NO NO NO I didnt say that! Can we start over?

ACHOO!!!

No Senator McCain that is just a television key-light.
You don’t need to “go towards” it.

Did you hear that..
Did Jay Just call me Mr. President on National Television?

I get Hillary now???

Senator McCain shows his wacky impersonations and illustrates why Fred Travalini won’t be needed at the Republican Convention this year.

See I can look just as goofy as President Bush!

McCain - Jay, is that an earthquake!? Leno - No its your cell phone, the DNC is calling to tell you - your down in the polls.

Michael Andrews - Gorton NY

Yes one of the many things I have EXPERIENCE in is playing the fool.. you remember my foolish joke about the song bomb bomb bomb Iran making light of yet another unnecessary war we could start to kill more of our soldiers and squander more of our resources and tax money.

The Senator sends a shout-out to his family watching back at the homes.

Wait………I gotta fly coach on the way home!

Sorry my hemorrhoids are acting up… I do find Obama’s charisma and popularity to be a pain in my …

Oh No, Is that clock right? It’s past my bedtime!

McCain, want to see my impersination of G. W. Bush?!

Michael - Groton, NY

I know that look.
He gets it every night they serve fruit cup at the home.

Sen. McCain reacts to the news that Ted Kennedy spoke at the Democratic National Convention.

McCain “OOoooo I’m on TV with Jay Leno”

Michael Andrews - Groton, NY

The Democratic convention was so pathetic last night even Howard Dean was like “I gotta stay awake, I gotta stay awake, I gotta… ZZZzzzz…”

No, No, don’t applaud for I am not a hypocrite using a TV show like a CELEBRITY to gain votes… I am here to have a political debate with Jay Leno on what’s funny and what’s in bad taste, since I don’t seem to know the difference.

Look into my eyes:
You’re getting very sleepy, …..sleepy,…..sleeee-py,……zzzzzzzz…….

What do you mean Ted Kennedy made a speech?

“..and then suddenly I heard a voice in my head that told me that Hilary Clinton might just save my campaign”.

Peter T
Mankato, MN

Whoah John!
The entire 13 million Converted Clintonites will come AFTER Billy Boy speaks!!!

Oooh, my butt is too sore to sit down from the way Obama is kicking it in the polls.

…. and when he drew that CROSS with his toe,,, I saw the clouds part, a dove land on a tree, and God said unto me…
“Divorce thy wife, marry thou an heiress, go into politics!”

If this election doesn’t work out for you, Senator, you can always be my “side-kick” on my show on ABC!

Mark S.
Sacramento, CA

Wait, hold the nomination !! No one told me there was an open spot as the the fourth judge on American Idol, I might have to rethink this President of thing !!

No No, don’t worry; I know its the late show but I will be home and in bed in time for the 3am calls.

OMG Jay let me tell you this story — I just flew from Boise and meet Larry Crieg in the bathroom…

Michael Andrews - Groton, NY

I’m bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bombing - on the Tonight Show!

Hey, Jay. Look, I can be a bigger idiot than Joe Biden!

Lana - North Olmsted, Ohio

Obama said “I do not who I am dealing with”. I am so scared!

Sen. McCain is horrified to learn that Ted Kennedy spoke at the DNC.

Jay, I think I’m getting a side -effect from Levitra!

Mark S.
Sacramento, CA

Geez! Why did my staff book me on a night when Johnny had a substitute host.

Leno, “John!!! I hope that didn’t put a hole in the chair!?”

If I hadn’t gone into the military and then politics, I would have been a stand-up comedian.

WAIT; I FORGOT my flag pin.

I don’t have to leave for the next guest. I was a POW!

Sen. McCain tries to hypnotize the home viewers into voting for him.

What Jay!! I have 8 houses and also a Ranch in Texas?
Paul
Round Rock, Texas

McCain counts down the top ten reasons he should be president. Number ten: POW. Number nine: POW. Number eight…

When I count to three you will wake up and have an overwhelming urge to vote for me.

I thought they were asking how many episodes of House I’ve seen.

Passing a kidney stone on national TV is just a part of aging.

Wait, I’m having a vision….oops no I forgot my glasses it’s just the camera man.

Sen. McCain is horrified after catching a glimpse of himself on a monitor.

Oh No!!!! Did coming here make me miss watching the speeches of the Democratic Convention!!!?

Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, diarrhea… experience isn’t the only thing that comes with old age.

Wait, don’t start yet, I forgot to powder my head.

I’ll be the scariest looking President you’ll ever see!!!

He’s the biggest celebrity in the world, but is he ready to lead?

Ladies & Gentleman the Next President of the United States:
John Magoo

OOOOhhhh…the HOUSE question AGAIN??…I knew I should have counted before I got to the show!

Maybe coming on TV so soon after cosmetic surgery wasn’t a good idea.

“Holy smokes, I have that many houses Jay? Are you sure?”

And yet another shift in McCain’s Policy,

Oh my God, can you believe I just asked a celebrity to be my Vice President on National Television !!!

John Pavoratti Mccain.

If there is a tough situation I’ll be the coolest president.

HOOOAH!

Well,…in all honesty Jay, while I was waiting backstage, I took a bit of Cindy’s botox.

This is how I’d look after a facelift.

WHAT? DNC is today?

There they go again. Playing the who has more homes and more cars game again.

Holy Cow!!! I’m in a dead heat with Obama?!?! I never thought this day would come!!!

Since when is owning seven houses being an Elitist?!?!?

Where Am I ?!?!….that alzheimer’s must be kicking in again

there it goes again… that pesky light at the end of the tunnel…. i told you guys to wait!!

WHO AM I? WHERE AM I? WHAT HAPPENED? WHY AM I HERE?

Wait Hilary don’t do it be my VP!

“I’m turning seventy-WHAT?!?!”

No,No Belive me
I have nothing to with this person Paris Hilton!!!!!!

OK, Who left the whoopi cusion in the seat???????????

An astonished McCain reacts to Leno’s always hilarious whoopee cushion stunt.

Uh oh!!!!……….go to break!! That was a wet one.

John Mccain terrified after he realized he’s running for president.

McCain demonstrates how he will alertly reach for the phone if and when it rings at 3am.

Wait Hilary Don’t talk jjust be my VP!

No,No
Belive me.
I have nothing to do with this person Paris Hilton!!!!!

“When I said I would defeat evil I did not know he would be a guest on this show tonight!”

Lookit Jay I’m the funny one and i’m looking for a straight guy like you, or that mail bagman named Dave, to run as my VP to make me the President of Late Night Comedy Ha Ha Ha get it!!!.

I keep forgetting that the blue pill is the prozac and the green pill is the viagra… oops accidentally took the green pill before coming on tonight.

there it goes again… that pesky light at the end of the tunnel…. i told you guys to wait!!

Barbi, Millport AL

Jay (thinking to himself): “Man, that McCain has a little chin.”

Hold on, don’t worry, I know I keep promising to bomb people, but I don’t plan on bombing tonight here.

McCain, showing his true face, after temporarily taking his mask off.

Leno not amused.

After NBC producers subtlety flashed the queen of spades playing card at the Senator, he was very receptive to a guest-appearance on “Chuck”.

Jay, you promised I would not be on the hot seat.

I’m comming Elizabeth!! oh, wait…Thats Freds wife,,

Barbi, Millport Al

Oh Gosh, I should have listended! - they told me Cialis would work only when I’m ready!

Ladies and gentlemen,my impression of the american public if another Republican is elected president

“Dame mas gasolina!”

“So Senator, what will be your reaction to spending your first nght in the Whitehouse?”

“Jay, that last time I was on the Tonight Show, Jack Parr had this audience rolling in the aisles.”

My friends, I’m terrified of the Ted Kennedy factor.

Wow, that seat is cold!

Jay Leno- I think we just found the other village idiot.

Leno : Senator, something’s different about you.
McCain : Look, Bob Dole isn’t the only senior Republican senator who’s fond of that little blue pill.

oh i dont know how many homes i own and what car i drove last week.
california

I just flew in from Denver, and boy, are my arms tired!

Thank goodness for Depends.

You know,i never saw it before but he does look kinda old up close

McCain forgets his fat wallet is in his back pocket, as he attempts to sit on Leno’s couch.

Thank goodness for Depends!

Man,those Vietnam flasbacks are starting to hit me everywhere

McCain suddenly realize’s his Depends adult diaper is full.

Sure,,I could do cool and relaxed

“I never dreamed I’d be here on Love Connection with the great Chuck Woolery.”

You got me on that one Jay, I’ll have to raise my other hand before I can
figure out exactly how many houses I may own.

Sen. McCain, What was your reaction when you heard that Ted Kennedy was going to speak at the DNC?

Sorry McCAIN but we aren’t impressed with the REPUBLICAN PARTY nasty NASTY machine.

Mr. McCann doing his best Homer Simpson impression…DOH!!!

I have pledged to defeat evil so if you boo me then I”ll have to bomb here

McCaain: I was just in Denver and it’s so unified there…

Crowd: How uninified is it?

McCain: It’s so unified, Michelle Obama asked if I would take on Hilary Clinton as MY running mate.

Of course, I said “no.” With Bill around, there’s no keeping the Oval Office clean.

Exxon begins exploring near shore drilling in McCain Country.

NOOOOO!!! That can’t be! The earth can’t be round. That would mean that the people on the other side would fall off, right???

“Oh No…I don’t remember which house I am suppose to go to after the show!!!

A politicians worst nightmare,The Hot Seat

What do you mean Monica Lewinsky is in the Green Room?

I think Madonna left her bra on the seat. Ouch.

Heeeeeeere’s Johnny!

Ed McMahon got to keep his house by saying that.

You’re imitation of the great Don Rickles leaves a lot to be desired,Mr. McCain

McCains shows Jay Leno the look he had on his face when he got caught cheating on his first wife. “It wasn’t me”

And now our next guest….Mitt Romney.

McCain was shocked when he saw Obama’s first change - changing underwear with Biden.

“Oh shoot, I forgot I have that eighth house in Montana!”

“Hey Jay. Why the long face?! Just kidding. Just kidding.”

McCann’s reaction to when he finds out he officially announced Madonna as his VP running mate on Jay Leno!

Madonna did what?!

* Oh noooo Jay, that won’t be an issue … I don’t like cigars.

or

* Obama! I forgot my pill.

McCain: Oo! Ooo!

Leno: I’m sorry Senator, but I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.

McCain: Rig - or - moorrrrr - tis! Rigor mortis!

“You should have seen it Jay, I was all like, ooooooooh. . . get off my lawn dagnabbit! Those kids ran so fast, it was great.”

This whoopi cushion thing is getting a little old, Jay!

Wow! Really? 47 million Americans living below the poverty line? Since you are considered rich when you have 5 million, that means they’re all really well off, right?

By the way, what is the poverty line??? I never heard of it.

oh no iam older than i think i iam

McCain reacts when told that Hillary is availbale and would consider being his VP.

Oh my god, they found a relationship between me and president bush.

Hey Jay, tell Madonna I said HEIL!

“No way, that was a rubber monkey suit!!”

Sen John McCain:”Ok everyone,with a raise of hands how many of you think I have foot in mouth disease? Ouch..”

kraaak a my back i cant stand i might just have to stay here jay

John McCain backtracks as he explains when he said he would defeat evil then made a sleazy campaign ad implying that his opponent was the antichrist does not mean either that he will bomb the democratic convention or that he has gone crazy seeing devils all around him

yet

No, no, Presenident Bush is not my VP.

Wait… I have how many houses!

McCain reacting to the Big Foot Hoax.

STOP tell those Canadians to stop watching and I’ll try to keep Bill Clinton out of their country!

John just got the news from Jay that in a suprise turn of events at the D.N.C. Convention Hillary Clinton won the Nomination & She picked husband Bill as V.P.

jay : McCain was that you that was a stink bomb

Ted Kennedy did what?!

calm down ladies
although i have white hair too
i am no anderson cooper

I’m . . . having . . . chest pains. Quick Jay, hit the button on my Life Alert necklace.

he looks just like bush on the toilet

Wait…I meant I have 9 houses!

Leno:calm down,it’s just a camera
McCain:well,thet didn’t have them in my day

oh no i i i didnt mean that oooooooooooooops

McCain thinks he spots Britney Spears in the studio audience.

My friends, I’m going to be text bloggering some real crazy stuff. The kids are gonna love it! I’m gonna have a blog like the AC 360 guy! Kids like him don’t they?

WHOOOOA! You mean you have more kitchen tables than me Jay?!?

OUUCH, I think I just sat on one of the houses I didn’t know about.

I really did not know that I had a house THERE!

Shsh
Do not applaud too loudly
My hearing aid is on high

John’s reaction after Jay reveals the photo he found of Cindy in the Miss Buffalo Chip Pageant.

…..anyway,the winds blowing, the lightning’s flashing , I say to Benny,hey,I’ve got the key and the tail of the kite but who’s got your tail…

Holy cow, that prunejuice works fast!!

Barbi, Alabama…

I think someone just pinned the tail on the donkey!

Please don´t show that. The people should not know. that I said I wanted Hillary for VP and got Jeff Bush.

OH, Oh, Oh, That is a question I DO know the answer too….I am the head of PUMA.

Whoa…That wasn’t me… It’s a new chair.

WAIT!! I wanted to start the show by calling everyone “My Friends”.

My friend, I’ve been on the stomp for a long time and I have never been taken aback and stumped by a question on how many years I have. Let’s see, there’s one, two, three, four, five on my right hand that I know of for sure…..

I think I just swallowed my dentures!

“Wait!! Where am I?”

McCain reacts to the question, How Many Cars do you Own?

“Oh no!! I should have not taken Jamie Lee Curtis’ advice and eaten
all that ACTIVIA

OK Jay, I’ll show you what I looked like when I was 20. Do you think I should get a facelift for the convention?

Wait a minute, are you telling me Hillary didn’t approve that message?

Brittany Spears & Parris Hilton will be here?

Are you telling me that CELEBRITIES come on this show?

“My staff advised me to ‘put on a pretty face.”
Jay: “Senator, that’s not it.”

Wait a minute… is that a color TV.

“No, I don’t have nine houses. I don’t know anything about nine houses.
And if I had nine houses, they’d all belong to Cindy, anway.”

Oh Dangit
I thought this was the RNC

Alex Lau
San Francisco, CA

I just remembered, I left the water running at one of my houses.

McCain comments about being under the studio lights on Leno’s tonight show:

“That’s hot!”

Then McCain comments on a snide dig him makes about Obama:

“Ooops, I did it again!”

As the audience reacts, McCain claims:

“I am not a celebrity like Paris Hilton nor Britney Spears, even if I say stupid stuff like them!”

How many houses we have? I can’t remember which one I live in now!

Oh my God! I look incredibly old on that monitor!

McCain comments about being under the studio lights on Leno’s tonight show:

“That’s hot!”

Then McCain comments on a snide dig he previously made about Obama:

“Ooops, I did it again!”

As the audience reacts, McCain claims:

“I am not a celebrity like Paris Hilton nor Britney Spears, even if I say stupid stuff like them!”

I know we’re short on time but trust me Jay. I never lose a staring contest.

What do you mean, Cindy bought Ed McMahon’s house?????????

Then the ghost of Reagen past appeared, and told me who to pick as my running mate.

I have untill THIS FRI. to pick a running mate. I better get busy!

Jay Leno: Ok John you get THE PHONE CALL AT 2:00AM what are you going to do??

Mary/Louisiana

What do you mean I’m the oldest guy to run for President!?!

Oh, No, Is It 7 Houses, I Thought We Had 8 !!

What!
Madonna compared me to HITLER!
I always considered myself more a Napolean!

McCain reacts to seeing ghost of Newt Gingrich and is told he will soon be visited by ghosts of Republican past, present and future.

McCain: “My friends, you see, I can look and act just as stupid and clueless as my friend George W. And I am. I am also a POW. I don’t really remember what it stands for but it helped me get this far. So, my friends, how can you NOT vote for me as president? I mean, my friend George W. got elected twice with those qualifications, right? And he wasn’t even a POW. POW POW POW POW POW POW…… Don’t you love how that sounds, my friends? When I’m president of this great, warfaring country, you will hear a lot more of it, my friends. And we can all dance to the tune of BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB IRAN……”

John McCain mishears the announcer’s “John McCain in the house tonight” thinking he said “John McCain bought another house tonight”!

Oh Jay!! Sorry ’bout that, but I didn’t wear my Depends today….

3 more days until my birthday!!

Oooh, Oooh, my medicine just kicked in.

You didn’t tell me the Hanoi Hilton was a sponsor on this show !

From San Diego, CA

Sen. McCain does his best Kramer impersonation!

When I’m President I’ll give you five wishes and a full pardon for poking fun at my age and my scary ‘oldtimers’ stand up routine.

Whew! I know it gets hot here in CA. from the Santa Ana winds Jay. But I never knew we would feel all the hot air coming down from Denver.
Brian E. Fillioe

Brandon VT

Jay Leno looks on in disbelief as John McCain is startled by the back from commercial break bell is a 3am call national emergency!

Wooooo, that wasn’t water I just drank from that mug, was it?

I’m really finish now, can some one help me prepare cindy like Michelle Obama.

Jay Leno looks on in disbelief as John McCain is startled by the back from commercial break bel, thinking that it is a 3am call for a national emergency!

What you mean George Bush doesn’t come with the White House

Hold on Jay…Your not going to use me in your “Headlines”, are you?

“Obama can have Denver…I’m on The Tonight Show! Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! “

Holy Cow! There’s a housing market crash? And I own how many houses?

It helps to stay medicated.

Cindy the Russian troops want vodka NOT BUD!

McZombie

“WHOA!! That chin IS big!”

Senator McCain’s impression of Obama’s first day in the White House.

My impression of that guy V.P. Cheney shot

“Whoa, you mean I’ve got to pick a vice president too?”

I see you in the audience Rudy, the old lady drag outfit doesn’t fool me, and the answer is still no, you will not be my running mate or any other type of mate… no go conoodle with the Donald and stop hounding me. This campaign can’t have two OCD displays, my I was the hero of POW is enough but your I was the hero of 911 would push it too far.

I was in SHOCK! After Hillary sent here flying monkey’s after me. Imagine what she’s going to do Obama?

Leno: Can I ask you about the economy?
McCain: Oh please no, not the economy again…

“Good thing I wore my depends!”

While appearing on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” Senator McCain reacts to the wild speculation on the internet that he will be namng Jane Fonda as his vice-presidental candidate.

“So, Senator McCain, let me just start by asking you…BIRTH CONTROL!!!”

Wait! Women’s suffrage??? You mean they can vote now too???

Sen. McCain reacts to the introduction that he is in the house - “You mean I have another one?”

Cameron Cox
Winnipeg, Canada

Hold It ! I’m Missing Matlock ???

A very senior moment.

I heard Hillary is coming after me and G.W. tonight, at the convention. Oooooooo, I’m shaking in my shoes

Oh, it’s a bidet!

Seriously Senator, there is only 1 internet.

You know the Republican party is in trouble when a comedian like Jay Leno looks more presidential than your presidential candidate!

OOps, excuse me, I’ve become a little flatulent in my golden years.

This is The Tonight Show? I thought I was on the toilet!

Nurse? Where am I?

While appearig on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” Senator McCain decided to pose for a quick snapshot to be used on Andersen Cooper’s Beat 360 on Tuesday.

McCain- “Woe! That was a close one Jay. Just in case though I better take you up on those Depends that you offered before the show.

Leno- “Ughh.., Ok senator; no problem. We will be right back after this short message from our sponsor.”

McCain-”My friends I need to add some fiber to this diet.”

Well,there are drawbacks to be married to a beer heiress,for one,the shakes can really be embarrassing

Oh my gosh Jay, I’m supposed to be watching the DNC Network Michelle is speaking!

Calm down Senator, its not a California earthquake, its just the audience applauding you.

How badly does McCain want to be President? He demonstrates by doing his best blood-thirsty Bela Lugosi impersonation.

Give me a second Jay, I’m looking for the teleprompter

One thing bad about reaching my age? “Brain Farts.”

Hold on! Did you just say that Joe Lieberman is… Jewish?

New York, NY

“Hey, I’ll make my VP choice right now Jay…who out there in the audience knows anything about the economy?”

What do you mean this show is a platform for celebrities plugging stuff? I am not a celebrity, and I haven’t plugged anything in a long time (if you know what I mean… nyuk nyuk). What am I doing here?

That’s Michfelle Obama? Now there’s a knockout my friend.

Thats rite My SSN is 8 , one for each house I own - — oh i just remembered I own 7 houses or was it 8??

John mcCain says ‘Where’s Waldo?’

Senator McCain reacts in fear from an approaching fire. Turns out it was only the candles on a suprise early birthday cake from Jay.

I knew I should not have left my house keys in my back pocket…ouch!

Viva Viagra!

Hello, Mr Letterman……….WAIT!…… Where am I?

(Mccain) Whew!!! Smell that, Jay? Thats the smell of your future presidents farts!!!!

Ooooohhhhh…iit’s the ghosts of all Presidents past….and I knew most of them personally.

Running Springs, California

All eye’s will be on Hillary Clinton, Tues. night at the convention.

Oh no, I want to pooh pooh

WHOA! Barak picked an old man as his running mate ?? Who’s going to vote for me now?

no no Bush donot come my way

I had a vision, and it didn’t include Barack Obama.

Cindy bought another house? She spent how much?

I don’t know what the caption should be, but that is a dang funny picture! LOL

Senator McCain reacts to the news that CIndy just bought another house.

Ohhh wait just a darn minute!! I want to know how I can get my hands on one of those “I Won the Beat 360° Challenge” T-shirts!

Yes my friends! I promise that when I am the President of the United States, me and my VP Hillary Clint… Ooops! Did I say that???

Hollywood! No, I don’t own a home in Hollywood. What do you think I am a celebrity or something evil like that!

Oh hell….my Depend is leaking………

Lisa Barber
South Jordan, UT

A spooky Senator McCain tells Jay that after he becomes President he will act out his fantasies in the Lincoln Bedroom and become the ageless Phantom of the White House.

Not so much Paris, but Hillary scares the “Crap” out of me! I’m just glad Barack didn’t pick her.

Ewww… too much bean dip in the “Green Room”.

Jay, now you want to know how many cars I have?
Go to my new website. http://www. Mccainsassets.com

art lazar
phoenix az

What! I have to pick a running mate? The only place I run to these days is the bathroom and I do that solo! Speaking of which… excuse me…

…..and our next guest tonight on the program is Charles Keating.

Obama are you scared now

McCain proves that he and George W. have more than