When your fears about the new healthcare systemget the best of you, don't get frightened, just read my lips......

Wait a minute....these are all the lyrics to "Richard Heene Science Detective?"

Kil-joy was here.

Oh my goodness...I'm gonna need a 5th grader to help me with this!

"I've had it up to here with H1N1 questions!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, here it is – the new Standard Short Form Republican Prenup."

Just printing out enough copies of this bill will increase the federal deficit by $200 million dollars. Wait until you see the details on the total deficit impact!

"Can't we make this bill a bit bigger!"

Yes...i said i wanted to be 1st to read her book!

I thought I told that copier place to print two sided copies?

"I'm not touching this until someone confirms that paper cuts are covered under the healthcare reform bill."

I know I asked for a three hole punched and bound copy. I needed a new door stop, because this bill is going NOWHERE fast.

Okay, who's the wise guy who wrote this reform bill in invisible ink?!

"I didn't take the Evelyn Woods Speed Reading course, gimme time!"

These are all "my" tweets to Wolf Blitzer?

Moments after this picture was taken, John Boehner sneezed.

and .... the ...

bill ... was ...

....everywhere.

Guess he didn't have health insurance.

No this is not the healthcare reform, but it is my last hospital BILL !

Just read it...Mr. Boehner...it's got a really good ending.

John Boehner: "Let me just cut through all the paperwork & say that whatever the Democrats want...we Republicans want the opposite."

-Wyatt Knight

"Look ma, no hands ... or editor."

This is a list of everyone who attended the Tea Parties?...and where did you find it?

Just keeping my head above paperwork

I'm impressed, this is a list of all of David Gergens friends on Facebook?

Who wants to play 1,990 pick up?

Rep John Boehner prepares to show how the Republicans will magically make health care reform disappear.

Can someone move all these letters to the President sent from John Foreman?

Do you really expect me to read all this while the world series is going on?

In a rare green moment, John Boehner complains about the number of trees killed by the House' healthcare reform bill.

"We lovingly call it the Health Care Reform and Rabbit Cage Liner Act."

Geez....she got a million dollar book deal, you'd think she have a cover!

"Page 58: Every person in the United States will be issued a copy of this Act.... until we run out of trees, that is."

Boehner "If you can lift this, you can opt out".

Hey who slipped in that page with the "Publi Option" ? I don't remember that being in my bill!

Boehner talks a mouthful.

Thanks for the help....but why did i ever agree to go on Celebraty Jeopardy

I'm going to need this many reels of red tape.

So that's what Wilson's been up to since his gig as the Taylor's neighbor on Home Improvement ended.

"As you can see, there are waaaay more than 50 ways to leave your lover."

-Wyatt Knight

Trust me, I have read every word of this health care reform bill!

If we do not figure out this Healthcare Reform soon, I'll have to read you all THIS Riot Act.

Honey...call the school, this is way to much homework for a kindergartner!

"I just did an all nighter at Kinko's, collating 1000 copies of this."

I still trying to find that public health care option!

With a flick of the wrist, the Amazing Boehner makes healthcare bill disappear!

If this bill does not pass, I will make the Democrats eat their own words...every last page of them!

Coming to a landfill near you....

You, too can have health care. All you have to do is fill out this one little form.

I am still trying to find that health care option!

Boehner coughs up his medical bills.

And you thought the paperwork for a mortgage application was bad these days.

Let's just take the vote, no one is ever going read this whole thing!

Just watch...kids will love my Wikipedia Bio, more than Holloween candy!

Just like when Tyra taught Larry King, John Boehner demonstrates how to "smize"...smile with his eyes.

-Wyatt Knight

Bills, bills, bills...Healthcare reform bill and, well, medical bills...

Boehner speaks volumes against health care reform.

Can`t you see this bill looks evil !

Definition of 'irony': getting massive paper cuts while handling the Health Care Reform Bill.

I hope MIchael Moore didn't throw in that Canadian option in this pile of dead trees!

Why on Earth did i ask her what Newspapers she reads!

"Wingardium leviosa!"

The complete IRONY of this "so called" health care bill is that it will do nothing to help treat the paper cut I just got lifting this thing.

By the time legislators finish reading all of this, Obama will be running for re-election!

The plot is not worth a hoot!

"Can I have a volunteer to carry this Bill to the Presidents' desk?"

I`am about to be engulfed! HELP ! SOMEBODY !

"I have some light reading to catch up on tonight...."

Just who does Nancy Pelosi think she is? Evelyn Wood?

Now we know why Congress has trouble passing the healthcare reform bill ; who wants to read through all this paperwork and still have to vote?

There's a page missing.

C'mon Mr. Boehner, we've included a short comic strip on every other page to keep your interest...there's Marmaduke, Garfield, Dilbert, Peanuts, Heathcliff...and on and on.

"I have some heavy reading to catch up on tonight...."

Well to start with, there's a typo on page 993.

The paperwork is booming!!! Oops... The economy is booming.

Wow..the Civil Rights Act in the 60's was only 8 pages, I got that nfo from watching Wolf blitzer's Sit Room!

I see good things happening with this paperwork.

Tim Taylor's nieghbor Wilson stops by Capitol Hill to give his input on the healthcare bill.

Paperwork: I think there’s a potential market out there.

I might not have gone to one of those high-falutin' university's like Barney Frank, but I know one thing - this health care bill looks like something scribbled by Leo Tolstoy.

It is simply impossible to ram this bill down people's throat!

The health care reform package , is estimated to take one, two thousand year old Sequoia to produce .

"Every American is required to fill out this application to get their health care coverage..."

Our platform is simple and well-reasoned.... Never vote in favor of a bill that weighs more than 5 lbs.

"Read my lips: no new faxes."

Let me be clear, when this bill is edited down to twenty-five words or less, the Republican caucus will peruse it - provided, we are given at least twenty-five weeks to fine-tooth-comb-it.

"SHAZAM!" And there were OOOHs and AHHHs as Mr. Boehner produced The Man Without Qualities out of thin air.

After the paperwork was filed, the U.S. Government was deemed ineligible for medical coverage because it had a pre existing condition....brain freeze.

John Boehner says,"this is nothing , the first stack was this high and this wide"! Someone heckled, "YOU LIE"!

Health care reform reams ream rancorous rich.

Where is everybody? I can't see anyone!

If I can get one more piece of paper on this beam, i will break the world's record.

About to gets his hands on an advanced copy of 'Going Rogue' , Boehner can't believe a book by Palin is almost over his head.

I haven’t got a clue about what’s happening.

oh man you need your reading skills more than ever.congress man!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it’s not a dream job, but it’s a way to get your foot in the door.

Mr. Boehner marvels over the latest man-made object visible from outer space.

Another portion of the rain forest dies at the hands of the democratic congress.

Tim Gibson
San Diego, CA

It’s useless to waste time and words’ explaining what is this,

If you find you have gotten in above your head, run!

Ok...ok....let's get on with this healthcare thing because we apparently need to also talk about something called 'deforestation' after that!

Read my lips........

"SHAZAM!" And there were OOOHs and AHHHs as Mr. Boehner produced a copy of The Man Without Qualities out of thin air.

If you can understand this, you can have affordable health care.

My "Contract With America", oh I mean health care plan to get back us back into the majority.

Introduction of the new "Star Trek" Bill.

Ok who ever makes the best paper airplane wins.

This is what a living will looks like under cuts to medicare.

Tim Gibson
San Diego, CA

Government-sponsored healthcare coverage...just fill out this form and we'll get back to you.

Its a paper world

Getting this bill passed is hardly pushing paper-mountains maybe...

And this is only the table of contents!

Since when are bills supposed to be issued by the pound?

If this Health Care Reform doesn't go through who is going to shred all of this? Not I

Rivrview, MI

"I'll get to health care just as soon as I've finished reading 'The Lost Symbol.'"

I now present you with sections I through III of the health care bill. Sections IV through X will be here in a few minutes. If you thought the IRS Code was complicated....

"We're not stonewalling. But before anyone on the GOP side reads this thing, we're each going to go out and plant a tree."

"Is there a HEALTHCARE REFORM FOR DUMMIES version?"

"This is what a government bureaucrat looks like standing between you and your doctor. At least that's what the insurance industry bureaucrats tell me."

Why do i have a pile of paper on my desk? Didn't I told you I cannot read?

This will be the scariest thing you see this Halloween.

So this is what recycled toilet paper looks like !!!!

Can anyone summarize this into a 140 character Tweet?

"It's actually only one page long–I have a sheet for every politician in Washington!"

Sorry, it's not the Health Care Reform Bill. It's my new credit card disclosure statement.

"This is nothing.... Wait till you see the claims forms!"

All of this paper, so little time.
Just pass it already!
It really isn't that hard!
Sign me up. tell me my bill and give me my card!

Does the healthcare plan include the eye docter? I'll neeed one after I read all this.

OUCH! I ust gawot a papaaa cut on why wip

Doesn't this type of thing usually hang on a roll?

"Good thing this stack is high enough to mask my laughing as I say I really care about Americans getting health care..."

Minnetonka MN

Ok, very funny, Trick-or-Treat you tricked me. Now give me the real healthcare reform bill...........Really, .........This isn't a trick? Oh my God it's the attack of the killer paperwork!

Boehner presents the national mandatory tanning bill to Congress.

"Don't complain, folks...even though you didn't get a robust public option, you did get a robust bill.....look at the size of this."

Minnetonka MN

"1,199 pages....talk about a Halloween fright!"

Minnetonka MN

Can someone move all these letters to the President sent from Tom Foreman?

Look!.... No hands!

War and Peace dosn't have this many pages!

"This is my first novel. It's called : "Desire and Romance at the Legislative Branch"

"And these are my expense account receipts from last month, it's good to be a Senator."

"The American people have spoken...but luckily our voices (and dollars) are louder, ha ha..."

Minnetonka MN

Forget Ambien, just read this and you will fall asleep.

Now that Home Improvement is over, I will take over for Wilson. I will give you good advice and wisdom, but it is up to you to decide to use it.

YOU LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"And this is how much homework kids will be doing with the proposed
longer school hours".

I'll have my aide read it and sum it up for me in the morning.

this cant be the whole plan for afgahnistan is it or are these all the troops we get?

Republicans,, the party of NO unless,,,,it , Looks like we pay more and get less! Boehner, actually brought the bill for the bailout legislation instead, Oops!! I forgot I was for that!

It looks like we're going to need a bigger boat.

As soon as everyone gets a copy of this 2,000 page bill,
we will start working on the "save the trees" bill.

nato did some of there homework or is this my cruse credit card debt?

Boehner: The only thing this bill is good for is lifting it to build up muscles.

This is a list of all the things I like about Erica Hill.

This is how we want the health care forms. Balanced!

Can I have ten thousand marbles please?

Have I read it? Are you kidding, I can't even lift it!

John Boehner uses the healthcare bill to block others from getting too close in order to prevent catching H1N1.

"Honey, we can't possibly need this many things from the grocery store!"

Everyone calm down. We'll make enough copies for all of you as soon as we pass a bill to allow tree harvesting in our National Forests. All in favor....

Looking at the volume of the paper in front of him, John realizes he needs a Podiatrist to explain the carbon footprint of this new bill.

This is my hospital bill from a two night stay. I think I know how hospital's might save money.

Digest this. It's good for ypur health.

I brought along paper for anyone who wants to start making confetti for the Yankees parade.

This is the goverments way to get those fat cats on wall street into shape!

Ok, here's the manual that came with me new cell phone with camera, video, internet, mp3, and a level. Can anyone tell me how to dial?

"If I throw my back out carrying this thing, my insurance company will drop me."

""I agree to help my son do his holiday assignments and I end up with this! "

everyone makes fun of america for our silly government not having free health care in place already and here we have a 2000 page summary of what we MIGHT do

we're sorry to report that after a severe hand cramp our typist will now be resigning and moving to a place with free health care

This is the RECIPE for TURKEY A LA WASHINGTON!!!!!!!!!

these are what? complaints about the balloon boy incident? can't we just make a t-shirt out of it and move on?

"If I get hurt carrying this thing I'll lose my coverage - it's a pre-existing edition!"

The home inspector's list of things wrong with the house we just purchased!

I know none of us has read it, but if we just vote to pass it within the next 5 minutes, the whole stack will magically disappear, and we won't HAVE to read it . . .

"OMG ballon boy has his owen reality T.V. show and im just sitting here looking over h1n1 papers!"

Which paper mill did Nancy Pelosi buy stock in?

Soon you all will feel sleepy and when you shall wake up, you don`t remember this bill ever existed...

Who typed this in spanish?

"we surrendern just dont make use read anymore!"

My hate mail, on the other hand, would take seven semi trailers.

This is it!

Good, good, we are making progress. I can now see again.

How many times do I have to tell you? That is NOT how you balance the budget.

Wow! That Evelyn Woods Speed Reading course I took will finally pay off.

Martha Stewart, I hear your rap sheet calling.

Is it law yet? Is it law yet? Is it law yet?

I'm buying stock in the paper companies.