Jack,
I feel your pain! My dad was the exact same way about buying a car or truck. Well OK…with out all of the cussing and such. But yeah…he drove a hard bargain! But he’d pull in and park right in front then tell the guy who came out that we didn’t need him that he wanted to see the owner! LOL What’s so funny is he’d see him too or he wouldn’t negotiate at all. But then we’d drive several trucks and always end up back to the first one we drove which was crazy to me. Why drive the others when you know which one you want? Then he’d strike a deal with the owner which always consisted of my dad getting to drive the truck for a week or two without paying just to test it out. And hey…he did too! But I guess when you’re paying cash they aim to please big time!

And my dad owned car lots himself so he knew all of their little tricks so he’d always cut them off at the pass. And since he talked to the owner no one ended up getting a commission off of him. So you know they hated him. LOL

So Jack…what exactly was in Bumpy’s pipe huh!? You sure it was tobacco? That could explain why you are so crazy! I mean inhaling all of that wacky weed smoke could’ve really done ya in. LOL HMMM…or are you still inhaling it on your own? Yeah…that’s probably it! LOL

Cindy…Ga.

Ahh, for the good old days. Thanks for the story, Jack. Did you wash Anderson’s car yesterday? Does he have you wash Erica’s car, too? His sweetie pie!

too funny

My uncle used to smoke pipes and then put on the Chuck Magione on the reel to reel. He was not amused when I told him Chuck now resides in between shelving units at MegaLo Mart in Arlen TX.
(r.i.p. King Of The Hill)
My Grandpa used to smoke Kents and drove a ‘67 Buick Riviera, Maroon and wear a driving hat and scarf.
Then he traded in for a Champagne colored Thunderbird, who knew he was such a Pimp back then.

XXO♥
p.s. Can you find the photo of Anderson with Flock of Seagull hair???
Erica’s coif was, um, “Mulletee”, yea…

Very nice piece. However, those polyester jacketed salespeople were certainly a negative. As a woman, I had to bring a man with me in order to crack the crust of what the “real price” might be. Since most new autos are in the $30,000, I fortunately, have reverted to used car buying…as have most of my friends….as have the business I work for now.

Best to let the Big 3 fail, re-organize and perhaps stories like your humorous tale , might be told once again.

Loved the story. The only smoking where the smell can be sweet is from a pipe. Reminds me of my grandfather. It just shows buying a car is and always will be painfully unpleasant.

BTW, I think the big three should be allowed to fail. They have been mismanaged and building sub-par products for too many years. I do not think that the taxpayers should pay for this. Have the foreign car manufacturers take over what is left. And if we bail them out, then who else will come forward? When will it end? I can use some bailing out – my house keeps going down in value and everything else keeps going up.

Great story Jack, reminds me of the times my husband woul drag me to car lots to “just look”. Since I had once worked at a dealership I knew the vultures were circling and would refuse to get out of the car. Invarably the salesman would say get your wife out here to look at such and such and my husband would flat warn them “you don’t want me to do that she’ll eat you alive and spit out your bones”.

Bumpy is awesome. That sales guy should have known his leasing pitch was toast.

Aw Jack – you bring up the issue that truly separates the sexes – buying a car. My father and brothers always have regarded it as a sport that is almost as good as college football or live wrestling. (Yes its prehistoric at my house). They always came back with the car of their dreams but when they start telling what a good deal they got on it I compare the sticker price with what they said they paid and well, I hate to say it, but I think the salesman won.

So, It was with great trepidation that I went to buy my first car. Each of my brothers offered to go with me and do the hard,heavy hitting negotiating; I thanked them and told them if it got to be too much for me to handle I would call. I figured that if I was going to have to pay for it I might as well just regret my bad bargaining rather than theirs.

My idea of a car is something that isn’t too hard on the eyes, is blue, starts when you want it too, stops when you want it to stop, doesn’t have flats when you can’t get hold of your brothers, and basically just drives you back and forth to work, and doesn’t cost much but lasts a good ten or 20 years. So I proceeded to find what my brothers disdainfully call an “old ladies car”. I knew what I could spend so I could handle the monthly payments and after two or three days of car salesman following me around the car lots and grinning slyly like they had a live one I finally found one I was willing to negotiate on.

I turned to this very mature salesman – I swear he must have sold Model T’s – and told him I would like to discuss buying this car and pointed it out. It was the model from the year before and it was a demo car – pluses for my side. So we went to his office and he figured and wrote a bunch of things down and then finally said he could sell it to me for a certain price that was about 25% more than it was worth and at least that much more than I could pay. I countered with an offer that was about 25% lower than where I wanted to end up. You would have thought I wanted him to commit armed robbery or wanted his children to starve when he heard my offer. So back and forth we went and finally he said he could go no lower and I said I could go no higher, got up, and as I went out the door I wished him luck in selling the car since it was a demo of the prior year’s model and all it was doing was sitting and depreciating on his lot. But at least it would bulk up his fiscal year end balance sheet when they accounted for their inventory.

He called before I got home. I got my last offer – it was 10 percent lower than what I thought I could afford. He acted like I had ripped out his heart. Now my brothers ask ME to go with them to bargain for cars.

Have a great day and thanks for a great post.

Annie Kate
Birmingham AL

Big 3 Bailout -
Instead of giving any money to Ford, GM, or Chysler, why not give me some money if I buy one of their vehicles? If I could be assured a tax rebate or big discount on a Ford Focus Wagon, I’d really love to get one. These days though I have been keeping my old 95 van going in order to save money, even though I did feel stupid rebuilding the transmission some months ago.
So, instead of giving Ford a couple of thousand giving it to me will get them $12,000 or more, right? Wouldn’t that be more help?
Best wishes, M. Watts, Bus Driver, Pleasanton, California

Ah, the benefits of twitter and your unique writing style, all I have to do is go through my tweets and the title of the post beckons me to each new post of Jack Gray

”we’re just looking’ all the time, be it in department stores or a car showroom… I don’t understand why the salesgirl(boy) has to come running each time I’m trying to decide between a beige or a black coat! Reminiscing about the yester-years is so good, does not make me sound old?, well I’m not even as old as your ripe old age of 28 tho

have a great day Jack

When I was a kid, my Dad would buy a new Chevy every two years. The unveiling of the new models was like Christmas. The local Chevy dealership would cover the windows with paper, so no one could see the cars until a certain date. This was back in the 60’s/70’s when Detroit made the coolest muscle cars ever. I don’t know if they could ever generate that much excitement again but, last night I watched the 2010 Ford Mustang Rollout on TV and I want a 2010 Mustang!!!!

Maybe the Big Three should go back to their roots. Don’t try to be Japan – be “Motor City” again. I think they should really play up the new Camaro, the new Mustang, the Challenger and even the Corvette. Classics brought back to life – really cool cars at a reasonable price. You can’t get a Mustang from Nissan. You can’t get a ‘ Vette from Toyota.

Make cars that people WANT. The Mustangs, for example, are affordable, they are not gas guzzelers, and they’re real Americana. Nobody wants a hybrid Malibu – nobody wants a Ford Fusion. Offer the public a good product and, maybe, they’ll come back.

Too bad I didn’t have Bumpy to go car shopping with me this fall!

Very funny!!!! LOL! that is so bad for you! I feel your pain too, I agree what Cindy in GA said too…….. I love it…….. it is so hard to saying bad swear or else. I know what you mean…. Jack! keep going more joke again, I want hear from you…….. Thanks Jack!

Your Bumpy reminds me of the customers we get at the Customer Service where I work, lol. He does look really nice though in that great picture.

Here in Belgium some people say “Bompa” to their grandfather and we called our granddad from Luxemburg “Bopi”. Maybe a lot of people in Massachusetts have anscestors that come from the Benelux, because they do all sound a bit the same.

Anyway, thanks for another great post Jack!

Thanks for the story, Jack. My husband’s a tough customer himself. Although we’re partial to Japanese cars. They run forever…

Indeed, I see a lot of my husband in this man! My husband will do all the research, check out every price, every last detail. We, however, own foreign vehicles: an Audi wagon and a Toyota truck. We are loyal customers of Honda & Toyota. They retain their value, they are quality. I hope one day to be able to say the same about our American vehicles.

Jack, if I can see a picture of you to see if you look like your grandfather that would be great. (Uh-hummmm, no webcast here equals not knowing what you look like still, thank you).

I used to cringe at the way my father used to bargain with salespeople.

Hi Jack, I have to agree with Joanne and Annie Kate – It was a bear trying to negotiate a competitive price with those salesmen being a girl! I walked out on so many deals – very seldom was I able to successfully haggle – maybe once out of 10 tries. So, from now on, I call on a male to do the haggling for me – works much better, believe it or not! I know, it’s crazy, in this day and age.
Anyhow, great blog, funny story about your Grandpa (Bumpy) – very cute. I never knew the love of a Grandparent – consider yourself lucky to have him. Hope you have a great day, I look forward to your next post…..till next time.

Love it!

Wow! So you went shopping with a “Bumpy” too!

Brought back great memories of my Papa, rest his soul.

I’m with whomever stated earlier to let the big 3 fall and reorganize so we can continue to build memories of buying quality, American made products.

Great work, keep it coming. Truly hilarious.

Happy afternoon Jack,
So far away from me, so far, Jack, old is gold. I love classic Bumpy, he is really class, he did the hard job, then he let his wife to choose the color, what I really like more is that he want you to learn the technique, Jack do you use the same technique nowadays, check out e-bay. Yes let admit there is gender difference in buying car, we women care more of the design and color of the car and men really knows ins and outs of the car and they know what horse and engine mean. If women get the chance to change their car, they might do it annually. However, some men regard their car as a wife and think million of times before they sale it.
Have a lovely night.

Makes me think of Papaw in East TN back in the 70’s. He drove a 1960-something Corvair. No pipe though. Man, could he drive a hard bargain. He was a mechanic so he knew how much it cost to fix a “not so new” car and could read a saleman chapter & verse.

Thanks for bringing back some wonderful memories.

(RIP Papaw, Granny, Momma & Daddy)

Funny story, in my household I’m the bumby only I am female and only thirty and weigh barely over a hundred pounds and stand at 5 foot 1, but every car my husband and I have purchased I have been the ridiculous hard a** the sales people have to get through in order for them to make a sale. It is funny because every sales person talks to my husband directly and they only look at me when referring to the “features” and the color as if they is all that matters, but when it gets down to it my husband looks at them and says you got to talk to her because she is the one who will make the ultimate decision believe me I have no say in this buddy. Thus begins the wealing and dealing in which I end up tearing the guys in finance apart.

My Dad’s grandkids call him “Grumpy”, and man does it fit when it comes to any salesman or real estate agent. Oddly, I’ve never negotiated for a car or piece of real estate in my life. Dad’s always handled it. Curse of being a spoiled Southern girl.

And the “Big Three” need to just take their lumps like everyone else, regroup, and figure out how to create the amazing cars they used to make so long ago the physical proof is considered a classic.

Wish I had a Bumpy around when I bought my first car (what a learning experience that was). You are very fortunate to have known your grandfather – I never got to know either sets of grandparents.

My new weapon next time I buy a car will be my mathmatician friend – he’ll let me know exactly how much I’ll be paying when it’s all said and done. No more fancy math puzzles to figure out regarding how much the true payment is.

Jack, has Sammy met Triumph the comic dog?

I liked this story. I think the funniest yet.
My parents and grandparents immigrated from germany – so my gf’s were called “Opa.” Car buying was german engineering only with them – and was painfully methodic and well planned – either of them could build a diesel engine from scratch – “I hear a subtle “tink” in the cylender 3 piston rod elbow joint bolt fitting”, or something like that they would say to the salesman who’s shoulders would then slump – and then perk up again when “opa” would then say, “I can fix that.”

Both my parents and my husband were huge Ford and Chrysler fans, that was till they saw the news segment on how much an autoworker makes in Detroit. Bumpy is alot like my mother when it comes to cars..your story is hilarious! As for the bailout, I was shocked to find out how much autoworkers make ($75 hr) for building unreliable, poor quality, not worth your time or money cars that no one wants to buy. We have 2 newer Dodges that are nightmares and a Ford which is company issued. We will never purchase a Dodge or Ford ever again, they are terrible cars. My son loves his Acura (made by Honda) & I love my BMW. I would rather buy QUALITY vehicles from now on rather than deal with the repair nightmares we have had with Dodge & Ford. $75 hr for poor quality vehicles….Let them go out of business! England went through a similar Auto crisis with the automakers of “Triump” remember those zippy little sportscars? The US should learn from their mistake, a bailout “Loan” would be a huge mistake.

Classic! Just classic. I love it and you brought back many fond memories of my Grabdfather. OMG if I ever start telling those stories you will ban me from the blog. Heh heh.

I think Bumpy is awesome Jack. We have stuff in common. I also argue over floormats – you are spending over $20K and they expect me to pay $80 – $100 for the floormats? No way Herman! I also make them remove any indication of their name from the car. Even the license plate frame. You go Bumpy! Into this brave night!

Thanks Jack, I needed this!

Jack …. very entertaining!! I always enjoy your posts!! The mere thought of buying a car puts a pit in my stomach …. I’m not big on negotiating!! Next time I have to do it, I’ll imagine Bumpy sitting along side me.

Thanks for laughs!!

“don’t even f—ing try it, pal”

I love it. Reminds me of car shopping with my dad. Ed was a former mechanic, meaning he had a license to swear and his progeny (that would be me, my brother, and my sister) knew every swear word by the time we were two.

I didn’t know the meaning of some of those words until I got married, but that’s another story.

For Ed, buying a car was of an importance on par with negotiating a Middle East peace treaty and he was in his element. By the time we got down to the floor mat negotiations, I was ready to die of embarrassment because at this point, the salesman would do anything to get Ed out of the door. I think some of those guys lost money on those transactions.

Over the years, my husband and I have learned a lot about buying cars. We’ve gone with the Good Cop/Bad Cop approach. When it comes time to negotiate the little stuff like the floormats, my husband plays the good guy and I let the salesman know that I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I’m premenstrual. Then I start walking for the door.

Papers are usually signed within 10 minutes.

Aww Jack, great story once again! Just a thing to brighten up a cold November morning, while working and trying to remain calm and relaxed! You should really have your own show or something!

Greets from Bosnia!

As I wipe the tears from my eyes and massage my cheeks back into a relaxed mode, I want so very much to thank you from the bottom of my worried heart and mind, for the joy and laughter your words help me sustain for a much needed moment of brilliance in rough times. You are truly gifted.