God save this honorable cup of coffee
Jack Gray
AC360° Producer/Writer
I’m a little disappointed, frankly, that Supreme Court Justice David Souter didn’t tell me personally about his retirement. I mean, come on, our families go way back: My grandmother once saw him in the grocery store.
Oh well, I’m more of a Justice Stephen Breyer fan anyway. I remember several years ago when I spent an afternoon at Justice Breyer’s home in Massachusetts. It was similar to the afternoon I recently spent on Lady Gaga’s roof, except I had been invited.
No, I wasn’t at his house to pitch my idea for a Supreme Court musical. Antonin Scalia dance numbers? Yes, please. I was there producing a rare sit-down interview with the justice. And by producing I mean sniffing his furniture and stealing his ties.
The whole thing was surreal to say the least. To be in the home of one of the most powerful people in America left me almost speechless. It was like meeting Fabio all over again.
Anyway, Justice Breyer was incredibly gracious and went out of his way to make our crew feel welcome. In fact, he even made us coffee. Of course, I don’t drink coffee but I wasn’t about to decline anything from a Supreme Court justice. So I did what any polite guest would have done: I accepted it with profuse thanks and then – when His Honor wasn’t looking – poured it down my pants.
Not surprisingly, it was an incredible interview. Justice Breyer’s breadth of knowledge was staggering. And he didn’t mind when I asked for a break to watch Maury Povich.
Justice Breyer also seemed genuinely interested by my suggestion that the Court open up oral arguments to television cameras. He didn’t say so expressly, but I got the feeling he was excited about the possibility of announcing “and now back to you, Ryan Seacrest.”
By the way, don’t even ask me if I kept the justice’s address and phone number. I will only say that I know whom I’m going to call if I get caught shoplifting Parmesan cheese from Whole Foods.
But in all seriousness, it was an extraordinary experience that I will never forget. Justice Breyer was as kind and thoughtful as one would want in a public servant. And, unlike Henry Kissinger, he didn’t bum money off me for Keno.
So, now the search is underway for a new member of the Supreme Court to replace Justice Souter. I briefly considered putting my name in for consideration but decided not to after learning I wouldn’t be able to wear my Snuggie in lieu of a judicial robe.
What can I say? God save the United States and this Honorable Court.
And my Snuggie.
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Filed under: 360° Radar • Jack Gray • Supreme Court • What You Will Be Talking About Today |
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CNN needs to give you a raise.......you are such a talented writer.....thanks for always making me laugh
As always, humorous and enjoyable! :):)
Very humourous.
Genious. Can't help but laugh 🙂
Jack,
I should've known your name earlier, which I now do.
Thank you for making me a happy Tuesday-it is Tuesday here in S.Korea- morning filled with laughters.
Best wishes to your Snuggie
A dash of humor, a pinch of news, a snuggie comment thrown in for good measure ... as always a hit! Go on Mr. Producer with the important segments – soon you won't have any time for the little people ...
When I think of Breyer, i think of ice cream. Hence, Breyer is probably my favorite justice, too. Though John Roberts does have a great smile and a nice tush.
Brilliant!
What a great story...thanks for keeping us all entertained and interested in what's happening in the world!
Hiya Jack! Thanx for making me smile.. 🙂 You seem to have that effect on everyone..lol See ya, on twitter!
Jack Gray wears snuggies? I really like the article. You had me chuckling to myself and I haven't done that in awhile. First time reader and i will be looking for more articles from you , or like yours.
By the way , have you tried Breyer's coffee ice cream?
Jack...funny I dont drink coffee either...I just don't like hot drinks really. As for the coffee-stained pants you can send them to a relative for safe keeping like Monica L. or.....well there is always e-Bay (smile).
Hi Jack,
Since coffee is the topic today why don't Anderson 360 cover World Fair Trade Day, May 09,2009?
Fair trade coffee globally is growing a delivering assistance to poor coffee farmers around the world.
I know I've lived in amongst coffee farmers that have benefited from a fair trade.
Get in touch with Transfair USA the fair trade label body in the USA.
Cheers
Mike
Just don't get into a car with Fabio. I hear he's going to start doing commercials for driving schools with the catch phrase "I can't believe I can't drive!"
Jack, your column was humorous and a take on pop culture. must have relished the time with Justice Breyer. Are you going to never wash your coffee-stained pants ever again?LOL 😉 an entertaining. blog...
Who should replace Souter? A gay, black, woman.
I am thinking you would be a wonderful Supreme, especially with your keen diplomatic sense and deference for a non-java supporter to that of a java jolter's right to bear arms.
Yay! Great post Jack!!!
Though I disagree on the cameras in the court....there's enough grandstanding in the other branches of government. Transcripts are made public....I think that's enough.
Good morning Jack – very funny. No coffee though? Oh well, maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be. Although the smell of fresh brewing coffee in the morning is very nice. Also, there's nothing like that first sip of a white chocolate mocha from Starbuck's. Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe it is...........Anyway, have a great day. Thanks for the laughs.
🙂 Your blogs always make Mondays a little more tolerable!
So do you just not like coffee? Or do you have the same aversion to all hot beverages as Anderson?
I love this witty, clever blog by Jack Gray. I think President Obama should pick Jack Gray as the new Surpreme Court Justice. It's time we get the performance enhancing snuggie in the Supreme Court.
Seriously, I think I might get in trouble one day for giggling too hard at work! Your blogs always make my day! Thanks! =)
Jack, you and your Snuggie. I guess nothing will keep you apart from that. I personally would like it if I can be in my pj’s all day on Saturdays, but my husband wouldn’t like that, LOL. Have a great day,
Lilibeth
Edmonds, Washington
Evening Jack,
Never mind not being able to wear the Snuggie instead of the judicial robe, with all the pies Sammy's got her sticky little paws in, you'd never get past the first interview!
I do hope that the coffee was cold when you poured it down your pants. Either way, it's not a good look but then it might go some way to explaining why you're still single..
The trick to shoplifting is obviously not to get caught, but if you do, just drop Anderson's name. It'll make up for all the times he's been to your place and 'borrowed' stuff.
I'm off to rub some Deep Heat into my aching calf muscles, I knew there was a good reason why I keep my physcial activity level down to walking to and from the fridge..
Love the humor, made a soggy rainy day in Cherry Hill sunnier. Thanks for the Smiles
I ought to report you for Coffee abuse! And, for that matter, snuggie abuse 🙂
Poured it down your pants......was it hot enough that you could sue him for having coffee too hot like they did at Mcdonalds.
As always I enjoyed your comments very much. It always makes for a happier start of the week.
Hi, Jack!
Your post was so American today. Though I don't feel the desire to comment, I liked it.
But you're in America, and I am the invader! 🙂
I also do not take coffee. I do not like anything too hot or too cold.
You are cute, Jack! Thanks!
keeps you cheerful. A smile inspires you. Now the humour in this blog makes you wriggle and chuckle. it is a most reviving post. The wit is extraordinary. Fine. let me try to instil humour in my blog., and make it appealing.
It's your story, and I'm sure you're sticking to it! As another posted made a comment about making transition from weekend to Monday – you make that transition a lot smoother Jack! Thanks for your posts!
Jack...You seem to be doing well with your urges to lift Parmesan from Whole Foods...Stay strong .Just remember IT'S NOT WORTH IT!! I do feel that Sammy may try to talk you into it again with her silent treatment and eating all your Oreos when you're not looking.The lure of the Dark Side is strong Jack.There is wisdom in the words of another great man ;Obi Wan Kenobi "Stay the course Luke!" : )
At times, I still swear you ARE Anderson. Not drinking coffee? Come on, who DOES that? Having hard time believing there are two in the same office. I have no words for you pouring it down your pants either. Good Lord.
You could always introduce legislation to get the Snuggie proclaimed the Supreme Court Uniform of Choice!
Sadly the country would probably be a better place if all 9 Justices wore snuggies to work. Funny stuff
Hello Jack,
Monday mornings are black coffee mornings... potent enough to keep away Mr Sandman during the day...... what's your poison then, if not coffee?
... And as Cristina mentioned above... why can't you wear your snuggie under the judicial robe? It's multitasking... an essential skill to have in this age of economic woe...
Ok ok ok, JG, I'm gonna kept my fingers still, while reading all the accolades!
I agree, another great post! Anyways, I'm not gonna have 'carpal syndrome' just for nothing! Remarkable blog as always! Keep it coming! 🙂
You might be able to wear the snuggie if you got a black one. You could be all trendy start a new fashion style amongst judges everywhere.
On the downside, it would probably make pouring coffee down your pants more difficult.
Poured the coffee down your pants? Yikes! I hope you let it cool first. In case there is ever a next time pouring coffee into a potted fake plant is good strategy too and more comfortable for you. Just don't pour it into someone's aquarium; despite my brother's theories to the contrary it does not make fish perkier. More like dead even though he says they were just resting as they floated.
Delightful post as always. Keep them coming and maybe they will let you produced the first interview with whatever person Obama nominates for Souter's replacement.
this blog never disappoints
Hi Jack. Admit it you probably have a different color Snuggie for each day of the week, you like them so much. Hope you're getting paid well for endorsements! With regards to a future judicial appointee, hopefully the President will be leaning towards another moderate.
Happy Monday Jack !
Great stupid human trick pouring that hot coffee down your pants ah !the trials of Jack Gray. I hope you a nutty-butty on to protect yourself from the burning of hot coffee ha!.I guess you can charge your cleaning bill to AC and get a custome made snuggie with your intaials on it .
Great humourous post to lighten up a Monday
Michelle D.
When I saw the Parmesan I just knew a Snuggie was in the coming. Thanks for the funnies!
The bit about pouring the coffee down your pants had me laughing until I got a stich in my side. This is quickly becoming my favorite blog to read. Keep up the great work!
Awesome post.. such a twist on an already extraordinary day.. very clever
Ah, Jack Gray...How you make me laugh. And this is why I follow you.
Jack, your wit an humor never cease to amaze me. Twitter and CNN.com are better for it! Keep it up!
Hi Jack,
You were smart to accept the coffee, never know if that could come back to bite you! Or, if the Supreme Court would end up outlawing coffee! Sounds like meeting him was a dream!! Thanks for making me laugh.
Thanks for the laughs to start off my day. Honestly, can't you ust wear the Snuggie UNDER the Judicial Robe? That way, you can put yourself back in the running.
"I don’t drink coffee but I wasn’t about to decline anything from a Supreme Court justice. So I did what any polite guest would have done: I accepted it with profuse thanks and then – when His Honor wasn’t looking – poured it down my pants."
Yes. Absolutely yes, haha. Please tell us you kept the coffee-stained pants for posterity? Or did you already hawk them on eBay?
Great post as always Gray – just what we all needed to refuel from transition between the weekend and Monday. I'm impressed, as always, by your seemingly limitless creativity and inspiration...if I dare call it that.
And what, may I ask, do you have against coffee?
great blog today as usual Jack.