"THAT is how you do it John!"

Grandpa, you think they believed a word I said?

Do you think they BELIEVED me????

It's ok, if you are nervous, just imagine them all in underwear...........

Angelo
Nuernberg, Germany

Look... Bill and Hillary are here too! right there next to Lieberman.

Oh, I forgot to tell you during the vetting process......."they can't get married yet.....then she wouldn't have health insurance"

Next I'll have a "wardrobe malfunction" and they'll be so distracted we'll walk right into the oval office.

Lesley Foster
Jacksonville, FL

BrookeAnna St. Louis, MO

" You see that man in the front row, he does my hair!"

"John, if you liked the speech, your love the parade of Moose, starting momentarily.

Art Lazar
Phoenix, AZ

I'm Sarah, it's nice to meet you sir.

Did you see the "hot Chick" buttons, great grandpa John?

I told you a beauty queen could handle this....No college education, living in a state where I'm the most popular only by my state; I'm in there....

"Funny, I think they believed me John, no its the one on the right thats really my child, but they think its hers"

Neil, Amsterdam, Holland

"My daughter's friend over there won the geography bee at her school. We should make her Secretary of State- I think she's got enough experience for that, don't you?"

See that guy sitting over there in the front row ? That's Roland Martin from AC 360,in my next speech I'm going slam him like I did Obama.
I will call him Rowan and Martin because his reporting on us is a joke.

Hey boss - can I go over there and put Campbell Brown in her place?

My husband, Todd, is off to sign up as a Republican!
I am GLAD you finally convinced him!

I'll be changing my son's diapers and my grandchild's diapers. You're right, one more won't hurt.

Beauty and the Beast!!!

"Do you think the American people at home are as dumb as the ones here?"

She that older gentleman in the blue suit ? That's my father in law, he wants me to ask you if you will fix him up with your mother.

Frankenstein and Dracula get their act together!!

Hey baby dont tell Cindy that her outfit is ugly and my speech the american people bought every word i said, because i didnt even mean a word i said.
California

Roland Martin looks a little dizzy...we'd better get him a Lorna Doone.

"For a wax figure, you'll fool them as you did me!"

"Which impression do you think they'll like more ... the pitbull or the barracuda?"

See I told you John, The RNC isn't just for old, mean spirited, white guys anymore!

Palin: "How many community organizers does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

McCain: "What's a light bulb?"

"Hey John...u wanna switch places on the ticket now???"

john, I can't wait to sell airforce one on ebay!

Try not to look surprised but Senator OBAMA is waiting for you outside

John, did you hear this one? A community organizer and a senator from Delaware met at a fake Greek temple....."

"Didn't I say this crowd would soon be louder than the mob outside?"

I know why you picked me... I was the only candidate shorter than you!

I told you they'd like me, I'm just like the cool mom in Juno!

Hey boss, did you notice they are not booing!

John, you told me the moose that voted for would get a seat up front.

Sarah whispers to John:

"If the real thing dont do the trick
No, you better make up something quick
You gonna burn burn burn burn it to the wick
Ooooooohhhh, barra barracuda."

All in the name of party unity!

Sarah to John: "You are my hero!"

Don't look surprised but Senator OBAMA is sitting in the front row

"Can I keep that teleprompter as a souvenir?"

John remember I am the Barracuda this is my night to swim.
PauL
Round Rock, Texas

Sarah to John: "There's one born every minute as PT Barnum said, and we have a whole audience, heck, a whole party, full of them... they bought it! Hook line and sinker... see having a husband as a fisherman helped me learn how to reel them in with even artificially contrived bait!"

How is a community organizer like abstinence? Neither one works!

Go get 'em Tiger the door to the Presidency is wide open!

"Okay John, all you have to do is read the words that someone else wrote on those little screens right there, pause when they start clapping and cheering and if you get lost just nod your head a lot."

You think that was something ? just wait until I get a hold that little phoney Biden in the debate.

you've been duped. this palin thing is classic misdirection. she wasn't some miraculous maverick pick. all of the good ole boys i.e.(romney, huckabee,etc.) turned mc cain down they don't choose to lose. they know mc cain can't beat obama so they all opted out. wise up people don't fall for this parlor trick dig a little deeper.

Oops, there's just one more thing I forgot to tell you.

Hey John, would you like to crowd surf with me?

Hillary just texted me,she loved the way I ripped Obama apart.

Baracauta Palin assures the Senator that her fangs and claws are now retracted.

"Dont look now John, but there's your beloved Campbell Brown choking down some crow !!"

"Pit bull" Palin begs for just one debat with "Rotweiler "Clinton. Imagine the fur and the blood.

and they thought i was going to talk about issues.

Oops, there’s just one more thing I forgot to tell you.

See that firearm aimed at you John? I'm planning to mount you on my wall right between my stuffed moose and your little stuffed Hamster.

Let's order moose burgers on us for the whole place!

"Did you see my daughter spit smooth my baby's hair? She does mine too!"

Look, look......I think they bought it! Now that I've saved your political career.. I was wondering, can my family use one of your houses?

Lets pull a switcheroo so that i can give Senator Obama and Joe what's his name a real hiding.

Oh my, check out that girls hair!!! Who would go into public with that pompadour.

"When do I get to meet Brooks & Dunn"

"I think we have those people fooled John!

Ryan B
Seattle, WA

Senators Obama 'n Biden are hidin in a cave as the Alaskan Attack Cat is unleashed.

I think I can now read slowly from the teleprompter, John, but "what is it exactly that the VP does every day"?

"Check it out. The GOP hasn't had this kind of turnout since Nuremburg!"

Um Cindy's dress cost $300,000. I'm gonna have to sell that on eBay.

I think I made Hillary cry a little.

You work for ME now, Old Man!

Los Angeles, Ca

Manly yes, but I like it too!

Wow, look at all the people here, there are more here than in my whole state of Alaska!

Giving a speech like that is such a rush, you should try it sometime.

John, that guy just told me that he saw Obama blindfolded out on the ledge of the 89th floor.

"I'm from Alaska...go north and turn left."

Why don't you go over there John and mind the baby with Cindy and leave the rest to me!

Thelma and Louise

Just like that other "Babe", I hit it outta here!

They don't call me the Baraccuda for nothing.

The teleprompter is right in front of the podium: do you need my glasses?

They loved me..they really, really loved me. Now where is my damned oscar ??

John dear, If 'm to be your Attack Cat I need to be given the okay by the Vet.

Look a thumbs up from our friends at cnn!!!!!!

Ok, I have secured the nomination, all I need you to do is not screw this up Thursday.

John, what do you think we can get for Air Force 1 on Ebay?

Sorry John, I realy don't have time right now to repeat it. You do know that a hearing aid only works if you turn it on , don't you?

Sarah said to John...
"Can you believe these stupid people? They’re actually thinking about voting for us!"

They actually BOUGHT the community organizer line...

never mind that Pontius Pilate was a governor and Jesus Christ was a community organizer.

Palin "Look at all these suckers John!"

John "Yes! Haha! These Americans are so naive..."

Maine

Do you see the standing ovation? I can do anything, you just wait!

SARAH: I really like that teleprompter thing...do they have those for press interviews too? Is nuclear really spelled "new-clear?"

JOHN: I think my good buddy 90% of the time George Bush spells it "nucular"

"can you believe they're falling for this garbage?! 'International experience because Alaska is close to Russia'--Now lets tell them my daughter's pregnancy was immaculate conception!!"

Look ever there, I made than man cry.

Tracey – Boston

"Now that I've taken care of Obama and the fawning, mainstream media, schedule a ton of debates for me with Biden."

I could hear your bones cracklin' from way over there.

Correction :

Look over there, I made that man cry.

Tracey – Boston

"That was just like the speech I gave for the "Miss Wasilla" pagent!

If you are nervous during YOUR speech John, just imagine that everyone in the audience is wearing DEPENDS!

Mark S.
Sacramento, CA

If I were you John I'd get up there quick and give the folks a run for their money before the party's poor economic record catches up with you.

I hit that one out of the park for you John and now that guy, with the baseball cap on, wants to test me for steroids!!

If they think YOU will divide our country, wait till they hear my speech!!!

"That's right, John. I told the reporter that, after eight years, there will still be a bush on the ticket!!"

"I am going to really like working under you, (if you know what I mean.)"

Do you see Hillary over there? She's selling 18 million votes on ebay!

"Do you get it John? Pitbulls don't wear lipstick. "

Hey John were are we again? I never knew the rest of America were only White people over 60.

John McCain can hardly contain himself as Sarah points out the mass of undecided voters going from left to right.

Knocked that sucker over the left field fence, didn't I ?

CORRECTION- please delete previous
Make sure the bartenders keep the alcohol flowing tomorrow too. When they're this wasted you can say just about anything and they love it!

"Watch out John, I'm wearing lipstick"

Hon! If you can't see the teleprompter just use the big screen and read my lipstick!!

Psssst – Your diaper is leaking sir.

I think the animal rights lady is mad that we insulted pitt bulls again.

Look towards my left, near the CNN cameramen, can you see them? Those are the entire residents of the city of Wasilla where I was Mayor. They are all here tonight. Aint that amazing?!

I still don't know what a vice president does?!

I know why you picked me… I was the only candidate shorter than you!

THAT was almost as much fun as cubing and curing a moose!

Look straight towards my left, near the CNN cameramen, can you see them? Those are the entire residents of the city of Wasilla where I was Mayor. They are all here tonight. Aint that amazing?!

John, They really like me. I think we have the ticket backwards.

DDDUUUDDDEEEE,we are so GOP

January 20,2009,it's a date,we are so there!!!!!!!!!!!!!

McPalin: Is it time for me to tell the world I'm not only a Barracuda but a wolf as well!!!

McSame: Don't scare them just yet wait til we get elected!

Psst, John! That realtor over there says she's found you a great house in Juneau to add to your collection.

If they liked my speech this much, I bet they would like my moose droppings cookies!

Sorry, John, I don't see anything. Just the normal wax build-up.

If we can brainwash these people this easily now, imagine the power of mind control we will have when we pass bills to teach creationism and our form of religion and ways of thinking when to the young and moldable in our public school systems!

Nice tie!

John why in the world did you come up on stage. Tonight is my night. Who knows if i'll ever have the chance to talk to such a big audience after the election.

Look happy for me John. I'm pregnant again. What kind of maternity leave do I get as VP?

"See? THEY don't seem to mind that I cost you the election..."

"We've got 'em fooled – they think I'm qualified."

Psst, Don't worry John I have on my Hockey Mom lipstick.

It was as easy as shooting defenseless moose in the wilderness of Alaska!

The next 4 years will make Bush 8 years
look like a pleasure cruise to the Bahamas!

I think it's working, John. They want me for President in four years!

Thank God I didn't have Alaska seceed from the union, for who wants to be VP of Alaska when you can be VP of all America!

The boys room is that way Daddy

I call this move "The Death Knell Boogie".

Is that a smile I see on our Black delegate or is that our Hispanic delegate?

I'm pregnant too!

I've invited Dick Cheny moose hunting next week. His won't be loaded and I know that I can't miss. I'll prove once and for all that the NRA is right and this is a great example why we should all carry guns.

the skipper and mary ann (gilligan's island) trying to figure out how to get the rest of the country to their little island.

We make a great team... You bring the McPain to the democrats, and I will be the imPaliner!

That guy thinks you are my dad!

Remind me to thank whom ever wrote that speach for me. They know me better than I do!

I just brought it home for you John......... now its your turn.

I used the same advice I use to give my son in hockey of how to play with the puck – Play loose and fast... except I did it with the facts and the low blow jabs... see being a hockey mom may not qualify me to HOLD this office but it more than qualifies me to RUN (or should I say SKATE) for this office!

So form does trump substance at these things. Who knew?!

"I've got them all wrapped around my finger!"

Look at this crowd...they're totally buying it!!

"Oh, before I forget John, the current bid on ebay for the Straight Talk Express is $68,932."

the skipper and mary ann..... here on..... gop isle.

Look at them. They actually think I wrote that speech!

Bring some bolt cutters up to my suite and I'll show you how a hockey mom teaches abstinence to her daughter's boyfriend.

Now you better watch it John... mess with me and I'll take a bite out of your neck too...

Barracuda that I am.

Ok, trust me on this. If you open your acceptance speech tomorrow night lip syncing "There is Nothin' Like a Dame!" you'll have 'em eating out of the palm of your hand.

John look over there in the corner next to the exit, I actually saw a minority here tonight at the convention.

the skipper and mary ann....here on g.o.p. isle.

cynthia saxon
texas

John sweety the podium is right over there and the teleprompter is straight ahead. Do you need me to walk you over to it Maverick?

John, I wrote my name down for you with lipstic just in case you forget it again.

"Hilary's not in the building, is she?"

John, look at your wife. She doesn't realize that I am a heartthrob to the future president.

"Now if you catch my daughter flirting with some kid from the audience, you let me know. We can't afford another scandal."

Jorge
Arlington, VA

Gov. Palin takes a moment for Sweet Talk, inbetween her Tough Talk.

"What is that bewitching scent you're wearing, John?"
"Ben-Gay."

During your speech, if you notice that its not going so well just tell them you will lower taxes and reduce spending, they seem to like that.

"You know, John, something tells me that teaching abstinence in school is not going to work."

Jorge
Arlington, VA

I think this crowd loved my Moose Stew I just cooked up for them

HEY,... Those emergency exits over there are blocked! I want the Safety Coordinator FIRED!!

"And for the record, Johny, when I said teaching creationism I was not referring to creating babies."

Jorge
Arlington, VA

See I told you not to worry, Look over there, I didn't even use the cue cards.

You can't blame my daughter for being like that girl in the movie Juno, after all it was influential for our children with Juneau being our capital and all!

Look over there John that's the hockey mom fan club.

Did you see my daughter fix my son's hair? I think that she could do the same for you, John!!

Look at this Crowd, It's the Scientology Convention and drunks with Alaska Amber to Drink, We Are SOOO Winning !!

Look John the media is wearing Hockey Mask's now.

I know you picked me because Obama didn't pick Hilary, but can you tell me the difference between Iraq and Iran?

Look at the Line for Mooseburgers at the Concession Stand !!

There's my next big game prey - that herd of CNN elite media.

Palin imagines McCain crowd surfing at the RNC

Is that The National Enquirer over there snapping shots at Trigs Hairstyle?

Those CNN Reporters don't know it yet, but I even Lied about my birthdate on my Resume !!

Check it Out, It's My Old Boss, Pat Buchanan and he's eating a Mooseburger !!

John voters need to lose sight of where we are as
a nation and how their leadership got us there.

I know we just met, but but my name is Palin. P-A-L-I-N

With this kind of response I may never have to go back to my Igloo

I promised each of these delegates an Acre in the Alaska Wildlife Reserve if they applauded my speech !!

OMG...I am sure glad we thought of flying all these people in from Alaska, and that section from the care homes,this place would have been empty tonight.

It's down the hall and on the left.

Ok John, you can turn your hearing aid back on- I'm done with the tongue lashing.

What's that black guy doing here?

"I'm pregnant!"

Those silly women in the audience don't know I will break the glass ceiling with my Rifle !!

John, your wife is glaring at me.

My daughter's fiancee is only here becuase I threatened his whole family with shooting them to death !!

Those people thought I was your secretary.

There are more people here than in all of Alaska...but I won't be in charge of this many people, right!?

I blew them out of the water and they don't know what hit them.

They Just Delivered my "Elvira" Costume for Our Halloween Night Party !!

If you hit the puck just the right way, you can bank off that wall and get in behind the goalie

Yeah, we do things a little different in Alaska... just ask my kids: Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow, and Piper!

My daughter's fiancee is only here because I threatened to Have Him Fired !!

See Tucker Bounds is on His Toes Since I Threatened to Have Him Fired !!

In addition to my kids: Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow, and Piper...... We also have four dogs: Johnny, Cindy, Danny and Kim.

"Sit down and be quiet, John, I can take things from here!"

When it comes to sexuality, John
you need to take my advice.

Bristol was wondering if she could honeymoon at one of the beachfront condos in California.

John, do you think the Hillary voters noticed that I am no Hillary, nor do I fact check my own speeches

With a speech like that John we'll be on our way to drilling soon

And we Americans thought Dick Cheney was scary...........

Look Anderson and you have the same hair color!

A whisper and a finger wag......the Republcan's version of a fist bump.

...and if you need your hair touched-up, go over and see Piper.

Okay John, I'll take Campbell while you hold of Wolf!

John, we going to need more meat for this cry see that they love me.

John, we going to need more meat for this crowd see that they love me.

"John, do you think they know reform is an older, I mean other word for change?"
"Just keep smiling Sarah, just keep smiling."

That 20-year-old chick over there says she thinks you're cute.

For Christ's sake, John. Forget vanity and get a pair of glasses. I can't read this whole speech for you.

You and Bush's writers did great writing my speech but I noticed they left 1 thing out.......what ARE we going to do about this world mess???? Huh John???

Sarah: Look a Black Republican!
McCain: Wha?!?! Where??

John, do you know how to tell the difference between the President and Vice President? The President wears lipstick.

HEY,… Those emergency exits over there are blocked! I want the Safety Coordinator FIRED!!

Did you see Piper licking Trig's hair?! I cannot believe she just did that on national television!

"I can't belive they fell for it"!

"wow look at that crowd! There are more people in the audience then the town I was the mayor for"

Matt
Long Island, NY

You Silly Man , That's Not Barbara Bush, That's Your Mom !!

Oh, did I forget to mention that my son Track is a registered Democrat?

"wow look at that crowd! There are more people in the audience then the city I was the mayor for"

Matt
Long Island, NY

"You have to do something fast. The economy is so bad that AC-360 can no longer afford those cheap T-Shirts."

John, it takes a woman to kiss and make up, just look at Pat Robertsons face.

They Caught Mitt Romney Crying in the Bathroom !!

The Joke's on Them , The Hot Dogs are All Moose Meat !!

"look over there john, I think I found Waldo"

Matt
Long Island, NY

Jhon, Cindy is over there next to my husband and she has the camera ready so let’s please smile okay?

Did ya hear the one about the Democrat and the Hockey Mom?

Better help me keep an eye on that boyfriend of hers. If he breaks up with her...

An old Eskimo proverb says, " Putting honey on cow@#&$# doesn't make it smell any better".

Mark S.
Sacramento, CA

"Standing up here with that smile on your face is a true example of the benefits Medicare. Maybe I should have ended the speech with 'This is what can Viagra do for you'..."

...So, John–did I tell ya I knew a little bit about Snow Jobs or WHAT??...there's a lot of it up where I come from!

Blow the hockey moms a kiss, they like that!

"Ann Coulter did a great job writing that speech, they love this stuff!"

Pssst....John, I believe the voters are that way.

You're pretty gutsy yourself, cutting up Hillary's pantsuit to make yourself a tie.

How's that for a pit bull with lip stick?!

Who do You Think is More Jealous, Your Wife or My Husband ??

Your name is John McCain, and your on stage at the Republican Convention, Just smile and wave

Psst, hey John, we need to tell Romney to stop contradicting me!

I found a ledge that overlooks the press, and I've got my moose gun! Wanna go for some liberal-media blood?

Remember what I said: Try to dump me and I'll tell them YOU'RE the father.

Okay, don't look now, but that old lady down there in the front? Well, she's totally checkin' out your butt...NO, not HER–that's YOUR MOM!!

That telepromter helped out a lot while read the speech prepared by Bush's favorite speech writer. Now let's go shoot some guns. USA! USA! USA! Country first. God Bless America!

those people out there really think i'm a "maverick" too hahaha

"Why you old devil you! I'll meet you back behind the bandstand!"

Dude, when you want something done, get a hockey-mom to do it.

How was my second interview?

"John, do you think they are believing anything I'm telling them?"

listen here old man, with the reception I am getting right now, you will be lucky if this bunch doesn't change the rules midstream, put me on the top of this ticket, and then you will be MY vp! I have got Carl Rove and Sean Hannity working out the details of just that right now!

So u think they wuldn't wanna bring global warming to the white house by not electing me?

I just read what was displayed on that board right there.....

John, they love us! We need to take this show on the road!

That's the guy that's in charge of computer training for senior citizens.

That sign says "Soccer Mom" what the heck is that ?

"John, I hate to be the one to to tell you this, but I think we are at the wrong convention. This is the AARP convention!"

Do you think they liked the pitbull joke or the Gore's jet joke the best?

I can't believe You just said "What a beautiful family" Did you really talk about my family over there??

Mc Cain – Cane
Palin -Pain

Well I guess now they wouldn't say that.

Palin: "Yeah, that's my newborn daughter with her newborn son."

"Right on!...Latest medical reports say leave the ear wax alone."

Just follow the blood trail I left over there to finish them off tomorow night.

"I think someone from the retirement home is looking for you...They're wondring why you aren't at the afternoon ice cream social. The bus is waiting for you!"

I promised them a strong national defense, stable economy, affordable healthcare...and that I wouldn't have anymore children.

John: I think the Democratic Party is an abortion. That's why I'm against them.

"They have no idea YOU bought the Jet!!!

John, when I get through with Obama, he'll wonder why my business card title is not V.P. of Proctology.

Room #251, big boy, in half an hour!

You're right John, we can get these idiots to cheer at anything we say.

"Don't worry Mac, I got this!"

The little boy's room is that way!

You saw what I just did, right, John? Don't mess with me or you'll find yourself on the receiving end!

Let's make them think we're talking about them, laugh really hard like I just told you something funny!

Johnny, I'll tell you anything you want to hear. Just get me into the White House!

I just sold your mother on Ebay!

Ron, Springvale, ME

I told you my speech would be more moving than your Metamucil..
Now pay up !

Palin: "You think they know that I'm not related to that guy from Monty Python?"
McCain: "Wait, Monty Python's NOT a person?!"

Hey, is that Erica Hill looking at you?

How much longer I have to do this, before you tell them Lieberman
is your VP. Hillary voter have turned.

Connie NJ, US

Hey ,McCain I'm headin out to dress a moose but I need help puttin it's pants on.

"Oh John, one more thing I forgot to mention...the woman right there is the one I conspired against to win Miss Wasilla."

Alisha – Raleigh, NC

John keep smiling I remembered to stock up on your depends.

I just challenged Joe Biden to caged wrestling match!

I think I shot and scored, and followed your game plan, John, not one mention of real issues and as many personal attacks as fights in a hockey game, and look they are eating it up, like a well cooked moose burger!

"John, you promise that this will get me out of Alaska?"

"Oh shoot! John, in the front row is the librarian I tried to fire and behind her is the tax auditor. Oops! I forgot to tell you that thingy about my taxes."

Alisha – Raleigh, NC

We are bringing Juneau to the White House, both the governor from the Alaskan capital of that name and the pregnant 17 year old like in the movie Juno of the same pronounciation!

One more little thing I forgot to tell you – I'm divorcing Todd!

Sarah: "I said, THANK FOR COMING OUT!!!"

McCain: "Huh?"

Alisha – Raleigh, NC

"Just say Hi, John. The teleprompter is not working,"

Alisha – Raleigh, NC

If they bought that speech, then we have a good chance of them buying my dictates of no sex ed in public schools, no birth control for teenagers or anyone, of teaching creationism in public schools, and we can one day even teach Armmeggdon in public schools and paint our opponent as the antiChrist... religion rules! Literaly if I am one day President!

Don't confuse the Barraccuda with Barrack, the later may go for the vote but the former goes every time for the throat!

Imagine how this will look on my pageant resume!

Look, I've even got the male delegates throwing their boxers on the stage!

Have a seat Johnnie. I'll call on you when it's your turn.

See, I told ya, theres one of Hillary's supporters over there.

"Watch your step, John. That scared the pee right out of me."

...okay, remember when Joe talked about him being an "Irish Twin?" Well...There's one more thing I forgot to tell ya...it's really quite amusing!!"

I think my daughter can spit -fix your hair too. That should take the attention away from the "Bush" speech I just spit out!

...if he looks at me one more time, i'm gonna fly off this stage and woop anderson cooper's ass.

Do you hear them cheering? They like me... they really do.

" Yes, over there, John ..I think they spelled Hockey incorrectly on the poster–it says "Cocky" Mom...."

I'll take a Mooseburger with fries. And I like my Mooseburger rare... with lots of blood.

West Hollywood, CA

OK. So we've got a deal. You'll fake a heart attack on January 21st, and I'll rule the country. Right?

"John, this is what I call the hockey mom hat trick and it just may have worked."

"John, you should step over there for a spray tan or make-up or something! You look whiter tonight then when they told you my daughter was pregnant!"

John, your acceptance speech ison the 4th. Today is the 3rd.

Look John! I reformed them right in front of your very eyes. I told you all I had to do was show them that even though I am in politics I still believe my place is in the kitchen.

Bet you these people don't know I'm you're love child from 44 years ago!

So is this stadium as big as where the Washington Capitols play?

I told you those public speaking classes in college would pay off. And you were so nervous!

Now I'm going to drop the Hockey Mom and Pitbull line to them

See John. I told the speech writer that bad mouthing Obama would pay off. The money should start rolling in now.

You know, I think they fell for it?

See John! I told you that wearing a strap on underneath my skirt would help!

You saw that? Now do what I did and they might love you just as much.

John, I figured you'd pick an inexperienced black woman as your vp.

"John do you think they know I started on SNL?"

In
a parallel universe,far,far away,Donnie and Marie were presidential
candidates

Don't get too excited yet, John... if that one heartbeat comes before the election, we're both sunk.

"Do you think Paris will mention me in her next video?"

John, do you know the difference between a hockey mom VP candidate and a pitt bull – the former is more viscous when it attacks!

John, do you know the similarity between a hockey mom VP candidate and a pitt bull – pit bullsh*t!

McCain:Oh no,please Cindy dont be watching ,please Cindy dont be watching!!

Is that another mole on your face?

Hey John I'm almost done here...why don't you bring the car around?

They had no idea...

John, did a mortician do your makeup ?

And Hillary Clinton whined about sexism...

"Ok, now walk over to that microphone and tell the nice people that I'm replacing you as the presidential candidate and you'll be MY veep!"

"Shall I call my plastic surgeon for you then? We should have all those baby-boomers under our belt after that."

mmm... mmm mothballs.....

She is telling him, "they bought it, it worked – we'll laugh about it later, John."

For the sake of the country, don't go toward the light.

Don't worry John, I'll turn Biden into mooseburgers!

About vetting ... When I said I was "right-wing", I meant the position that I play when I'm being a hockey mom. See that camera? You've been Punk'd!

Between me and Barak, Bill Clinton is loosing his whole sense of specialness. Awe...

"I want green drapes with snowflakes in every room, and cute little igloo dog-houses for my Husky team to be placed in the north lawn, and I'll need 14 spaces throughout The White House for my stuffed mooseheads, and I want..."

If they bought that, boy do I have some swamp land in Alaska to sell them!

I know we are saying we are for change, John, but is now really the time to change your depends?

Yeah, I rock too.

Hey listen John. I am pointing out into the crowd so they won't know what I am talking about but, your right hand looks really strange.

My speech? Oh, I didn't even bother following the script, Senator. I just ad-libbed the whole thing like Anderson Cooper does all the time on his show.

I wasn't lying when I said we would be agents of change... afterall, the VP house will be changing a lot of diapers, and together we can change things back to the good old days.... of crusades and religious oligarchy!

Hey, that Edwards guy back there just gave me his phone number.

"John your wore the same tie on SNL when we met the first time."

What is this business with having a "Drill Offshore" banner next to a "Energy Independence" banner? This like an.. oxyprotest. Also, the "Drill baby drill" chant makes me sick to my stomache.

"John the crowd is out there."

See... they forgot all about my pregnant high-schooler and the case of my brother in law. Thats how you get em John!

You have ring-around-the collar.

If you need it, my daughter can slick your hair down too.

Look at all those suckers! They actually believed me!

I think that guy's pants are unzipped.

So, what they don't know is that I'm YOUR love child from 44 years ago!

OK John i read all lines you told me to- now can I go to change diaper?

"Pit bull and lipstick? Barbara Bush gave me that line."

Pssst...John I will be right back, I see my rifles dealer over there.

John: Sandra–I mean Sally–I mean Sarah, they actually BELIEVED your speech?!?
Sarah: Yes sir they did, look at them! SUCKERS!!

I am the one with the lipstick.

Bill Clinton just call me up for a booty call!

Oh look Cindy is exited too !! You going to have hot night !

I dare you to go out there and get more applause than I did!

John Edward is really my bady's daddy.

Would you marry me, I know you did the same to your ex-wife should not be a problem

Hey Good Ole Boy, I dont know if I can really do this. I couldn't get own my daughter to follow my ideas, how can I get a country that doesn't like america to do what I say. If you die, what will I do?

One more little thing I forgot to tell you. . . I've got 'bundle of joy #6' on board!

Hi John,
Not much diversity at the RNC. I feel right at home! Since Alaska lacks diversity as well!!!

The wax figure of John McCain that Ms. Palin dragged out onto the stage appeared amazingly lifelike!

Hey John, did you see the black guy in the audience?

Those people over there actually think we are ending the WAR.

Let me help you to the podium, John!

Fire in the hole!

John – look at the TelePrompter! It even spells! Noo-klee-er!

John, give me a few days and you'll be the wind beneath my wings.

John, I've decided, along with a few of your GOP friends, to reverse the ticket. You are now the VP candidate.

Be careful what you pray for!

Of course, I'm cutthroat! Have you ever cleaned a moose?

John, do you think i attracted all the Hillary's women voters?

Look towards my left, the guys are crazy about me. They want me to be the president.

Did you see my baby Daddy over there?

Just don't bring up the fact that Tina Fay is my twin sister, and I think we'll be ok.

This room is whiter than your hair and my state!

Why is everyone holding up Tina Fay posters?