OK, we'll start the bidding at $ 10.00 for this pile of useless paper. Do I hear $10 ?

Kathy, Ottawa, Canada

So much information, so little understanding!

Sarah Palin's next stop was the U.S.Capital, since she couldn't make it, she sent the book instead!

glad our wives are over 50!!!!

riverview, mi

I totally overpaid for this Twilight Script on eBay, but it was so worth it!

I am sure there are members of congress that will still give free exams.

Paging Dennis Kucinich, your chair at the Thanksgiving table is ready now.

The "Rationing" of Health Care, Senator, is the difference between what YOU receive, and the Average American Taxpayer does.

.....ops, I nearly fell. But it's here anyway.

This will come in handy if someone needs a boost up at the kids table on Thanksgiving.

The arm of the Republican party gives the Health Care Reform Bill "the pat down"

Sorry for interupting, We're out of toilet paper in the mens room, I'm just gunna grab some of this. It's not important is it?

"And this is just the table of contents."

Mark Garrison

Converse, TX

....ooops, I nearly fell. But it's here anyway.

I'm off to take a potty break, oh yea need a little reading material while I'm at it...

Do you Fold or Crumple? We have thousands of sheets here that have been neatly folded...and then someone here among us CRUMPLED these last few. We need to know who the folding culprit is....

Sorry for interupting, We're out of toilet paper in the mens room, I'm just gunna grab some of this. It's not important is it?

Minneapolis, MN. U.S

The health reform legislation is only 4 pages long, i added more pages for EFFECT!

"And to keep your muscles strong they suggest that you lift this bill 50 times a day!"

Right here, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally found out how Nancy Pelosi sees over the desk in chambers. A booster seat.

Craig Monette
Paragould, AR

"Under our plan, people with pre-existing conditions will just need to fill out this simple, insurance-industry approved paperwork."

Senate Minority Leader McConnell demands everyone reads his Wikipedia profile!

Ryan Seacrest submits his resume, hoping to take over for Oprah.

The last line of my comment should have read "crumpling culprit is.."

Do you Fold or Crumple? We have thousands of sheets here that have been neatly folded...and then someone here among us CRUMPLED these last few. We need to know who the crumpling culprit is....

"Here's our version of the health care bill. Have fun with it! We're looking forward to your captions! Make sure to include your name, city, state or country so we can post your comment.

Not to be insensitive but any boob knows that it's not even worth the paper it's written on!

"Here's our version of the health care bill. Have fun with it! We're looking forward to your captions! Make sure to include your name, city, state or country so we can post your comment."

Vernard Mercader – Mountlake Terrace, WA

“Ladies and gentlemen I unveil the report addressing all of the fallacies presented in Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue.”

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell about to mount his high horse.

It's a nice read, but where are the pictures? I like the pictures!

We think girls should start getting mammogram at a much younger age, and, need, they can sit on this so they will be big enough to reach the machine.

This is actually the glossary.

"And here we have the script to the next big blockbuster Palin: Get Rich or Die tryin'"

Herminio Bravo, Texas

When recycled I believe we can get 12 Big rolls of toliet tissue. Thats about 24 regular rolls.

Jeannette Kucan
Pinehurst,NC

Yes Sarah Palin's book is long but I swear its worth... Oh wait this is the health care bill.

Longer than Going Rogue...with about as much substance!

Sen Minority leader McConnell reveals a report that exposes names everyone at the Capital that didn't get the H1N1 shot!

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell poses with the sure to be best-seller, "Ineffectiveness" a brief history of the Senate.

Victoria Atlanta, Georgia

"OK, Mr. Lieberman. Your chair is ready. You should be able to see now."

You think textbooks are boring, try reading this!

As you can our bill is much better than the Democrat's bill, we have a whole 6 inches on them.

Mr. Chair,

All this paper is nothing to sneeze at!

Senate Minority Leader McConnell brings written proof, of how much he saved with Gieco insurance!

This is the list of all things I have done wrong this week. Anybody one to read it?

Tulsa, Oklahoma, United States

Its a Mans,Mans World,,,Still

If you think this is big just wait until we pork this baby up.

Robin Poley
Colorado

Thank God we're not part of this plan.

After hours of hard work, Senator McConnell is proud to show the Senate's top reasons why Oprah should continue her talk show.

Steven, Toronto Canada

this is the palin manuscript minus the finger pointing

Thank God we don't have to sign up for this plan!

We realized when we printed the Health Care Bill in a larger font, it would look two or three times more scary, but now the Obama administration is rationing our toner.

Ron in Oakland, CA

My Book, "Going Roguer"

Norman, Iroquois, Canada

Okay, let me just grab my speech hear and I'll get started.

Good News! We just finished reading the owner's manual for the new Espresso Machine in the break room!

Steve
Anaheim, California.

Senate Minority Leader McConnell shares his new Stephen King Novel with cronies & swears he's 'WOLFEE"

I read this, didn't understand it, so I oppose it because it is too big to read.

This is Nancy Pelosi's chair. We couldn't find a phone book.

Cameron Cox
Winnipeg, Canada

"Yes, it even includes the kitchen sink."

Before we get started discussing the legislation, ...

Give me an O-H ... I-O!!

Excellent!!!!

Opps, another FoxNews error with the picture – the legislation is only half that amount of printed pages.

Please don't squeeze the Charmin!

Sen. McConnell delivers his report of where Susan B Anthony one-dollar coins are!

I haven't had time to read this. But I am told there is a lot of bad stuff in here.

We'll use this for the kid's table on Thanksgiving! Better than a phone book.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is seen making a desperate plea to keep health care reform on the table before Oprah has a chance to make it a Book Club Selection.

I need a new service provider, Sprint is killing me.

Senator McConnal suddenly realizes that promising a free autographed copy of Sarah Palin's book to the one who guesses the correct number of pages sitting on this chair wasn't such a good idea after all....

Sen McConnell, being the gentleman that he is, gives his chair to a little old health care reform legislation

"Nobody sneeze!"

-Wyatt Knight

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is seen making a desperate plea to pass ANY health care legislation before Oprah has the opportunity to make it a Book Club Selection. - Adam from Alabama

please post this one, and not the previous one.

That's almost as long as my insurance policy!

Rodney
Los Angeles, CA

Gore just called. He said this health plan is killing trees and people.

Sen. Mitch McConnell demonstrates how the Senate health care reform package has a built-in duel function as a paper booster seat in the likely event that it becomes unfunctional as health care reform.

Maybe this pile of paper can talk like the Geico commercials.

"In this case, 50 is NOT the new 40."

I think Biden plagerized this from the House bill for us.

Mayor Bloomberg, we now have a spot for you.
Tom Cruise is a no-show.

3 out of 4 Republican Senators have no idea what is written on this paper.

One dollar, now 2, now 2, will you give me 2? Two dollars, now 3, now 3, will the Republican Party give me 3?

Look at this...look at this...just look at this, y'all

AH-–We would like to share this letter to Oprah from Ryan Seacrest giving her all of his reasons why he thinks she is making the right choice in ending her show !!!!!!!

There must be a tree growing somewhere in Brooklyn!

As you can see those old men Democrats have decided women's health issues again, oh wait a minute we're old men Republicans we don't know any better than they do.

I tell ya, there are more pages in this bill than blades of bluegrass in Kentucky.

This is not a booster seat!

It was to heavy to hold.

this is the quilted version

Forget about sitting on phone books, that's some booster seat right there!

The new guidelines and paperwork required for a regular mammogram approval are unveiled.

Tim Gibson
San Diego, CA

"Needing no introduction, may I present to you the Budget Buster."

If it had googlie eyes on it, it would look like the GEICO pile of money on steroids!!

When asked about Sara Palin's 'Going Rogue,' Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell responds, "I am working on a book deal of my own."

"And this right here is how heavy my other arm is!!"

This is what recycled wasted looks like.

Tim Gibson
San Diego, CA

And remember, self-examination is very important in detecting any suspicious growth.

Do you want me to read it, I'm sure it's interesting...Come on people, who wants a copy?

No you don't have to read it, just trust me, it's all good.

And on this chair, weighing in at 2074 pages, is the Senate version of health care reform bill.

Net result when you pay senators by the page of legislation passed.

"And this is not even half of the health care confusion"

Lifting this makes a good exercise for us. We`ll be in top-form when this bill is passed.

"And we fixed this booster chair in case Ben Stein comes for a visit."

"Contrary to popular belief, the government does NOT want to 'squeeze' every last thing from some of us.... and we have that in writing!"

"Don't worry folks, there's enough to go around for everybody."

So, how many trees do you think were slaughtered for this?

"It's a stack of Playboys. I only read them for the articles."

-Wyatt Knight

This is so scarey it'll leave you no safe place to hide. Yesirree, we make Stephen King look like woosee.

Crumpled, folded, flat... we're gonna be sitting on this one for a loooong time.

The young fella smiling back there, John Thune...heck, he's the only member of our caucus with enough stamina to read this whole darn thing.

How many pages does it take a senator to order more extra extra soft extra stong senatorial potty paper??? About this may.

"Ours is only 3 pages."

Anderson, I've got nothing. Just another photo of boring white men.

Senator McConnell knows he totally overpaid for this New Moon script on eBay, but it was so worth it.

Excuse me, but I don't think I was hired just to stand here and be a human paper weight.

"Health care reform??!! I thought they wanted to see Barack Obamas medical journal!!"

Under our new healthcare guidelines, you will need to fill out all of these forms just to get an appointment to fill out the application to see if you are eligible to get a mammogram. Did I mention you gotta do in triplicate.

And somewhere out there are no woods any more.

For her final show, Oprah revisits a popular theme, and publicly chastises Republican Senators after discovering their publication is actually a fabrication of the truth.

"What's next in the rationing of health care? Will the Obama Administration declare that life begins at 10 years of age?"

No, this is just the first set of forms that patients will need to fill out when visiting their doctor under the public option....

The senate unveils their new brand of toilet paper.

And the winner ISSSSS: HRC as easy as ABC.

The GOP version of a health care plan would be nice and light, as it would be full of loopholes!

These are all the Bubba Shrimp recipes that we will start off our fillabuster with.

Closet Oprah watcher, Sen. McConnell proudly displays the signatures he has gathered to petition Oprah to stay on TV.

But is it really worth the paper it was written on?

This was Oprah's contract. You can see why she's ending her show!

Is there a quick-reader in the audience ? WE NEED YOU !

here we have the condensed version of all the 2012 presidential candidate's books

oprah's new contract signings will begin in 5 minutes

With the removal of the mammogram section we now have a manageable health care reform document. Fortunately, not one of us need a mammogram.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some sad news about the White House Christmas Tree ...."

oprah's new contract signings will begin in 5 minutes.

Mad stacks.

This, ladies in gentlemen, is why the Republicans will surge
ahead of the Democrats, because we get to criticize this bill
for years to come. We can blame everything that happens
on the Democrats health reform bill!

If I understand you, the Government wants a whole lot of fiber in my diet?

The most maligned bill in DC since Clinton.

These are all the reasons why I will miss sneaking into my office
to watch Oprah's show.

Sure, when it's double-spaced.

The first person to attempt reading the bill from front to back died of boredom.

I can't wait to see the back page fold-in.

Snatch this health care reform from my hand, Grasshopper!

The American people are gonna need free health care because after
they read this bill, they will be sick.

I know I put my glasses down around here somewhere....

It's a Bill. No, it's a filibuster. Wait, it's both!

Yes, I plan to read this, but not until after the finals on Dancing With the Stars. Go Mya, Go Kellie, Go Donny!

"Oprah's leaving?! I have to sit down..."

Not the usual turkey we think about at Thanksgiving.

It looks like those Sara Palin Gost Writers are going Rogue again.

This should finally put Republican "to the Sun and back" claims to rest.

And for those of you who are out of Ambien, we will send you a copy
of this bill, which is guaranteed to put you to sleep within 15 minutes.

Nobody's read it and nobody understands it, but hey, let's vote on it anyway!

My wife is so mad at me I had to write, "I will not forget to take out the trash again", 100,000 times.

I wonder if Richard Heene could make this bill float away..,

Keep that hand close. I looks to be getting away from you.

Is that the Bill or the blogs about the bill?

Just as a goof, I'd want to put a copy of Spider Man 1 in the middle to see if anybody ever read the actual paper document.

Yes, put it on a chair so we can all look down upon it.

Somewhere, a carpal tunnel victim is blogging with her elbow.

8.5×8.5×11? Well, ream me!

Keep that hand close. It looks to be getting away from you.

Heath care. Now, with pulp!

The "Paperless Society" Finally get it's own Chair

The first fifty pages are type-written, the next 200 are 9-pin printed, after that there are 700 24-pin printed ones followed by the last 1193 pages printed using laser ink technology. Now, that's what I call progress.

Senators look down in fear as the health care bill sits there quietly waiting to stop the lobbyist dollars flowing to capitol hill.

Ironically, the word 'boredom' occurs precisely 2009 times in this historical document.

Wow, another way that the Government can decide how they are going to run my life? Fantastic!

Sen. McConnell urges the American people to "Simmer down now y'all and get over this here health care reform nonsense."

Trust me. We didn't sneak anything in among all these words.

I'll wait for the Saturday Night Live version.

Meanwhile, the cunning typist washes his hands in greedy anticipation of the one BILLION dollars granted to him on page 1168 (in the six-point font).

The good news, it's got 11 pages of coupons!

You should know better than to leave a boxful of crayons in a room full of Democrats.

Statistical mathematicians around the globe are amazed as the 10,000 monkeys theory was demonstrated in far less than 10,000 years.

All we want for Christmas is high health care costs, high health care costs, high health care costs. All we want for Christmas is hight health care costs and to screw the American public (till they bleed in the streets.)
sung to the tune "All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth" (well, maybe those too??..)

Barb E
Kayenta, AZ, USA

The US Military has its 'army of one.'
CNN has a moderator of one…who reads on long after comments are, for all practical purposes, closed.

Does it sting when you rip it off? The American taxpayer, I mean.

Sen. McConnell reaches down and tries to slowly slide his missing
Playboy out of the health care bill.

Amazingly, almost all alliteration!

FINALLY, America understands what a "petard" is. Hoist away!

I want to know who slipped in the chapter on Congressional Hemorrhoids. NOT funny.

You try reading this 2000+ page beaurocratic nightmare. If I wanted a mind-numbing read, I would have lined up to buy Sarah Palin's 'Going Rogue'!

Well, maybe a little funny.

I, the Senate Minority Leader, do solumnly swear to make as many cheap-shot political points as possible....

A little bill on bill action and the combined monstrosity will probably outweigh Octo-mom at her glowing-est.

New puppy?

"This is not the health care reform. It´s the insurance application for women over 50. One pile for each woman..."

Well, at least they're not trying to ration paper.