The real headline is not who made it to 1,000,000 Twitter followers first. It’s that I had nothing better to do at 2:30am than watch a live webcast of Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore and – wait for it, waiiiit forrrr ittttt – yes, Soleil Moon Frye, dancing to “Celebration.”
After checking to make sure I hadn’t taken the wrong pills on the wrong day, I realized that Mr. Kutcher had indeed, by about a half hour, beaten CNN Breaking News (@CNNbrk) to the one million mark. I informed my dog of the news, at which time she promptly yawned and scratched herself.
What can I say? I’m no Ashton Kutcher (@aplusk). I'm only me (@jackgraycnn). I have a mere 2,000 or so Twitter “followers.” No surprises there. I mean, it’s not like I was the star of “Dude, Where’s My Car?” Although I once was asked by a woman on the subway if I would star in a film she was shooting on her cell phone camera called “Dude, Where’s My Girdle?”
Anyway, Larry King (@kingsthings) was the point person for CNN on this contest. And, let’s face it, I’m no Larry King, either. I mean, sure, I put on suspenders and shout out “Wichita, you’re on with Priscilla Presley.” But, frankly, that’s between me and the other shoppers at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
And, of course, it goes without saying that I'm no Anderson Cooper (@andersoncooper). Despite the name I use to get good tables at restaurants.
My low rung on the ladder notwithstanding, I love Twitter. It lets me hear from people all over the world. People who give me feedback on my blogs and update me on their dermatitis.
A few people have even hit on me via Twitter. At least I think they’re hitting on me. Sometimes it’s tough to tell the difference between a romantic overture and an errant elbow on the keyboard.
But yeah, all in all, Twitter is pretty cool, as long we don't become totally consumed by it and forget to occasionally read a book or, you know, get fresh air.
And I’m happy to spread the word about Twitter. In fact, I've gotten my sister to sign up as well as some friends. I even thought about trying to explain it to my grandparents but ultimately had second thoughts, considering they’re still trying to figure out “The Google.” (I'll save them some time, Soleil Moon Frye played Punky Brewster.)
And as far as today’s news is concerned, I guess what it means is that we’ve officially entered a new era of movie stars. No longer are they mysterious and sultry like those week-old chicken fingers in the back of my refrigerator. They’re tech-savvy and omnipresent, like the Viagra ads in my spam folder.
By the way, I want to be clear about something. As with the First Dog earlier this week, I am not suggesting this Twitter contest is some earth-shatteringly important story. It’s just an amusing example of how technology has changed the way we live. And more importantly, it’s raised awareness for an admirable charity, Malaria No More.
So, relax, I’m not saying you have to be excited about the whole Twitter thing or start hanging out with Soleil Moon Frye.
I’m just saying that if you’re against Twitter then you’re for the spread of Malaria.
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