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April 3rd, 2009
11:59 PM ET

Whatever happened to that doctor who looked like George Clooney?

Jack Gray
AC360° Producer/Writer

So apparently Thursday night was the final episode of ER. Which was news to me considering I thought ER went off the air ten years ago. I can only assume that the show ended its run with the guy who played Mr. Belding on Saved by the Bell in the role originated by George Clooney.

Not that I was ever really an ER fan to begin with. In fact, I'm not a fan of medical dramas in general. They're so unrealistic. Unlike my own life, which I spend loitering outside Audi of Manhattan dressed like Batman.

Seriously, I hate to break it you, but the medical community is not as sexy as it's portrayed on television.

Nurse, take this patient into the operating room. And when you're done, we should really talk about what happened last night in your Jacuzzi.

My grandfather is a doctor, so I know this to be true – expired Vicodin and surplus catheters, that's as romantic as health care gets in this country. George Clooney and Julianna Marguiles are not making sweet, sweet love behind that MRI machine, so stop peeking. And on the off chance you find yourself with a doctor who has Noah Wyle's good looks, well, he's just going to defraud your insurance company to fund his cocaine habit.

Furthermore, contrary to what Hollywood costume designers would like you to think, no one's butt looks good in surgical scrubs.

I do have my own idea for a medical show, which I am preparing to pitch to Cinemax and/or The Food Network. It would be based in a podiatrist's office and titled Foot Fetish, MD. The show would star Ray Liotta as a rehabbed Kleptomaniac-turned-receptionist named Sunflower. Kathy Bates would co-star as his love interest, Amber.

Sunflower: So, Amber, when do you want to come back in for a follow-up on your bunion?
Amber: I don't know (bats eyelashes), let me check my bowling schedule.

It'll be the fast-paced drama of Charles in Charge combined with the bubbling sensuality of Hee-Haw. And let me just say you haven't seen a chase scene until you've seen one done in orthopedic shoes.

Also, whereas ER took the easy path to ratings glory, this new program won't sell out to sensationalism. It'll be based entirely on what goes on in a typical podiatrist's office with an emphasis on full-frontal nudity and money laundering.

I have high hopes for this program. I'm confident that if done right it'll be even better than my first medical series, the short-lived-but-critically-acclaimed buddy drama, Sponge Bath and Iodine.

And sorry, George Clooney, I know you want it bad, but I just don't think you're right for this project.

____

Follow Jack Gray on Twitter
Recent posts by Jack Gray:
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soundoff (42 Responses)
  1. Helen, Reading, UK

    Jolene, you shouldn't have to wait too long, there's now 80 of us! I would join the veggie group, but I'm afraid I'm with Coop on this one, not a fan of the green stuff!

    April 4, 2009 at 3:56 am |
  2. Jolene, St. Joseph, MI

    Hey Jack: Great post as usual. Brings back memories of my experience going to a foot doctor....

    Nothing like having a good looking doctor play with your feet! I about fell off the bench when he came into the examining room. 😳

    I'm very ticklish when it comes to my feet so the thought of him even looking at my feet was more torture than enjoyment. Oh the memories, kind of makes me want to injure my foot again! 😯

    @Helen, Reading, UK: As much as I hate Facebook, if I must, I as a dedicated Jack Gray "groupie", will sacrifice my hatred of Facebook and join your club. Let me know when you get to 99 people and then I'll join ok? 🙂

    April 3, 2009 at 11:58 pm |
  3. BettyAnn, Nacogdoches,TX

    P.S. Don't tell my boyfriend

    April 3, 2009 at 8:41 pm |
  4. BettyAnn, Nacogdoches,TX

    Did I mention that my surgeon was hot? Well, more like buff and real sweet. He can perform an operation on me anytime, just not surgery.

    April 3, 2009 at 8:40 pm |
  5. Don, WA

    Idea for your show "Foot Fetish M.D." – Try casting a reclusive but friendly night time janitor (try to get Jack Nicholsen for this role if you can) who used to be the world renowned foot surgeon Dr. Foot'en-badden-badden who was mysteriously lost at sea and never seen again.
    So there's the premise...your imagination could take this premise to new heights of endless mystery and confusion in the series. I would go with cinemax.

    April 3, 2009 at 7:34 pm |
  6. Tammy, Berwick, LA

    I watched ER last night for nostalgia's sake. It was such a letdown. Not sure what I was expecting, but this wasn't it. What is so sad is I haven't watched the show in about 10 years, either, and I caught on in about five minutes. Now that is bad.

    Think George Clooney is too busy doing something meaningful like fighting for human rights where none exist. And Patrick Dempsey does a great deal of work with cancer prevention and treatment causes. So maybe being a TV doc isn't such a bad thing if the money they make from it goes to such awesome causes.

    April 3, 2009 at 6:46 pm |
  7. Cori

    That was funny!

    April 3, 2009 at 4:48 pm |
  8. Barbara in Boston

    When I used to do addiction consults in one of our local ER's, everyone asked me if I watched the show. "No thanks, I leave my work at the office." I guess the best thing I ever got out of that show is that it impressed people when I told them I did addiction consults in the ER.

    BTW – if we're plugging AC360 Facebook fan stuff, Vanessa, don't forget the Anderson Cooper 360 bloggers who love thier vegetables. 🙂

    April 3, 2009 at 4:41 pm |
  9. Ashley, NY

    I have to admit that Grey's is my guilty pleasure, as is Gossip Girl for you. You are totally right about looking for the doctors having sex behin the MRI machine though, lol. Great blog. Keep them coming!

    April 3, 2009 at 4:32 pm |
  10. mave

    Sponge bath and iodine...thought talk like that violated TOS on this site!!

    April 3, 2009 at 4:24 pm |
  11. Michael

    I liked ER better when it was called St. Elsewhere, which was a better show when it was Trapper John, M.D. which was a better show when it was called M.A.S.H.

    April 3, 2009 at 4:22 pm |
  12. Rikki, Fargo, ND

    Jack! Just an aside...you're gonna get me in trouble with my supervisors, its hard to hide the fact that you're checking the blog on 360.com when you're giggling! 🙂

    Thanks for clearing up the confusion on the 'real medical world.' I will now stop my search for Dr. McDreamy at Seattle Grace Hospital! 😛 And also I look forward to the new medical drama...though I'm not sure I'll be able to fit it into my TV schedule...I don't have a lot of time for TV and I already have the shows I must watch...Idol, Bones, Grey's, 360...you know the usual!

    April 3, 2009 at 4:21 pm |
  13. vanessa, TX

    Hey Jack, people are starting to wonder here at work why I'm laughing by myself....very funny post! Thanx for making us laugh.. 🙂
    Foot Fetish M.D.?? That's.. um..certainly new...I watch just to get the premise of it and to support you of course, but after that, you're on your own! I know several twitter/FB buddies that LOVE George Clooney! SSC #1? LOL
    I happen to have the short-lived drama of Sponge Bath and Iodine on DVD..I just got last week! loved the episode in where the scream came when Mr Belding mistook the "bath water" for iodine and burn his face off! man, that was a good show..*sigh*
    Anyway, funnyman Jack, great post as usual..thank you for making us smile, see you on twitter! luv ya lots 🙂

    BTW...your facebook fan page (Gray Groupies) is growing! yay, grow little page, grow.. 😉

    April 3, 2009 at 4:19 pm |
  14. Miss J

    So Jack – you don't watch House? Believe me – that is a show you would enjoy immensely. You'd love that type of humor.

    April 3, 2009 at 4:14 pm |
  15. Fay - California

    And let me just say you haven’t seen a chase scene until you’ve seen one done in orthopedic shoes.

    I hate to use this tired old cliche, but the image of that made me spit my coffee out over the keyboard, Jack, too funny.

    April 3, 2009 at 4:11 pm |
  16. Shannon

    Another funny article once again. You sure know how to make me laugh. I did have a very good looking oral surgeon years ago. I remember saying to myself "boy do I hope I have to come back here" just so I could flirt some more and look into those "baby blues".

    Well, Mr. McSteamy ended up sewing in an infection that almost killed me. I passed out on my living room floor, my mom found me and I rode in an ambulance to the hospital. I had to have emergency surgery. So yes, I got to see him again. Those were not quite the circumstances I was hoping for. Needless to say, he did not appear so "hot" afterwards.

    True Story!!! Be careful what you wish for!! I hope your weekend is fantastic Jack!!

    April 3, 2009 at 3:54 pm |
  17. JoeDuck

    You had me laughing out loud here ...good work !

    April 3, 2009 at 3:49 pm |
  18. Kimberley

    Let me know if your project works out, I could use a job right now and you'd only have to pay in Cnd $. 🙂

    Very sad news from upstate NY. I've always been surprised that North America has not been hit with suicide bombers yet, but I realize now that they are already here – they just terrorize us with guns instead of bombs... What has the world come to? And when will people stand up and demand that their politicians do something about the rediculously loose gun laws in the US? How many loved ones have to be lost to such violence?

    God, I just never get used to this kind of report...

    April 3, 2009 at 3:46 pm |
  19. Jacqueline, NY

    Jack, see a doctor. Get a check up! I am sensing there's a screw lose somewhere. LOL!

    @ Carolyn Woodruff, my guess is we'd do what we did before we had doctors and nurses.

    @ BettyAnn, "Footsey Fetish Jack! I love your idea for a TV show! You should remember in your TV show to practice safe “footseying” in the podiatrist’s office."

    LOL! Very funny! BettyAnn, you're as much of a head case as Jack is. See a doctor!

    Have a great weekend everyone!

    April 3, 2009 at 3:42 pm |
  20. Jill

    I hadn't watched ER since George Clooney left the first time, but had already put time aside to watch 30 Rock and The Office and figured it'd be a historic finale, so I sat stayed for the duration. Epic judgment failure on my part. What phone call was Carter waiting for? I don't think that ever happened.... unless my self-diagnosed ADD kicked in.

    Also, there was a scene towards the end that involved a panned shot of Noah Wyle (who belonged there), John Stamos (who will always be Uncle Jesse, I don't care how hard he fights it) and Alexis Bledel of Gilmore Girls fame. It makes it a lot more difficult to suspend disbelief when you throw such recognizable faces into the mix. And if they insisted on doing a montage to tv series of the past, I feel like they missed the 70s tv icon genre. Guess Florence Henderson wasn't available.

    April 3, 2009 at 3:39 pm |
  21. Helen, Reading, UK

    Evening Jack and fellow Groupies, Twitterers, Facebookers etc.
    Crazy what's going on in NYC right now – why do people do these things?
    So ER has finally closed, did the MRSA superbug get to it? I think the last time I saw it was when that baldy, ginger doc got his arm lopped off by the chopper! That guy really didn't have much going for him..
    A little concerned by the foot fetish thing, my lovely. We need to Twit about that sometime!
    Your group is 72 strong as I type, so we need to have another push to get to the magic 100, so all you fans out there, go to Facebook, type in 'Gray Groupies', and join up!
    I will post pictures, as soon as I figure out how to get them off Jack's Twitter pages, that is. Of course if anyone has any imcriminating photos they want to send me, I'm PAN1F on Twitter. Auntie Amy, I'm talking to you, there must be some cute baby photos of little Jackie out there, ha, ha!!!
    Who needs Clooney, when we got Gray??
    Love ya, Jack, have a great weekend xxx

    April 3, 2009 at 3:13 pm |
  22. Brandi - bottom of the boot

    lol....jack, love, you forgot to mention that wonderful new contraption they call a flexiseal! mwuaahahhahah!

    yeah, i never got into ER either, but i do like House, and i also thought it was off the air a decade ago.

    i love your pitch, lol, unfortunately, im not sure hollywood will.

    have a great day!

    April 3, 2009 at 2:48 pm |
  23. Pati Mc Camp Hill, PA

    Oh my God Jack. You are getting all of us in trouble! Your loyal followers. What is up with that? You have it out for us, don't you? LOL.

    I was sitting in a nice restaurant and it was relatively quiet. "Was" is the operative word here. I will never read your blog on my BlackBerry in public ever again. Unless I am sitting alone in my car or something. On second thought that may not ba a good idea either. I will look like some insane person laughing by myself sitting alone in a car. Yeah, not going there. There is no good way to read it other than at home alone.

    So I disturbed an entire restaurant because my lunch companion and I were losing it over you and your blog. Hope you get a kick out of it. We sure did! Ended up reading it to the waitstaff. Now you are famous in my area. I just cannot tell you how much fun it ended up being. You are going to soon be quite the sensation.

    Never been a fan of ER, so I would for sure vote for your version. Knowing you, there is no doubt in mymind that it would be better than the original. Take that George!

    Oh Jack...you are killing me, but I am having an awful lot of fun. All thanks to you. Keep 'em coming.

    April 3, 2009 at 2:27 pm |
  24. Isabel

    Good afternoon, Jack!

    “So apparently last night was the final episode of ER. Which was news to me considering I thought ER went off the air ten years ago.”
    You're very funny! There are nearly 20 people here at work laughing about what you wrote. I'm working to gain more fans for you! lol ...

    Great post! It was fun!

    See you on Twitter!
    Bye

    April 3, 2009 at 2:25 pm |
  25. Jennifer - Michigan

    Hello Jack,
    Very funny blog today! A little pick me up after hearing this crazy story today. 12 people shot dead – 20-40 hostages, Man!! What's going on over there in NY. Kyra and Chad are working so hard on this story right now. I'm wondering if a lot of people are feeling like they are at their wits end with job loss, financial insecurity, etc. Anyway, hope you have a nice weekend, take care.

    April 3, 2009 at 2:17 pm |
  26. Mary Peterson

    Come on now, Jack. All that palaver about insurance...you know podiatrists always foot the bill. 😉

    I would definitely pay to see any series you came up with. Until then, I'll work on my new reality series.."Waiting Room."

    @MDuette

    April 3, 2009 at 2:04 pm |
  27. vanessa from silver spring

    I didn't even watch ER last night. I'll just catch the final episode online. I would love to watch your new show. I love Ray Liotta.lol

    April 3, 2009 at 1:48 pm |
  28. Lilibeth

    Last night was the final episode of ER? I didn’t even know…I was busy watching 360…

    Have a great weekend, Jack.

    Lilibeth
    Edmonds, Washington

    April 3, 2009 at 1:47 pm |
  29. gayle mccauley Malden,Mass.

    You think I would have learned by now,but NOOOO! I just ruined my drawing of Hugh Laurie.As it is taped to the wall in front of me because I haven't framed it properly yet and it is unprotected....You think I would learn not to read your column and drink ANYTHING at the same time! Not too far back,I managed to...well,I don't want to be gross,but I'll say that coffee is not enjoyable at all when expelled through the nose!! It burns,or maybe it was the sugar?...In any case,with my allergies and such,I spent a few days in sinus misery because of the foreign substances in my head that my body was attacking.....And I didn't learn...So now today,poor Hugh is in front of me a drippy mess,as marker runs when it comes in contact with any liquid....Simply water, that didn't make the full trip down my esophagus and into my belly because it too was expelled while reading your column today....Poor Hugh : (

    April 3, 2009 at 1:45 pm |
  30. Carolyn Woodruff

    Never watched ER. I watch you outside Audi dressed like Batman. You might have seen me, dressed like Bat Girl? Nice Blog.
    I would like to have show about what people might do if they had no
    hospitals or doctors. They all dissapeared off the planet. mmmmm I got some band aids and neosporine.

    April 3, 2009 at 1:40 pm |
  31. Pamina

    I used to watch ER, but somewhere between spending a night in an ER due to a broken arm and sinus surgery, I stopped spending my free time watching a show about an ER. I had my fill actually spending a night in one! However, it was fun to watch the retrospective of the show last night. I wonder if Anderson would consider doing a new segment, " What really goes on behind closed doors" and talk about ER's, beauty salons and my gym!
    Have a good night!

    April 3, 2009 at 1:24 pm |
  32. May-Tennessee

    Ok Jack, you crack me up...and I mean litterally. I'm walking through the grocery store, reading your blog on my iphone, laughing out loud like a fool and darned if I don't smash my shoping cart into a pole. Is there a psychiatrist on your new show? Cuz a few people just looked at me like I need one lol. From now on I'm gonna read your blogs in a safe place while sitting down. I feel like a total dufus but thanks for the laughs anyway!

    April 3, 2009 at 1:24 pm |
  33. Annie Kate

    ER ran for about 15 years – the first 10 years are already out on DVD. So George Clooney came back for the final episode....did Noah Wyle? Noah Wyle did look good in scrubs, Jack; hate to disappoint you there.

    I think your show idea is great. You could have a feature in it – foot of the week – and just show someone's foot – say Anderson's and let people guess who the foot belongs to. Then we can all see who has the hairiest toes.

    And be nice and let George have a cameo appearance once in a while....poor guy you'll break his heart.

    April 3, 2009 at 1:16 pm |
  34. BettyAnn, Nacogdoches,TX

    Footsey Fetish Jack!
    I love your idea for a TV show! You should remember in your TV show to practice safe "footseying" in the podiatrist's office. Take your galoshes!
    George Clooney is so damn hot! I love him for his mind too, even if he isn't good enough for your TV show. He can always star in my program. Ahem~
    I am friends with the former Dr. Tony Jones on General Hospital and Ron Raines of the Guiding Light although I have never watched either one.
    They bore me. Not my friends, the shows. And I have no idea why I have soap opera friends. That is one crazy coincidence.
    I am so jealous of my cousin. If I could meet one person, it would have been John Lennon. I have a pic of her on my wall presenting the beatles with their gold plated Ludwig drums in 1964. I was too young to attend but she swears she got to pinch John's butt. She is my hero.
    Strawberry fields forever!
    Anywho, I got rid of my cast yesterday so I am toddling around and getting these ants out of my pants I have collected.
    I'm not feeling so good today. It appears that wine doesn't mix with titanium. This is not good news! I may be sick a lot!
    Have a great week-end Jack and Sammy~
    All you need is love!
    Tail wags, ((((hugs))))), XO's and cheers!

    April 3, 2009 at 1:01 pm |
  35. AliciaLove13

    WOW, Sponge bath in iodine you say.

    April 3, 2009 at 1:00 pm |
  36. Laura

    If the Foot Fetish MD doc makes house calls– he could do more than trim nails and treat hammer toes....that could open up a world of episode plots and plans, twists and turns. FF MD could even have his own super hero cape, and mask. Keep the actor's ID on the QT.

    Aw, c'mon, you gotta like "House" at least, dontcha? It's creepy, kooky, mad scientist medicine with a drug addicted doc! Now that's realism!

    ta ta and cheerio.

    April 3, 2009 at 12:41 pm |
  37. Alicia

    I'm not sure if it is a good thing or not that I actually somehow managed to understand this blog even though I haven't watched ER in over 8 or so years. I guess what they say is true. Those ads really do get through to children after all.

    I think my favorite line was "And let me just say you haven’t seen a chase scene until you’ve seen one done in orthopedic shoes." I totally cracked up.

    By the way, for those reading this who follow Jack on Twitter, be sure to type "#followfriday @jackgraycnn" today and every Friday from here on out. That site tracks follow recommendations on Twitter and Jack totally deserves it.

    I am Jack's total wannabe agent 🙂 @Leash23

    April 3, 2009 at 12:37 pm |
  38. Cindy

    AWW crap..so I too missed the final episode of ER with Oh George, forever a bachelor, Clooney! Dang..you should have reminded me it was on Jack! I would have had a party to celebrate! LOL I'll admit I did watch the first few seasons but after a while it got old. Honestly I thought it went off the air long ago. Guess that shows ya how much I cared huh? LOL

    And so true Jack..you never go to the ER and get a hot doc that looks like any of those guys on ER. What you usually get is a doc who is over the hill and looking through the woods and almost stepping in that 6 ft hole ya know! LOL Not someone you'd want to take home for sure! LOL

    For your medical show you ought to have Mickey Rourke play the lead man. Hey he just won big at the awards so you know he'll be a hit with the execs at Cinemax or The Food network. And if not then he can beat the crap out of 'em for ya! LOL

    Cindy..Ga.

    April 3, 2009 at 12:07 pm |
  39. Pris

    Awesome! You should try a chase scene with pointy toe high heels. Apparently, that's what some women wear to the podiatrist office after hurting their foot/toe.

    April 3, 2009 at 12:06 pm |
  40. Alyzabeth

    Somehow I think that is a great idea!

    April 3, 2009 at 12:06 pm |
  41. Chris Sosa - Boston, MA

    You're going to get me thrown out of class as I'm sitting here with a stupid grin on my face and attempting not to laugh!

    Looking forward to Foot Fetish, M.D. Maybe now I'll have something to feel worse about intentionally watching than The Real Housewives of New York.

    Thanks for cheering up a sick guy stuck in class on a rainy Friday. 🙂

    April 3, 2009 at 12:05 pm |
  42. Brooke - Houston, TX

    So funny... you crack me up! But uh, Podiatrists get DPM degrees.... but "Foot Fetish, M.D." does have a ring to it 🙂 Can't stop laughing...

    April 3, 2009 at 12:04 pm |