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January 23rd, 2009
10:14 PM ET

I'm happy if Demi Moore is happy

Jack Gray
AC360° Associate Producer

Finally, this week has come to an end. I had no idea how exhausting hope and optimism could be. Say what you will about pessimism and disappointment, but they lend themselves much easier to naps.

Some of you have e-mailed me asking, because I hadn’t written anything this week, if I had stopped blogging and/or died. The answer is neither, though the latter is not for a lack of effort by a certain cab driver distracted by his dashboard full of Chicken McNuggets. I just needed a little time to detoxify from all the warmth and fuzziness. I’ll spare you the details but let’s just say it involved dry heaving into Aretha Franklin’s giant hat.

This is not to say I’m unhappy that the country is overcome by joy. Heck, I’m an American and I want President Obama to succeed, too. And what wasn’t to love about the inauguration? I mean, the pageantry of the peaceful transition of power, the emotional crowds – to say nothing of the esteemed dignitaries like Colin Powell, Sandra Day O'Connor and Ashton Kutcher.

But as wonderful as it was – and it was wonderful, especially when Chief Justice John Roberts messed up the oath of office and lapsed into “Green Eggs and Ham” – I’m ready for the country to come down off its collective high. Because, I don’t know about you, but when I see strangers smiling at me on the streets of New York, I assume they’re about to kill me and sell my organs on Ebay.

And besides, even the president will tell you, it’s time for important things like fixing the economy, improving national security and watching The View.

Speaking of substantive issues facing the country, you may have noticed that the Oscar nominations were announced yesterday. The Curious Case of Brad Pitt’s Moustache got the most nods. That’s the only Best Picture contender I have yet to see, so I guess I know what I’m doing this weekend. That and, of course, going clubbing with Gov. David Paterson and Caroline Kennedy.

Ah yes, Sweet Caroline. Whether you like her or not, her brief foray into New York politics should never have ended like this. Maybe it would have turned out better had she not begun her meeting with David Paterson by saying, “Look, Neil Diamond never wrote a song about those other losers.”

But anyway, back to the Oscar nominations, I want to remind you that I’ll be live blogging the Oscars Sunday night, February 22nd. Our Golden Globes Live Blog was a big success so I’m looking forward to doing it again. And yes, I will try to get Anderson and Erica to make cameo appearances.

As long as they don’t insist on actually coming to my apartment. Because, between you and me, they steal things.

Have a good weekend. And wipe that grin off your face. You're freaking me out.

Post by:
Filed under: 360° Radar • Inauguration • Jack Gray • Raw Politics
soundoff (45 Responses)
  1. Oliver

    Dear Jack,

    Glad you are back at home base. Isn't washington a plastic town, I live here and have a real love hate relationship with it. My advice as far as the financial crisis is, Madoff the BOA w/million dollar office guy and the rest of the money thieves should be given the job of resodding the mall in DC which is part of the stimulus package.

    January 24, 2009 at 9:16 pm |
  2. Rikki, Fargo, ND

    Welcome back Jack! I must say we missed you! I was lost on Monday and Wednesday without my dose of comedy on the 360 blog.

    I'm excited to get to join in for the Oscars blog since I didn't make it for the Golden Globes...Anderson and Erica do seem a little suspicious and now I understand why...kleptos! 🙂

    And I agree...people smiling all the time is creepy! And pessimism and disappointment do lend themselves better to the napping scene! Have a good weekend!

    January 24, 2009 at 7:38 pm |
  3. Stacy from NJ

    Jack,

    I am a newbie to your blog and now don't miss it! I had two theorys, you were off doing inauguration stuff or off with Blago smoking whatever it is that guy smokes.

    January 24, 2009 at 2:58 pm |
  4. Sam, Ewa Beach, HI

    Lol glad to see you and your comedy is still alive.

    I must agree. I can't wait for America to get off the inauguration doobie.
    As fun as the ordeal was... I've fallen behind in homework.

    I wiped the grin off my face but im not making any promises.

    January 23, 2009 at 9:22 pm |
  5. Roweena D'Souza, Mangalore

    Hey Jack, it's good to have you back, missed you 🙂 Yes I totally get it, it sure is good to take a break after seeing all the *hope!* overflowing! a week without twittering, blogging, facebook, because everywhere you hear the same thing. If its not hope then its recession or some kind of scam!

    I watched the inaugural on cnn and then some more for the first time ever... Will join you here on Oscar night.

    You have a great week Jack and stay away from the nuggets 😛

    January 23, 2009 at 8:49 pm |
  6. Ratna, New York, NY

    Jack,
    I saw Bruce Willis' new girlfriend (in person) and she totally looks like Demi Moore.

    January 23, 2009 at 8:08 pm |
  7. Annie Kate

    Jack

    It is certainly great to see you and your wonderful sense of humor back on the blog again. I missed you – things just aren't the same without you on here so I'm glad those organ stealing thugs from Ebay haven't snagged you yet.

    Ms. Aretha's hat was a conversation starter, wasn't it? That hat is what we refer to down South as a "church going hat" and her hat would probably have won the event had she worn it to church – in fact if there was a contest on monuments that hat would probably win in that category too. I don't wear hats to church, mostly because I don't attend very often, but when I do go I always wonder if when these women get to heaven if they'll be recognizable without their hats. There are some ladies I've never seen without a hat.....

    I hope Sammie enjoyed all the inaugural balls – my cat Oscar didn't much care for them. He went to sleep in his famous dead cockroach position so he could sleep and express his opinion at the same time. I would have done the same but that dead cockroach position is a killer. At any rate glad you are back! Looking forward to more of your posts.

    January 23, 2009 at 7:56 pm |
  8. Megan Dresslar - Shoreline, WA

    Hellooo Jack!!!!
    Welcome back!!! Missed you...... Yes Jack..... I agree with you!!! Oh! I do want to see Anderson and Erica appear on cameo appearances on Golden Globes...... Of course! very funny blog tonight!!!! I read your comment as I like to read joke! I am so proud of you enjoy at Inauguration in Washington D.C.! Hope you have a great night and great weekend! See you on Monday!

    January 23, 2009 at 7:11 pm |
  9. Pati Mc

    Welcome back dude! We missed you!

    Anderson is a "klepper" now? Nice.

    Um, frankly I am a bit disappointed that you, of all people, did not have some witty remark about "inaugural Balls". Too obvious, huh? LOL.

    Seems like Anderson certainly had a good time with that. At one point he and Joe Johns seemed to have a little competition going on to see who could say it the most in one spot. Funny stuff. Chock it all up to my juvenile sense of humour. Admittedly I love a guy who shows the same. You go, Anderson!!!

    Enjoy your weekend Jack. I am glad that you are not dead.

    January 23, 2009 at 6:47 pm |
  10. Brandi - bottom of the boot

    haha...they steal things! that was great, and so was the green eggs and ham, Sam I Am.

    Aretha's hat probably looks much better after you were through with it. lol

    January 23, 2009 at 6:24 pm |
  11. Tammy, Berwick, LA

    Planning to read the Fitzgerald short story the movie was based on and then be highly disappointed in the movie if I ever lose my mind and decide to see another debacle of a literary great turned to film. Watching Robert Redford in Gatsby was a treat because it was Redford, but man does Hollywood have a way of destroying masterpieces of fiction time and time again. Call me a purist nerd.

    I'm totally with you. All the saccharine sweet love fest bs this week has made me want nausea meds. And Aretha's hat could have been on The Flying Nun if the order was going for the hideously tacky look in habits.

    Looking forward to Oscar (mainly because as much as he purported to not like awards shows, Heath Ledger earned this one as far as I'm concerned). Maybe this time I'll even have a couple of hours to play online and actually watch the whole show.

    This isn't the first time you've accused Anderson of having klepto tendencies. I'm really starting to wonder 🙂 Amazing journalist by day, cat burglar by night...you know, you might be able to get a Lifetime Movie deal out of something here.

    January 23, 2009 at 6:18 pm |
  12. Dee from CT

    Great end to an otherwise nor so great work week – but hey for now I at least still have a job, even if I'm not getting a raise this year, or as my manager called it: a "cost of living" increase. I'd laugh, if only I had the energy.

    I could have sworn that you would have blogged about Thain's major idiotic decisions that came out over the last couple days, but what more can anyone write? I guess you just can't fix stupid. He's already taken all the good punch lines – how can one beat $35K for a commode with legs? Wonder what the price would have been without the legs ...

    Glad to have you back Jack

    January 23, 2009 at 6:07 pm |
  13. Don, WA

    Aretha Franklin is a great singer, and has every right in this country to wear a self-inflating raft on her head if she chooses. We'll see who's laughing when the yacht sinks.

    January 23, 2009 at 6:06 pm |
  14. nina

    Hi Jack... great blog as always...everytime I read your stuff I have to laugh out loud and I think my neighbour thinks I must be insane...well, your blog always make my day no matter what happens in daily life...have a nice weekend

    January 23, 2009 at 4:44 pm |
  15. Hannah Marner

    Ah, Jack, I was wondering how you were! I'd figured it was just inauguration overload, but it's nice to have confirmation. I died laughing today, as usual.

    Presley: -raises eyebrow- Why is it that every time I read your posts I can't help thinking we need to form a coalition?

    January 23, 2009 at 4:15 pm |
  16. Caitlin, San Diego

    It's about time! I was dog sitting this week and was suprised to discover the pup smoking a Winston when I walked in last night....Sammy has sparked a national trend in canine addiction, and it has got to stop.

    January 23, 2009 at 4:09 pm |
  17. Heidi Ann Berg

    Hi Jack great blog

    January 23, 2009 at 4:03 pm |
  18. Maria

    Hi Jack,

    If someone absent for couple of days, why people think that something wrong or bad is going on??? Missing connection is not always bad thing….I feel unhappy for sweet CK….

    The inauguration week will be over and “prostitution free zone” for inauguration that was in effect for the whole week in DC will be over too...

    Have a nice weekend

    January 23, 2009 at 3:49 pm |
  19. Alyssa (nyc)

    Jack! Yay! Your blogs are back! Monday and Wednesday just weren't the same without them. Reading your hilarious blog on the subway home was a fantastic way to end the school day. Thanks! Kisses to sammy:)

    January 23, 2009 at 3:37 pm |
  20. Isabel, RJ, Brazil

    Dear Jack,

    How long. I missed you.

    Their amazement is called 'conscience'. I also have fear of collective euphoria or when the masses are blind see wanting a light at the end of the tunnel, even when there is not a phosphorus access.

    Unknown smiling on the street really is half crazy. When I was pregnant, with a belly already outpacing the law of physics (two bodies occupying the same place) several people smile at me, and I wondered to myself if they were known, or were all drug addict. But you better be careful.

    I also wish (and I need) that Obama reach its challenges, but I am very afraid of that collective euphoria around it. Yesterday, when I went to a bookstore (Brazil, Rio de Janeiro), without looking, I hit my eyes on a 6 or 7 books on the life and political career, Obama, Obama and more Obama.

    But we know that there will be a live blog, in Oscar, with you, makes one want to smile for everyone!
    Give a smile!

    January 23, 2009 at 3:17 pm |
  21. Nicole, San Diego

    What a great way to end an exhausting week. Love the article and the humor. Welcome back Jack!!

    January 23, 2009 at 3:16 pm |
  22. Vanessa, El Paso,TX

    OH THANK GOODNESS YOUR ALIVE! pheww....I was starting to wonder if you were gonna leave CNN and, I don't know, become the next senator of New York or something. lol I'm soo glad your gonna do the blog for the oscars. I was beginning to wonder who else was gonna make fun of Brad's mustache. I'm counting on your blog because I'm on MST and I learned last time I can make some money off this! YUP! "Jack Gray won me $50" Looking forward a star-studded affair in my pj's

    January 23, 2009 at 2:15 pm |
  23. Helen, Reading, UK

    Jack! You're back! Hey, that rhymes.. Thank God, I've been gettin' the shakes because I thought I was going to have to wean myself off my thrice weekly dose of your wit and wisdom! I'm on a train to London as I write this, my weekend started already, and I so needed it after my Tivo decided I didn't need to record several hours of the inauguration after all, therefore ensuring I missed the Chief Justice messing up the oath, The Queen of Soul's hat, all that stuff about the Red Man getting ahead and most distressingly a major dose of Andy Coop the cat burglar! I gotta tell ya, I need a wine box, does Sammy have one going spare? Anyhoo, hope you all have a fab weekend, looking forward to normal blogging service being resumed next week! Love and tail wags x x

    January 23, 2009 at 1:40 pm |
  24. Betty Ann, Nacogdoches,TX

    Welcome Back Jack!
    What an inauguration it was, huh? I was so moved by the whole darn event. If 65% of the people support Obama and 35% don't, then I believe that the whole 35% is in Texas.
    You would have not even known a United States President was being inaugurated in my town. Talk about unwarm and unfuzzy. I asked everone I saw, " Did you watch the inauguration?" I kept getting the same reply, " Was that today?"
    I was completely blown away and moved by the whole experience Me and a couple of other Texans~Not many grins to wipe off around here.
    Poor sweet Caroline. I am disappointed that she pulled her name out. You have to wonder about the mess with the housekeeper.
    I can't believe you spoiled Aretha's hat like that. That gives a new meaning to "green" eggs and ham.
    I'll "bow" out now.
    Have a cool week-end Jack!
    XO

    January 23, 2009 at 1:26 pm |
  25. Alicia

    Hilarious– after the chuckle I had during this blog, I'll be tuning into your future endeavours for sure!
    By the way Anderson & Erica: I've got some cool stuff, feel free to come and practice your five finger discount at my apartment any day!

    January 23, 2009 at 1:25 pm |
  26. mshamburge

    The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is the only best picture movie I've seen. I feel like this is something that should concern me.

    January 23, 2009 at 1:21 pm |
  27. Renee

    Jack:

    Welcome back! Did you dance the night away with Randi Kaye, Larry King and Gary Tuchman at all the balls?

    Ashton Kutcher's politics is about a reliable as Chopra speaking as the leading expert on terrorism or Suze Orman pointing her finger at you on 360. Sometimes you just have to use the remote!

    January 23, 2009 at 1:15 pm |
  28. Alex (Aliso Viejo)

    You just made my day happy-er! Thank you! 🙂

    January 23, 2009 at 12:49 pm |
  29. Carol B., Virginia

    Hi Jack, I think there should be a movement to make sure that occasional pessimism and snark are allowed. This Prez will probably make better received decisions, but some people and pundits are just waiting till it's socially acceptable to rip him a new one. Hopefully, it's not too soon. As for Caroline, does Kennedy mean "scandal" in Gaelic? Why didn't Patterson's office handle things better? What is HE and his underlings up to that they have to lie and deflect attention?

    January 23, 2009 at 12:47 pm |
  30. Lilibeth

    I can’t wait for the Oscars! I have yet to see “Benjamin Button” and a few other movies so I’ll be busy this weekend. I’m surprised “Revolutionary Road” got snubbed. My husband thought Kate was better in it than “The Reader.” Picking a favorite for Best Picture will be tough, but I really like “Slumdog.” Everything about it, especially the music, is amazing.

    Well, have fun at the movies, Jack!

    Lilibeth
    Edmonds, Washington

    January 23, 2009 at 12:17 pm |
  31. Pamina

    Hi Jack,
    Good to hear from you again. It's nice to temper all this good will with a clear dose of reality! Thanks for "Keepin' Em Honest"- Anderson should be proud.
    I just hope all the country's hope does not come crashing down when the reality of fixing all our problems is not quite so pretty as getting in.

    January 23, 2009 at 12:08 pm |
  32. SK

    The "Flying Nun vs. Aretha Franlkin Giant Hat accident"
    The faux concert with Yo-yo Ma
    The "Let the Red Man Get Ahead, Man"
    Keith Olbermann saying the word "Balls" a lot...
    Strangers smiling and acknowledging one another...
    A shiny and 'smart' (in all senses of the word) new President...
    The Oscar nominations announced...

    It's been a great week for living and writing.
    Hope you had fun Jack Gray! Now take the weekend off-

    January 23, 2009 at 11:56 am |
  33. Lorie Ann, Buellton, California

    Good Friday to you, Jack. I take it you're Washingtoned out!
    Well, welcome back to the real world. A world where you wonder aloud, just who was the culprit, who convinced Aretha, that a bow is only a bow if it can fly. Happy weekend.

    Lorie Ann, Buellton, Calif.

    January 23, 2009 at 11:18 am |
  34. Dave Cammack

    This may not be the best place to comment on this but I couldn't find another comment link. I didn't vote for Sen. McCain, and yet every time Pres. Obama makes a move or signs an order we are over whelmed with comments from McCain "what he would have done if he was elected". You weren't elected John, if I wanted to know and keep knowing what you would do if your were Pres. we would have voted for you. You say you are supporting Obama, but it doesn't sound like that to me. You take every opportunity to tell us how he's doing it wrong and how you would do it. Can't we just get behind this man. He has a horribly important job. Our very country is at stake. Our livelyhoods, our futures, everything. If he thinks we need to close this dungeon of torture the Bush Admin. opened good, it's why I voted for him. I want him to try and UNDO everything that Bush did to our country. I only hope that it isn't too late to get the US back to the top of the Good Guy List of countries that stand for freedom and liberty.
    Thank you.

    January 23, 2009 at 11:04 am |
  35. Teresa, OH

    While I'm not a hat wearer except for my UAW ball cap, I have to say: I actually like Aretha's hat. Yes, it's unusual, but I think it is very classy and suits her perfectly.

    Ashton Kuchter an esteemed dignitary? My how times have changed...

    January 23, 2009 at 10:57 am |
  36. liz Scott

    Thank you for your good grammar. Show Anderson the line at the end, "between you and me". Remind him when he's on tv, CNN or Regis, he should watch his grammar.

    January 23, 2009 at 10:56 am |
  37. EJ (USA)

    We missed you Jack.

    Maybe it would have turned out better had she not begun her meeting with David Paterson by saying, “Look, Neil Diamond never wrote a song about those other losers.”

    LOL – I wish she would've said that to him.

    January 23, 2009 at 10:53 am |
  38. Terri Pasalo

    AC 360 : Pres. Obama endears himself to us by doing what we daily do except signing the executive orders. My advice is keep the family together coz for the next four years, they are the only ones that are sincerely always around him to help him become real at all times. He was voted for change but for himself my advice is never to change. Continue his contemplative life. Isolate when he needs to think for us and with God's help he will be guided. As parents, spend family time at night , never let the global problem change the family relationship. God first, family , then job.

    January 23, 2009 at 10:47 am |
  39. Cindy

    AWW Jack...now you know the real reason that you haven't been blogging is because you are trying to get over that hangover from all of those "Presidential Balls" that you attended! Come on Jack...admit it...Sammy didn't learn her drinking habits from the mail man I know! LOL So...did you have a fun time hugging that toilet after filling up Ms. Aretha's atrocious hat? Sorry...but it was! LOL Next time Jack...just do as Cooper does...say NO to the partying and crowds!

    We know you've hit the big time with your success here! So..did Obama give ya the nod to ride in the "beast" with him to those things or what!? Nah..if he did we'd have heard about it because knowing you you would have probably launched one of the missiles that shoots out of the tail pipes or something. LOL But don't worry...the secret service probably wouldn't have allowed Sammy in it anyway since she would have been hitting up Barack trying to become the first pooch and all! You know she wants to stay in the Lincoln bedroom for a bit so she can tell all of her drinking buddies back home!

    And don't be picking on Caroline or she'll send Ahnold back from the future to terminate you! Be afraid Jack...be very afraid! LOL

    Cindy...Ga.

    January 23, 2009 at 10:39 am |
  40. Jennifer - Michigan

    By the way, didn't Demi look absolutely gorgeous at the Golden Globes! She was stunning – no wonder she has such a young husband.

    January 23, 2009 at 10:02 am |
  41. xtina, chicago IL

    you post is funny; but it's not funny that Obama is soft on terror suspects/forcing us taxpayers to pay for their room and board or trial. It's not funny either that Obama wants us taxpayers to fund abortions for people in foreign countries; and it's sad that he will bail out big corporations and nationalize banks. The "change" is looking like socialism 😦

    January 23, 2009 at 9:58 am |
  42. Jennifer - Michigan

    Hi Jack,
    Good morning. Lots of laughs from your post! I especially like the Chief Roberts lapsing to green eggs and ham bit – very funny! He thought he memorized it – ha ha, guess not – Sam I am.
    Hope you have a great weekend – enjoy the movie! I'm hoping to see Slum Dog; we'll see if we can swing it. Till next time...

    January 23, 2009 at 9:58 am |
  43. Mike, Greenville NC

    Great post Jack, as usual. I love to ignore large parts of news during the week and just read your take on them...its funny, strait to the point, and usually interpreted much like I would take it.
    I could definitely see Anderson and Erica with sticky fingers, I bet they would make a pretty deadly team in an apartment...Erica distracts you while Anderson puts your goodies in his Prada bag...keep your eyes out.

    January 23, 2009 at 9:57 am |
  44. Presley

    Thank GAWD your back Jack, I feared they left you in DC and you were waiting for the parade to end.
    Being "happy" and "hopeful" IS exhausting. Just goes to show how out of shape we are when processing these strange and foreign "feelings" and "emotions" of "joy" and "pride".
    We are now Officially on a Diet from gloom and despair.
    It's a crash diet and all but it beats eating gruel and asking "More Please" with "Ick" face.
    I'll take Green Eggs and Ham from Horton and his Who and Rahm Emanuel.

    It's been a tremendous week for America and the four corners of this planet, LET US EAT CAKE dammit and enjoy it for a while.

    XXO ♥

    January 23, 2009 at 9:55 am |