longer bullies; they can be legally punished for harassment and assault. Your parents can no longer tell you to go to your room if you chose to be independent and live elsewhere. When you act out of frustration and participate in self-destructiveness, you are the only person being defeated. I moved to Chicago, where the streets made me even more aware of how much bigger the world is than high school, and of all the limitless, positive, and productive possibilities in life just waiting to be seized.
If you, or your child is being bullied, I encourage you to take the battered mind and spirits, and lift them up. In light of the recent youth suicides, I beg for parents, teachers, and students to take responsibility and open your ears and eyes, and your hearts. It is imperative that a child or adolescent's cry for help be heard, no matter how silent it may be. Empathy and sympathy are characteristics that one embodies early in life and they begin in the home. We can only hope that the lessons we give to our young ones will be carried on throughout their days and years. Apathy and antagonism, unfortunately, are also sprouted from the very same seeds. Our children need to understand how their actions, inactions, and reactions will affect the chain of life's events not only on a local level, but also in a global way. There are adults who still do not understand how it's all connected. .
In this life, we are only victims if we allow ourselves to be. You may say I'm a dreamer, but dreams can become reality if we project love, acceptance, tolerance, kindness: if only EVERYONE did this –
Just imagine…
-Crystal Bowersox
On Twitter
Please.....stop putting the blame on the teachers!!! I've been a 7th grade teacher for twenty years. I try my hardest to stop bullying in my school. I provide a safe environment in class, monitor the hallways looking for the subtle signs, a slap on the back to a social outcast and a knowing grin between two popular boys ...girls wispering to eachother and laughing when the quiet overweight girls enters the room...and listening near the bathrooms. I CARE!!!!!!!!!! I talk to my classes, threaten the bullies and offer a shoulder to those being bullied.
The higher ups do not provide resources or training for us. Does anyone know where in CT I can receive REAL training to make a difference? Bullying is not just something you go through.
I am 40-years old and remember my bullies to this day. Being a graduate student in social justice and see how I society as a whole bully toward certain groups. This is not going to go away over night.
As a 7th grade teacher in N.H. it breaks my heart to hear more stories of bullying. I try to be a solution,however, I know and am shocked at how little I prevent the bullying at my school. The power has got to shift,but I need help in getting the time and resources to educate children & adults in my school to stop bullying each other.
Why are we not holding the parents of the bullies accountable? These kids would be less likely to bully others if they had parents who were teaching them good values in life and how to treat others. Shame on the parents of the bullies–they are not doing there job as parents and don't deserve to be called parents if they don't know whats going on or are doing anything about it on there end. Nobody ever talks about the parents of the kid who are doing wrong!!!!!!!!!!!
how have we come to this point of children taking their lives, based on word from another child, as a parent i am really struggling with this, i can only imagine how the parents of those innocent lives taken from them, be it as it may if our children are going through this, are we talking to them? are we really listening to them, I would ask every parent out there except your child for who they are and tell them its ok, one life lost is one to many.
Bullying is not just ocurring amongst children. It is also happening in the workplace every day. The majority of the population does not understand it or recognize the behavior as bullying.
What people do not realize is that the bully's who managed to get through school and become adults are now in the workplace.
I have experienced this and have tried to commit suicide luckily for me and my family I did not succeed, but that does not take away from my experience and the constant daily mistreatment I went through in the workforce.
So what is going to be done for the adults who are suffering in the workplace? Are we going to continue to tolerate this?
I watched the AC360 special about bullying. In my opinion it was a helpful consideration of the issue. If modeling and influence are part of a child's upbringing I urge a hard look at the kind of political bullying that is displayed everyday. The way adults behave shows that bullying is not only condoned but big money goes into ads that bully and defame others. Children learn from adult behavior and the adults are one of the places to start behavior change that can make a difference.
Bullying is alive and well at Rockwall-Heath High School in Rockwall Texas. When a student reports an incident (as two of my children have done) they are asked what role do you think you played in this, or how may you have contributed to or caused this. One of my children is going through it now. As a member of an organization on campus they are told to get along and get over it. There is a huge mega church in town and if you don't go to church you are called an atheist or witch and are ostracized. Ironically, the biggest bullies go to this church!
Watched your extraordinary coverage on the issues of 'Bullying', youe efforts to identify the root causes and your focus on finding ways to end it.
If our children feel that there is 'no way' out depite all the freedoms, liberties and resources available to us! – Is it at all possible that children, man and women who become 'Suicide' bombers in other countries feel 'Bullyed' as well? Could this be a root cause? The similiaries in your coverage of the psychy of the bullying victims and the suicide bombers are astonishing. Wondering if similar solutions can be applied to end both!
While reading Crystal's story, I almost cried.I watched her on American Idol, and she was always, through her words and songs, stressing "Independence." If parents will teach their children to have self-confidence and to love themselves, then each child will be able to handle bullying.
I had been bullied my entire school life. And it left me very bitter and angry every day of my life. I know how it feels to want an escape. I had thought about suicide myself numerous times. So,my question is: How Can I Help?
what book did the former bully read in detention that changed his behavior?
Anderson,
I'm watching your show on bullyiing and gay teens tonight. I have to first say thank you for addressing the topic in light of recent events. However, as an adult now, I recall having similar thought of suicide as a teen before
all the internet was even invented . I did not follow through on my thoughts, but I know what these kids are going through today, and my heart aches for them. I feel everyone needs to talk about this tope and reinsure these kids that it will get better. Teach them to stand up for themselvea!!!
When I seeing bullying and even worse it leading to suicide I think about the fragile mindset of a teenager. I am an adult but as a beginner on the Internet a decade ago I made the mistake of blogging or chatting too much and I eventually quit all of it because there are human emotions behind the writing. I view most of it including Facebook as a marketing ploy where people prey on others for a meaningless self gradification. We have to watch our use of labels. Most of us have good intentions if we know how to use them. Unfortunately I see a lack of respect coming out of our younger generations. Respect for the elderly and above all the people we don't know. It starts with eye contact and a smile or concern, not how much you are going to get or how wealthy a person is.
This past May, my younger brother attempted suicide. He was being bullied in school. The bullying was not limited to other students. He was bullied by a teacher. His teacher told him in front of the class that "he was poor and always going to be poor and will never be anything." He was crying in class and a fellow student spoke up and told the teacher she did not have the right to talk to him like that. Her response was "I have the right to talk to him anyway I want to." The principal's response was "you must have took it out of context and this would have never happened if you would have just come to class prepared."
Teach your children to defend themselves and they will never be bullied. Teach them to hide and they will always be tossed around. as a nation we have never allowed anybody to bully us, why are we teaching our kids to put their tail between their legs? Two times my son was bullied once my daughter. I had to see the principal three times. Result: nobody bullies my kids, I don't have to bury them for not having the courage to defend themselves.
I've watched Anderson's show/forum on "Bullying" several times. There are sad and poignant moments and many important thoughts. The single thing which seems minimized is the responsibility of home and parenting. The show focuses on what schools and teachers need to do. "Teachers need a curriculum" - I don't disagree. I think that is a great support, But, where is the responsibility of the parents? Children are born innocent - they don't see color, religion, sexual orientation etc. Home, family and church is where the discrimination and hate is learned.
Parents are that there is a time when you must guilty of their children bullying. My kids have been bullied. But the bullies try only once.They get stop quick. We must teach our kids to defend themselves an hold their ground.
Great attempt to educate about bullying. Most teachers are dedicated. However, some teachers not only do not discourage bullying but encourage it by participating and/or initiating.
I have also seen a family member destroyed by bullying that originated with a faculty member.
I think if a kid is being bullied some of his friends or not even friends shoul get into a group of kids too help the kid who is being bullied too stand up to the bully and say we are going to help this kid and you need to get out of here.
Thank you for tonight's show on Bullying. Much of what was said is helpful, but as a former preschool teacher and College Vice President, I see that much of the behavior presents itself first in the home or around relatives of students that either bully or are being bullied. Parents need to learn how to teach their children common decency. There should be monitoring of the parents behavior that causes the child to act out against their peers? Where is the PTA in helping share tips of modeling appropriate behavior for the parents. Bullying is a symptom of the breakdown of the family. There is a lack of love, respect, and courtesy.
I am really glad that this show has air this subject. Around a year ago I had to do a thesis and I chose bullying. I dont blame the schools only,because learning begins at home and then gets carried to the schools. My son was in a school that didn't seem to either know about what was going on or chose not to. He was bullied when he began 9th grade about his appearance ( he had a long tail) kids threatened to gang up on him and cut it off. He became tough to it all and I also went to the school. With no avail he did continue through his 10th year and chose to drop out but not before he cut his hair in order not to get threatened. We as adults are who they look up to so we need to be there for them. Don't wait until its too late. My son's situation could have been worse and I send to all the parents and sibblings of lost ones to this I am so sorry for your loss and it could have been avoided. Thanks Gwen
Anderson,
I agree that teachers have a place at school to take care of bullying, but as a teacher and a mother, I know that it is the parents whom need to be teaching their children that bullying is unacceptable from the beginning. Parents are the children's first teachers. Where are the parents? Where are the parents when the children need to be taught empathy and compassion and how we should all treat others? Teachers can help filter some situations, but paretns can prevent many of them before they start.
Even when I was in school I hated and still do a bullie. The only time I didn't stop one was with my friend. And that was because I was out numbered. And I ran and got help, it hunts me still this day that I couldn't help her.
Anderson you are as a brother for all this kids who needs the help, cheer for your courage if important, thank you.
I think that kids and young adults these days have no empathy just as your guest Crystal said. One of the things that could be contribute to this is all the reality television. Much of this reality TV is full of kids and adults "dissing" each other and it seems to them that it is okay, that it is normal to act and speak that way to other people. We need to take a hard look at the media influence on bullying and parents need to censor what their kids watch and listen to.
hi? my name is tanya and i was picked on when i was growing up. i didnthave the nice clothes like everyone else did and i was kinda chuncky growing up. one day i went to school and some of the kids would throw there food at me and call me names and pull my hair and do mean things to me. i would say something to my teachers and my parents but nobody would listen to me and i would tell my parents i dont want to go to school and they would make me go i wanted to take my life but i just couldnt do it i am 31 now and life is too short parents need to listen more to their kids and get to the bottom of it to save there chidren from harm my heart goes out to all the families who have lost there children
I am a parent of two girls, ages 2 and 1, seeing the behavior of kids today is very troubling. The behavior of the parents is even more disturbing to me. We as parents have to stop letting the internet raise our kids. Computers in our home have caused more problems for the 'families' changing roles and taking time out of the traditional family. Nowadays the computer is a staple in the home and everyday life. Parents have to be more involved in the daily life of the child. Letting the internet be more involved than the parents is an unresponsible problem that occurs daily to the point where children are resulting to suicide. As a parent learning on the fly I made a decision to be in the everyday life decisions of my children, and I intend to moderate the access to the outside world of the internet.
My bullying wasn't from the kids at school as much as from my parents during high school. I was blessed that my high school classmates were academically focused, open and accepting. My parents hated the way I dressed and constantly belittled me...even when it was recombining outfits that they & other relatives had gifted to me. (ie black skirts/slacks & black sweaters/t-shirts)
My point is, bullying may be mostly by kids, but don't forget that parents are culprits too.
How about instead of pouring more money into training teachers how to deal with bullying, the authorities start holding accountable those that are doing it. Suspend them, arrest them, prosecute them, teach them that there are consequenses to their actions. There are NO consequences to these miniature criminals and you can guarantee they will become worse as adults.
My childs best friend is the kid being bullied right now and all the school has done is give the bullies mother the childs cell phone number so the mother is now harassing her for turning her son in for bullying. Public schools are a mess and it's not a teachers job to babysit, it's the parents responsibility. Until parents and kids are held accountable for their actions it will not stop.
Any idiot can figure that out.
Thank you for sharing your story Crystal. I hope it will help another person succeed despite what the bullies or society send their way.
I hate to see all these news stories about children killing themselves over bullying, because it hits very close to home. I was a bullied child; for years I did everything I could think of to get it to stop (tried myself, talked to teachers, guidance counselors...) and people rarely lifted a finger to help. Twenty years later I still face challenges functioning on a day to day basis and in relationships. I never tried suicide, but there were days I was low enough to think of it as a possible option. So I understand where these kids are coming from and it makes me sick. Hopefully this recent spate of suicides will save lives down the road by drawing more attention to this problem instead of saying "Oh, kids will be kids!" or "You have to deal with this yourself!" There is no excuse for cruelty. Ever.
Emotional abuse is devastating. l understand that bullying can be physical as well. Mental and emotional abuse is STILL NOT VIEWED in society as one of the deadliest killers of self. We are able to see physical abuse, and therefore it is dealt with by our justice system. The foundation of our hearts and souls are ripped apart, by those who verbally and mentally abuse us. It can be just as devastating. l am passionate about bringing this issue to light, for the victims of abuse, particularly women. God Bless You...
I watched you on idol and my wife and i could feel your pain, wisdom as well as your penetrating understanding and forgiveness of humanity. Kids (AND ADULTS) unconsciously resent anyone who is different, especially someone who is extremely smart and kind. So this makes you real and sets your talent apart from others who may sound good but are superficial.
Behavoir issues are usually attributed to a flaw in the child, because our education system is without critical introspection, and when a child is so much smarter and talented than most of the teachers, the child is usually the culprit. I know.
It is truely exceptional that you have such a profound concern to share your insights to help the hoards of kids trapped in the vacuum of little or no understanding. If Idol has given you to the world (which you earned) then it has transcended its mission.
That was just beautiful Crystal. I sure hope that this helps just one person. Then you know you have done good!!
My son has a life-threatening nut allergy. He has been bullied since 1st grade about his food allergy. He is in 5th grade now. Chastized, threatened, chased with a peanut butter cup, had peanut butter smeared on his lunch box...It is challenging enough to have a food allergy and avoid the foods that could kill you, always eating different things during class celebrations, etc., but to be bullied about it adds to the emotional stress, isolation and fear. Thank you for your coverage in the "Bullying: No Escape" segment, and information on how to change the way administrators and parents (and kids) deal with bullying in school. Thank you especially for the article on your site about bullying and food allergies!!! I was pleasantly surprised to discover that article. You are helping to spread awareness. I will read more on your site for resources. This isn't going away and we need to arm ourselves and our kids with the tools to prevent and stand up to bullying.
how we can teach our children not to bully??when all the time the politicians with there adds and commnents doing it.not to talk about the media (sorry)
adult bullying is there on they face ...children are naturally a bit cruel grown ups have not to show give hatefull messages.
we have to teach our children not to tolerate watching others bully someone.
My brother could not stand watching someone being bullied he would get in fights stopping the bullies, but the problem was he got in trouble for beating on the bully.
I know most kids feel sorry for "the bullied" but dont do anything we as parents have to teach our kids not to allow others to be bullied. Dont hold your feelings in tell the bullies to knock it off. GET INVOLVED.
I was a victim of bullying in school. I felt like I needed to change to fit in. So I became more like the bully. I changed my look and attitude, and not for the better. My whole life to this very day is in part a result of having been bullied in school and my reactions to it. Rediscovering who I really am has been a very difficult thing to do, and I am still working on it at the age of 32.
What a tragedy that pure meanness could drive these young people to suicide. You know there are many more contemplating suicide. So WHY are we not talking about the PARENTS? You talk about the community, teachers, other kids, everyone but parents taking responsibility. If your kid is involved in bullying 3x, for exsample, you would be required to take parenting classes including interaction with parents of kids who have been bullied. If you choose not to go to the classes, you could face a fine and your child's expulsion. How long do you think it would take to get the situation under control if you made parents responsible?
Dear Anderson,
Bullying starts and stops at home, not at school.
If we parents spend more time with our children, it would help. Let them know how special they are, how much they are loved no matter what. This empowers them and helps them to overcome many negative experiences/commnets.
As parents, we have to stop judging the children, listen to them, have family meetings, eat at least a few meals a week as a family and listen, find out how their week has been.
We have no idea what the children are going through or doing because we are not talking to our children, parents don't know who is bullying and who is being bullied.
We the parents have to walk the talk, stop the dirty langiauage, putting others down to make us feel better. Where are the children learning that it is ok to make others feel bad and think it's ok?
It starts with the parents, not at school.
What is going on at home with the bully or the bullied?
Parents need to know what is going on with their children at school
All this talk about bullying, I have to ask, "What do you expect???" We took prayer out of school in 1964, The Golden Rule can't be taught anymore (how about that instead of secular psychobabble and see what happens!), the schools teach situational ethics and "to each his own", tolerance in the name of anything goes and no right or wrong. This country planted seeds and now it is reaping what it sowed. Go figure! Now let's spend another week on bullying and asking why.
Everyone talks about how kids are bullying each other at school, online, text and all that. But has anybody thought or even realized that its not only kids that are doing this, but adults, I mean specifically teachers. My daughter had a teacher in second grade that would ridicule her every day about her hair, always saying mean things about her appearance. She wasnt the same kid when I would pick her up after school. she was sad and quiet. I spoke with the teacher and she was offended instead of sympathetic. I had to talk to the principal about the situation. i had to change her teacher instead of allowing the teacher to continue or cause any damage to her self-esteem. It is sad because bullying has no age. kids do it to kids. teachers are doing it to the students.
As much as I admire Crystal's amazing talent, I admire her 100 times more for the person she is! She has survived such an awful childhood and has managed to be a loving, caring woman who keeps striving to make other people's lives better through her continued efforts to make others aware of bullying and the need for diabetes research. Those are just a few of the causes she has taken on.Keep up the good work Crystal! You truly are a treasure and an inspiration to so many!
The language and attitude displayed by adults and by the politicians in America ,is what the young people are displaying with their piers. Stop discriminating and bullying and your children will stop as well.
Whenever there is a problem with our youth nobody is making the parents responsible for anything. As the American Idol mentioned ,it is the responsibility of every parent to educate and train their children not to bully. Charity begins at home. If we all do our part as a parent it will reduce the number of bullies in school. It is about time to stop making the teachers do everything. In as much as I agree that teachers has a responsibility to intervene parents do most because we have more influence and power over our children
I have seen teachers bully students in front of classmates – calling them stupid, dumping their backpacks to "help them find their pencil" and making them pick it up, laughing at them for giving wrong answers, calling them cheaters in front of their classmates. They see adults doing it to each other on tv – shows that are put forward as entertainment but only teach bad and hurtful behavior Children copy, mimic – they are not born bullies. It is the environment – look around you.
What a touching and moving story that I can totally relate to. Thank God you didn't end your life and you can tell us so we can help someone else. Your an Angel to people that are hurting. Thank You Miss Crystal Bowersox.
I'm watching your program on bullying. A lot of good points but why is no one discussing the parents of these bullies. Are they not aware of how heartless and cruel their kids are. Unbelievable that they are that clueless and haven't realized what type of child they are raising. Technology is not the only problem here, to say the least.
I am a young adult fresh out of high school and was a victim of bullying for years. It took therapy for me to get out of a major depression. Watching this I found that most of the things said I could relate to. I find one issue is the fact that the counselors are also in charge of schedules and overall grades to concern themselves with things going on right under their noses. perhaps if the work were more strategically spread out and more connections to the parents. To find that no one at school will step in parents tend to be more and more oblivious to what is going on. I'm glad CNN did this peace and hope that this grabs the attention and things will change.