May 11th, 2010
09:59 AM ET

Dear President Obama #477 "Playing Supreme Court Jeopardy"

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Tom Foreman | BIO
AC360° Correspondent

Reporter's Note: President Obama has made his pick for the next Supreme Court justice. It’s not me. Which I guess you might have guessed by the fact that I am writing yet another letter to the man in White House. Because, you know…I would have just talked to him at the press conference. Oh well…

Dear Mr. President,

Is it just me or is this whole business of picking a Supreme Court justice a bit more problematic than one might think? Seems like we were being pelted with headlines about all the good and bad of Elena Kagan before you’d even said her name. As best I can make out she is either Mother Teresa reincarnated or the Vampire Lestat, depending on your source.

I don’t think I could take it. I mean, I’m a tough guy and all, but I just wouldn’t want my wife, kids, and the mailman to go through all the turmoil of people plundering our past, writing all sorts of lies about me, or even worse, the truth! Think about all of the things any one of us might have done that would cause shame, or humiliation, or at least rampant blushing if it were made public. For example, all those old student papers you politicos seem to dig up whenever someone gets a date with the hot seat.

I can’t even remember most of the papers I wrote, but like most high school and college kids I had strong opinions on issues which, in retrospect, I didn’t understand. I am reminded of my famous climb to the top of the town water tower where I unfurled a handmade banner protesting the cancellation of Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp. I thought it was an anti-Simian thing, but it turns out the ratings were just bad. Go figure.

And I don’t want to even mention my 3-and-a-half hour hunger strike for the return of the McRib sandwich. (Come to think of it, usually it’s much easier to have fervent views about things you don’t comprehend. Hmm..that may explain some of the behavior I’ve seen around Capitol Hill.)

I’m rambling. Sorry about that. I’m not against scrutinizing these Supreme Court types. No offense intended but they’re considerably more important than a president if you consider their long-term potential for shaping the way we live. So heaven knows every one of them should be put under the microscope, poked, and prodded until we are content enough to call for the robe tailor.

I’m just saying I wouldn’t want to go through it. Heck, I don’t even care much for job interviews. On the other hand, if you get that position, you never have to go through another job interview in your whole life. So there is that.

Call if you are so inclined. And speaking of justice, did you notice that the Red Wings were knocked out of the playoffs this past weekend? When are you and I going to a game?



Follow Tom on Twitter @tomforemancnn.

Find more of the Foreman Letters here.

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