Looking for reasons to care about Tiger Woods

James Poniewozik
Time

We in the respectable media are not interested in Tiger Woods' car crash for prurient reasons. Oh, no. We don't care about what a celebrity, but a private citizen, may or may not have been doing with his extracurricular time. Nor do we care about the rush of viewers and readers—like you there, who came to this article by Googling "Tiger Woods car crash affair rumors"—and how good it will make us look to our advertisers if we indulge it.

No, we care only for high-minded reasons. It's about, um, the business impact of the story on the lucrative sports-endorsement business. It's about, um, the ever-changing culture of American celebrity. It's about, um, traffic safety! How many more innocent trees must suffer? Wait, no! It's about the media coverage itself! That's the ticket! So here is a blog post about the media coverage itself!

As you have guessed, the Woods story is about exactly what you think it is about: a huge celebrity, one of the most famous athletes in the world, suffers a mysterious mishap, gives an unsatisfying explanation, and rumors of personal scandal have filled in the void. A big star seems to be trying to hide something that won't stay hidden, and people want to have at it. That's it, and it's that simple.

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