Program Note: Tune in tonight for Randi Kaye's full report on AC360° at 10 p.m. ET.
Randi Kaye | Bio
AC360° Correspondent
He was just 11-years-old! That’s what makes this story so incredibly sad.
I’m on my way to Massachusetts today to interview a mother who says her 11-year-old son committed suicide because he was bullied at school. Carl Joseph Walker Hoover was a sixth grader at the New Leadership Charter School in Springfield, Massachusetts. He started school there last September and his mother, Sirdeaner Walker, says the bullying was endless.
Mrs. Walker says other students told her son, “you look gay” and “you act gay.” She says they made fun of him for the way he dressed and that one student even threatened to kill him.
She says she called the school every week to try and get her son help. She knew how painful this bullying was for him. Even though she’s a member of the Parent Teacher Organization, she says nobody helped her son.
Carl was a good student. He went to church every Sunday with his mom and was in the Boy Scouts. He also played football. But the bullying didn’t stop. So last week, while his mother was cooking dinner at home, Carl went upstairs to his bedroom and hanged himself with an electrical cord. His mother found him and had to cut him down. All she could do she says was scream.
Sirdeaner Walker agreed to talk to us because she wants other parents to know what can happen as a result of bullying. And it’s happened before. In Ohio, a couple is suing the school after their son took his life. They say he was bullied to death and the school did nothing to stop it.
Believe it or not, Carl’s mom isn’t angry. She says she’s a Christian who believes in God. She says some good will come from her son’s death.
After numerous attempts to contact the New school for its response about this tragedy, we received the following statement from Peter J. Daboul, Chairman of the Board of the New Leadership Charter School.
The entire New Leadership Charter School family is deeply saddened by the loss of Carl Walker Hoover. It is unthinkable that an eleven-year old child would end his precious life. Our heartfelt sympathy and prayers go out to the family and friends of Carl. We deeply regret the loss of his life.
No child should ever be subject to bullying and teasing, but we are all aware that it does exist among young people. As adults we must always be attentive and intervene appropriately. The staff at New Leadership Charter School has consistently addressed this issue whenever it has come to their attention, and they have placed special emphasis on the need for respect among the entire school population as an integral part of the leadership training provided to students. As Chairman of the Board of Trustees of New Leadership Charter School, I plan to initiate an investigation into the facts and the allegations to ensure that the school responded in an appropriate manner.
Tune in for more on the situation tonight.
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please folks stop it!!!!!!!! the best way to stop bullies is to kick some butt !!! stand up for yourself. it worked for me and many others. it was a turning point in my life. and never again did i get pushed around. yes i feel for the mother. but where's the dad. to many woman are being forced to raise boys without a dad. and whats happening is boys are looking at life thru the eyes of a female and not a man. if that was my son (and so what if the boy is gay) teach him to defend himself.
Bullying is about power. It's about finding a perceived weakness and berating the person for it until he or she breaks down. It's a form of abuse. Any school that allows it should have serious consequences from their districts, the state, the feds, and most importantly, the courts. Since lawsuits seem to be the only thing some administrators and others in this world understand, sue. Press charges against the kid doing the bullying. Sue his or her parents, too. Sue the school and the employees who did nothing about it. And maybe if districts and people lose enough financially, they will stop the insanity.
We have a serious problem in our nation of being cruel and oftentimes downright inhumane to those who aren't like us. My baby cousin blew his brains out at 19 because he was gay and could not accept it. Society and his faith made it wrong to be who God made him. It's sad. My older cousin is also gay. I knew it growing up. We all did. None of us tried to stop the damage from teasing at school, from verbal assaults at home, from society in general because he was different. Even now, he is HIV+, having some pretty serious complications, and his own mother and our other relatives still refuse to accept who he is. I finally made amends to him. I lost out on him for all those years. Funny thing is he loved me in spite of me even when I was such an ass to him. Hatred in the name of God or superiority or just plain stupidity makes no sense to me anymore. Neither does what happened to this boy in your story.
I keep going back to his beautiful picture. What a shame. What a loss to mankind..after reading what his mom said about him..church, Boy Scouts, football..what a wonderful young man he was. One can not but imagine what he could have offered this world. In her pain..may his mom know that she did good by him. Shame on the parents who are raising those bullies. I wonder what their kids do with their free time? I hope that word gets out what their names are..I'm talking about all responsible..the parents, the bullies and the school officials that the mom kept asking for help..so that when people look at them they can tell them to their face "Shame on you!".
Young Carl...may you rest in peace. You are in a better place! God is holding you in his arms.
I remember receiving a call from a parent of a child my son was teasing on the school bus. I was very surprised that my "no problem" son was a problem. I told the parent I would take care of it and if continued to be a problem please call me again. I made it clear to my son that his behavior would NOT be tolerated by ME. And not to try to intimidate the kid he was teasing because I had other ways of finding out what was going on. It HAD TO STOP NOW. I did follow up and monitored my son to make sure it stopped. I did not assume, I made sure. Parents need take responsilbility for how they raise their children. We aren't the only influences in their lives but we are the best control over their behavior.
The schools don't care. They pay "lip service" to the idea of stopping bullying. but they do not seriously care. They (and by "they" I mean the unions, politicians and business people that run and make money off of the school system) do seriously care about teacher/employee retirement packages, teacher/employee healthcare, new building construction, etc.. There are some teachers who sincerely care about the well being of their students, but they are fighting a losing battle with the system. If a child has enough problems they end up sent to another institution/organization that can make even more money off of them providing rehabilitation (see recent Pennsylvania case of two corrupt Judges sending juveniles to private lock-up facilities for kickbacks). The school voucher program is the only way to force the schools into accountability by giving regular students and parents a choice, and that is why the uniouns and politicians fight so hard against school vouchers.
Bullying has been around since the beginning of time. The only difference now is that our children have invented new ways of bullying without leaving outward scars. I remember this one commercial that played for some time stating the only way to know what a child is doing is to constantly ask those additional questions, open communication with the school / teachers open and not blaming others for your child's shortcomings, (discpline, grades, attitude,character, etc.). As someone earlier stated, there may have been other issues but we must realize every person is an individual and may not be as strong as others which goes to say that there may not have been other issues either.
At 11 years of age, a CHILD is not expected to exude the maturity and strength of an adult or older adolescent in handling bad behavior / attitudes , threats of bodily harm from others and lack of adult intervention when an issue is brought to their attention.
My prayers go out to Ms Walker and I hope that through Carl's tradegy, this epidemic will be brought to the forefront that it does take a COMMUNITY to raise a child in order for our children to become caring adults as our parents and extended parents raised us.
We can be MAD and SADDEN at the same time from this unnecessary tradegy; take that energy from being MAD and turn it into something POSITIVE...SPEAK OUT and LET OUR VOICES BE HEARD
My heart goes out to this mother and her family. My son was also bullied and it escalated to the point of physical harm. He was punched in the head so hard his ear drum ruptured. He retaliated and broke his hand defending himself. This was in a parochial school. We repeatedly contacted the school administration and while they listened, it obviously was never addressed properly. In the end, they tried to blame my son for this repeated abuse. Said he did not fit in. My only regret is that I did not voice my disgust more loudly. We were fortunate enough to have been able to take him out of that situation in school, but the scars remain. It is incredible to me that as adults we would not dream of tolerating constant harrassment – can you imagine going to work everyday and dealing with this kind of behavior. Why aren't our kids protected the same way adults are? My prayers are with every family who deals with this and to the kids – it does get better – it is not hopeless.
I live in Springfield, MA and this death has affected us all in so many ways. What is even worse that what has been reported here is that the child being bullied was forced to have lunch with the bully as punishment to the bully!
I am so sorry for the pain this child endured and the pain this family will always live with. As the parent of a child that was bullied, I can tell you that the bullies tend to be the popular kids. As such, administrators and teachers tend to look the other way. I was accused of being an overly involved parent and that I should let my son try to figure it out on his own.
No, bullying is not "just a part of growing up." Unless you happen to be a bully or a victim of same. Notice most bullies hang in groups. That's because they're cowards. Notice most bullies have parents who defend them. That's because their parents are cowards too.
I hope this lady sues and get millions and millions of dollars, but most of all, I hope every single teacher, every staff person, every administrator in that school gets fired and never attains their position again. I hope every bully who participated gets their karma in plenty of time for the rest of us to hear about it – they are truly ugly people. And I hope every person who knew what was happening and did nothing receives like in return.
My son is bullied by another boy at school all the time. Both are in the 7th grade. This boy has threatened to kill not only my son, but my son's girlfriend and has assaulted them both by throwing rocks at them. My husband is a Sheriff's Deputy and police reports have been filed and charged brought up against this child, yet he still remains in the same school with my son. My son's girlfriend's parents refuse to send her back to school with this bullying child and they are now home schooling her. My husband and I both have been to school and talked to the the principal and assistant principal and yet nothing is done with this kid. What are the next steps? The Sheriff's Deputy that took the report and filed the charges on the boy has even notified the School Superintendent. Still nothing. It's a shame that we as parents do all we can to protect our children and things like this happen to them that seems like it is out of our reach to help them. I feel helpless. What do I do next? Where do I turn? I want my son to have a memorable childhood, but not like this!
I tell you, I worry so much about this! I have a 13 year old son that is in the same situation, and small towns are NO exception; I think it's actually worst. We live in a small town and my son has suffered bullying since he was 10. We have been through the death threats, the suicidal thoughts and everything. What sickens me is..... WHAT THE H-E (double hockey sticks) ARE THESE PARENTS TEACHING THEIR CHILDREN????? Why do they think it is ok to treat other human beings this way? And moreover, do the administrators even call the bully's parents?
I have found that going to the front door of these children is sometimes the best solution. Reach past the school now! Go to the school board meetings! File police reports and keep written records of everything.
Another thing that I found out is that the "No Child Left Behind Act" has a provision in some cases, where reports of bullying must be sent to the state. However, this is only required if there is a "write up." Demand the report in writing. This will help to get the cause in front of the government.
Parents, teach your children some respect! Godspeed to this young child and his mother. My heart aches for her; it truely does.
PARENTS, WAKE UP! If your child is being bullied and you cannot resolve it through the normal channels, then by all means take your child out of that school! DO NOT return them to a place where they are tormented day after day.
Some people have said change schools; yes, if that will work for your child; however, please do not think that changing school is always the answer and do not give up and just let the child continue to be taunted at the same school.
Do you realize that if your child refuses to go to school, the county you live in will send teachers out to your home to teach your child??! I believe that will get the attention of the school administrator and Board of Education!
Are you afraid not to send your child to school, fearing they won't be normal if they don't get that "normal" socialization! Well, that is purely fiction! Take your child out of that school and let him/her home-school if necessary until you can find another system that works for him or her.
Home-schooling may seem strange if you've been indoctrinated to believe that children can't thrive unless they are in a public school, but nothing could be further from the truth. At least these children are ALIVE! They learn to be independent thinkers and are very smart and well-educated because they don't have all the negative distractions of the public school system.
If you have a great school count yourself a very lucky parent. However, do not be blinded by the many types of harm that can befall your child in school. Consider not only bullies but the strong influence of drugs and negative behavior. Many kids are on the edge of harming others, but they are rarely identified.
I am heart broken for this mother. She did everything right, and still she is burying her 11 year old son.
What a sad ending to a very old story. Children as well as grown adults have and continue to be bullied, in the work place on the play ground. Anywhere there is a miserable person needing to feed his or her insecurities, you will find a bully. Which is why I believe these children learn it at home. Children mimick what they see and hear, and sadly they hear it from their own parents. The parent of a bully will be the first to tell you, his kid didnt do it, or the kid they bullied deserved it. They wont take ownership nor will they admit it, why because they are probably doing the same thing at home, to either their neighbor, co worker, spouse or child.
The schools will never take ownership for the bullying that occurs on their watch, they dont want to be held responsible, nor do they really want to hear it. All I heard when my child was being bullied was :"kids will be kids". My middle school daughter was bitten by a classmate who had been bullying her for months. My daughter was suspended, because she kicked the girl to get away. The other girl was suspended as well but was allowed to return only to do it again to another unsuspecting student, to which the school said to the bitter, "now you need to pull yourself together, you need to find other methods of getting your anger out". WHAT?
Ann I agree with you, public or private, bullies are everywhere!
The whole situation is extremely sad for all of the children involved. I have three children, one in 6th grade, and I would like to think that the school administration, teachers, etc would listen to children and react appropriately to reports of bullying. I am sorry for the mother of this child, of course we don't know the whole situation.
I also have to make another comment, I read several other comments before I decided to add mine, and I am shocked at the number of misspelled words, incorrect use of words, and incorrect form of words being used in the comments. I understand everyone makes a typo sometimes but good grief!!!
When I was about seven, I was living an adolescent life of constant, daily bullying and taunting. And then I had to come home at the end of each humiliating day to arguing parents. One day I was crossing the busy street near my Harlem home. A Cadillac sedan was hurtling toward me and, briefly, I considered stepping into its path.
To simply accept school bullying as a fact of life is to turn an apathetic eye. It leads not only to suicide, as in this child's case, but to school shootings. Parents, listen to your children and get involved in the fight against school violence and taunting.
sorry about the kid
I am so sorry for the mother and the son that it had to come to this. I am speaking from experience of when things get so bad that the only way one can see out of it is to end his/her life. I dealt with bullies in elementary schools this way. And this was in the 70's so the bullies aren't going away we just have to teach our kids how to deal with them. My sister and I were transferred from St. Peter Claver in New Orleans and if you think public schools are bad with bullying, Catholic Schools are bad. Once there, I asked around to find out who the school's bully was and approached her,oddly enough, her name was also Phyllis. We fought, (3rd Grade)and I never had a problem the rest of the year and neither did any other student. This girl later in life was murdered by a boyfriend. I believe the bullying starts at home and are being bullied by their parents or see it in a home environment relationship. As I attended different schools, I did the same thing and the sad thing is there was always a bully there, waiting. Today, I do the same thing, only now I use my intelligence to deal with them and keep physical stuff in reserve just in case. Parents don't just call the school, go there and demand answers or pull your child out. A senseless death. But I think there's more to the story and the type of bullying added to a possible lifestyle pressure. I don't know. Very sad.
I was bullied in High School..Just because I was too tall. I now have children of my own and one thing I will remember to tell my children is that once high school graduation is over, you will NEVER have to see those people again. They will become faint memories of the idiots you went to school with. And what are the parents doing about these kids. Parents are not involved as much as they should be. I know if my kids teacher told me that my kid was bullying someone at school, I would immdeiately work my child to tell them how in appropriate it is to pick on someone. School officials – what are you doing to inform parents about this? Teachers – is there anything you can do to give parents a heads up to both the parents of the bully and the kids being bullied? These kids will be running this country one day. Everyone needs to wise up and do the right thing. It's hard work but we all have to do this together. I feel horrible for this childs mother. She has to live the rest of her life knowing one of her children is dead..and from some kid picking on her son. Horrible!!!
To the parents of children that have been told they were bullies – get involved and do something for your kids – they are relying on you to teach them. Stop working 90 hour weeks, stop hanging out with your friends all the time, stop ignoring them and pay attention to them!!! Kids need their parents – you made them, now it's time to take care of them.
And for an ignorant person that says that bullying happens and it's just part of growing up, would you feel the same if it was you visiting your childs tombstone on their birthday and christmas? I think not. I am truely PO'ed and the laziness parents have about raising their children..It's like they don't care anymore.
Joe
Pennsylvania
This is the most horrible story that I have heard. It made me sick to my stomach. I cannot believe that no one could help. Is it that they couldn't help or they just brushed it under the rug, as though is was no big deal???! It is always a big deal to the person on the receiving end of the bullying and taunting. The children that were bullying should absolutely be held responsible for their actions. The administration needs to do something to help so this doesn't happen again. Unfortunately, it happens more than we know. The stories of children so young and innocent see no other way out but to take their own life.
This is an all too common situation. We have a fifth grade son who was bullied by the son of one of the schools' teachers. Since the bully was the child of a teacher, the other teachers and administrators were very careful to try not to offend this teacher, dragging their feet to do anything at all. We had to take the issue to the school superintendent, but never felt that it was handled well. Definitely makes us not trust the school/administration/district with our kids.
I am saddend and scared upon reading this. I am going through a situation with my 6 yr old son. He is in 1st grade and has came home about kids talking about him. I was getting calls from the school, let him speak with the counselor but it was not getting better. He has told me he hates his school, and want to leave. But I am scared that he is missing out on a good school due to not handling kids will be kids issues. I worked with the principal and we have moved him to another class, and so far school has been better but if there is a problem again, i will demand that the school suspend and talk to the student body about bullying, because we don't want to see this happen to anyone else's child, especially not mine.
As a parent you can only control so much. We must empower our kids to fend off bullies, role play, talk it over, show them what reactions bring on bigger reactions and what reactions bring on fewer reactions. Also discussing with counselors every step of the way. The school needs to find a way to squash the bullying.
I feel grief for the family and will be praying for them, but I do not think suing is the way to go. While it is the school's responsiblity to decrease the bullying, it will still hapen.
@abc, i don't know about california but in florida/my county it is policy and taken very very seriously. I gotta say, my son had some serious problems on the bus his first year (6th grade) in middle school. as scared and as overwhelmed as being in a new school with new kids and first year riding a bus, bullying on top of it all, the pressure was harsh. he had been pushed and rushed and knocked around and had stuff thrown at him hit him in the head by some kid he didn't even know but the kid had bullied him more than once before that, i had to take him to the doctor to make sure he was ok ,he had minor head trama, the report went to school the next day, we his father and i both went, spoke to a number of people including the school police who was a real cop not a rent a cop, we all came up with a plan together and by my son pointing the little creep out to the cop. they nailed the kid who hit him in the back of the head. It is not the administrations responsibility to monitor each and every student, that is impossible with the number of children they have to deal with in a day it's just not possible. The parents have to interact with their kids on a daily basis and take action with the school. You can't expect the school to be able to solve every childs security problems. Every parent is responsible for their child. Every parent is responsible to find out what is happening with their child and to take action to stop whatever harm or insecurity, by being a responsible thinking authority. I'll tell you what, it was to hard to have my kid and I'll be damned if some little punk is going to do anything to damage my kid. it's the way parents have to look at it. If you don't stand up for your kids no one will.
My 12 year old daughter who suffers from Asperger's Syndrome (High functioning autism) was suffered and physcially assaulted on the bus. She was called stupid and retarded on a daily basis. The kids even threatened to put it on youtube. I complained to the school to no avail. I have friends in the media and was able to get the story out to the public. There is now an aide on the bus and the taunting has ceased slightly. I was terrified that my daughter would try to harm herself. She spoke about it often. I am now getting her much needed help, but will ultimately have to put her in another school. My heart goes out to the mother. Her son will not die in vain.
Both my younger daughters have been bullied and threatened at school. We are more fortunate though than some because when we complained the school did something immediately. I don't know what was said to the boys and girls doing the bullying and the threats, but they stopped immediately. The principal also affirmed to my daughters that at any time they felt scared that they were in danger from another student to come to him immediately. So far they haven't had to do that but they know they have backup at school now in case they need it. I wish all schools were as receptive to assisting the students as this school has been to my daughters.
Mrs. Walker, you are in my prayers. This is a tragedy that should not have been. Our society glorifies the aggressive, dominant behavior found in the music and movies, but shuns the responsible, respectful behavior you've spent so long pouring into your son. The responsibility for our children rest with the parents and those that we entrust in their care. The administrators of schools are in a tight situation; the kids now have access to guns and no one wants to be targeted, either way. What do you say to the parents of the bullies? They're more likely to be just as unstable as their children, if not more (children mimic the actions around them). The effects of mockery and bullying take a long time to heal, but as a Christian, we have hope. Thank-you for sharing your loss with us that something may be done about it.
As a teacher I see bullying all too often. Schools say that there is zero tolerance for this kind of thing but that is not so. We have programs in place but in my mind they do not do the job. A smiley face on a piece of paper just does not cut it for me. Were I the mother I would sue..maybe then school boards would have more concrete measures put into place to stop this.
I hope that this also brings to light other forms of bullying– i.e. cyberbullying. Also, we have given schools and teachers mixed messages with regards to discipline in the schools. This is not to forgive the transgressions of this school's administration in this case as the school failed this young man.
Umm.. how about taking your kid out of the school???!?
Don't blame the school system, blame the parents of the bullies!!! It all starts at home! If the parents of a bully can't control their child, what is the school system suppose to do? The school system is there to teach academics, not to teach children the manners that should have been taught from birth by the parents. So many people confuse the school system as a parent! The mother of that poor liitle boy should sue the parents of the bullies!
Bullying is a problem but it is also a fact of life. Children bully other children. Methods are different and reactions are differeny in 2009. In the small school I teach in bullying laws are only applied when they are beneficial in getting rid of a student. Many times I have gone to my administrator to report bullying and nothing happens. It appears as though the rules are bent for children the school knows and likes. The woman in the story should sue if problems were reported and nothing was done.
Read,
Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto
The Twelve Year Sentence by William F. Rickenbacker
Child Abuse in the Classroom by Phyllis Schlafly
The Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace Llewellyn
Dearest America
We've all been duped by institutional schooling, which has nothing to do with education, and everything to do with corporate power wanting us to be better consumers. This brainwashing of us believing institutional schooling is the only way a child can be properly educated, goes way back to the industrial revolution.
Read as much as you can about homeschooling. Liberate yourself and your children, and take charge of your children's education yourself. I believe homeschooling/self educating/appreticeships, are the most loving and empowering things we can do for our children.
Trygve
I agree that school officials should treat these incidents as if it were their kids in these situations and do everything in their power to reslove these issues, but I also think that as parents and I'm in no way attempting to say that this mother didn't take every measure necessary, many times all we can do is show our kids as much love and communicate with them as much as possible so that we continue to build their self-esteem in an attmept to allow them to be as strong as possible under the pressure and criticism of peers. We all should do our part in teaching our kids simple values such as kindness and consideration so that they are not the little predetors out there taunting other kids. And lastly try to make sure that they can talk to you about anything and value your opinion more than anyone else's in hopes that their is open dialogue in your relationship so that those comments can roll off more easily.
May God Bless and comfort this Mom and may this incident provide an opportunity to allow us all the sit and speak to our kids ASAP. Allow them to watch this interview with you tonight. Let them know that this is real and that they can easily be in this very situation simply because someone doesn't like their mannerism or what they are wearing.
To the Walker family I am deply saddened to hear this. It just broke my heart. My prayers go out to your family. I pray in time God will heal your wounds. I can't imagine what you are going through. I myself was teased in high school, and its not a good feeling in return I did the same to other students. The administrators at his school need to be ashamed we need to quit taking things so lightly. You never know what can happen in today's society. Was'nt columbine clue enough how bullying can lead to tragic endings. God is an awesome God you will get through this with time. My love and condolences to you and your family.
Kim
St.Louis,Missouri
This is such a sad case. Previous comments made reference to public schools vs a private school. Bullying exists in private and public sector. Get your head out of the sand, Kara Jackson .
My son was in a private Jesuit all male HS in Ct. A student in his class was bullied so bad that he luckily just walked out of the building one day and called home for a ride home and said he did not ever want to go back. This is after repeated attempts by the parents speaking with the Dean who at one point..."boys will be boys!!" and " your son has to learn to stick up for himself! That administrator should be fired especially after a recent suicide of another student the year before. I cann't say it was bec of bullying but there is lack of training and sensitivity going on in a $16,000 a year PRIVATE day school. In this specific school drawing Penis's all over the place ie.. boys book bags as graffiti is looked as funny. Well it just was repeated in our PUBLIC middle school. No tolerence policy there but guess where the younger boys learned it ?!!
Recently in the same town they had a mandatory sophmore class seminar on bullying in the PUBLIC school. Times are different and it has drastically and quickly gotten worse in the last 4 years because of technology.
Please say a prayer for Carl and the whole Walker family right now!
It appalls me that all this hate is against kids who "look gay" or "act gay". It's the hate that parents and society teach! Still think it's okay to treat ANYONE like a second class citizen or lesser person? The kids recognize this and use it. Shame on us as a society. In particular, shame on those religions that foster this "better than (some group)" attitude.
I was bullied mercilessly from 3rd grade until I left the system for High School. my parents and I brought it to the attention of the school administrators repeatedly over the years, my problems were met with apathetic sympathy or outright derision, that is, when teachers weren't joining in. My third grade teacher told me (in front of the class) that I was a "weird child". My fifth grade teacher would single me and several others out for abusive tirades, calling us stupid and worse. My classmates (in my opinion) were emboldened by the teachers hostility and apathy, so I was chased by small gangs hurling insults, fists, had gum firmly embedded in my hair. I contemplated suicide, brought knives to school to threaten my bullies with, its a miracle nobody else got hurt. I escaped with incredibly low self-esteem, drinking problems, a GED, and an abusive relationship that almost got me killed. Its taken me to the age of thirty to repair the damage that my elementary school did to me. I am now working on a graduate degree in psychology, a study that has convinced me that what happened to me was completely unecessary. You know several of my old bullies have come an apologized to me since, congratulating me on my resilience and commenting that they always admired my ability to be hurt by them. Because thats what they'd like to think about themselves and what they did, that it wasn't so bad, otherwise the guilt might weigh heavier on their consciences.
No matter what the sadists who think that this is an important developmental stage say, people do better when they learn not to bully, people do better when they are not bullied. Thats all there is to it.
And if this ever happens to one of my children I can guarantee you I will be that school's worst nightmare. Hell hath no fury....
It's sad that in this day and time we still have bullies. In my daughter's school, they have the "bully box", a student can drop a name of someone that's bullying other students. The school is making an attempt to solve the bully problem, but, in my opinion, the administration sometimes DO turn their heads and say " it's not my problem, I don't get pay enough for this"!
Parents are responsible for their children's behavior and if the kids see the parents acting wild and foolish, why shouldn't they act the same way?
To the mother, stay strong, and I hope you find the answers you're looking for. Nothing they can say nor do will bring your precious son back, but maybe you can get a sense of relief that you were doing the rights to prevent this sad event.
This is so sad!!! I was bullied in schoool alot and it was horrible i couldn't stand it i even tried suicied several times. It started when i was in the first grade and just got worst til i quite school in the ninth grade, It really upsets me beacuse i have a daughter in the 4th grade and shes 11 years old. Theres been a couple of times where shes been therated to be killed and it breakes my heart to know your kid isnt safe in school. One day she came home and told me about it and i asked her if she told the teacher and she said yes and ALL the teacher told my daughter was she was sickin and tired of hearing kids threathing to kill each other so why dont they just go and do it what the hell is that to say to a 11 year old. I went to the scool and they wouldnt do any thing so i went to the board of education and they wouldnt do anything. I even went to the news paper and they said they couldnt help me. I thought the schools was suppose to be there to protect your children. And for a teacher to say that and get away with it makes me sick. Something needs to be done to these children that are bulling and the teachers and the school that wont do anything! My heart goes out to that boys family may justice be done!!!!
This story reminded me of what Tom Cruise said in one of his interviews. He was, too, bullied when he was young and what he did was to fight back and the bullying kid never touched him again. Maybe the parents need to teach their kids some karate kicks to learn to protect themselves. It may sound bad for getting into a fight but I do believe you need to stand up and fight for yourself when needed. You the parents need to toughen up your kids. I was also bullied when I was in middle school. I was a tiny and extremely skinny girl and the boys at school would kick me and pull my hair. It was terrible. I learned to be as tough as them and eventually fought back. I sent one of the boys straight to the hospital ...
This is very sad...some people are fortunate to have never been a VICTIM of bullying, but it is real. I have had the complete displeasure of being the subject of this type of mental violence. I heard a story several years ago of a friend's family member. He was a strong student with a bright future ahead of him. There was another young man who bullied him for years. When the two young men got into high school, they took an interest in the same young lady. She chose to date the boy (not the bully). This infuriated the bully and he started to physically assault the boy until one day the young man took his father's shot gun to school. The bully, as was his protocol, began to shove the boy and taunt him...the kid went to the car, got the shot gun and killed the guy right there. He is now serving a life sentence...bullying will never end well. If there is no intervention, there is escalation. RAISE YOUR KIDS to respect themselves and others.
nobody will ever understand how the boy,s mother is feeling now. One thing that is sure is that the fact that she is the only one who knows how deep her wound is. Though she is trying to hold back on what she is going through, we all know things are not well with her, especially losing a child in a tragic situation as this. I would like to appeal to all stakeholders who can, to help bring justice by taking appropriate actions against all those involved. Both the STUDENTS, body and the SCHOOLS, ADMINISTRATION. ITS A PASSIONATE APPEAL.
As a young man I know what its liked to be bullied and teased, but my parents sat down and drilled it in to my head that suicide is not an option. God, and self-respect should be taught as soon as possible. I came from a rough background, suicide came to mind a few times. My parents instilled me with a sense of honor, so I would not take the cowards way out. And maybe suppressing anger isn't such a good idea, I would have liked to have heard that he stood up for himself.
Ok now as for blame... stop. It won't help him now. As a part of the human race, we need to practice mutual respect and acceptance of one another.
I remember Anderson doing a piece on this issue about a year or two ago. It is sickening now as it was then. Bullying will always exist unless there are serious consequences to the offender; that's the bottom line. Schools should have a no-tolerance policy on bullying and be allowed to mete out punishments when appropriate, parents should do their job disciplining their children, and kids who are bullied should have a way out of this awful situation. They should be able to get the help they need from the adults who are supposed to look after them: their parents, their school, etc. I would not want to be a kid growing up in this day and age.
Lilibeth
Edmonds, Washington
As I read through other peoples comments there were some valid points made. There is always going to bullying in the school system. But there comes a point in time where the school should really step in. Its hard for parents who aren't in school to say oh it's life, it's what happens. You'll be out in a couple years. Well sometimes parents dont know the extent to the bullying. Parents can raise their child to be strong against this stuff. But it is still going to hurt their child everyday.
This boy felt like it was the only way out. I think that is a huge eye opener to the extent of it. The mother called the school at least 2x times a week. Someone should have confronted the students. And the fact that now they are not answering any of her phone calls. Thats just low. She just lost her son! They should at least have the sympathy to express there concern. When parents say stuff like its life. Thats what makes kids feel like its not worth living. No one is going to help them. I dont know, I just believe that the school should at least come face to face with the situation. There are probably so many other kids who are facing the same giant today, but are just to scared to say anything. Thats just a little bit about what I think.
I am sorry to hear about the young boy my prayers go to the parents. My grandson went thought the same thing. He tryed to hang his self at school. The day it happened I was out of town, received a call, she telling me what happened. He was told never to hit a girl. This girl kept picking at him. the more he told his teacher, the more his teacher sent him to the office. He went to the school principal, teacher and other staff, with no help. My daughter went to the school. They sent him to counseling but nothing happen to the girl. Since that time my grandson has went from one school to another. My grandson at the time was 9/10 yrs. old.
I agree with the folks who have posted that there are other alternatives to public school. I also agree that the bullies themselves are hurting and that is why they are striking out at other children. They need counseling.
I also agree that the parents of the bullies should be held accountable. They are not involved enough in their kid's lives!!! Either that or they are abusers themselves and need to be held accountable for that!!!
I agree that parents who discover that their children are suffering should do WHATEVER it takes to help their child. No job or nice house can fill the void if you lose your child! Quit your job and homeschool your child. Move away. Deal with having less so that your child can be put in a safe, alternative school. Whatever it takes, do it.
I was the vicitm of terrible bullying when I was in middle school. I was bullied because I chose to live a devout, chaste, life. I chose not to wear make-up, date, or wear the provocative styles that were popular because I felt that I was too young!!! (and I was!!!) And no, this was not something forced on me by my parents. It was something I chose for myself. I was outspoken in my belief in Jesus Christ, but I did not try to "convert" anybody or force my beliefs on anyone else. Because of these choices, I was targeted for abuse by bullies.
My parents chose to quit their jobs and move to a town of 500 people in Eastern Oregon, to get me out of the middle school I was attending in Gresham, Oregon. Unfortunately, the abuse continued in the new school I attended. My mother again quit her job and pulled both my brother and me out of school. We were homschooled the rest of our school years. Because of my parent's loving involvment, I am alive, well, and emotionally healthy!
Carl should not have died, but he had reached his breaking point. I believe every school should have a mediator/counselor team, which offers bullies and children being bullied the opportunity to sit together and work out their animosities toward one another. If the bully does not cooperate, then expulsion with mandatory professional psychological counseling should be in order. If they do not seek help, as they grow, their psychological battering grows into physical battering and puts us all at risk of being killed by some madman or woman. The solution lies within the school system, as well as at home. My thoughts and prayers are with Carl's family and all who suffer through bullying.