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December 12th, 2008
07:45 PM ET

Happy #%&@ing Holidays from the Blagojeviches

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich

Jack Gray
AC360 Associate Producer

Well, the weekend has finally arrived.  Not that I have any plans now that the poker tournament at Bonnie and Clyde Blagojevich's house is cancelled.  Apparently the governor will be busy alphabetizing his bottles of hairspray and the demure Mrs. Blagojevich will be crushing beer cans against her head.

Meanwhile, the Rev. Jesse “There’s no way I’m going to let my son get more TV time than me” Jackson would like you to know that he was not involved in the alleged pay-to-play senate seat scandal.  Beyond that he'll have no comment, except for the interviews he'll be doing every hour on the hour for the next 30 days.

By the way, just to clear up a bit of confusion:  Yes, it’s true there is a “Warning: Rat Poison” sign posted outside of Rod Blagojevich’s house.  But apparently it’s just a coincidence and I was incorrect in assuming it was the state seal of Illinois.

And, oh yes, Rod Blagojevich's spokesman said the governor is hoping to "return to normalcy" over the next few days.  And by "normalcy" he means kicking puppies and swearing at terminally ill kids.

Did you see the governor as he walked to his SUV yesterday?  He looked pretty sullen; almost as sullen as Anderson was when he found out there wouldn’t be a sequel to You Don’t Mess with the Zohan.

I’m sure you saw Anderson co-hosting Regis and Kelly this morning.  Well, once again he refused to rig the Travel Trivia game in my favor.  Let’s just say he’ll soon be getting a call from Patricia Blagojevich.

And wow, I just realized that Christmas is less than two weeks away.  Time is running out for me to tell my family that I bought them expensive gifts and was then mugged on my way home.

One week after Christmas is, of course, New Year’s Eve.  I hope that wherever you are that night you’ll have your TVs tuned to CNN for our special celebration live from Times Square hosted by Anderson and the brilliantly funny Kathy Griffin.  Seriously, if you’re at a bar and they have their TV tuned to Dick Clark & Ryan Seacrest then I want you to climb up onto the bar and start singing Auld Lang Syne in your best pirate voice until the bartender changes the channel to CNN.  And if you’re one of the approximately 25 billion people in Times Square, then be sure to wave to us up on the CNN platform.  I’ll be there producing for Anderson, which basically means I’ll be guarding his bejeweled 2009-shaped eyeglasses.

Hey, they’ll be collectors items.  Just like cars made by GM.


Filed under: 360° Radar • Jack Gray • Raw Politics • Rod Blagojevich
soundoff (40 Responses)
  1. Michelle D. Fonthill,Ont

    Happy Holidays to everyone at 360 Jack ,Anderson,Erica
    I can't wait to see Anderson on New years' Eve with Kathy Griffin she's briilant as Ac's side kick .I love your blogs Jack very funny !
    Anderson was great on Regis and Kelly -so you wanted the trivia game rigged eh? nice try Jack !

    Thanks for your post
    p.s. Happy holidays to all the bloggers too!

    December 15, 2008 at 10:00 am |
  2. Julie San Diego, CA

    Hey Jack,

    Did you catch the video of Bush ducking those shoes?

    Makes you wonder if he'd had some previous practice...I bet Laura has good aim by now.

    That Iraqi journalist expressed what many Americans feel.

    And to think Anderson practically achieved sainthood because he got a little irate with Mary Landrieu. We would have rather had him go to Washington and throw a few shoes.

    December 14, 2008 at 5:36 pm |
  3. Megan Dresslar (Shoreline, WA)

    P.S. Happy Holidays to all of you!!!!! Bloggers, Jack, crew, Anderson and more!

    December 12, 2008 at 9:51 pm |
  4. Lori from IL

    Thanks for the laughs, Jack. It's been a long week here in IL.

    From the title of this post, I see you've received your Christmas card from Gov. Blagojevich!

    December 12, 2008 at 9:49 pm |
  5. Anna, HK

    Another entertaining read... It's gonna be a sunny day today☀

    December 12, 2008 at 7:49 pm |
  6. Roweena D'Souza, Seattle

    I was so looking forward to the poker tourney ;-), Have you ever tried tried one of those online poker games?, neither have I!

    Oh, well.. is that a good way to spend the new year's? guess you'll be busy doing the all important backstage producing and we won't even see you on TV. Nah, won't be watching the ball drop!... will be halfway across the world by then 🙂

    Enjoy the weekend Jack, poker or not

    December 12, 2008 at 7:41 pm |
  7. Don, WA

    I imagine "Blago the Bangs" the "senate-seat-seller" is looking for some jury seats and a judges seat to "buy" now.

    December 12, 2008 at 6:47 pm |
  8. PK Hendrickson, Rockford IL

    Blago's long been a joke here in Illinois, so a lot of us are reveling in his very public downfall. My first reaction to hearing he'd been arrested was, "Finally!" While the charges aren't shocking, the transcripts of his and Patty's, um...conversations...were pretty revealing. Blago's always looked like a Muppet to me, and it's really hard picturing a Muppet using that kind of language.

    Since he's shown no signs of resigning, our awesome Attorney General just asked the State Supreme Court to relieve the Gov of his duties, or at the very least place limits on what he can and can't do — like appointing a new Senator. It just makes me wonder if he has any of the Illinois State Supreme Court Justices in his pocket. (Of course they're in Springfield, where Blago very seldom set foot. Finally, something positive out of the governor avoiding the state capital!)

    December 12, 2008 at 6:23 pm |
  9. Jennifer NC

    This post is hilarious Jack. Thanks for the Friday afternoon crack-up. Getting ready to watch Anderson on Regis and Kelly now (on tape). Never miss him on there. Someday Kelly will get him to dance, I just know it : )

    December 12, 2008 at 6:21 pm |
  10. Dee from CT

    Jack – just because Mr. Cooper doesn't seem to get that one takes the holidays off from work – well for the most part – doesn't mean you have to work it too. He went to Egypt for Thanksgiving – [a rarity I'm sure – maybe he was filming something for 60 minutes or another installment of PIP – if it was an actual vacation – well then hooray!] – and you got stuck in NYC ... now it's your turn to go somewhere while he works new years eve ... I know compared to times square CT is lackluster, but Sammy (and you) are always welcomed!

    December 12, 2008 at 6:17 pm |
  11. Lee

    I agree with Jolene, Jack, it would have been great to see you co-host with Anderson so you can get a chance. I bet you and Anderson would have some real zingers for each other.

    December 12, 2008 at 5:45 pm |
  12. Megan Dresslar (Shoreline, WA)

    Hellooo Jack!!!
    I saw your blog is so funny one!!! LOL!!!!! I agree with you!!!
    Yes, I saw Anderson was guest host (co-hosting) with Regis and Kelly Live!!!! he was so funny!!!
    Of course, I can't wait see Anderson and Kathy for Happy New Year Eve and see ball will drop the count! I am also huge fan of Kathy Griffin, She is so funny lady with Anderson! I will turn on CNN my TV on Dec 31st! Anderson is good job his host Happy New Year Eve!!!
    Thanks so much!!!!!! funny blog!!! LOL!!!

    December 12, 2008 at 5:39 pm |
  13. Brandi - bottom of the boot

    Hello there, Jack.

    As always, such a pleasure reading your post.

    @ Pati, we have entirely too much in common, I am also prone to jumping on top of bars and singing. lol (and I'm not referring to Spongebob this time)

    I managed to see the 'Host Chat' for Regis and Kelly this morning, and I must say, Anderson, it is imperative that you immediately go buy a new mattress today, which I am almost positive you did as soon as the show was over this morning. lol

    Also, what is so wrong with your swim trunks for the race with whatever his name is? I didnt see anything wrong with them, and I agree, a speedo would have been a little much for me as well. lol You looked way better than the other guy, Kelly was right, you have a great physique. lol

    PIP was awesome!!! I loved every minute of it, even the extremely depressing ones. I hate to see animals killed for no reason. I did enjoy the shark diving, it is one of the things on my 'wish' to do list! 🙂

    Since I do not enjoy the holidays, I just may steal your excuse as well, Jack, I have yet to purchase the first gift. Ugh...shopping with all those happy people around just makes me sick to my stomach.

    On that note...Happy @#$#%@ Holidays to all!

    December 12, 2008 at 5:34 pm |
  14. Jolene, St. Joseph, MI

    What? Producing the NYE show? As a Jack Gray groupie, I was hoping you would be co-hosting the show myself 😳

    Wait......just give me a second...........

    I'm a bit verklempt about this news.........somebody get me a drink fast!

    So let me get this straight, instead of brilliantly funny Jack Gray on NYE, we get Kathy Griffin instead? Well, if that ain't a bummer! So, if that's the way it's going to be, I'm content knowing that you will at least be "behind the scenes" gracing us with all your producing-type abilities........I think.........not that the pressure is on or anything! 😉

    December 12, 2008 at 5:32 pm |
  15. Fay, CA

    And wow, I just realized that Christmas is less than two weeks away. Time is running out for me to tell my family that I bought them expensive gifts and was then mugged on my way home.

    Ha! Thanks for giving me an excuse when my family demands to know why there aren't any Christmas gifts from me this year. It's cruel, but perfectly believable in this lousy economy. Ok, no, I couldn't really do that, although it's tempting–I hate Christmas shopping.

    Jack, the AC360 New Year's show is always a must-see for me, it's good to hear you'll be producing it–Kathy Griffin's great, so funny and unpredictable.

    And speaking of Ryan Seacrest, Anderson was on his radio program and his bit about Britney Spears, her father and cheese grits still has me laughing today–he needs to do that on the New Year's show...

    December 12, 2008 at 5:20 pm |
  16. Alex

    HAHA! "Auld Lang Syne" in a pirate voice! I'll do that anywhere. I would also pay someone to do that.

    Get Anderson Cooper to do it! teehee! Okay, maybe not!

    Dang I missed AC and Kelly! Youtube time!!

    Great post ❤

    December 12, 2008 at 5:12 pm |
  17. Tammy, Berwick. LA

    Nothing like corruption to make the Christmas season bright... Blago and the Mrs. make Scrooge look like the next one up for sainthood.

    Last year I realized rather quickly after talking to friends living in NYC that unless you're out of your mind, you find a restaurant/bar with a good band and watch the festivities from inside where warmth, food, drinks, and a bathroom happily coincide. And in our case last year, kick butt entertainment. We caught Anderson on rerun while packing in our hotel room afterwards, and Kathy was a bit too obnoxious and rude for me (as she always is). Oh well, this year my friends and I will do our almost annual New Year's Eve get together, and well, Dick Clark is part of the tradition for the countdown. He doesn't have Kathy on there.

    December 12, 2008 at 5:02 pm |
  18. Kathy, Chicago

    I am overwelmed by the holidays and missed Regis and Kelly and most of PIP last night. Lucky for me I TIVOed them! I did see AC swimming with sharks. He remains my hero.

    December 12, 2008 at 4:51 pm |
  19. Stacy

    Hey Jack,

    I can't say I saw Anderson on Regis and Kelly. I'm a big fan, but I'm a bigger fan of sleeping in. That's why God created the YouTube, right? Anyhoo, let me guess what occurred: there was some dance urging from Kelly, which was met by giggling and a quick subject change from Mr. Cooper. Am I right? What about you, Jack? Can you bust a move? That dancing crew video Anderson always plays could use a little update. You game for an appearance?

    PS: I'm totally stealing your mugging excuse.

    December 12, 2008 at 4:47 pm |
  20. Caritia

    Love the $@*#ing title. I gotta say that this scandal is a gift from God...or the gods...or the goddess...or a gift from the universe ... oh freak it just pick your diety.

    Here I was looking at a horrible holiday season that is filled with joy and happiness and goodwill toward man. Instead the universe reminds me that quite frankly mankind sucks! - Amen.

    And just to clear things up: In Chicago returning to "normalcy" means checking the legislative intranet to see who is the highest bidder for

    December 12, 2008 at 4:16 pm |
  21. Helen Bullen, Reading, UK

    Hey Renee!

    Thanks for that!
    In case anyone is interested, the English have crumpets for afternoon tea, toasted and spread with butter.
    No prizes for guessing who I'd like to butter mine, heh, heh, heh...
    Enjoy your %$*&?! weekend x

    December 12, 2008 at 4:14 pm |
  22. Renee

    Jack aka Crumpet:

    That was good Helen from the UK. Crumpet? Jack, the guys at CNN have to be ragging on you for Crumpet!

    Jack, Anderson may have a blow to his ego when the ladies on NYE are looking for you and asking for your autograph. You may need your own security with your growing fan club.

    Are you going to be manning the webcam tonight with the crew?

    December 12, 2008 at 3:58 pm |
  23. Dave S, Tinley Park, IL

    IL thanks you for your comments! Maybe we can slowly but surely make "Merry %$#@ Christmas" an official holiday greeting. We can start here and spread it to the rest of the country.

    Happy ^&%$# New Year to you all as well!! 🙂

    December 12, 2008 at 3:23 pm |
  24. Lilibeth

    Sadly, I’ll miss the NYE Special. My family members don’t like watching TV on NYE. I can always tape it, of course, but I have a habit of forgetting to watch what I taped. Hope you’re having a good day today, Jack.

    Lilibeth
    Edmonds, Washington

    December 12, 2008 at 2:46 pm |
  25. JC- Los Angeles

    With the list of morally bankrupt leaders, executives and politicians seemingly endless and growing by the day, perhaps we could do a gift exchange with Guantanamo Bay.

    One could argue that our executives, politicians and leaders have done far more harm to America than many of the low-level hacks who have resided for years in Guantanamo Bay.

    Maybe neatly wrap up Blagojevich, Eliot Spitzer, former Governor McGreevy, Dick Fuld, Angelo Mozillo, Nardelli, Wagoner and endless others and exchange them for the questionably imprisoned.

    December 12, 2008 at 2:27 pm |
  26. xtina, chicago IL

    Funny, funny post ! I believe G-Rod when he says, "I didn't do nuffin".

    Im picturing Rod 'n Patti playing South Park's "Merry F*^$^&% ing Christmas "

    December 12, 2008 at 1:54 pm |
  27. Barb, Des Plaines

    Too funny! Now there's just two things I want for Christmas:

    1. Please tell Rod I want my rat poison sign back.

    2. I want to donate every cuss word I've ever spoken to the Gov.'s defense fund. After seeing how bad this looks in print I'm done with swearing forever.

    Have a great weekend.

    December 12, 2008 at 1:26 pm |
  28. Presley

    Blago the Liar Mouth reminds me of Omen III.
    Minus the cultured and privileged upbringing that only real evil can buy though.
    And how about the breath of fresh air Mrs. Macbeth Blago? She's just lovely, isn't she? So refined and demure.
    I DVR'd The Anderson this morning. I ♥ Anderson when he spontaneously bursts with laughter. I would tell you to give him a big kiss for me but I think you are still in year three, no touching or direct eye contact in months that have an "E", "A" or "Y" in them. Right?

    And a big Merry *(&)%!-ing Holidays to you as well. IDK about you but for me it's two short weeks and very anticipated long weekends.
    Jingle Bells, FA LA LA LA and so on and so forth.

    XXO & extra ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥'s for you today Jack.

    December 12, 2008 at 12:46 pm |
  29. Jenny Ga

    Jack,
    Figured out why Rod B is so sullen. Donald Trump has stolen his look. Geze what hair.

    December 12, 2008 at 12:35 pm |
  30. Helen Bullen, Reading, UK

    Hey there Jack and fellow bloggers! So, it's cold, wet and dark here in jolly old Blighty, and I have a cold. I also had to have three fillings at the dentist yesterday, but good old Jack has once again worked his magic and cheered me up, thanks Mr G! I'm finding the continuing saga of the idiot Illinois governor and his foul mouthed missus hugely entertaining, given that all we have to hear about on this side of the pond is our beloved leader's claim in Parliament this week that he had 'saved the world'! Brings to mind a rather disturbing image of Gordon in tights with his pants over the top, yuck.. Either that or the reality TV finals taking place tomorrow, see, us Brits know what's important in the world today! I've almost got the Xmas shopping licked, and if Santa's reading this, I've been REALLY good this year and PLEASE could he pop Anderson into my stocking, sparkly 2009 glasses and all (but preferably without any primates or large fish with big teeth) Talking of big fish, I watched Planet in Peril and thought it was great. Just one question, Mr C, have you seen Jaws?! I'll be going on the actual internet later to check out Jack's photo, bet he's a real hottie, or bit of crumpet, as we like to say! Have a good weekend Jack, Erica, David G, fellow bloggers and Anderson x x Peace out x

    December 12, 2008 at 12:04 pm |
  31. Cindy

    Jack,
    Sorry that your weekend plans got canceled but hey...maybe you can teach Sammy to play poker. I'm sure with her drinking and smoking she already has the cussing habit down pat! LOL So you will feel just like you are at Blagojevich's anyway! I just hope Sammy goes easy on ya and doesn't take all of your hard earned cash!

    And hey...don't sic Patricia on little ole Anderson she'll scar the poor boy for life with her sailor mouth! LOL Nah...I bet Coop can let it rip too! LOL HMM...I bet you've heard it more than once when you've not quite done your job guardin' those specs or washing that car huh Jack? LOL Come on...fess up!

    As far as NYE goes...good luck with that! You'll be needing it having to keep up with Coop's jewels! We all know Coop likes the bling!! He is so blingin' he lights up like a tree! Just do me and favor and swipe a piece and send it my way as a2008 souvenir. LOL Gotta remember it somehow...and a jewel encrusted BlackBerry sounds great to me. Shoot...he won't miss it! LOL

    Cindy...Ga.

    December 12, 2008 at 11:49 am |
  32. Pamina

    Hi Jack,
    Does the Governor look like the Mayor of Whoville, or is that just me? It's good to see he has stepped up to the plate to fill Bush's "Comic fuel" chair for Obama. And to think late night comics were worried that once Bush left office, they would have nothing to talk about. What a guy!! Looking forward to Anderson's coverage on NYE.
    Have a good weekend!

    December 12, 2008 at 11:17 am |
  33. Dulcie

    Dude, I SO needed this this morning! I got bludgeoned like a baby seal last night at City Council. Cripes. Merry #(*$)#$ing Christmas, indeed.

    Thanks for sharing your sense of humor in these wicked bad times.

    –D

    December 12, 2008 at 11:10 am |
  34. Lorie Ann, Buellton, California

    Well, it's finally Friday. Another week bites the dust. Rats abound, knocking the Christmas mouse off the front pages and Santa loses Rudolph to a higher bidder..I guess the odds that the New Year will be better is in the eye of the beholder..Bejeweled 2009-shaped eyeglasses? Hmm. Better keep an eagle eye out for muggers..Happy New Year.

    Lorie Ann, Buellton, Calif.

    December 12, 2008 at 11:09 am |
  35. Amanda Walton-Gaston

    Oh no I missed Anderson on Regis and Kelly this morning! #$Q@ing politics, bailouts and economics...it made me miss the one stress relief I have comedy and AC.

    I haven't seen Don't mess with the Zohen, but laugh at the commericals for it, hoping I can get a dvd copy soon, I sure need a good laugh these days.

    So Mr. Blago wants to get back to normalcy...hasn't he heard, normalcy has been thrown out with the bath water, a new reality is setting in, including his future jail cell...move over O.J., you may have a cell mate.. I'm sure the two of them will have lots in common to talk about, who did the best shakedown of 2008.

    December 12, 2008 at 11:05 am |
  36. pati mc., camp hill, pa

    Yo Jack!

    Um, please do not make my Saturn into a Studebaker, I beg you. Aw, man! (Wiat, you are too young to know what a Studebaker is, aren't you? My apologes. I don't want to be acccused of age discrimination).

    So apparently you were in that bar when I did Auld Lang Syne. I thought I had sworn you to secrecy. There is not telling what I will do to get my way. I want my CNN! If that does not work, I shall cuss like Patricia whats-her-name. Heh! Fair warning.

    You were trusted with the bejeweled glasses? I would say that you are coming up in the world, my friend. Trusted by the big guy. Sweet. Be careful though, I see that you are doing an excellent job of pimping for him; just don't tick him off, you may get thrown to your choice....sharks or gorillas. Can't allow that to happen to our Jack!

    "The idiot" and his adoring spouse "Mrs. Gutter Mouth" are quite the pair. It goes from bad, to badder, to baddest. How could people like this gain office? Oh wait? Payoffs perhaps? Ah, America. Home of the free and the buyoff. What can you say? Politics at it's finest.

    Have a favor, are you down with me using your Christmas presents excuse? That is far superior to the one that I have been using. I just told them all that I gave all of my money to the Salvation Army on the way in the store. See, I am just a philanthropist like that. Heh.

    Have an awesome weekend. For certain you have worked hard and suffered abuse, so it is well deserved.

    December 12, 2008 at 11:02 am |
  37. Jennifer - Michigan

    Hey Jack!
    Very funny post! Hope you're having a good day today. And for sure I'll be watching Anderson and Kathy New Year's Eve!! That was so riveting last year! The chemistry between them is very entertaining to watch. And Kathy is amazingly, brilliantly talented with the humor, as you are as well. Can't wait....See you later. Thanks again for sharing, you brightened my day.

    December 12, 2008 at 10:55 am |
  38. Heather,ca

    Morning Jack!

    Love the title. They are such a class act, NOT! Love the colorful metaphors. Yeah the sign says so much. Who knew. Did she threaten him to marry her. I just cant imagine it was very romantic. Maybe she threatened the jeweler to give them the rock she wanted or else.

    I am sooo excited about new years and the smartest thing Anderson did was having Kathy back. Its the perfect way to end the year. So will Sammy be making a cameo ? Oh and Happy @*#@! New Year to you! God can you actually imagine talking like that every day? I sure cant. How does she not do that in front of her kids. Hey a great xmas gift for the lovely couple, gift wrapped box of rat poison.

    December 12, 2008 at 10:53 am |
  39. Annie Kate

    Hey Jack,

    I'm glad its Friday too! I'm like you – I haven't done much shopping at all either and your two week reminder was a shock. Did they take a week out of the month or something? It seems like we had more time to procrastinate last year.

    The rat poisoning that sign outside the governor's house must be non-existent or its lost its potency because the governor is still around. My theory on the governor is that he is down deep a frustrated car salesman whose hobbies include fitting people for concrete galoshes. When he really wants to have fun he sees how many elderly ladies he can knock down between his house and the office. He wants to get in the Guinness book of records for that.

    So you are the producer for the New Year's show this year....any special plans or special effects we can look forward to:? And will we get to see you? That's cool that you are doing it. Have fun with it...

    Annie Kate
    Alabama

    December 12, 2008 at 10:48 am |
  40. Missy

    Hey, Jack, you have your picture up! thanks. Now I know what you look like.

    December 12, 2008 at 10:44 am |