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May 4th, 2009
12:40 PM ET

God save this honorable cup of coffee

Jack Gray
AC360° Producer/Writer

I’m a little disappointed, frankly, that Supreme Court Justice David Souter didn’t tell me personally about his retirement. I mean, come on, our families go way back: My grandmother once saw him in the grocery store.

Oh well, I’m more of a Justice Stephen Breyer fan anyway. I remember several years ago when I spent an afternoon at Justice Breyer’s home in Massachusetts. It was similar to the afternoon I recently spent on Lady Gaga’s roof, except I had been invited.

No, I wasn’t at his house to pitch my idea for a Supreme Court musical.  Antonin Scalia dance numbers? Yes, please. I was there producing a rare sit-down interview with the justice. And by producing I mean sniffing his furniture and stealing his ties.

The whole thing was surreal to say the least. To be in the home of one of the most powerful people in America left me almost speechless. It was like meeting Fabio all over again.

Anyway, Justice Breyer was incredibly gracious and went out of his way to make our crew feel welcome. In fact, he even made us coffee. Of course, I don’t drink coffee but I wasn’t about to decline anything from a Supreme Court justice. So I did what any polite guest would have done: I accepted it with profuse thanks and then – when His Honor wasn’t looking – poured it down my pants.

Not surprisingly, it was an incredible interview. Justice Breyer’s breadth of knowledge was staggering. And he didn’t mind when I asked for a break to watch Maury Povich.

Justice Breyer also seemed genuinely interested by my suggestion that the Court open up oral arguments to television cameras. He didn’t say so expressly, but I got the feeling he was excited about the possibility of announcing “and now back to you, Ryan Seacrest.”

By the way, don’t even ask me if I kept the justice’s address and phone number. I will only say that I know whom I’m going to call if I get caught shoplifting Parmesan cheese from Whole Foods.

But in all seriousness, it was an extraordinary experience that I will never forget. Justice Breyer was as kind and thoughtful as one would want in a public servant. And, unlike Henry Kissinger, he didn’t bum money off me for Keno.

So, now the search is underway for a new member of the Supreme Court to replace Justice Souter. I briefly considered putting my name in for consideration but decided not to after learning I wouldn’t be able to wear my Snuggie in lieu of a judicial robe.

What can I say? God save the United States and this Honorable Court.

And my Snuggie.

Follow Jack Gray on Twitter.

soundoff (50 Responses)
  1. Peg

    CNN needs to give you a raise.......you are such a talented writer.....thanks for always making me laugh

    May 5, 2009 at 7:02 am |
  2. Susan Williamson

    As always, humorous and enjoyable! :):)

    May 5, 2009 at 3:00 am |
  3. Rene Pedraza, Potomac, MD

    Very humourous.

    May 4, 2009 at 10:47 pm |
  4. Krasi, Houston, TX

    Genious. Can't help but laugh 🙂

    May 4, 2009 at 8:49 pm |
  5. Jihye L

    Jack,

    I should've known your name earlier, which I now do.

    Thank you for making me a happy Tuesday-it is Tuesday here in S.Korea- morning filled with laughters.

    Best wishes to your Snuggie

    May 4, 2009 at 7:33 pm |
  6. Dee from CT

    A dash of humor, a pinch of news, a snuggie comment thrown in for good measure ... as always a hit! Go on Mr. Producer with the important segments – soon you won't have any time for the little people ...

    May 4, 2009 at 6:37 pm |
  7. Jennifer

    When I think of Breyer, i think of ice cream. Hence, Breyer is probably my favorite justice, too. Though John Roberts does have a great smile and a nice tush.

    May 4, 2009 at 5:20 pm |
  8. Rose

    Brilliant!

    What a great story...thanks for keeping us all entertained and interested in what's happening in the world!

    May 4, 2009 at 5:11 pm |
  9. Vanessa, TX fllws @edhenrycnn

    Hiya Jack! Thanx for making me smile.. 🙂 You seem to have that effect on everyone..lol See ya, on twitter!

    May 4, 2009 at 4:37 pm |
  10. Eleanor Coombs, Georgia

    Jack Gray wears snuggies? I really like the article. You had me chuckling to myself and I haven't done that in awhile. First time reader and i will be looking for more articles from you , or like yours.
    By the way , have you tried Breyer's coffee ice cream?

    May 4, 2009 at 3:43 pm |
  11. Gomsu

    Jack...funny I dont drink coffee either...I just don't like hot drinks really. As for the coffee-stained pants you can send them to a relative for safe keeping like Monica L. or.....well there is always e-Bay (smile).

    May 4, 2009 at 3:14 pm |
  12. Rob

    Hi Jack,

    Since coffee is the topic today why don't Anderson 360 cover World Fair Trade Day, May 09,2009?

    Fair trade coffee globally is growing a delivering assistance to poor coffee farmers around the world.

    I know I've lived in amongst coffee farmers that have benefited from a fair trade.

    Get in touch with Transfair USA the fair trade label body in the USA.

    Cheers

    Mike

    May 4, 2009 at 2:19 pm |
  13. Miss J

    Just don't get into a car with Fabio. I hear he's going to start doing commercials for driving schools with the catch phrase "I can't believe I can't drive!"

    May 4, 2009 at 2:14 pm |
  14. Jennifer

    Jack, your column was humorous and a take on pop culture. must have relished the time with Justice Breyer. Are you going to never wash your coffee-stained pants ever again?LOL 😉 an entertaining. blog...

    May 4, 2009 at 2:10 pm |
  15. Lance Gayhart

    Who should replace Souter? A gay, black, woman.

    May 4, 2009 at 1:57 pm |
  16. ladylitigator

    I am thinking you would be a wonderful Supreme, especially with your keen diplomatic sense and deference for a non-java supporter to that of a java jolter's right to bear arms.

    May 4, 2009 at 1:47 pm |
  17. Roddy Flynn

    Yay! Great post Jack!!!

    Though I disagree on the cameras in the court....there's enough grandstanding in the other branches of government. Transcripts are made public....I think that's enough.

    May 4, 2009 at 1:44 pm |
  18. Jennifer - Michigan

    Good morning Jack – very funny. No coffee though? Oh well, maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be. Although the smell of fresh brewing coffee in the morning is very nice. Also, there's nothing like that first sip of a white chocolate mocha from Starbuck's. Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe it is...........Anyway, have a great day. Thanks for the laughs.

    May 4, 2009 at 1:42 pm |
  19. Rikki, Fargo, ND

    🙂 Your blogs always make Mondays a little more tolerable!

    So do you just not like coffee? Or do you have the same aversion to all hot beverages as Anderson?

    May 4, 2009 at 1:36 pm |
  20. Linda Sante'

    I love this witty, clever blog by Jack Gray. I think President Obama should pick Jack Gray as the new Surpreme Court Justice. It's time we get the performance enhancing snuggie in the Supreme Court.

    May 4, 2009 at 1:33 pm |
  21. Sara

    Seriously, I think I might get in trouble one day for giggling too hard at work! Your blogs always make my day! Thanks! =)

    May 4, 2009 at 1:23 pm |
  22. Lilibeth

    Jack, you and your Snuggie. I guess nothing will keep you apart from that. I personally would like it if I can be in my pj’s all day on Saturdays, but my husband wouldn’t like that, LOL. Have a great day,

    Lilibeth
    Edmonds, Washington

    May 4, 2009 at 1:19 pm |
  23. Helen, Reading, UK

    Evening Jack,
    Never mind not being able to wear the Snuggie instead of the judicial robe, with all the pies Sammy's got her sticky little paws in, you'd never get past the first interview!
    I do hope that the coffee was cold when you poured it down your pants. Either way, it's not a good look but then it might go some way to explaining why you're still single..
    The trick to shoplifting is obviously not to get caught, but if you do, just drop Anderson's name. It'll make up for all the times he's been to your place and 'borrowed' stuff.
    I'm off to rub some Deep Heat into my aching calf muscles, I knew there was a good reason why I keep my physcial activity level down to walking to and from the fridge..

    May 4, 2009 at 1:18 pm |
  24. Ellenzee, Cherry Hill, NJ

    Love the humor, made a soggy rainy day in Cherry Hill sunnier. Thanks for the Smiles

    May 4, 2009 at 1:15 pm |
  25. Cindi Wetzel

    I ought to report you for Coffee abuse! And, for that matter, snuggie abuse 🙂

    May 4, 2009 at 1:14 pm |
  26. Jeanette

    Poured it down your pants......was it hot enough that you could sue him for having coffee too hot like they did at Mcdonalds.
    As always I enjoyed your comments very much. It always makes for a happier start of the week.

    May 4, 2009 at 12:58 pm |
  27. Isabel

    Hi, Jack!

    Your post was so American today. Though I don't feel the desire to comment, I liked it.

    But you're in America, and I am the invader! 🙂

    I also do not take coffee. I do not like anything too hot or too cold.

    You are cute, Jack! Thanks!

    May 4, 2009 at 12:57 pm |
  28. meenas17

    keeps you cheerful. A smile inspires you. Now the humour in this blog makes you wriggle and chuckle. it is a most reviving post. The wit is extraordinary. Fine. let me try to instil humour in my blog., and make it appealing.

    May 4, 2009 at 12:40 pm |
  29. Wheezie Joe

    It's your story, and I'm sure you're sticking to it! As another posted made a comment about making transition from weekend to Monday – you make that transition a lot smoother Jack! Thanks for your posts!

    May 4, 2009 at 12:29 pm |
  30. gayle mccauley Malden,Mass.

    Jack...You seem to be doing well with your urges to lift Parmesan from Whole Foods...Stay strong .Just remember IT'S NOT WORTH IT!! I do feel that Sammy may try to talk you into it again with her silent treatment and eating all your Oreos when you're not looking.The lure of the Dark Side is strong Jack.There is wisdom in the words of another great man ;Obi Wan Kenobi "Stay the course Luke!" : )

    May 4, 2009 at 12:27 pm |
  31. Pati Mc, Camp Hill, PA

    At times, I still swear you ARE Anderson. Not drinking coffee? Come on, who DOES that? Having hard time believing there are two in the same office. I have no words for you pouring it down your pants either. Good Lord.

    May 4, 2009 at 12:23 pm |
  32. Alyzabeth

    You could always introduce legislation to get the Snuggie proclaimed the Supreme Court Uniform of Choice!

    May 4, 2009 at 11:34 am |
  33. InsaneLoon

    Sadly the country would probably be a better place if all 9 Justices wore snuggies to work. Funny stuff

    May 4, 2009 at 11:26 am |
  34. Anna, HK

    Hello Jack,

    Monday mornings are black coffee mornings... potent enough to keep away Mr Sandman during the day...... what's your poison then, if not coffee?

    ... And as Cristina mentioned above... why can't you wear your snuggie under the judicial robe? It's multitasking... an essential skill to have in this age of economic woe...

    May 4, 2009 at 10:58 am |
  35. MarieAnne Sam - Alabang in the Philippines

    Ok ok ok, JG, I'm gonna kept my fingers still, while reading all the accolades!

    I agree, another great post! Anyways, I'm not gonna have 'carpal syndrome' just for nothing! Remarkable blog as always! Keep it coming! 🙂

    May 4, 2009 at 10:52 am |
  36. Samantha

    You might be able to wear the snuggie if you got a black one. You could be all trendy start a new fashion style amongst judges everywhere.

    On the downside, it would probably make pouring coffee down your pants more difficult.

    May 4, 2009 at 10:52 am |
  37. Annie Kate

    Poured the coffee down your pants? Yikes! I hope you let it cool first. In case there is ever a next time pouring coffee into a potted fake plant is good strategy too and more comfortable for you. Just don't pour it into someone's aquarium; despite my brother's theories to the contrary it does not make fish perkier. More like dead even though he says they were just resting as they floated.

    Delightful post as always. Keep them coming and maybe they will let you produced the first interview with whatever person Obama nominates for Souter's replacement.

    May 4, 2009 at 10:51 am |
  38. Christine Macfarlane

    this blog never disappoints

    May 4, 2009 at 10:49 am |
  39. Carol B. in MD

    Hi Jack. Admit it you probably have a different color Snuggie for each day of the week, you like them so much. Hope you're getting paid well for endorsements! With regards to a future judicial appointee, hopefully the President will be leaning towards another moderate.

    May 4, 2009 at 10:38 am |
  40. Michelle D. Fonthill,Ontario

    Happy Monday Jack !

    Great stupid human trick pouring that hot coffee down your pants ah !the trials of Jack Gray. I hope you a nutty-butty on to protect yourself from the burning of hot coffee ha!.I guess you can charge your cleaning bill to AC and get a custome made snuggie with your intaials on it .

    Great humourous post to lighten up a Monday

    Michelle D.

    May 4, 2009 at 10:35 am |
  41. Dilini - Colombo, Sri Lanka

    When I saw the Parmesan I just knew a Snuggie was in the coming. Thanks for the funnies!

    May 4, 2009 at 10:23 am |
  42. Tiffany

    The bit about pouring the coffee down your pants had me laughing until I got a stich in my side. This is quickly becoming my favorite blog to read. Keep up the great work!

    May 4, 2009 at 10:20 am |
  43. Huriya

    Awesome post.. such a twist on an already extraordinary day.. very clever

    May 4, 2009 at 10:18 am |
  44. Michele

    Ah, Jack Gray...How you make me laugh. And this is why I follow you.

    May 4, 2009 at 10:11 am |
  45. Chris L, Lorton Virginia

    Jack, your wit an humor never cease to amaze me. Twitter and CNN.com are better for it! Keep it up!

    May 4, 2009 at 10:07 am |
  46. Pamina

    Hi Jack,
    You were smart to accept the coffee, never know if that could come back to bite you! Or, if the Supreme Court would end up outlawing coffee! Sounds like meeting him was a dream!! Thanks for making me laugh.

    May 4, 2009 at 10:04 am |
  47. Cristina, Long Island

    Thanks for the laughs to start off my day. Honestly, can't you ust wear the Snuggie UNDER the Judicial Robe? That way, you can put yourself back in the running.

    May 4, 2009 at 10:02 am |
  48. mshamburge

    "I don’t drink coffee but I wasn’t about to decline anything from a Supreme Court justice. So I did what any polite guest would have done: I accepted it with profuse thanks and then – when His Honor wasn’t looking – poured it down my pants."

    Yes. Absolutely yes, haha. Please tell us you kept the coffee-stained pants for posterity? Or did you already hawk them on eBay?

    May 4, 2009 at 9:54 am |
  49. Ashley - Hamlin, NY

    Great post as always Gray – just what we all needed to refuel from transition between the weekend and Monday. I'm impressed, as always, by your seemingly limitless creativity and inspiration...if I dare call it that.

    And what, may I ask, do you have against coffee?

    May 4, 2009 at 9:53 am |
  50. vanessa from silver spring, MD

    great blog today as usual Jack.

    May 4, 2009 at 9:52 am |