Ismael Estrada
AC360° Producer
I can’t say enough about my wife’s brother and sister. They have each adopted wonderful children from foreign countries. My sister-in-law adopted two from Kazakhstan and my brother-in-law adopted three from Cambodia. All five are the greatest kids and they are an absolute delight to be around. They are loving, caring, well-mannered and fun. I can’t spend enough time with them when we are all visiting each other. I’m certainly a proud uncle to all of them.
This constituted my background with foreign adoptions when Gary Tuchman and I started working on a story about parents who have had a very different type of experience. Gary and I headed to Montana, to a ranch for kids run by Joyce Sterkel.
The kids here are from Russia, Ethiopia, Guatemala and many other countries. They were all adopted by loving, caring parents - much like my in-laws - who wanted nothing more than to bring their adopted children into a loving home. Problem is, when they got home, things weren’t as they expected.
The children here suffer from a variety of mental health issues and have severe behavioral problems. They threaten to punch, kick, choke and kill their parents and siblings. There are times when their violence is so overwhelming that the parents can only hope to prevent the children from hurting themselves.
Sterkel says many of these children suffer from fetal alcohol syndrome and have a detachment disorder caused by a lack of human touch during the first critical years of their lives. She says they can be aggressive, manipulative, divisive, and far too much for parents to handle.
Many of the parents say they have tried everything, psychologists, psychiatrists, special schooling, medication, yet nothing has worked. So they reach deep in their pockets to pay $3,500 a month to stay at the ranch where Sterkel says they work on the issues in a strict, structured environment.
One child we met had the face of an angel. He was following me around most of the day asking if I played volleyball, tag and would tell me a couple of jokes. I watched as he laughed with friends at the ranch and held his own against older children in a snowball fight.
His parents say they love their child, but what we saw is only the good side. They say there is also a horrible side filled with threats, attacks and behavior that had him kicked out of several schools.
He sat and talked with us and began to cry when talking of his parents and family in Alabama. He says he understands that he needs to be a better kid and showed remorse when he spoke of the threats he made against his parents. Through his tears and sadness he said, “it’s just so tough to be a kid!!”
Those words and his emotion said it all. What is going to happen to all these kids here? Some parents don’t want them back; others want nothing more than their child to return home. Watch our report on AC360 tonight at 10pm.
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It was heartbreaking to watch. The little boy who was interviewed by Gary seemed filled with remorse. HOWEVER, some of the parents want parenting to be all rainbows and sunshine. It's tough work and sometimes parents and kids apologize for things they've said, vow to do better and do so. This happens whether the kids are biological or adopted. I don't always think that ALL parent who adopt (who haven't already been parents) know what they're in for! Isn't it still best to have individual and family therapy instead of farming them out? Maybe the parent(s) are doing something wrong that is contributing to the problem. I hope this sad little guy from Belarus gets to go home and be with his family. They ALL deserve another, or more chances. Nobody, even adults are perfect. By the grace of God go all of us.
It's great to think of couples adopting children outside the U.S. But what about the wonderful children here in America waiting to be adopted? Certainly not all American children have problems, do they? I think not. Each child needs a loving home and caring parents they can trust to give them what they need emotionaly. Unfortunately, many adults are too wrapped up in their own problems in life and leaving children to fend for themselves. Which explains why our children act the way they do and do the things they do. We certainly could use more ranches like this one in Montana. Our parents need to recognise their responsibilities and give our future a chance to grow and become PRODUCTIVE adults.