November 12th, 2008
01:13 PM ET

Ain't no mountain high enough...unless you sell Buicks

Jack Gray
AC360 Associate Producer

Well, it’s about time.  Now that the presidential election is over America can return its focus to that which is truly important.  For example, perhaps you’ve been so caught up in politics that you didn’t know Jennifer Aniston is on the cover of next month’s Vogue.  And inside the magazine she discusses her new Christmas movie: “It’s a Wonderful Life…Until Angelina Jolie Steals Your Husband.”

Then there’s Lindsay “Hey Anderson Cooper, if you think my mother is a trainwreck just wait until you hear my political analysis” Lohan, who offered her take on the election to that venerable chronicler of American history known as Access Hollywood. “It’s an amazing thing,” she said, “it’s our first colored president.”  Thanks, Archie Bunker.  You can stop talking now.

Anyway, it’s been more than a week since Barack Obama won the presidency and Republicans seem to have accepted their loss.  Heck, even John McCain has moved on.

McCain was on Jay Leno last night to talk about Veterans Day.  He also gave a spirited defense of Sarah Palin.  I think the exact exchange went something like Leno: “did Sarah Palin hurt your campaign?” McCain:  “Um, her husband is a great snowmobiler.”

Meanwhile, remember John “I’d like to point out that my wife’s cancer was in remission when I cheated on her” Edwards?  Well, he’s back.  Edwards and his mullet re-surfaced last night to give a speech in Indiana.  And just to prove he’s not hiding from anything Edwards agreed to take questions.  From college students.  Submitted in writing.  In advance.

Then there’s this whole Motown auto industry bailout thing.  President-elect Obama said there is nothing to worry about.  Which made me feel encouraged.  Until I saw him get into his new Hyundai limousine.

Even those of us who take mass transit instead of driving are being hit by the economic crisis.  New York’s Metropolitan Transit Authority is reportedly set to raise subway fares to three dollars a pop next year.  I just hope that the guy who sat across from me today making pirate sounds won’t be priced out.

Finally, did you hear that American Express wants a bailout now, too?  Apparently, because of the economic crisis, people aren’t spending as much on retail items.

And by people they mean Joe Biden.  And by retail items they mean hair plugs.

Filed under: Barack Obama • Jack Gray • Joe Biden • John McCain • Lindsay Lohan • Raw Politics • Sarah Palin
soundoff (25 Responses)
  1. sharon from Indy

    I would love to have mass transit in Indianapolis no matter what strange sounds that may come from other passengers.

    Actually, traffic jams can be just as festive. The long waits while two cars (who played bumper pool) that don't want to move the cars off the interstate because the police havent' assessed the accident.....yet; the construction signs that are blinking that the right lane is closed ahead, but in reality, it isn't once you get there; or the morons that discover that the lane merged a mile ago and is now driving on the side of the road trying to get back onto the road, of course, without a turn signal.

    Ah, to have mass transit. I would really miss the circus every morning.

    November 13, 2008 at 8:53 pm |
  2. Mark p

    Good Morning Jack,I dont understand the big 3 bailout possibly you could help.what were their proffits for say the last 20 years now they have been slow for the last year and they can't last?Let them fight thru it like the airlines,stop paying inflated salaries to union workers.Should we bailout circut city,starbucksand every other company that has reporting record high profits for the last 5-10 years.If we do bail them out who can afford to buy cars? Thank You Mark P

    November 13, 2008 at 8:11 am |
  3. Brandi-bottom of the boot

    YES! this blog signals the official end of the political season!! back to Jen-Brad-Angelina, the Lohan's and Anderson sparring back and forth (my favorite, of course), the increasing cost of living for the real 'average joe's', cheating politicians, the greedy getting greedier, and those little slithers of plastic that have replaced paper (which of course is only a replacement for gold)! since i rather enjoy the shiny look of Ali Velshi's head, i wont mention the hair plugs. lol

    thank you for sharing your humor with us. it is much appreciated!

    November 13, 2008 at 12:51 am |
  4. Jolene, St. Joseph, MI

    Jack: Interesting observations. Always enjoy your take on those unusual happenings. I just don't know what to say. People amaze me.

    I was surprised that you didn't mention a new book that recently came out: "The Big Necessity: The Unmentionable World of Human Waste and Why it Matters" by Rose George. Yes, a book about...well.... you can figure it out...let's just say toilets and toilet paper. They say the average person spends 3 years on the toilet. Not sure I'm going to run out a buy the book but I found that trivia fact somewhat amusing so I'd thought I'd share it with you.

    Thanks for blogging.

    November 12, 2008 at 11:27 pm |
  5. Kent, Illinois

    Yeah, for someone who was born in New York City I'm surprised she uses the whole "colored" lingo. That's kinda the thing old people say, so it surprises me. Or, something people from the deep South say who just plain don't know any better. Or, Kentucky.........where I see the KKK still spread hate.

    November 12, 2008 at 11:07 pm |
  6. Annie Kate

    Another delight Jack. Such a funny read too.

    I read about Jennifer Anniston and what she had to say about Jolie – the article I read though Jennifer complained about Jolie not being discreet in stealing her husband – not the actual stealing. I wondered when I read it if Jennifer was saying "she's welcome to him but I wish she had been more discreet and not such a harlot when she wooed him away from me".

    John Edwards is unbelievable – so cheating on your wife is ok if she is in remission from cancer? Its too bad that someone rescued him from that bathroom he barricaded himself in when the press was chasing him around that hotel. Its also too bad that someone did not get some video on him running through the hotel hounded by a bunch of reporters and then diving into the restroom holding the door closed and locking it – I'm sure its good for several laughs.

    Don't be too hard on Lohan – a lot of people are trying to come to terms with having an African American President. Take my mother – first thing she did after he was elected was whisper to you that now we had a "black" President. She still whispers it like its a state secret and she doesn't want it to get out. I asked her – somewhat impolitely according to her account (between laughing in my account) – if she thought no one else had noticed and she was trying to keep it on the down low. She didn't have an answer for that one except for giving me "the look"....I'm sure you know "the look" – its that "wait til your father gets home" look that as children we always tried not to get.

    Too bad about the subway prices. Seems like everything is going up these days – except the stock market. That's another thing my mother whispers about but that's a whole different story that I'm not sure I have figured completely out yet. My mother gets stranger every day – and she was pretty strange to start with.

    Thanks for the great post and have a great evening!!!

    Annie Kate
    Birmingham AL

    November 12, 2008 at 8:31 pm |
  7. Roweena D'Souza, Seattle

    Haha,,, yea Joe Biden will buy a lot of hair plugs and charge his Amex! Are you going to make an appearance on the webcast or AC360 itself... let us know in advance... don't want to miss it...

    Jack, do you have an account on twitter? its almost like a micro-blogging site... i think you'd be great there 🙂

    November 12, 2008 at 6:48 pm |
  8. JRQ La Habra, Ca

    Whao, Mr. Gray! Kind of looks like you had a bad week. And what did Biden do to you? And yes, I read
    that about Angelina Jolie's slip of the tough she 'couldn't wait to see him at work" and this was Mr. And Mrs. Smith. And he was married? lol....She thinks popping a few babies out makes breaking a marriage up is okay now.

    And poor little Lindsay is like that Political man in Spain....people don't know what to call Obama...His wife is black, he is multi-racial. A man of color.....so give her a break on the ,'colored' word. We are all lost since he was never around black people until he was in college. (reread that part so it sinks in your little white brain cells)

    Yes, yes, and yes we all heard about Edwards. Nuff said. Lets move on with your tabloid CNN article here.
    Subway fees? Now that is something I haven't heard this week. But now I have never seen a subway living in southern California. Let's move on....
    American Express? Is that the credit card you have to pay in full each month?? OMG, how Disco!

    All kidding aside....I'd rather read your weekly update then anyone else... (smiles)

    p.s. You forgot the MSN guy dropping the F___ word.


    November 12, 2008 at 6:41 pm |
  9. Donna

    Now THAT's the news.

    November 12, 2008 at 6:35 pm |
  10. Tammy, Berwick. LA

    I've missed mindless drivel in the news (like the Lohan story). It makes me grateful I have a real life. That doesn't need a bailout plan to ensure survival.

    You know, after years of those funeral looking motorcades, maybe this new administration could go for something more practical (and less depressing). We're getting a First Granny and hypoallergenic First Pooch, so why something hipper than the Caddy brand like my grandpa and his siblings used to drive?

    November 12, 2008 at 6:23 pm |
  11. Dee from CT

    It amazes me that madam can't give an interview and must be sheltered from the liberal press is now speaking to just about anybody that puts a mike and a camera in her face. I don't care if she was secluded by someone else and now feels the need to set the record straight – it just smells funny to me. In, yet another interview today, she said, when asked if she'll run in 2012 that ..."It would be good for the ticket. It would be good for the party. I would be happy to get to do whatever is asked of me to help progress this nation ..." just sounds like much ado about nothing.

    Meanwhile Jack – another great blog!

    November 12, 2008 at 5:55 pm |
  12. Pamina

    It is nice to get back to what really matters, Brad and Angelina, Jennifer Aniston and Lindsay Lohan ( Not that I'm implying anything!) Ah, soon we will all be yearning for the good old days, of all politics, all the time. Thanks for your usual humor!

    November 12, 2008 at 5:51 pm |
  13. Lorie Ann, Buellton, California

    Well the election is over, but the opinions on how to fix the economy are all over the map. I'm beginning to think no one has an answer. So, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, I think the pirate guy has the right mindset. Zone out and keep moving forward...So lets all buy the new copy of Vogue and charge it to American Express..Happy Thursday.

    Lorie Ann, Buellton, Calif.

    November 12, 2008 at 5:34 pm |
  14. Sandra

    And Lindsay like many others were allowed to cast a vote!! Truly scary!

    November 12, 2008 at 5:28 pm |
  15. Kim

    LMAO @ Hyundai Limo......

    November 12, 2008 at 5:13 pm |
  16. Terra Hoskins

    My editor just relayed some comments for a story I had been working on. "Show, don't tell," he said, reiterating the mantra of journalism. When I read your bit about la Lohan I had to Google it because I couldn't believe...then my editor's words came floating back to me..."Show, don't tell."

    Archie Bunker indeed.

    November 12, 2008 at 4:46 pm |
  17. pati mc., camp hill, pa

    Hey Jack!

    John Edwards' mullet and Joe Bidens' hair plugs; awesome to see that you have moved on from your fixation for office supplies. Heh!

    Speaking of office supplies though, (notice that smooth segue?).......you had better have your little reporters notebook (crib one from Anderson) and a stack of freshly sharpened # 2 Ticonderogas at the ready, pal. I have a feeling Miss Sarah is about to give you enough ammo tonight for weeks of posts.

    In the immortal words of the farmer in the movie "Babe". "that'll do".

    November 12, 2008 at 3:31 pm |
  18. Jennifer - Michigan

    Hi Jack, Great blog today – lots of laughs! What a day, glad to see your post when I checked in. Hey, by the way, doesn't John Edwards look like that guy in the sun setter shade commercial? Everytime I see it, I squint and look a little closer (they could be brothers). I don't know. Anyway, thanks for the light-hearted humor today, it was needed. Thanks a lot. Have a great day!

    November 12, 2008 at 2:35 pm |
  19. Maria

    Happy afternoon Jack,
    In the rainy days, stick with outlet stores, I am so obsessed with Ralph Lauren collection especially black label and women fragrance, but I have to get it from outlet store till the economy crisis clouds is over, hopefully within couple of months not years. I think John Edward kept his promise this time; and no one cares about the other side of the mountain. Many believe that there is green behind the mountain, it is reality in some places like Australia, but lower bar with mountain height, green can be found behind the hill 🙂
    Have a great day

    November 12, 2008 at 2:24 pm |
  20. Renee

    Jack, too funny!

    The only thing you missed today was Mr. "We don't spend a heck of a lot of money" Eddie Liddy the CEO from AIG. He was on Larry King last night. The lighting and makeup people had that man so made up last night. The lights looked warming and glowing over him. I have never seen so much powder on a grown man. Well, maybe at a drag show in Key West.

    I can't wait to see the CEO's of GM, Ford and Chrysler on King telling all Americans how great their gas sucking cars are and how reliable these cars on and how they too are going to change too.

    Now as far as Ms. Palin goes actually her interviews were much better off campaign then they were on the trail. Maybe Sarah just can not take leadership and direction from worn out tires. (Wink)

    November 12, 2008 at 2:15 pm |
  21. Cindy

    You are just WAY too funny! I love reading your posts. Please keep 'em coming. You really make our day!

    I am glad that the election is over but would rather not hear a word from the celebs who think that they know it all. They are after all paid to look good not actually be smart! Case in point...she who must not be named...or eer...shall I say Anderson's buddy! LOL I don't know who's worse her or Lindsey! HMMM..maybe Coop should have both of them on and we can judge for ourselves. Now you know he'd love that! LOL

    Hey...since all of these people are wanting a bailout I may as well throw my name in there too! Wanna come along Jack!? Why don't we all just put our names in the hat and get a big, fat, huge check! I'm game! LOL


    November 12, 2008 at 2:10 pm |
  22. spaceyg

    You don't really expect people calling themselves "Rielle" to have affairs with people who DON'T have mullets?

    November 12, 2008 at 2:07 pm |
  23. Lilibeth

    You’re so funny about Joe Biden and his hair plugs…

    Yes, I guess it’s sort of a dead zone between now and Inauguration Day, news-wise. Maybe now is the time to think about what other things 360 might cover next year? (Besides the new administration). More international news/stories? Planet in Peril 3? Stories that affect everyone in the world, such as increased poverty in different countries and how each country deals with it? This is especially relevant due to the global financial crisis. Yes, there are so many things to talk about and educate the public on. And with your international audience, I’m willing to bet millions will be watching because it affects them directly, more than you can imagine. Can you please talk to your co-producers about this idea?

    Great post as usual, Jack. Have a great day.

    Edmonds, Washington

    November 12, 2008 at 2:06 pm |
  24. Kristien,Antwerp, Belgium

    Hey Jack,

    your post is just what the doctor ordered! Laughter is the best medecine, right! (I'll keep taking those pills I got, just in case...)
    Thanks Jack, Kristien

    November 12, 2008 at 2:01 pm |
  25. Presley

    You must send out Bat Signals or something, I clicked on AC360 Blogs and Presto Bammo, Jack is blogging. The tin foil hats work.
    Very "uncool" to accuse Saint Angelina of stealing a man. Tsk tsk, the wrath of her Loon Army will find you, and make you scream at the ocean.
    (I am living for the Cage Match between Jen and Angie, it's a Bloodsport now and maybe a Cage Match between Dina Lohan and Anderson, you could cash in using Pay Per view.)
    Ahhh, it's kinda nice getting back to real issues. Methinks we read and frequent the same interwebular sites.

    Cheers with my Purple Drank.
    XXO & ♥'s

    November 12, 2008 at 2:00 pm |