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November 14th, 2008
09:04 AM ET

And the forecast calls for hell to freeze over

[cnn-photo-caption image=http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2008/images/11/14/art.obamaclinton.jpg]
Jack Gray
AC360 Associate Producer

The weekend is finally here and that makes it difficult not to smile. Unless you’re John Kerry, who just smashed a bottle of Heinz ketchup against his wind surfboard upon learning that President-elect Obama is considering nominating Hillary “I have great respect for Senator Obama.  Did I mention he has a slumlord friend named Tony Rezko?” Clinton to be Secretary of State.

My guess is that Hillary would take the job, if offered. Provided, of course, Obama agrees to her request for a slight change in title: Secretary of State and Whatever Else Bill & I Damn Well Please.

Some people think she’s too much of a superstar in her own right to be a team player in an Obama administration. But not me. I can see her as Secretary of State, sitting there at tense Middle East peace negotiations and bluntly telling those around her: “Look, I’m not prepared to make any kind of commitment on behalf of the United States until I consult with the president.” And then she’ll call Bill.

I do love the speculation about high-profile cabinet positions. It always involves secret meetings and games of cat-and-mouse. We get leaks that the major players are meeting at an “undisclosed location.” Which sounds very All the President’s Men until we find out that the undisclosed location is underneath Dianne Feinstein’s ping-pong table.

Meanwhile, everyone is still talking about the Obamas’ future dog. It’s an important decision, to be sure. Because, let’s face it, with Dick Cheney leaving there’s going to be a vacancy for someone who will break wind in the Roosevelt Room without apologizing.

Sarah Palin is apparently still giving interviews. I think she just wrapped up with Tumbleweed Idaho Public Access Television.

Everyone is on Palin’s back for doing more interviews in the past week than she did during the entire campaign. Frankly, I’m more preoccupied with the fact she keeps listing her top two goals for the next four years as energy reform and giving Elisabeth Hasselbeck a home perm.

You may have noticed that John McCain is back on the campaign trail. He’s stumping for Saxby Chambliss, who’s facing a run-off election for the Senate in Georgia. McCain made brief remarks at a rally, insisting that he’s not bitter about his loss. Then he exited the stage to Janet Jackson’s “What Have You Done for Me Lately?”

Finally, I’m assuming you saw Anderson on The Tonight Show last night. He was good, though I thought his profanity-laced Ed McMahon impression was a little off-topic when Jay asked him about the election.

I guess we should just be happy that he’s stopped doing it on the subway.


Filed under: Barack Obama • Hillary Clinton • Jack Gray • Raw Politics
soundoff (48 Responses)
  1. JRQ La Habra, Ca

    Oh, my this is good Jack!

    November 17, 2008 at 3:29 am |
  2. Megan Dresslar (Shoreline, Wa)

    Hey Jack!!!!
    I agree with best bloggers!!! yeah! you are so so funny man!! Last Thursday night....... Anderson Cooper was guest on Jay Leno!!! He was so awesome guest!!! I love his joke, smile and laugh! Thanks for sharing your joke writer! It help me to cheer up!
    Have a nice week! Please keep going post for viewers and me, I will read your blog joke again..... say hi Sam for me (Woof)

    November 17, 2008 at 2:08 am |
  3. Roweena D'Souza

    Awesome post...but I do think Hilary would make a great Sec of State...
    have a great weekend Jack.

    November 16, 2008 at 12:32 am |
  4. norah from canada

    Jack – this is so funny I have not read your stuff before, just passed the link to other friends in Canada ... we celebrate continually here that Bush will be out of the White House soon!!

    November 15, 2008 at 1:07 pm |
  5. Lori from IL

    Hey, Jack.

    You are too funny. I think you have missed your true calling as a comedian. Maybe AC 360 should start a Jack Gray comedy segment. Or have you thought about an appearance on DL Hughley's show?

    Thanks for the laughs and keep them coming!

    November 15, 2008 at 9:55 am |
  6. Surafel Melaku

    She should be in Superme-court Justice – She suit that position more.

    November 15, 2008 at 1:09 am |
  7. Ron , West Coast

    Jack Gray should change his name to " Shecky Greene "......
    You`re waisting your talents as associate producer for AC/360 ......

    November 14, 2008 at 11:43 pm |
  8. Pat

    Having "super stars" with real substance in Obama's cabinet would be a smart move. It could set her up to run in 8 years and continue the Democratic party.

    November 14, 2008 at 9:40 pm |
  9. Susan

    Is it just a coincedence that the Clinton for Secretary of State "leak" occurred on the same day that the leaders from the G-20 are in D.C.?

    Obama hasn't left anything to chance in 21 months. He chose to resign his seat effective Sunday, after the meeting and yet his news about the Clinton appointment has totally upstaged the meeting and given the leaders a few strong sign that he knows what he's doing.

    November 14, 2008 at 9:03 pm |
  10. Debbie Haziz

    I think Hillary is an excellent pick for Sec. of State. She has the knowledge, she's not afraid of speaking up and she will get the job done. She should accept the Role for her 18 Million voters. We love you Hillary.

    November 14, 2008 at 7:58 pm |
  11. Rachelle

    Hillary would make a great Sec. of State. I hope she excepts it the job. I have a feeling that Barack is going to continue to surprise us.

    November 14, 2008 at 6:53 pm |
  12. carrie

    hillary clinton is the best for this job, there is no other woman in the world like her , she is awesome.

    November 14, 2008 at 6:46 pm |
  13. Dee from CT

    Picture this as the next line up for Dancing with the Stars: La Lohan (or anyone in that [crazy] family), NeNe, Vicki, LuAnn with the Count of course, John McEnroe and the it's.complicated girl. I'm sure they're all capable – but NeNe would have to win the mirror ball! Talk about priceless!

    Anderson was great on Jay last night … I love watching when he loosens up.

    Jack – remarkable as always … I look forward to Monday!

    November 14, 2008 at 6:43 pm |
  14. Pamina

    Hi Jack,
    I always thought Obama would name Hillary the ever nebulus, "Presidential Advisor". How fun would that be? She could be his advisor for answering the phone! These cabinet positions are fun to speculate on. I wonder if he will name a Republican- perhaps Sarah Palin- Secretary of Homeland Security- she can sit on her back porch with a shotgun and hope Putin comes over the border!

    November 14, 2008 at 6:07 pm |
  15. Tammy, Berwick. LA

    That first pooch is so important to the well being of our nation. It matters way more than Secretary of State. And Hillary? Good grief. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Four more years of Clinton in the administration isn't change but instead a nightmare that won't go away.

    I'm thinking Anderson was pretty smart to stay out of Leno's campaign trap last night. Real reporters keep the personal away from the professional. Although this whole NeNe bit is a little too much info.

    Here's when hell really freezes. Palin gets put in charge of US Wildlife and Fisheries. Think about the irony of that one. Or not.

    November 14, 2008 at 6:01 pm |
  16. Joy, Fort Gordon, Georgia

    Jack I say yes to Hillary as Secretary of State and no to John Kerry. Kerry is not right for that particular post. It bothers me that he acts as if Obama is obligated to give him the position. Plus he's been practically campaiging for himself. I say if you really want to make change then don't appoint people just because they are owed for backing you, do it because they are right for the position, and with Hillary he will have a real team of rivals established in the White House.

    As for Palin, well that press conference that was held for the Republican governors the other day I found it weird and akward. It was strange for a minute I did not realize that Palin was surrounded by other Republican governors I just thought they were her crew, ya know, her posse, just standing around waiting for her to yell out for someone to get her a diet Dr. pepper.

    Okay, I live here in Georiga and, Please everyone in Georgia go out a vote for the runoff December 2, and vote for the Senatorial Democratic nominee Jim Martin. I found it funny watching McCain campaigning for Chambliss when during Chambliss last election McCain had publicly condemned the man for his campaign tactics because Chambliss went on a verbal tirade against his opponent accusing the guy of being anti Patriotic when the man was a triple amputee Vietnam vet. He is doing the same thing against Martin who is also a Vietnam vet. BTW Chambliss is someone who never served and voted 92% of the time with Bush.

    Honestly I cannot wait to see what kind of dog the Obama's get, but more importantly what they will name the dog and will it be a girl or a boy.

    November 14, 2008 at 5:05 pm |
  17. Jolene, St. Joseph, MI

    Jack:

    Well, I was eating a dill pickle as a snack (left over from my sandwich from lunch) when I read your post today. I literally choked after reading your comment about Hillary consulting with the president. "And then she’ll call Bill". Ha! I guess we should add eating dill pickles to the list of things we shouldn't do while reading your posts. My throat will never be the same now. However, the good thing is that you’ve made me realize that if Obama selects Hillary as Secretary of State, in reality, he’s getting a 2 for 1 (Hillary and Bill). That can't all be bad.

    Your comments about Cheney made me wonder if Barney, the White House dog, ever had a chance to "break wind" in the Roosevelt room but based on what we've seen this week, I'm thinking he's more of a "fart in a wind storm" instead with that bite of his!

    I do have a suggestion for the show. Since Anderson apparently has connections with "Triumph, the Insult Dog", wouldn’t it be interesting to get his take on suggestions for White House Puppy? My guess is it would be entertaining if anything.

    And all I can say about Sarah Palin and her blitz, blitz, the media blitz is my favorite line from the movie, Waterworld, when Dennis Hopper referred to Kevin Costner being "like a turd that won’t flush". Can you see the similarity here? 😉

    Have a great weekend! And as usual, thanks for the laughs.

    November 14, 2008 at 4:54 pm |
  18. Mike, Syracuse NY

    I'd love to see HRC as Secretary of State. It would get her out of NY.

    November 14, 2008 at 4:44 pm |
  19. Barb, Des Plaines

    I think Hillary's too good at being the Senator from New York. Let her star shine there.

    I am glad, however, to at least be having this discussion. I'm sick of seeing pictures of Sarah Palin and hope that this story can help wipe out her image from every page in every news magazine.

    If there's a "Ubiquitous Queen," please let Hillary reign supreme!

    November 14, 2008 at 4:29 pm |
  20. Julie San Diego, CA

    I'm not so crazy about Hillary for Secretary of State. Somehow, I just don't see her comfortable in a position where she isn't allowed to take the helm. She likes to be the boss. There could be a lot of internal tension. I voted for her in our primary but I just don't see this match working.

    Jack, if you want some more eye contact from Anderson, get some cleavage. It worked for NeNe.

    OK, so the Peruvian Pooch looks like he's not headed to the White House. How about a Maltese? They're supposedly non-allergenic and when they get their summer cut (shaved short except for a fluffy head and a luxurious tail) they are absolutely adorable. Best natured dogs I have ever seen – even friendlier than Labs.

    November 14, 2008 at 2:51 pm |
  21. Jennifer - Michigan

    Hi Jack, Great post – you're so witty and funny! I missed Anderson last night, bet it was good (profanity-laced McMahon?). I guess we're supposed to get some snow this weekend here in MI. I'm ready! Got my wood-racks stacked with wood for my fireplace. Chestnuts to roast also! Hope you have a great weekend, take care.

    November 14, 2008 at 2:42 pm |
  22. xtina, chicago IL

    Enjoyed reading your post !

    November 14, 2008 at 2:36 pm |
  23. Mindy Chatsworth, Ca.

    I think Hillary Clinton would be a great choice for Secretary of State. John Kerry just doesn't seem tough enough for the job. I still remember the lame campaign he ran in 2004. Richardson is a good man and certainly has the background.

    If Hillary wants this and Barack Obama thinks she would be a good fit, then I am totally on board. I think these two have patched up their differences and have come to a place of mutual respect. As a supporter of Hillary Clinton in the primary campaign and now a loyal supporter of Barack Obama, I think this is nice to see.

    As for Sarah Palin, I sincerely hope that we have seen the last of her for a long time. The media could do us all a favor and not give her any more interviews. Her ticket lost and the American people made their judgement that she was not qualified to be vp. It's time for her to go back to her day job as governor of Alaska.

    November 14, 2008 at 2:28 pm |
  24. Gisselle - Houston, Texas

    LOL! Oh my GOSH Jack Gray, you're too much!

    *IMHO* I still think Bill Richardson would make a great Secretary of State but I'll take Hillary with a double shot of Bill anytime! I'm somewhat iffy about John Kerry, there is just something odd about John Kerry, I can't really put my finger on it right now and I probably don't want to...

    Have an awesome weekend Jack Gray!

    November 14, 2008 at 1:58 pm |
  25. Terri from Atlanta

    One good thing about Hillary Clinton becoming Secretary of State – she would be able to handle all of those "3am Secretary of State emergency calls".

    November 14, 2008 at 1:55 pm |
  26. Anne Morgan - GA

    I'm with Joanne from NY in that Hillary Clinton would be perfect for
    Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare. After all, at least she
    has experience with trying health care. In the debates with Obama
    she said her plan for mandatory health care for EVERYONE would work and his would not, because "If you don't cover everyone, you'll get nibbled to death". I'm not sure what that means, but "nibbled to death" doesn't sound too good.

    I think Sarah Palin needs to leave politics and get her own talk show.

    November 14, 2008 at 1:53 pm |
  27. Pioneer

    Senator Clinton would be great at anything she put her mind too. She is smart and shrewd.
    Nothing would slip by her.

    November 14, 2008 at 1:42 pm |
  28. Werner Klaus

    i think mrs clinton should be first choice, second choice mr kerry,they will be accepted / respected both worldwide.

    Werner Klaus from Fintel / Germany

    November 14, 2008 at 1:21 pm |
  29. carmen

    Could not have said it all better myself, Jack. Wise, truthful and funny.

    November 14, 2008 at 1:14 pm |
  30. Fay, CA

    Jack, well thanks for giving me a reason to laugh instead of cry if I happen to see Dick Cheney again before his reign of terror comes to a merciful end.

    Palin's convoluted and confusing interviews have to be a major source of amusement for reporters and now they're experiencing separation anxiety and don't want to let go–I can't imagine any other reason why she's still being foisted on us.

    November 14, 2008 at 12:59 pm |
  31. Lilibeth

    Hillary will be a great asset whatever role she’s given in the cabinet. I like her better as SoS than Kerry. We’ll see.

    I hope the Obamas get a shelter dog because so many of them need saving. I had an opportunity to adopt a Chihuahua, but my husband says it’s too small for him. I’m told this poor dog was found in bad shape, evidently abused by its former owner, ran away on its own, was found by a co-worker, and is now cared for by another co-worker, who’s the sweetest person in the world. I’m so glad this dog had the courage to run away and is now in good hands. I love happy endings.

    And I hope you have a happy weekend, Jack! Take care,

    Lilibeth
    Edmonds, Washington

    November 14, 2008 at 12:28 pm |
  32. jt

    Secretary of State? No way.

    Hilary is too smart for that job.

    Plus this meeting anyone without precondition is a waste of time for her.

    John Kerry maybe a good one for the job. He is a loser.

    November 14, 2008 at 12:21 pm |
  33. Scott NYC

    Entertaining but sadly true. If chosen Clinton would be hard to control but if she is controlled it would demonstrate a steel will that President Elect Obama's persona doesn't project. Which in the end would indicate he would be a far greater and better President than any of us honestly expect. This may truly be a once in a life time or generation Presidency.

    November 14, 2008 at 12:15 pm |
  34. Saad, NJ

    "until I consult with the president.” And then she’ll call Bill"...... LOL!!!!!

    What if he's busy doing...... poor Hillary will be in tough spot...

    November 14, 2008 at 12:06 pm |
  35. Renee

    Jack, thanks again and again for the lunchtime laughs. Enjoy the weekend!

    November 14, 2008 at 11:49 am |
  36. Ram Riva -- Calexico CA

    I think is a great decision, Sen Clinton is qualified and has the world leader's recognition...
    This will show all of us what she's capable of accomplishing...
    On Gov Palin, if at 44 years old you're that ignorant, you are beyond repair....
    Great things are ahead for the USA...

    November 14, 2008 at 11:45 am |
  37. Maria

    Happy Friday Jack,
    Your post is my morning coffee. I think Hillary Clinton passed yesterday questioner and she is in Obama top list since day 1, her efforts in Obama Campaign should be rewarded, and she actually deserve it. I don’t know what will happen with Heinz Ketchup, but it is still in the kitchen table. Jack you looks like you’re planning to sail this weekend, check weather forecast before you sail. Have lovely weekend.

    November 14, 2008 at 11:22 am |
  38. cyndi

    I thought it was great that Anderson didnt fall into Jay's trap of trashing on Sarah Palin.

    I wonder whats up with Jay? He seems to be a little bitter.

    November 14, 2008 at 11:12 am |
  39. Claudia, Houston, Tx

    Hillary Clinton is the smartest and most saavy woman in politics today and the rest of the world knows and respect Hillary. One doesn't learn to be a respected political power player like Hillary without a good education and political experience.

    November 14, 2008 at 10:50 am |
  40. Presley

    I watched Mr. Anderson last night too....
    "Capable is a broad term", Amen and Pass the wine.

    So, Palin catches heat for not giving interviews THEN has proceeded to give THE SAME interview over and over, except for FOX NEWS, they got invited for Moose Stew. Epic.
    Are you CNN guys waiting, living, dying for Palin's help in aiding you mainstream liberal media folks to get your act together?
    Expect a package labeled "The Rush Limbaugh How To Be Fair and Unbiased In News Making Kit" any day now.

    TGIF Jack Gray and smooch Sammy for us.
    XXO♥

    November 14, 2008 at 10:26 am |
  41. pati mc., camp hill, pa

    Jeeze!!!!! Thanks Jack, I guess? I seriously just spit coffee all over the laptop. Guess we need a new rule... Instead of "no driniking and driving", we need to amend that to "no drinking while reading Jack". Safer that way, I'll warrant.

    From Hillary calling Bill when consulting "the President" to Cheney farting without apology, you deliver yet again. You are GOOD!

    Speaking of canine flatulence, I am reminded of one of my favorite books "The Hotel New Hamphire" by John Irving and its character dog, Sorrow. Sorrow was a black lab who layed under the dining table and farted throughout the family meals. Charming. Could come in handy at those funereal State dinners.

    Seriously, you have no idea how your satire makes my day. Especially in these troubled times, you are a diamond amoung heaps of coal.

    Love ya man! Enjoy the weekend and hurry back!

    November 14, 2008 at 10:25 am |
  42. Heather,ca

    Hello Jack!

    Love your postings.I just love those super secret sources that spread rumors that spread speculation and stories and theories. If Obama really wanted someone who is qualified to be Sec of State he would pick Def Sec Gates, who would be perfect because of his behind the scenes experience at the CIA spanning I think seven presidents. But he will say no,hes above politics. I dont know about you but I found the media coverage of Darth Cheney(I actually think he takes it as a compliment)his wife and the Bidens strange.

    I also found the RGA otherwise known as the Replubican Gov of Alaska coming out party tacky and tasteless. There are other Republican Govs who were there. What are they here backup speakers.

    Im looking forward to more important pawlitics. Im waiting for Sammy to get the presidential pawlitical exclusive of the the first pawlitical interview of the first dog.

    November 14, 2008 at 10:04 am |
  43. Geo

    I really thought Sec Of State would be John Kerry. Don't know if Hillary would be the best choice, but i do understand.

    November 14, 2008 at 9:54 am |
  44. Missy

    I didn't watch Leno last night because it was on at the same time as 360. Maybe it is on youtube.

    Thank you for another gem of a blog, Jack. It is a little bright spot in my day.

    November 14, 2008 at 9:32 am |
  45. Annie Kate

    What a nice post to wake up to – Jack you are a delight.

    I saw Anderson on Leno – I must have blinked and missed the Ed McMahon bit but I did notice he was trying very hard not to be trapped into admitting that he likes NeNe because she is most definitely in 3 dimensions. Leno got poor Anderson good – you could see him blush under his makeup; he needs to practice the Mr. Innocent act a bit more.

    Hilary would make an admirable Secretary of State. I can just see her in negotiations fixing the other side with that steely blue gaze of hers and overwhelming them with her 14 point plans to do whatever needs done. I just don't know though if she'll pass the 63 questions on that employment application; and Obama might want to be sure his terms are all defined so later on there is no quibbling over what the meaning of "is" is.

    That vacancy for the Roosevelt room – if what you listed is the only criteria I have a couple of brothers who would fit the bill most admirably. The Obama's are welcome to them – I've tried to return them to Wal-mart for years but without a receipt I'm out of luck.

    So what is it with Palin and the interviews – is she already starting the 2012 election cycle? Maybe she thinks that the longer people hear her and get to know her she'll grow on us – like mold. I'm assuming that she was wearing her own clothes when she interviewed with Wolfe and not the stuff the RNC bought. I just can't see the RNC buying her a rhinestone pin that spells out Alaska like the one she was wearing.

    Keep the posts coming and let us know when Anderson graces you with eye contact again. Important occasions in one's life should be shared with friends.

    Annie Kate
    Birmingham AL

    November 14, 2008 at 9:30 am |
  46. Joanne, Syracuse, NY

    It's not the only cabinet position. As far as Middle East culture is concerned, they don't like women. They didn't cozy up to Rice and they won't cozy up to Clinton. I would think Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare would put Clinton in a position to aid and assist in the disaster we call Health in America.

    As far as Kerry, he should find a place somewhere. Aside from his wife's wealth, he is an intelligent man, big democrat, and almost won a presidency...come on, he's not chopped meat!

    November 14, 2008 at 9:29 am |
  47. Cindy

    Jack,
    Hell has frozen over indeed when we get the one and only Anderson Cooper cussing up a storm on Leno. But ya know he's gotta let that naughty side out sometimes. He's just too dang perfect on 360! LOL

    Well you know Kerry is pitching all kinds of fits hearing Hillary's name tossed into the Sec.of State position. If she gets it that means he'll have to go back to relying on his wife to keep him up....oh sorry, she's always done that huh?

    And Jack...why don't you just let the Obama's "borrow" Sammy as their new pooch and then you and she can go stay a while in the Lincoln bedroom! And I'm sure she won't be the only one passing gas there huh Jack!? LOL

    Cindy...Ga.

    November 14, 2008 at 9:17 am |
  48. Larry L.

    WOW–This is Great Stuff !! I enjoyed reading all of it!!!!

    November 14, 2008 at 9:11 am |

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