.
October 14th, 2008
12:09 PM ET

Sarah Palin & Joe Biden will now sing the Stevie Nicks-Don Henley classic "Leather and Lace"

Jack Gray
AC360° Associate Producer

I woke up exhausted this morning, as I usually do the day after my semi-annual Columbus Day Cocktail Party. And before you even ask, no, Anderson Cooper was not invited. His entourage is too big – food taster, publicist, tarot card reader – for my tiny apartment and frankly, last time, I was missing some silver.

Anyway, I woke up a bit groggy. I vaguely remember Erica Hill sliding three shot glasses toward me and muttering something about the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria. After that it’s a blur.

Upon waking up, I headed out with my dog, treating the residents of Greenwich Village – as I do everyday - to the work of art that is my fresh-from-bed self. One time I was actually stopped and asked if I would be interested in modeling. I was excited until I found out they wanted me to pose for some of the “before” photos in a rehab brochure.

Anyway, Sammy and I were halfway to the chain smoker who looks like Popeye’s girlfriend Olive Oil when it hit me: The election is still three weeks away. Three interminable weeks of Obama and McCain saying “I’m rubber and you’re glue, whatever bounces off me sticks to you.” And by “you” they mean either crazy old man or friend of domestic terrorists.

I suddenly found myself waxing nostalgic about a night in college when someone put a cigarette out…in my hair. Somehow that seems preferable to 21 more days of listening to pundits and prognosticators, flacks and hacks, to say nothing of the candidates themselves. Yawn.

Don’t misunderstand me; I love covering politics. But enough is enough. I keep thinking: “this should have been over long ago.” Kind of like how I feel about Kim Kardashian’s 15 minutes of fame.

And of course, there’s still one debate left to suffer through. It’s tomorrow night, just in case you don’t have it marked, as I do, with a big smiley face on your calendar. And by smiley face I mean skull and crossbones.

Not that there’s anything wrong with debates, in theory. I’m just saying that if Old Yeller was in the audience tomorrow night he would have turned to his master and said “OK, I’ve had enough. Just take me out back and let’s get this over with.”

But, of course, I’ll watch the debate. As I know millions of others will. And I hope you will watch it on CNN, despite Jeff Toobin paying more attention to the baseball score than what’s happening on stage.

I’m sure there will be some good moments. Obama will be asked if he’s overconfident. He’ll say no and then excuse himself to take a nap.

McCain – in an ill-advised attempt to appear technologically savvy – will boast that he is at that very moment Tivo’ing several re-runs of Matlock.

Then Sarah Palin and Joe Biden will come in at the end to perform their rendition of “Almost Paradise” from Footloose.

I get choked up just thinking about it.


Filed under: Jack Gray • Raw Politics
soundoff (33 Responses)
  1. Cookie

    One of my friends sent me the link to your blog.

    I will have to thank her for introducing her to my new boyfriend.

    (And by that, I mean "fake internet boyfriend", wherein I talk about you at the office, like "Hey, did you read my boyfriend's blog today?" and you remain as you are, having no idea of who I am.)

    October 15, 2008 at 10:51 am |
  2. Judy Opial

    Hi Jack.
    I'm a new old lady, on your neighborhood blog.
    I too, am ready to scream, with this lingering, boring and costly election.
    I made the mistake, of sending fifty bucks, to the Obama campaign, just to have them spend it all, by asking me for another fifty bucks.
    Then there are the constant barrage of TV spots, that make me want to put the wax, back in my ears!
    I also have a dog, as bassett hound named Lucy.
    I walk her too, but there are so many election signs, the urge to deface some of them, with Lucy's dodo, is over whelming.
    So basically, there is only one option left, writing comments, on youra blog, to verbalize my desire, to have this election over.
    Thanks for the therapy Jack.
    It's cheaper than a pyschiatrist and It didn't cost me fifty bucks.

    Obama O'Biden 08!

    October 14, 2008 at 6:45 pm |
  3. Scott Hornsby

    I just want to make myself a Jack Burrito, light it on fire, and smack it with a baseball bat accross my boring suburban town. That is a compliment. Thanks for being.

    October 14, 2008 at 6:44 pm |
  4. Jo

    I think AC should let you do a live commentary each week ... or put you on Erica's webcast.. you are too funny ..

    October 14, 2008 at 6:41 pm |
  5. Deb from Boston

    Just when i think I cant take another minute of this election- Jack posts another belly laugh worthy blog!
    I second the idea of a book- now please.

    October 14, 2008 at 6:38 pm |
  6. Kristien,Antwerp, Belgium

    @Stacy: spot on!
    Thanks for the, like, IQ compliment! Watching 360 helps (most days, lol)

    October 14, 2008 at 6:27 pm |
  7. pati mc., camp hill, pa

    No, no, no Jack! Not reruns of Matlock.....reruns of Maverick. Silly boy! Get some rest dude.

    October 14, 2008 at 6:11 pm |
  8. Stacy

    @Kristien: Yeah, I figured. Let me guess, pretty people who are famous for being famous? Because those are the people the world really needs to be hearing from right about now. I'm glad it sounds like you've chosen to hang onto your IQ points.

    October 14, 2008 at 6:11 pm |
  9. Kristien,Antwerp, Belgium

    @Stacy: the Kardashians are a very special kind of people...You can observe their weird behaviour on the reality program "Keeping up with the Kardashians". Don't watch it too long, you'll lose too many IQ points!

    October 14, 2008 at 5:17 pm |
  10. Stacy

    Your title made me think of a classic by another famous Don:

    So, bye bye Ms. American Pie
    Wall Street gambled with our future, now we might have to cry
    And our leaders point fingers while our citizens ask why
    A distraction is needed and Jack gives a try
    A thanks to this blog's official funny guy

    PS: Can someone please explain to me what a Kardashian is?

    October 14, 2008 at 4:55 pm |
  11. Robin ~ PENSIEVE

    "I suddenly found myself waxing nostalgic about a night in college when someone put a cigarette out…in my hair. "

    THAT is where you just won a new fan. I snorted out loud.

    Let's keep that between me and you, k?

    http://pensieve.typepad.com/pensieve/

    October 14, 2008 at 4:40 pm |
  12. Natalie @ I AM (not)

    I think I'll wait and watch the SNL spoof on the debate. That way I'll pretty much know what happened.

    October 14, 2008 at 4:29 pm |
  13. Caitlin, San Diego

    Perfection again. I heard a rumor that Sammy may be starting a blog...is this true?

    October 14, 2008 at 3:40 pm |
  14. EJ (USA)

    Nice...

    Jack, have you ever written a book? If not, will you consider writing one? How about one about your experiences with the 'cast' of 360? That would be an interesting story.

    October 14, 2008 at 3:06 pm |
  15. Diane

    Hi Jack,
    Lover your sense of humor, I am also tired and bored at all of these, Sarah Palin's lies and he said she said! I would rather be listening to real issues as our economy and what will be done. McCain and his erradict ways. Sen. Barack Obama's tax plan "raises taxes on small business incomes. Not!!! When are tey going to stop? Enough is enough!
    Keep your humor going!
    Diane

    October 14, 2008 at 2:38 pm |
  16. Kristien,Antwerp, Belgium

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Too funny !!

    October 14, 2008 at 2:11 pm |
  17. Roweena D'Souza, Seattle

    Hilarious... haven't watched any of the presi debates and am not going to watch the last one either... however did watch the vp debate.

    AC360 blog might want to implement the new goggles like gmail recently did 🙂

    October 14, 2008 at 2:10 pm |
  18. Betty Ann, Nacogdoches,Tx

    Hey Jack,
    The nina, the pinta and the santa maria. Hmmm, sounds like quite the exploration! Maybe Anderson and his entourage showed up after you consumed the "trilogy" and you just don't remember.
    Here's what you do. Count your silver! If upon the discover of some pieces missing, you can assume that the "Coop" may have paid you a visit!
    Anyway, I think staying drunk until election day is a darn good idea.
    So, here's to the good, bad, and the ugly~
    Cheers!

    October 14, 2008 at 2:08 pm |
  19. Rae

    JACK I JUST LOVE YOU MATE YOU ARE THE BEST
    YOU AND ANDERSON SHOULD RUN FOR PRESIDENT
    THERE WOULD BE MORE DONE AND CORRECTED IN WEEKS THAN BUSH HAS IN 8 YEARS OOPS SORRY HES DONE NOTHINGS RIGHT

    October 14, 2008 at 2:05 pm |
  20. Annie Kate

    Jack

    Glad to see you posting again! Your posts are great.

    I know what you mean about missing silver. Last time I had a family reunion I was missing silver too – I still don't know if it was MY family that took it (in the past they helped themselves to horses) or HIS family that did the dirty deed (Been known to kill whole roomfuls of people by boring them). My bet is on my family unfortunately. With Anderson though you could check his hair and see if he is hiding your silver there. I wouldn't put it past him – he has that innocent Who me? act down too pat.

    I'll turn the debate on – I found last time the best way to watch it was to put it on mute and then make up the conversation yourself. Much less frustrating and better content too. And Jeff has the right idea doing the baseball during the debate – I mean after all the best political team will replay it and dissect it for hidden codes for an hour or so afterwards. Who needs to listen the first time??

    Keep blogging – you have the best posts around – well you and Candy Crowley. Always nice for a smile and at this point after the financial losses the last few weeks a smile is all some of us have left.

    Annie Kate
    Birmingham AL

    October 14, 2008 at 2:01 pm |
  21. Presley

    It's Super Tuesday, Jack is blogging.

    Could you arrange Bristol Palin opening with "Edge Of Seventeen"?

    I salute you Jack, my lighter is up and waving.
    XXO

    October 14, 2008 at 1:51 pm |
  22. Lisa, Virginia

    To get in the spirit of Halloween I’ll watch the debate. John McCain rubbing his hands and calling everyone "my friends" creeps me out! That old man sends more chills up my spine than a week long Sci-Fi Channel horror fest.

    October 14, 2008 at 1:37 pm |
  23. Linda from Boulder

    Thank you, thank you, for saying what I feel! Will this campain ever end? Sad thing is, you know someone is already planning their '12 campaign, to be launched early next year.

    Your blog was so enjoyable.

    October 14, 2008 at 1:32 pm |
  24. Fay, CA

    Jack, the election season could go on indefinitely as far as I'm concerned if it meant we were guaranteed more blog posts from you–it's refreshing to hear your blunt and funny commentary about politics–not to mention the self-deprecating sense of humor that you usually display here.

    BTW, I happened to see Anderson on Regis and Kelly today–I think a food taster might have come in handy....

    October 14, 2008 at 1:31 pm |
  25. Amy

    Love you, Jack, but looove Jeffrey Toobin even more!!

    October 14, 2008 at 1:15 pm |
  26. Laura Cook

    Hopefully this blog will bring someone to make a youtube worthy video of Palin and Biden rocking out to some "Almost Paradise".

    ...classic

    October 14, 2008 at 1:00 pm |
  27. Terra Hoskins

    Oh Jack. I love you man.

    October 14, 2008 at 12:59 pm |
  28. sharon from Indy

    Jack:
    Who is Kim Kardashian? I don't watch rapper porn so I guess I must have missed something.

    When was Columbus Day? I guess it was the day when the mail wasn't delivered.

    Another debate between Obama and McCain? Yawn.

    Enjoy your posts.

    Smile.

    October 14, 2008 at 12:55 pm |
  29. Jennifer - Michigan

    Hey Jack, Great blog – lots of laughs! Tip for you on debate night -have a few beers before it starts. The debates are much more interesting when you have a glow going. It's worked for me anyway. I look forward to doing it again Wednesday night. Have a good day today, better soak up this warm weather, it's gonna get cold all of a sudden. See ya.

    October 14, 2008 at 12:48 pm |
  30. Tina

    For real about the glue.

    October 14, 2008 at 12:47 pm |
  31. Bill

    Maybe McCain will be Tivo'ing reruns of Laurel and Hardy so he can plan his next move.

    October 14, 2008 at 12:43 pm |
  32. Jolene, St. Joseph, MI

    Jack: May I suggest you have a "Cocktail Party" every night now until this election is over. It makes your blog posts that much more interesting!

    Someone put out a cigarette in your hair? And I thought my college days were wild. You are one up on me. But Sarah and Joe performing "Almost Paradise", now that's classic. Thanks for the laugh. Who would of thought you were a "Footloose" fan. Ha!

    October 14, 2008 at 12:34 pm |
  33. Cindy

    Oh Jack, Jack, Jack...you are just too friggin funny!! I am totally with you on wishing this election was over. It is starting to bore me to death! Thank God tomorrow is the last debate. I don't know if I can handle any more. But hey...maybe Biden and Palin's little duet would liven things up a bit! LOL On second thought...we'd probably die from laughter or from horror one! LOL Can't decide which....

    Cindy...Ga.

    October 14, 2008 at 12:26 pm |