Another great read. Keep 'em coming.

Fantastic as usual.

Love that "Hell hath no fury" line. Not to mention Susan Boyle channeling Flo Rida – I bet the song would be even better!

Perfect mix of poignant & funny as always...

Best. Blog. Ever.

OMG! How funny & how true. I saw Anderson Cooper's comment on Twitter and had to follow his tiny url. I never enjoyed an article so much in a very long time.

I especially enjoyed, "How can he write about the weather when the government has declared a public health crisis? To that I say, look, I know you’re afraid that we’re all going to die from Pig Flu. And, let’s face it, we probably are.

But all you can really do at this point is be prudent about traveling, be alert to symptoms you may be exhibiting and go to the doctor if you feel like you may be ill.

So, in the meantime, enjoy the nice weather. Otherwise you’re just letting the pigs win." sorry for repeating, but it was worth repeating. I have a friend calling it "Porky Flu," but "pit flu" works.
Thank you!!!

Hey Jack,

Wow. Yuppie dude must be desperate to brave the mirky waters of the Hudson and make a swim for Jeresy. Gives a whole new meaning to the word, in fact. Yikes. Let me never be that desperate.

This Swine Flu thing is a little nerve wracking, frankly. It is making me want to question each person that I come in contact with to ascertain if they have just returned from a weekend in 'the danger zone'. You may want to take precautions with your boss and Larry King – they were just in Mexico after all. That makes me a little afraid for them too, by the way. Please pass on my well wishes and regards.

Not trying out ot be today's 'Debbie Downer" I am moving on to this little tidbit. Can someone please tell me why seemingly normal persons appear to lose their underwear the moment that they are 'discovered"? I don't get it, and I am not sure that I care to. Someone needs to do some research on that fact. Any volunteers?

can the pigs still be eaten or are they no good for sausaging?

I agree--–enjoy the weather--the pigs aren't going to die from the "swine flu,"--and neither will the pork eating homo sapiens--believe me---the pigs loose in the long run--as we rub our stomaches from our pork roast sandwiches--so if you come in contact with "pigs,"--at least make sure that they are "cooked" well.

Hi Jack,
I flew on a plane this weekend- and all I can say is when I got home, I took a bath in disinfectant! It is amazing how many people do not cover their mouths when they cough!!!
Anyway, glad you got out to enjoy the sunshine. I'm surprised Anderson did not have you wash and wax his car! You're off the hook for now.
Have a good day!

The one thing most people do not realize is that there are always cases that go undetected. Once a specified illness reaches a level of concern then the public is notified. Question is how many swine flu cases have gone undetected before the public was made aware of it. I have known several people who have had a severe resperatory problem, including myself. That happened over 2 months ago for me. One neighbor is currently getting over it. I never come in contact with people much either because I am unemployed, and job hunt via the web. The body temperature gets extremely high, and you are literally gasping for air, when you get this. Vicki W. Jacksonville, FL.

So, Sammy likes Pina Coladas, huh? Does she like getting caught in the rain too? What's her stance on yoga? Is the song stuck in your head yet? Yes? Then my work here is done.

What happened to Avian flu? At least that was respectable sounding–even when called bird flu. But swine flu? That just sounds embarrassing. I'm not too worried about it though. This time last year I almost died from pneumonia, so I figure I should have an automatic exemption. Because life is always totally fair like that, right? Right?

Thanks for the funny, Jack. Your blog is a nice start to this rainy Monday morning. I needed the chuckle–especially if I'm going to die of swine flu.

"And I still can’t believe the paparazzi didn’t notice Susan Boyle singing the new Flo Rida track while rollerblading without underwear."

Good God, man. It's not even noon yet. Have mercy on us!

In regards to people losing their underwear: its the underpants gnomes, don't you know. The media attracts them. And next thing you know...

Good Morning Jack

Thanks for taking time to stop and smell the roses !Life moves too fast in Nyc I 've always wanted to visit the city i never could get the opperunity if i should happen to go can you be my tour guide ! -ha ! It's nothing like taking the sccenic route Jack Gray style with white skinned people who are in need of a spray on tan like Anderson once had . Please don't scare people by saying we are going to die from swine flu! We wil not get it when pigs fly !

Thanks for your blog Jack !

Michelle D.

Hi! Good morning, Jack!

The situation is grim, huh!

Here anyone who gives a sneeze, this "suspect" is looked aside and discriminated by co-workers. Nowaday, the citizen can not have a flu ... Lol
Poor Snow White! lol ...

Jack, one last thing.
Brazilian exhibitionists? Did you write this for me? Lol ...
As my dad said: it is almost a pleonasm! Hahaha ...

I loved your post!

Take care, huh! Intensify the vitamin C, Ok?

Bye

Ah...that was a nice (and humorous at times) virtual stroll with you in the park. We had that weather here last week but winter snuck back and stole it. Sigh.

'Pig Flu' I like it. I shall tweet that to spread the word.

@Aaron_Horne

Thanks for the encouraging words, Jack. Bummer to realize my demise will originate from a stuttering Looney Tunes character. I was hoping for something far more dramatic quite honestly.

Oh well. It's good to know sitting by the water in NYC can be just as traumatizing as having broken bones set without pain meds. Really, the images are too graphic for a Monday morning

Enjoy that weather, too. As long as there's bacon, the pigs lose.

Haha – letting the pigs win. BTW, Swine flu is creepy and awful. Pig flu sounds likes little pink pigs holding tissues to their nose. Thanks for taking a little edge off this whole epidemic.

I can always count on you to make me smile, even with news about the Terrible Plague hanging over our heads. Say hi to your dog for me, and keep up the good work. ^_^b

Nice post, Jack...per usual. Hope you didn't get a sunburn.

Maybe the swine flu is hitting all of the drug cartels in Mexico...nature's way of handling the bad guys

Yes, we seem to have skipped over spring – not complaining. It was a brutal winter. Going through spring is just like taking a really long and slow elevator ride to where you really want to be...summer.

Enjoy the weather. Enjoy the day. And of course, enjoy Jack Gray's blog! Quite an elixir to this another 'grim scenario' that is Pig flu!

I won't be a JG groupie if my comments are not in here! *winks to the moderator* hehehe LOL -

can always count on your blog to put a smile on my face as i face the day on the "least" coast (go west, young man). thanks!!

Somehow I think we will all survive the Swine Flu and the drug companies will be more than happy to sell us the Tamilflu and other stuff we need even though we aren't even sick yet. Mankind will trudge on!

Spring is coming? Woonndddeeerrrfffuuuulll.....!

If you need anyone to rub sunscreen on you call me! But mine doesn't smell like Alpo. Is that ok?

Hiya Jack! Thanx for a great mental picture of Susan Boyle...thats what I needed so early in the morning..lol

I hope you have a fantastic rest of the day..

Thank you for making us smile amidst this crazy health scare..you know we twitterfolk love a good laugh!

Luv ya lots, Jack..stay safe

See you on twitter!

My Monday is better now, that was a laugh I needed. Given the Yuppie's choice between braving a swim to Jersey or the nagging yuppie wife, take the river; even if you die die the last few minutes will be more peaceful. Thanks again Jack

Great blog today Jack

humor, in sight of disaster, is the best relief.

US Airways has been playing hardball with me for 3 days now. I have a ticket to Mazatlan for today. Until this morning they would not credit me anything. Today they will only allow me full credit if I use the ticket within 7 days. Does US Airways have their heads in the sand? I want a full refund at best or full credit for the ticket for future use without any fees at least. Truthfully, I hope I never have to use their airlines!

You know what, Jack, I wanted to go to the movies yesterday, then my husband said, “Well, that’s one way to get swine flu. Go to a crowded theatre.” Well, I fell for it. I couldn’t believe it. I was disappointed that I couldn’t see “Obsessed.” Then it dawned on me that he hates those kinds of movies. I remember when he tried to get out of seeing “Fatal Attraction.” Hmmm…. But maybe not going did save me from the swine flu, who knows…LOL. Have a great day,

Lilibeth
Edmonds, Washington

Thank you for making me smile on a dreary crummy work Monday. Tell the puppy to always go with the pink tube top! It is the "girliest".

Pleasant weather, but warning of health crisis. A paradox or a jugglery!

Everyother year theres a new pandemics,"Bird Flu", Swine Flu", "Asian Flu",and the list goes on, and on. It's hard not to expect these occurances living in todays flat world. But nature always suprises on the upside, where we take for granted the biggest little gifts to mankind: "songbirds aroused by ritualistic mating calls,this distinct duet of soloists made whole; flirting elegantly orchestrating the time-tested cycles of life; treetop lovers serenading whimsical ,passionate lyrics; flittering about innocently,chirruping joyously to rhythmic song; shackled,and sequestored no longer by wintry nights,only to be supplanted by the newly arrived summer equinox,ever so softly embracing all feathered creatures into its fold; nature gives way to creation,nesting homesteaders melodically celebrating new life; these elegant maestro's on high, this chorus of virtuoso's choreographing the continuum cycle of life"! Thus as your opening piece said, the sound of spring is in the air ,and in our hearts,if only we stop to listen,...?

Another hilarious article! Thanx Jack Gray for making me feel good enough to fry up some bacon...

"Evan, I TOLD you to pack my Fiji water" LOL!!

Ha Ha Ha Jack! Very funny post today! And I agree, as long as we still have bacon, all's well I suppose. The weather was great this weekend; I got some work done outside in the yard. That's some housework that I actually enjoy doing. It's fun to watch the buds on the bushes and trees sprouting. Everything coming back to life brings such a warmth in the heart. Anyhow, hope you had a nice weekend. Wish I could've seen the Mama Cass look-alike in that Toyota.....what a thought. Have a great day.

Holy cow! Now an earthquake in Mexico City. I feel for these people. I hate earthquakes...grew up in Los Angeles, so I'm very familiar. Not to mention, I caught Jack's bird flu a few months back and that was not pretty. ~ L. C.

But how do I sanitize my drugs imported from Mexico? Anyone have any helpful ideas on this topic? Were gonna have a whole lot of sick or dead drug users. Oh, is that the plan? Dang!

Your tweets and blog are fantastic! I often find myself wishing I were as funny as you!

Good stuff!!

Hey thanks for the tip on the Hudson River Park and for pissing on fiji water... just outragious and outlandish product.

Its simple to beat the swine flu stay out of Mexico. Truckers do not take loads into or out of Mexico. Use common sense. Most of all do not panic!

Have a good day

JoAnne

Excellent Jack – as always. Thanks for keeping us entertained, even in the face of certain disaster with swine flu. In fact, I'll just say goodbye now, my friend. Thanks for the memories. We'll all die soon. Sorry I didn't send a thank you note for the chicken soup.

Jack, great blog today, so atmospheric! Left hometown in NJ, and NY ages ago as a kid, but remember the first warm, intoxicating weather after winter. It's like nowhere else–you feel drunk on all the vivid sensations–kinda manic, joyful, giddy, longing, a little insane all at the same time. Thanks for bringing the memories back!

Howdie Jack:

I'm with Sammy...I'd much rather wear a tube top, drink Pina Coladas and watch Larry King DVD's! However, I would add eating peanut butter cups and reading Jack Gray Blog postings!

I wonder if dogs can get swine flu? Better keep Sammy under wraps or should I say under your "snuggie" just in case....

Have a good day!

This is my third year in NYC, and I have been complaining that we have no spring here! I never get to wear my awesome trench coat because it's either too cold or too hot for it.
I took my pomeranian to Central Park on Sunday. She vegged out over her water bowl while I worked on a paper and we were surrounded by sunburned people. It was so nice and relaxing.

The swine flu is just across the river from me in Queens and it is alarming. i hope this will not get worse. Something like that could spread like a wild fire in this city where everyone takes public transportation and otherwise walks around crowded streets.

Hi Jack!

About the weather - I received four (4) "Hi, beautifuls!" in one day. And I'm not bragging or anything, but these calls are not unusual during the warm weather. However, what I would like to know is, am I not beautiful during the winter and fall?

Wink..wink wink.. LoL...What happen to our fave bacon, huh! Guess I have to Stop eating pork chops. I better call my friends in Upstate nand NY City. How about those people who constantly Travels everyday like Airlines, cars, and public places? Does the Flu Shots helps? It's scary to THINK about this Health Epedimic sometimes.

Thanks 4 putting a smile on my face
Better your dog wearing a tube top than me.

Funny blog, I'm sitting under a fan right now after doing yoga. Let's just say early hot weather and hot flashes don't go together too well. Unemployment doesn't either, add that too my list of worries. Oh! I live right next to Elyria OH were the kid brought the "swine-flu" back with him from vacation. I'm staying away from all kids today, the school is closed and it's nice out, I'm sure they are running all over the place with their little germs!!!!

Jack ur a fab writer ! Don't know why i took so long to read them yet AC recommends them ! All we can do before breathe slips from our grasp is live life otherwise we'd suffer from regretosis....

Jack ur a fab writer ! Don't know why i took so long to read them yet AC recommends them ! All we can do before breath slips from our grasp is live life otherwise we'd suffer from regretosis....

Thanks for something lighthearted and plesant to read. I'm so tired from all the politics and crime (I live in South Africa) which dominates every column of the paper.

The Swine Flu is scary but it looks like it won't be anything as terrifying as bird flu. At least pigs can't fly.

We cannot let the pigs win! I wish the weather were as nice here...It was cold and rainy all weekend and they even dared to speak the 's' word...not that that should surprise any of as it normally will snow in the middle of April all the way into May...just a fun fact the only month of the year that ND has never seen snow...August! Have a good day and get out and enjoy that nice weather!

That was a welcome break from the early dog days AND FLUMANIA! I, for one, intend to follow your example, and let the cooler side of my mind prevail. Thanks for the reminder that we do not have to panic to survive.

Wonderful! I no longer miss my home-town (NYC)... at least for now. Thanks for the City Spring.

Jack: You are too funny! I was in Manhattan most of the week and all weekend. I thought the Speedos were reserved for South Beach! Apparently not though. What's up with all the Birkenstocks?

I finally saw a real maid dressed in black and white with a hair cap after traveling to NYC for years and years. Okay, well I shouldn't have been glaring over to the 5th Ave three story co-op from my hotel but I have to say I was suddenly ill. There is something about a person having a personal maid dressed like that which made me feel very, very uncomfortable. It really touched on my own core values.

Don't let us find out you were skateboarding with those young hotties on Saturday night down in the East Village. What are those 20 somethings thinking? 8 million people another 1 million tourists and these guys are skateboarding in the middle of the road!

I was so relieved to hear that my niece had landed safely in Boston.She was in Mexico for 10 days.Between the drug cartels etc.. and the swine flu outbreak, the annoying delay of her layover in Chicago and the lost,but now found, baggage,is but a minor blip in the 'what could have gone wrong' scheme of things.I see how you count your blessings daily Jack.Appreciation for the little things in life .The love of your family ,your dog ,your work and the love of spreading smiles.Just don't be catching and spreading any germs ,Stay safe okay?

Tis the Season of Claritin o.d.'ing.
*achoo*
Excuse me.
Yay, flippin' Spring is in the air and my sinuses .

XXO ♥

I've been trying to avoid saying this – not wanting to encourage you too frivolously, too early in your career. Don't you just hate people who peak early? Anyway, today's rumination on the theme of pigs in spring was brilliant and, (I never do this) I laughed out loud!

Looks like you're still riding high on that wave of stripper names from Saturday. Good stuff, Jack; all around.

Funny as always, Jack. Have a great week.

Hey Jack,
I agree with you...... I know what people are so scary of swine flu! I have been get flu shot many times, I have to learn stop sneezing, cough, wash my hands or Hand Sanitizer to help protect our germs! Yeah, I agree with my friends Facebook/Twitter, I can concern about people get sick from Swine flu outbreak spread in the world. I hope they can protect themselves too. I am really grateful to my friends and you have to learn their lesson. That's great blog today! Thanks for share with us. I am going to Twitter/Facebook now. See you there! And see you on Live Blog tonight!

@Jack – just thought I'd let you know that your writing reminds me of J.D. Salinger. I hope you don't take that as an insult, I mean it as a whole-hearted compliment. And (I have to say) I felt pretty awesome when I read the part about the Mama Cass look-alike stuck in gridlock on Seventh Avenue because it was from one of your tweets a little bit ago. Funny how a little thing like that can make one feel so cool and yet so dorky at once... well, thanks again for the smile you brought to my face on yet another overrated spring day.
Happy writing =D

'letting the pigs win' reminds me of the song War Pigs! haha

great post as always!

Evening Jack, Sammy, Groupies, Facebookers and Twitterers everywhere! I'm a little hoarse after shouting my football team on to a two nil victory tonight. Suffice to say that my neighbours decided to take their dog out for a very long walk to get away from all the cussing going on! Of course, had the dog been a certain black labrador, she would've been up here joining in with me, between slugs of Pina Colada. I'm not sure about this swine flu, I haven't started growing a squiggly tail or hooves just yet. Who knew Babe would come back and get his revenge on all those people that dissed Pig In The City? Personally I think I have a case of Mad Cow Disease! If you think the Mama Cass look a like was good, Jack, you should have seen the bloke in the Merc that tried to push in front of me on Friday morning! He was going bonkers because I wouldn't let him in. My answer to him was get lost mate, I'm older and I have more insurance.. Why is it people flash the flesh in warmer weather, it's always the ones who should cover it up that let it all hang out! Don't these people have mirrors, for Gawd's sake? I have a spare tyre of my own to look at, don't need to see yours! And with that, I'm going to have a celebratory packet of Minstrels (they melt in your mouth, but not in your hand, don't ya know?) and fall asleep dreaming of watching my team playing in the Premier League again next season. Come on URZ!

Pig flu – sounds so common as opposed to swine flu. Maybe its the elite that get swine flu while the rest of us can only aspire to Pig flu. Remember that pig in Green Acres – Arnold – (wonder if he was related to the Governor in CA?) – I bet that porker could carry a lot of flu germs.

Spring is trying to grab hold down here – some of the flowers are blooming; the dogwoods especially. But then we get a cold wave and it seems like we are still in winter – not that winter in Alabama ever gets that cold.

Great post as usual Jack. Keep them coming. I really look forward to your "masterpieces" each week!

It's comforting to know that regardless of the pandemics and the pirates and the politics and various other strife you guys have to report on day after day–Sammy will always be the same.

Funny stuff, Jack! Have a good one. <3 @TheGrottoTweets

This Little Piggy Went To Market Jack!
As Gilda Radner said, " It's always something." Swine flu. I had a pet pig once as a rescue. His name was Arnold like Green Acres but I called him Arnie for short.
What a wonderful loving intelligent creature he was. I haven't eaten pork since. No reason. Pork is bad for people and eating pork is certainly bad for pigs!
Having a rooting instinct, Arnie would push my daughter in her swing. It was so darn cute. He went jogging with me out in the country down dirt paths. Arnie protected me from dogs and other hillbilly heatherns.
WE have not treated our planet with kindness. Surely we shall reap what we sow, forgive the pun.
So oink oink which means eat more veggies (Anderson) and in the meantime, this little piggy will stay home.
Aww, love your blog Jack and YOU!
Curly tail wags! Tweet!
@BettyAnnTX

Cute

Just now getting around to reading your blog for Monday, but it's a nice blog to read as the sun goes down here in San Francisco.

I've been a bit leery about dealing with my fellow dirty humans, a high percentage of whom don't seem to wash their hands when they leave a public restroom.

Hmmmm, now that I think about it. I can't speak for the men, but I see way too many women not wash their hands...GROSS.

Anyway, I'll take your advice, get over my germ-o-phobia and leave the house, I promise. I still don't think I'll touch anyone though

[...]  If spring lasts longer than four hours immediately contact your doctor Jack Gray AC360° Producer/Writer There’s nothing quite like spring in New York City. You can smell it in the [...] [...]

You are hilarious...love the blog, love your twitter, love your songs on the blip thingy...thanks for entertaining me....I obviously live an otherwise boring life...