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Michael Schulder
CNN Senior Executive Producer

My campaign to destroy the 18-49 demo is based in part on the wisdom I’ve gained as I approach my 50th birthday. There are people in this world you can trust. And there are people you can’t trust. The fact that you cannot trust The Royal Society For The Prevention of Cruelty To Children (The RSPCC) is a lesson for all of us, whatever our age, whatever our profession. It’s a particularly important lesson for journalists.

Just to be clear, there are a number of reputable organizations with names that sound similar to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.

There's the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.

There's the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

And I imagine there are others I've missed. So who could blame anyone for being favorably inclined to The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children. For all I know, somewhere in this great big world there is a legitimate, respectable, RSPCC.

But not the one of which I'm aware.

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Running coach, Jeff Galloway

Michael Schulder
CNN Senior Executive Producer

I just had lunch with a fat kid who took up running for laughs. He made the U.S. Olympic marathon team. Now, he’s a popular and influential running coach. And this week, after following him to the Whole Foods salad bar where he filled his plate with black-eyed peas and steamed vegetables, he and I trampled the 18-49 year old demo.

Exorcising Lazy

The marathon runner I had lunch with is Jeff Galloway. When Galloway was a kid, his father was in the Navy so the family moved a lot. 13 schools by the time he reached 7th grade.

Because of those frequent moves, Galloway never really had a chance to get involved with school sports. As a result, he says, “I was a fat, inactive, lazy kid.”

When they settled for good in Atlanta, 13-year-old Jeff Galloway’s school required the boys to choose a sport.

Galloway says he sought advice from “the other lazy kids.” They suggested track and field because the coach was lazy too. “Tell the coach you’re gonna run on the trails and then hide out in the woods.”

Galloway’s story might have ended there – an overweight kid hiding in the woods. But some of the older kids who he liked on the team insisted he come running with them.

“They started telling jokes,” he remembers. “I ran to keep up with them so I could hear the jokes – and the gossip.”

Drawn by the conversation, Jeff Galloway started losing weight and gaining strength.

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Michael Schulder
CNN Senior Executive Producer

I went fly fishing for the first time in my life this weekend. According to my experienced guide, I made a common mistake that often separates the novices from the veterans. I took back a lesson from that Tennessee creek that applies to every war zone as well as to life’s peaceful endeavors.

Cast Away

As a first-timer, before I got in the creek, I got a quick lesson in basic casting techniques. Two methods in particular. Overhead and sidearm. Knowing how to cast sidearm is critical, I learned, because, when you’re in a stream, there are often tree branches hanging over your head. You’ve got to have a good sidearm cast or your line will get caught in the branches. Makes sense.

Apparently, I’m a natural caster. At least on shore, standing high on the bank above a big pond with nothing to get in my way.

As soon as I was thigh-deep in my waders and the current was rushing towards me and the tree branches were nearly eye level, it became a little more difficult to land my fly where I was aiming.

And then, I made that mistake which separates the novices from the veterans.

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Michael Schulder
CNN Senior Executive Producer

I was proudly telling our 30-something year old babysitter of my 30-something minute jog this week in the cold, hard rain. Another example, I thought, of why, as I turn 50, her 18-49 year old demo is finished as a meaningful category. That’s when our babysitter said something that hit me like a cold hard rain.

The Atlanta Half-Marathon

Our 30-something babysitter’s name is Anna. And, apparently, Anna runs more than I do. Not necessarily better. Just more. She’s going to run in the Atlanta Half Marathon on Thanksgiving Day.

When I told her how much I enjoyed running in the cold rain this week, she asked me if I wore a hat.

A hat? … I chuckled. What kind of hat?

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Michael Schulder
CNN Senior Executive Producer

Just as I'm about to turn 50, the Obama Administration and its allies in the Senate are pushing what's been dubbed Botax. A 5 percent tax on cosmetic procedures, like Botox injections and face lifts. I'm actually excited about turning 50. I'm excited about my current life mission to take down the worshipers of the 18-49 year old "demo." So I don't need a LIFT for my spirits. But many do. It's a big deal.

I'm Transparent

On a personal note, as a journalist, I don't think I could ever feel comfortable with a significant cosmetic procedure. I want to be trusted. I don't want to hide anything. Don't get me wrong. I go to work fully clothed.

But the idea of doctoring your face makes me as uncomfortable as doctoring a photo. In fact, in that photo of me at the top of this story, I had the option of having the photographer airbrush out some wrinkles. He could have worked magic with his mouse. But I said NO, after I thought about it for a while. What you see is what you get. I'm turning 50. I want to LOOK like I'm telling the truth.

The Plastic Surgeon's Perspective

Of course there's the issue of empathy. The President Elect of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, Dr. Phil Haeck, points to women who are out of work and looking for jobs . He says many of them may be at a competitive disadvantage without a plastic surgeon on their side.

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Michael Schulder
CNN Senior Executive Producer

As I was saying the other day, I’ve finally spoken with the man whose hoax put me in the most embarrassing position of my journalistic career. The author, Christopher Buckley, had written the faux “news release” persuading me to write a story for Peter Jennings that the Soviet Union was auctioning off the body of Soviet Communism’s founder Vladimir Lenin. Now, 18 years after the hoax, Buckley was on the other line. Or so I thought.

How Can I Be Sure?

I called Buckley at a hotel number “he” gave me. I asked “him,” given our past history together, how could I be sure I was speaking to the real Chrisotpher Buckley? Without missing a beat he offered this evidence: “I’m in Dallas. You dialed a hotel in Dallas. If you go to the SMU [Southern Methodist University] website, you could find that I’m speaking here tonight.”

He was right. I did dial the hotel number in Dallas that he had emailed me. I checked out the SMU website and sure enough, there he was. SOLD OUT.

I was now ready to hear his version of the hoax I fell for on November 5th 1991. “My phone rang an hour before Jennings’ broadcast the following night of November 6th,” Buckley recounted to me. “It was Peter Jennings.”

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Michael Schulder
CNN Senior Executive Producer

I got the email in a plane on the runway. Last night at 8:22pm. HE – the man who was responsible for my most embarrassing panic-inducing moment as a journalist – is “happy to talk … eager to help if I can,” according to the message on my buzzing Blackberry. It’s been 18 years since I fell for his practical joke. Eighteen years since I relayed his faux news release to the largest news audience in America, on 'World News Tonight With Peter Jennings.' Jennings had the egg on his face. But I pitched the egg. And now HE – that eminent author with the twinkle in his eye, is “eager to help if he can.”

NOVEMBER 5, 1991

That’s when it happened. The evening of November 5th, 1991. I remember the specific date because I just looked it up on the internet. My memory of being suckered lives forever in my heart and on the Vanderbilt Television News Archive. I was a mere 31-years-old. A year into my job as the youngest of Peter Jennings’ three writers. That’s when the fax came into our newsroom with the story I couldn’t resist.

FORBES FYI

The news release, in some respects, sounded too good to be true. But the letterhead on the fax was from a reputable news brand: Forbes. Forbes FYI to be precise. It had a phone number at the bottom. I dialed it. The answering machine was on (in those days it was an actual machine.) It sounded authentic to my 31-year-old ears. But nobody would be available until the next day.

Christopher Buckley at an event in New York City in May.

I couldn’t wait. Jennings was going on the air in 90 minutes, and I felt compelled to beat the competition with this gem of a story about what the Soviet Union planned to do with the body of its founder, Vladimir Lenin. The Kremlin, according to the fax, was going to auction off Lenin’s body to the highest bidder.

THE CULPRIT WAS …

So now, after all these years, I’ve tracked down the author of the faux fax. It was no secret who wrote it: the eminent author Christopher Buckley. Given my one experience with him, when he emails me that he’s “eager to help,” I’m reminded of the Twilight Zone episode when strange looking creatures from outer space with huge brains descend on earth. The only clue to their intentions is a book they’ve brought with them written in their strange language. The American translators are relieved when they figure out the book’s title: “How to Serve Man.” By the time they realize it’s a cook book, it’s too late. I will speak with Christopher Buckley, but not near the kitchen.

CAN I TRUST BUCKLEY NOW?

I was still on the runway, waiting for my flight to take off, when another email from Buckley arrived, at 8:27 p.m., a mere five minutes after the first. Buckley could talk now. I called immediately.

Chris: Michael!

Me: Chris!

I was in a bit of a fog from the excitement, so I’m not sure I got his quote right. But I think he said “I’ll tender an apology 15 years late.” So tender.

I told Buckley I couldn’t really talk now because my flight was about to take off. But we made plans to chat the following day (today) in the afternoon. “You’d better get off the phone,” he urged me, “or you’ll get in trouble with the FAA. I don’t want to get you in trouble a second time.”

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Michael Schulder
CNN Senior Executive Producer

It happened again. My on-the-verge-of-50 savvy and life experience could not prevent my jaw from dropping. I'm aware lobbyists have influence in Congress. But this was another case of "I didn't know what I didn't know."

IMAGINE

Imagine a member of Congress saying publicly, for the record: “A lobbyist for a major pharmaceutical company has convinced me that ….” Well, we don’t really need to finish such a statement. “A lobbyist convinced me” is not the quickest route to credibility. And yet ...

And yet, we learned in this Sunday’s New York Times that more than a dozen members of Congress, Democrats and Republicans, entered statements in the Congressional Record that were written by a lobbyist.

According to The New York Times, the language was spoon fed to congressional staffers, Democrats and Republicans, by a prominent pharmaceutical lobbyist, and regurgitated, word for word in most cases, by the members of Congress themselves. Regurgitated without any attribution.

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Michael Schulder
CNN Senior Executive Producer

I was ready for my closing argument. The information I gathered from leading trial attorneys for my past two pieces added so much additional weight to the premise that the 18-49 year old audience demo is finished, I was ready to end it right here. But I asked one too many questions.

Age=Influence … Very Often

In case you haven’t been following this series: a 34-year-old trial lawyer acquaintance of mine alerted me to the fact that litigators tend to correlate the age of a juror with his or her potential influence. Generally speaking, the older juror will be the more influential one. That’s who you want on your side. It’s the influencers who we want in our TV and dotcom audience as well. With that knowledge, 18-49 seems so arbitrary.

Voices of Experience

I called my friend Cindy Vreeland about this. She’s the Vice Chair of the Intellectual Property Litigation Practice Group at the top tier law firm WilmerHale. University of Chicago Law School class of 1990. “You’d love to persuade all members of the jury,” says Vreeland. But, in reality, you hope “to persuade the jurors who are interested in the case and have the power to persuade the others.”

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Michael Schulder
CNN Senior Executive Producer

As I approach 50, I must remind myself, despite my “vast” life experience, always be prepared to be surprised. For example, this morning at 10:30am, CNN was covering the “balloon boy” parents’ court appearance - LIVE. What a waste of precious air time I thought. And then, I was surprised.

FLY BABY, FLY

The defense attorney for the “balloon boy’s” father was explaining politely to the judge why the judge could keep things brief since his client understood the implications of his guilty plea. My eyes were glued to the right side of CNN’s screen which showed video of the great helium balloon flight – speeding through the sky – looking like a giant chef’s hat racing to pluck the father from the court room oven and deliver him to his alleged dream of a reality show.

But this was his reality show. In the courtroom. Pleading guilty. That’s when the surprise hit me. This story was not a waste of precious air time.

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