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October 6th, 2008
03:25 PM ET

Like the Bangles said, it's just another manic Monday

[cnn-photo-caption image=http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2008/images/09/23/art.obama.mccain.split.jpg]

Jack Gray
AC360 Associate Producer

I don’t know what’s more disturbing – the stock market plunge or that the number one movie for the weekend was something called “Beverly Hills Chihuahua.”

All I know for sure is that I checked my 401k again this afternoon and instead of a dollar amount my balance is listed as “good for one free Big Mac.”

If things get any worse I’m going to have to log onto eBay and start auctioning office supplies that may-or-may-not have been used by Anderson Cooper.

Meantime, the presidential candidates are getting ready for their second in a series of three debates. Barack “Make sure to save some seats in the audience for my terrorist friends” Obama and John “I can’t wait to get my erratic finger on that nuke button” McCain will try to refrain from punching each other tomorrow night at Belmont University in Nashville.

Here’s hoping they get totally out-of-control and Tom Brokaw has to open up a can of whoop-ass.

And some news on the strategy front: With Election Day four weeks from tomorrow the conventional wisdom is that as long as the focus remains on the economy, the presidency is Barack Obama’s to lose. Which explains why John McCain – who is in major need of a distraction – sent O.J. Simpson a cake with a file in it.

I assume you saw that Bruce Springsteen was out campaigning for Obama over the weekend. It made me nostalgic for the 2004 campaign when John Kerry referred to The Boss as “a sort of minstrel poet, if you will.” Way to appeal to those blue-collar voters, Senator. By the way, Barack Obama’s arugula is merely an ingredient in a sort of minstrel salad, if you will.

One other thing, I noticed that some of you have left comments asking to see pictures of me. As flattering - and by flattering I mean scary - as that is, you’ll have to wait as Anderson has yet to come through on his promise to have Annie Leibovitz take my portrait.

Until then perhaps this anecdote will help you conjure up a mental image of what I look like. On the recent occasion of my 28th birthday my mother sent me a card. It was inscribed: "Dear Jack, It turns out – as I’ve long suspected – there was a mix-up at the hospital on the day you were born. You are actually the love child of Abe Vigoda and Tyne Daly.”

Which explains my eyebrows.


Filed under: Jack Gray • Raw Politics
soundoff (36 Responses)
  1. KendraK

    Well summarized, Mr. Jack! :~)

    As for the upcoming debate, which I will definitely watch this evening, I suspect that McCain (I mean, “McSame”) will throw blows as low as he can go since he is truly desperate at this point. I just hope that Obama can maintain his seemingly concrete, professional demeanor while at the same time he defeats the garbage we all know that McSame plans to dish out every chance he gets.

    Kendra
    Albuquerque, NM
    Independent Voter for Obama

    October 7, 2008 at 9:50 am |
  2. Camina T. in Arroyo Grande CA

    Buy American. Go see a Hollywood film. The stock market goes up and down. At least you have a 401k. You know how many people don't? Why wait for Leibovitz when the poles are melting? Actually she should start a series of Band W stills of the other species on the planet soon maybe.

    October 7, 2008 at 3:33 am |
  3. Ilhana, Bosnia

    Very funny, Jack! You make people laugh across the pond as well! ^^

    October 7, 2008 at 2:26 am |
  4. EJ (USA)

    I'm a couple years older than Jack. I'm an old fool with no job and no hope.

    But for some reason tonight I'm giddy. Is this a bad sign? I was sad & crying last week and now tonight I'm giddy. I think Jack has just jinxed me with his "manic" Monday blog.

    October 6, 2008 at 11:38 pm |
  5. Brenda

    Jack, you made my day. Love reading your blog and the blogs from others who send their comments.

    October 6, 2008 at 11:36 pm |
  6. Lilibeth

    Jack, you're only 28? I'm so jealous!

    🙂

    October 6, 2008 at 11:16 pm |
  7. Cece Garrison, Pine Lake, GA

    Jack,
    Keep me laughing young man. Have you though about moonlighting with Jon Stewart? How about Steven Colbert? You have the right kind of wit. If we can't laugh at ourselves we will all be taking numbers to jump off the nearest bridge. I have no stocks, no bonds, no insurance, no retirement funds, no children, no animals, no house in foreclosure and no agenda. I'm following the direction that is on our nation's currency – "IN GOD WE TRUST."

    October 6, 2008 at 10:38 pm |
  8. Vicki from NJ

    Dear Jack Gray,

    I loved your piece here. I laughed so hard and I thank you for that. I know all of this is not funny, but I couldn't help laughing at your sense of humor...I especially liked the "open up a can of whoop-ass," and the "middle names" you gave to each of the candidates." Oh, and hopefully Anderson Cooper can loan us all a few pens soon? We'll all probably be needing them. Hopefully, we can afford to have them shipped to us?

    October 6, 2008 at 9:57 pm |
  9. Kathy, Chicago

    Ah, Jack, beauty comes from within! I took a few days off from politics for a big ten football week-end. I'm not sure I really want to come back to reality. I left pretty disgusted with Congress for adding so much pork to a bill that no one really wanted but we had to have. I think we should vote them all out of office. I have yet to check my 401k, but we only have one college payment left and our mortgage is still ok. It could be much worse!

    October 6, 2008 at 9:53 pm |
  10. EJ (USA)

    You are actually the love child of Abe Vigoda and Tyne Daly.

    I used to watch Cagny & Lacy. Not a bad show.

    I admit I would have to google the 'Abe Vigoda' although it sounds familiar..

    October 6, 2008 at 8:55 pm |
  11. Arachnae

    I noticed that some of you have left comments asking to see pictures of me. As flattering — and by flattering I mean scary — as that is, you’ll have to wait as Anderson has yet to come through on his promise to have Annie Leibovitz take my portrait.

    I guess we'll have to put the cult thing on hold then. Glad I didn't order any letterhead.

    October 6, 2008 at 8:25 pm |
  12. John

    At the rate that the markets are going down, and the value of the dollar. we can put the USA on e-bay and hope we make a profit?
    And hope the country that buys us won't tax our profits.

    October 6, 2008 at 8:22 pm |
  13. Megan Dresslar (Shoreline, Wa)

    If things get any worse I’m going to have to log onto eBay and start auctioning office supplies that may-or-may-not have been used by Anderson Cooper.

    Jack,
    Why not.... you can buy do you want to buy everything on E-bay.... not matter to buy Anderson Cooper' items....... no problem, solve problem.

    October 6, 2008 at 8:01 pm |
  14. Tammy, Berwick, LA

    Hey, wouldn't Anderson have to take a cut off the profits since he may or may not have touched these items? You might want to check out his contract. You know, if he had a good agent, all angles should have been covered including office supplies. If you're selling his stuff, though, dibbies on the African art.

    Maybe the Chihuahuas from Beverly Hills could moderate a debate between Cindy and Michelle. Now that would be a show. And probably more informative than what we'll see tomorrow night.

    October 6, 2008 at 7:55 pm |
  15. Presley

    "If things get any worse I’m going to have to log onto eBay and start auctioning office supplies that may-or-may-not have been used by Anderson Cooper."

    I could really use a Coffee Mug.
    Or perhaps a gently used desk chair, you know, for my sciatica.

    Jack Grey's posts offer an Oasis in the swill of Political Punch and Cookies.
    Gracias Senor Grey.

    October 6, 2008 at 7:17 pm |
  16. michelle

    Very funny. I'm finding that anticipating pres/vice-pres debates are a lot more fun than actually watching them. Keep writing Jack. We may have to sign you up for a gig in the white house, just to keep them laughing. Gonna need a can of whoop ass for this round, I betcha.

    October 6, 2008 at 7:03 pm |
  17. Annie Kate

    Those must be some eyebrows!

    At least your 401K will get you a Big Mac – mine at this point will only buy the paper they wrap the Big Mac in. All those years saving and then its gone in the blink of an eye. As one of my co-workers says – "I can retire tomorrow; the question is how long can I afford to live afterwards.".

    Tom Brokaw with a can of whoop-ass. One can only hope. Its too bad that no debates have been scheduled with Jon Stewart as the moderator. Now that would be a debate!

    Thanks for a great post as usual.

    Annie Kate
    Birmingham AL

    October 6, 2008 at 6:34 pm |
  18. Renee

    Jack, maybe Erica can just interview you and Joey, the winner of beat 360, one day.

    Did you see Mike Huckabee and his band last night on TV? No Bruce Springsteen but fun to see some cameramen and writers at Fox having fun!

    October 6, 2008 at 6:03 pm |
  19. Christianna

    My best to you, Jack. If you're really strapped for cash, try stand-up comedy; you're brilliant!

    October 6, 2008 at 5:25 pm |
  20. Leigh, Charlotte, NC

    I have not opened my 401 K or my children's college fund statements in several months and nothing I hear makes me want to log in now. Do you think Uncle Sam will pass a law letting us all take the losses on our investments as tax deductions this year? I certainly understand why they are allowing tax deductions for imports of rum? God, knows we all need a drink! As to your picture.... in 20 years, any picture taken of you when you were 28 looks great!

    October 6, 2008 at 5:20 pm |
  21. EJ (USA)

    Here’s hoping they get totally out-of-control and Tom Brokaw has to open up a can of whoop-ass.

    That would be way too cool.

    October 6, 2008 at 5:13 pm |
  22. EJ (USA)

    If things get any worse I’m going to have to log onto eBay and start auctioning office supplies that may-or-may-not have been used by Anderson Cooper.

    Don't bother to list those supplies that were used by Anderson. I'll buy them.

    October 6, 2008 at 5:12 pm |
  23. Kim

    All of a sudden the financial crisis is a $800 trillion joke. I'm not amused.

    October 6, 2008 at 4:59 pm |
  24. Stacy

    Whoops. My clicker hand got away from me and submitted my last comment mid sentence. Any comment I really wanted posted would normally die a sad death in moderation, which is what I was hoping would happen. But nooo. This one got slapped up there faster than my page could reload. Of course. Anyhoo, my real comment:

    Well, great. Now that's stuck in my head. I wish it were Sunday...(whoa oh oh)

    If things get any worse I’m going to have to log onto eBay and start auctioning office supplies that may-or-may-not have been used by Anderson Cooper.

    This, my friend, could no doubt make you a pretty penny. A little exploitive? Eh, what he doesn't know can't hurt him, right? "Anderson, can you hold this for a sec? What? No reason."

    One other thing, I noticed that some of you have left comments asking to see pictures of me. As flattering — and by flattering I mean scary — as that is, you’ll have to wait as Anderson has yet to come through on his promise to have Annie Leibovitz take my portrait.

    So I have helped flatter and scare you at the same time? I believe my work here is done. C'mon! No fancypants photographer needed. Though you can hire Liebovitz yourself if you sell enough of the office equipment that Anderson touched. Problem solved!

    October 6, 2008 at 4:51 pm |
  25. Kathleen McKee

    I think if John McCain can attack Mr. Obama instead of telling the American people what he can do to straighten out this whole financial mess. Then he doesn't have any business as our President. The only thing he will change is his underwear! A 72 year old tiger isn't going to change his stripes not matter what he proclaims.

    October 6, 2008 at 4:42 pm |
  26. Caitlin, San Diego

    If Annie Leibovitz takes your picture, no crying afterwards about how you never thought you would look like you were just wearing a towel from that photo shoot where you were just wearing a towel.

    October 6, 2008 at 4:27 pm |
  27. Terra Hoskins

    Thank God - Jack is in the house.

    See, now THAT's the way to get consumers to spend. Throw a few hot items on eBay. Hey Jack, tell Anderson recycling his post-its on eBay is all in the line of corporate social responsibility. It's green and supports the economy. Two for two!

    October 6, 2008 at 4:18 pm |
  28. Sophie

    Gee, you should post your picture for from your description it sounds like it would make the list of top Halloween costumes this year!

    October 6, 2008 at 4:13 pm |
  29. Kristien,Antwerp, Belgium

    Wow Jack,
    you always know how to cheer me up, your posts are the best!
    Where can I sign up for that eBay auction? Sound cool, lol.
    Oh yeah, isn't that you on that picture with your arm in a sling? You don't need Leibovitz, believe me ;p.

    Keep them posts comming Jack!

    Kristien

    October 6, 2008 at 3:54 pm |
  30. Lamont austin

    We all know if it came down to it Tom would get knocked out as well as Mcclame by Obama, fortunately Obama will win by stating the facts.

    ARIZONA RON FROM TUCSON

    October 6, 2008 at 3:48 pm |
  31. Timothy Gibson

    If congress thinks there is equity in toxic paper I cannot understand why they refuse to purchase my Trans World Airlines stock.

    Perhaps one day it too will be worth something more than a paper napkin used for that Big Mac, but can also be sold on ebay.

    We are headed for economic meltdown and government failure like never saw before in American history.

    October 6, 2008 at 3:48 pm |
  32. CAM from Yellowknife, NT Canada

    I love reading your posts!
    If we didn't laugh in the midst of this mess- we would have to cry, and that is just no fun.
    28 years old, you are a bit younger than I imagined!
    I think my Retirement account is good for a Big Mac and 1 happy meal, no cheese! Considering I am a few years older than you and using Canadian funds, the future is not looking as great as it could be.

    Cheers to you Jack!
    Great Blogging!

    Candace

    October 6, 2008 at 3:48 pm |