NO NO NO I didnt say that! Can we start over?

ACHOO!!!

No Senator McCain that is just a television key-light.
You don't need to "go towards" it.

Did you hear that..
Did Jay Just call me Mr. President on National Television?

I get Hillary now???

Senator McCain shows his wacky impersonations and illustrates why Fred Travalini won't be needed at the Republican Convention this year.

See I can look just as goofy as President Bush!

McCain – Jay, is that an earthquake!? Leno – No its your cell phone, the DNC is calling to tell you – your down in the polls.

Michael Andrews – Gorton NY

Yes one of the many things I have EXPERIENCE in is playing the fool.. you remember my foolish joke about the song bomb bomb bomb Iran making light of yet another unnecessary war we could start to kill more of our soldiers and squander more of our resources and tax money.

The Senator sends a shout-out to his family watching back at the homes.

Wait.........I gotta fly coach on the way home!

Sorry my hemorrhoids are acting up... I do find Obama's charisma and popularity to be a pain in my ...

Oh No, Is that clock right? It's past my bedtime!

McCain, want to see my impersination of G. W. Bush?!

Michael – Groton, NY

I know that look.
He gets it every night they serve fruit cup at the home.

Sen. McCain reacts to the news that Ted Kennedy spoke at the Democratic National Convention.

McCain "OOoooo I'm on TV with Jay Leno"

Michael Andrews – Groton, NY

The Democratic convention was so pathetic last night even Howard Dean was like "I gotta stay awake, I gotta stay awake, I gotta... ZZZzzzz..."

No, No, don't applaud for I am not a hypocrite using a TV show like a CELEBRITY to gain votes... I am here to have a political debate with Jay Leno on what's funny and what's in bad taste, since I don't seem to know the difference.

Look into my eyes:
You're getting very sleepy, .....sleepy,.....sleeee-py,......zzzzzzzz.......

What do you mean Ted Kennedy made a speech?

"..and then suddenly I heard a voice in my head that told me that Hilary Clinton might just save my campaign".

Peter T
Mankato, MN

Whoah John!
The entire 13 million Converted Clintonites will come AFTER Billy Boy speaks!!!

Oooh, my butt is too sore to sit down from the way Obama is kicking it in the polls.

.... and when he drew that CROSS with his toe,,, I saw the clouds part, a dove land on a tree, and God said unto me...
"Divorce thy wife, marry thou an heiress, go into politics!"

If this election doesn't work out for you, Senator, you can always be my "side-kick" on my show on ABC!

Mark S.
Sacramento, CA

Wait, hold the nomination !! No one told me there was an open spot as the the fourth judge on American Idol, I might have to rethink this President of thing !!

No No, don't worry; I know its the late show but I will be home and in bed in time for the 3am calls.

OMG Jay let me tell you this story - I just flew from Boise and meet Larry Crieg in the bathroom...

Michael Andrews – Groton, NY

I'm bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bombing – on the Tonight Show!

Hey, Jay. Look, I can be a bigger idiot than Joe Biden!

Lana – North Olmsted, Ohio

Obama said "I do not who I am dealing with". I am so scared!

Sen. McCain is horrified to learn that Ted Kennedy spoke at the DNC.

Jay, I think I'm getting a side -effect from Levitra!

Mark S.
Sacramento, CA

Geez! Why did my staff book me on a night when Johnny had a substitute host.

Leno, "John!!! I hope that didn't put a hole in the chair!?"

If I hadn't gone into the military and then politics, I would have been a stand-up comedian.

WAIT; I FORGOT my flag pin.

I don't have to leave for the next guest. I was a POW!

Sen. McCain tries to hypnotize the home viewers into voting for him.

What Jay!! I have 8 houses and also a Ranch in Texas?
Paul
Round Rock, Texas

McCain counts down the top ten reasons he should be president. Number ten: POW. Number nine: POW. Number eight...

When I count to three you will wake up and have an overwhelming urge to vote for me.

I thought they were asking how many episodes of House I've seen.

Passing a kidney stone on national TV is just a part of aging.

Wait, I'm having a vision....oops no I forgot my glasses it's just the camera man.

Sen. McCain is horrified after catching a glimpse of himself on a monitor.

Oh No!!!! Did coming here make me miss watching the speeches of the Democratic Convention!!!?

Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, diarrhea... experience isn't the only thing that comes with old age.

Wait, don't start yet, I forgot to powder my head.

I'll be the scariest looking President you'll ever see!!!

He's the biggest celebrity in the world, but is he ready to lead?

Ladies & Gentleman the Next President of the United States:
John Magoo

OOOOhhhh...the HOUSE question AGAIN??...I knew I should have counted before I got to the show!

Maybe coming on TV so soon after cosmetic surgery wasn't a good idea.

"Holy smokes, I have that many houses Jay? Are you sure?"

And yet another shift in McCain's Policy,

Oh my God, can you believe I just asked a celebrity to be my Vice President on National Television !!!

John Pavoratti Mccain.

If there is a tough situation I'll be the coolest president.

HOOOAH!

Well,...in all honesty Jay, while I was waiting backstage, I took a bit of Cindy's botox.

This is how I'd look after a facelift.

WHAT? DNC is today?

There they go again. Playing the who has more homes and more cars game again.

Holy Cow!!! I'm in a dead heat with Obama?!?! I never thought this day would come!!!

Since when is owning seven houses being an Elitist?!?!?

Where Am I ?!?!....that alzheimer's must be kicking in again

there it goes again... that pesky light at the end of the tunnel.... i told you guys to wait!!

WHO AM I? WHERE AM I? WHAT HAPPENED? WHY AM I HERE?

Wait Hilary don't do it be my VP!

"I'm turning seventy-WHAT?!?!"

No,No Belive me
I have nothing to with this person Paris Hilton!!!!!!

OK, Who left the whoopi cusion in the seat???????????

An astonished McCain reacts to Leno's always hilarious whoopee cushion stunt.

Uh oh!!!!..........go to break!! That was a wet one.

John Mccain terrified after he realized he's running for president.

McCain demonstrates how he will alertly reach for the phone if and when it rings at 3am.

Wait Hilary Don't talk jjust be my VP!

No,No
Belive me.
I have nothing to do with this person Paris Hilton!!!!!

"When I said I would defeat evil I did not know he would be a guest on this show tonight!"

Lookit Jay I'm the funny one and i'm looking for a straight guy like you, or that mail bagman named Dave, to run as my VP to make me the President of Late Night Comedy Ha Ha Ha get it!!!.

I keep forgetting that the blue pill is the prozac and the green pill is the viagra... oops accidentally took the green pill before coming on tonight.

there it goes again… that pesky light at the end of the tunnel…. i told you guys to wait!!

Barbi, Millport AL

Jay (thinking to himself): "Man, that McCain has a little chin."

Hold on, don't worry, I know I keep promising to bomb people, but I don't plan on bombing tonight here.

McCain, showing his true face, after temporarily taking his mask off.

Leno not amused.

After NBC producers subtlety flashed the queen of spades playing card at the Senator, he was very receptive to a guest-appearance on "Chuck".

Jay, you promised I would not be on the hot seat.

I'm comming Elizabeth!! oh, wait...Thats Freds wife,,

Barbi, Millport Al

Oh Gosh, I should have listended! – they told me Cialis would work only when I'm ready!

Ladies and gentlemen,my impression of the american public if another Republican is elected president

"Dame mas gasolina!"

"So Senator, what will be your reaction to spending your first nght in the Whitehouse?"

"Jay, that last time I was on the Tonight Show, Jack Parr had this audience rolling in the aisles."

My friends, I'm terrified of the Ted Kennedy factor.

Wow, that seat is cold!

Jay Leno- I think we just found the other village idiot.

Leno : Senator, something's different about you.
McCain : Look, Bob Dole isn't the only senior Republican senator who's fond of that little blue pill.

oh i dont know how many homes i own and what car i drove last week.
california

I just flew in from Denver, and boy, are my arms tired!

Thank goodness for Depends.

You know,i never saw it before but he does look kinda old up close

McCain forgets his fat wallet is in his back pocket, as he attempts to sit on Leno's couch.

Thank goodness for Depends!

Man,those Vietnam flasbacks are starting to hit me everywhere

McCain suddenly realize's his Depends adult diaper is full.

Sure,,I could do cool and relaxed

"I never dreamed I'd be here on Love Connection with the great Chuck Woolery."

You got me on that one Jay, I'll have to raise my other hand before I can
figure out exactly how many houses I may own.

Sen. McCain, What was your reaction when you heard that Ted Kennedy was going to speak at the DNC?

Sorry McCAIN but we aren't impressed with the REPUBLICAN PARTY nasty NASTY machine.

Mr. McCann doing his best Homer Simpson impression...DOH!!!

I have pledged to defeat evil so if you boo me then I"ll have to bomb here

McCaain: I was just in Denver and it's so unified there...

Crowd: How uninified is it?

McCain: It's so unified, Michelle Obama asked if I would take on Hilary Clinton as MY running mate.

Of course, I said "no." With Bill around, there's no keeping the Oval Office clean.

Exxon begins exploring near shore drilling in McCain Country.

NOOOOO!!! That can't be! The earth can't be round. That would mean that the people on the other side would fall off, right???

"Oh No...I don't remember which house I am suppose to go to after the show!!!

A politicians worst nightmare,The Hot Seat

What do you mean Monica Lewinsky is in the Green Room?

I think Madonna left her bra on the seat. Ouch.

Heeeeeeere's Johnny!

Ed McMahon got to keep his house by saying that.

You're imitation of the great Don Rickles leaves a lot to be desired,Mr. McCain

McCains shows Jay Leno the look he had on his face when he got caught cheating on his first wife. "It wasn't me"

And now our next guest....Mitt Romney.

McCain was shocked when he saw Obama's first change – changing underwear with Biden.

"Oh shoot, I forgot I have that eighth house in Montana!"

"Hey Jay. Why the long face?! Just kidding. Just kidding."

McCann's reaction to when he finds out he officially announced Madonna as his VP running mate on Jay Leno!

Madonna did what?!

* Oh noooo Jay, that won't be an issue ... I don't like cigars.

or

* Obama! I forgot my pill.

McCain: Oo! Ooo!

Leno: I'm sorry Senator, but I don't understand what you're trying to say.

McCain: Rig – or – moorrrrr – tis! Rigor mortis!

"You should have seen it Jay, I was all like, ooooooooh. . . get off my lawn dagnabbit! Those kids ran so fast, it was great."

This whoopi cushion thing is getting a little old, Jay!

Wow! Really? 47 million Americans living below the poverty line? Since you are considered rich when you have 5 million, that means they're all really well off, right?

By the way, what is the poverty line??? I never heard of it.

oh no iam older than i think i iam

McCain reacts when told that Hillary is availbale and would consider being his VP.

Oh my god, they found a relationship between me and president bush.

Hey Jay, tell Madonna I said HEIL!

"No way, that was a rubber monkey suit!!"

Sen John McCain:"Ok everyone,with a raise of hands how many of you think I have foot in mouth disease? Ouch.."

kraaak a my back i cant stand i might just have to stay here jay

John McCain backtracks as he explains when he said he would defeat evil then made a sleazy campaign ad implying that his opponent was the antichrist does not mean either that he will bomb the democratic convention or that he has gone crazy seeing devils all around him

yet

No, no, Presenident Bush is not my VP.

Wait... I have how many houses!

McCain reacting to the Big Foot Hoax.

STOP tell those Canadians to stop watching and I'll try to keep Bill Clinton out of their country!

John just got the news from Jay that in a suprise turn of events at the D.N.C. Convention Hillary Clinton won the Nomination & She picked husband Bill as V.P.

jay : McCain was that you that was a stink bomb

Ted Kennedy did what?!

calm down ladies
although i have white hair too
i am no anderson cooper

I'm . . . having . . . chest pains. Quick Jay, hit the button on my Life Alert necklace.

he looks just like bush on the toilet

Wait...I meant I have 9 houses!

Leno:calm down,it's just a camera
McCain:well,thet didn't have them in my day

oh no i i i didnt mean that oooooooooooooops

McCain thinks he spots Britney Spears in the studio audience.

My friends, I'm going to be text bloggering some real crazy stuff. The kids are gonna love it! I'm gonna have a blog like the AC 360 guy! Kids like him don't they?

WHOOOOA! You mean you have more kitchen tables than me Jay?!?

OUUCH, I think I just sat on one of the houses I didn't know about.

I really did not know that I had a house THERE!

Shsh
Do not applaud too loudly
My hearing aid is on high

John's reaction after Jay reveals the photo he found of Cindy in the Miss Buffalo Chip Pageant.

.....anyway,the winds blowing, the lightning's flashing , I say to Benny,hey,I've got the key and the tail of the kite but who's got your tail...

Holy cow, that prunejuice works fast!!

Barbi, Alabama...

I think someone just pinned the tail on the donkey!

Please don´t show that. The people should not know. that I said I wanted Hillary for VP and got Jeff Bush.

OH, Oh, Oh, That is a question I DO know the answer too....I am the head of PUMA.

Whoa...That wasn't me... It's a new chair.

WAIT!! I wanted to start the show by calling everyone "My Friends".

My friend, I've been on the stomp for a long time and I have never been taken aback and stumped by a question on how many years I have. Let's see, there's one, two, three, four, five on my right hand that I know of for sure.....

I think I just swallowed my dentures!

"Wait!! Where am I?"

McCain reacts to the question, How Many Cars do you Own?

"Oh no!! I should have not taken Jamie Lee Curtis' advice and eaten
all that ACTIVIA

OK Jay, I'll show you what I looked like when I was 20. Do you think I should get a facelift for the convention?

Wait a minute, are you telling me Hillary didn't approve that message?

Brittany Spears & Parris Hilton will be here?

Are you telling me that CELEBRITIES come on this show?

"My staff advised me to 'put on a pretty face."
Jay: "Senator, that's not it."

Wait a minute... is that a color TV.

"No, I don't have nine houses. I don't know anything about nine houses.
And if I had nine houses, they'd all belong to Cindy, anway."

Oh Dangit
I thought this was the RNC

Alex Lau
San Francisco, CA

I just remembered, I left the water running at one of my houses.

McCain comments about being under the studio lights on Leno's tonight show:

"That's hot!"

Then McCain comments on a snide dig him makes about Obama:

"Ooops, I did it again!"

As the audience reacts, McCain claims:

"I am not a celebrity like Paris Hilton nor Britney Spears, even if I say stupid stuff like them!"

How many houses we have? I can't remember which one I live in now!

Oh my God! I look incredibly old on that monitor!

McCain comments about being under the studio lights on Leno’s tonight show:

“That’s hot!”

Then McCain comments on a snide dig he previously made about Obama:

“Ooops, I did it again!”

As the audience reacts, McCain claims:

“I am not a celebrity like Paris Hilton nor Britney Spears, even if I say stupid stuff like them!”

I know we're short on time but trust me Jay. I never lose a staring contest.

What do you mean, Cindy bought Ed McMahon's house?????????

Then the ghost of Reagen past appeared, and told me who to pick as my running mate.

I have untill THIS FRI. to pick a running mate. I better get busy!

Jay Leno: Ok John you get THE PHONE CALL AT 2:00AM what are you going to do??

Mary/Louisiana

What do you mean I'm the oldest guy to run for President!?!

Oh, No, Is It 7 Houses, I Thought We Had 8 !!

What!
Madonna compared me to HITLER!
I always considered myself more a Napolean!

McCain reacts to seeing ghost of Newt Gingrich and is told he will soon be visited by ghosts of Republican past, present and future.

McCain: "My friends, you see, I can look and act just as stupid and clueless as my friend George W. And I am. I am also a POW. I don't really remember what it stands for but it helped me get this far. So, my friends, how can you NOT vote for me as president? I mean, my friend George W. got elected twice with those qualifications, right? And he wasn't even a POW. POW POW POW POW POW POW...... Don't you love how that sounds, my friends? When I'm president of this great, warfaring country, you will hear a lot more of it, my friends. And we can all dance to the tune of BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB BOMB IRAN......"

John McCain mishears the announcer's "John McCain in the house tonight" thinking he said "John McCain bought another house tonight"!

Oh Jay!! Sorry 'bout that, but I didn't wear my Depends today....

3 more days until my birthday!!

Oooh, Oooh, my medicine just kicked in.

You didn't tell me the Hanoi Hilton was a sponsor on this show !

From San Diego, CA

Sen. McCain does his best Kramer impersonation!

When I'm President I'll give you five wishes and a full pardon for poking fun at my age and my scary 'oldtimers' stand up routine.

Whew! I know it gets hot here in CA. from the Santa Ana winds Jay. But I never knew we would feel all the hot air coming down from Denver.
Brian E. Fillioe

Brandon VT

Jay Leno looks on in disbelief as John McCain is startled by the back from commercial break bell is a 3am call national emergency!

Wooooo, that wasn't water I just drank from that mug, was it?

I'm really finish now, can some one help me prepare cindy like Michelle Obama.

Jay Leno looks on in disbelief as John McCain is startled by the back from commercial break bel, thinking that it is a 3am call for a national emergency!

What you mean George Bush doesn't come with the White House

Hold on Jay...Your not going to use me in your "Headlines", are you?

"Obama can have Denver...I'm on The Tonight Show! Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! "

Holy Cow! There's a housing market crash? And I own how many houses?

It helps to stay medicated.

Cindy the Russian troops want vodka NOT BUD!

McZombie

"WHOA!! That chin IS big!"

Senator McCain's impression of Obama's first day in the White House.

My impression of that guy V.P. Cheney shot

"Whoa, you mean I've got to pick a vice president too?"

I see you in the audience Rudy, the old lady drag outfit doesn't fool me, and the answer is still no, you will not be my running mate or any other type of mate... no go conoodle with the Donald and stop hounding me. This campaign can't have two OCD displays, my I was the hero of POW is enough but your I was the hero of 911 would push it too far.

I was in SHOCK! After Hillary sent here flying monkey's after me. Imagine what she's going to do Obama?

Leno: Can I ask you about the economy?
McCain: Oh please no, not the economy again...

"Good thing I wore my depends!"

While appearing on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” Senator McCain reacts to the wild speculation on the internet that he will be namng Jane Fonda as his vice-presidental candidate.

"So, Senator McCain, let me just start by asking you...BIRTH CONTROL!!!"

Wait! Women’s suffrage??? You mean they can vote now too???

Sen. McCain reacts to the introduction that he is in the house – "You mean I have another one?"

Cameron Cox
Winnipeg, Canada

Hold It ! I'm Missing Matlock ???

A very senior moment.

I heard Hillary is coming after me and G.W. tonight, at the convention. Oooooooo, I'm shaking in my shoes

Oh, it's a bidet!

Seriously Senator, there is only 1 internet.

You know the Republican party is in trouble when a comedian like Jay Leno looks more presidential than your presidential candidate!

OOps, excuse me, I've become a little flatulent in my golden years.

This is The Tonight Show? I thought I was on the toilet!

Nurse? Where am I?

While appearig on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” Senator McCain decided to pose for a quick snapshot to be used on Andersen Cooper's Beat 360 on Tuesday.

McCain- "Woe! That was a close one Jay. Just in case though I better take you up on those Depends that you offered before the show.

Leno- "Ughh.., Ok senator; no problem. We will be right back after this short message from our sponsor."

McCain-"My friends I need to add some fiber to this diet."

Well,there are drawbacks to be married to a beer heiress,for one,the shakes can really be embarrassing

Oh my gosh Jay, I'm supposed to be watching the DNC Network Michelle is speaking!

Calm down Senator, its not a California earthquake, its just the audience applauding you.

How badly does McCain want to be President? He demonstrates by doing his best blood-thirsty Bela Lugosi impersonation.

Give me a second Jay, I'm looking for the teleprompter

One thing bad about reaching my age? "Brain Farts."

Hold on! Did you just say that Joe Lieberman is... Jewish?

New York, NY

"Hey, I'll make my VP choice right now Jay...who out there in the audience knows anything about the economy?"

What do you mean this show is a platform for celebrities plugging stuff? I am not a celebrity, and I haven't plugged anything in a long time (if you know what I mean... nyuk nyuk). What am I doing here?

That's Michfelle Obama? Now there's a knockout my friend.

Thats rite My SSN is 8 , one for each house I own – - oh i just remembered I own 7 houses or was it 8??

John mcCain says 'Where's Waldo?'

Senator McCain reacts in fear from an approaching fire. Turns out it was only the candles on a suprise early birthday cake from Jay.

I knew I should not have left my house keys in my back pocket...ouch!

Viva Viagra!

Hello, Mr Letterman..........WAIT!...... Where am I?

(Mccain) Whew!!! Smell that, Jay? Thats the smell of your future presidents farts!!!!

Ooooohhhhh...iit's the ghosts of all Presidents past....and I knew most of them personally.

Running Springs, California

All eye's will be on Hillary Clinton, Tues. night at the convention.

Oh no, I want to pooh pooh

WHOA! Barak picked an old man as his running mate ?? Who's going to vote for me now?

no no Bush donot come my way

I had a vision, and it didn't include Barack Obama.

Cindy bought another house? She spent how much?

I don't know what the caption should be, but that is a dang funny picture! LOL

Senator McCain reacts to the news that CIndy just bought another house.

Ohhh wait just a darn minute!! I want to know how I can get my hands on one of those “I Won the Beat 360° Challenge” T-shirts!

Yes my friends! I promise that when I am the President of the United States, me and my VP Hillary Clint... Ooops! Did I say that???

Hollywood! No, I don't own a home in Hollywood. What do you think I am a celebrity or something evil like that!

Oh hell....my Depend is leaking.........

Lisa Barber
South Jordan, UT

A spooky Senator McCain tells Jay that after he becomes President he will act out his fantasies in the Lincoln Bedroom and become the ageless Phantom of the White House.

Not so much Paris, but Hillary scares the "Crap" out of me! I'm just glad Barack didn't pick her.

Ewww... too much bean dip in the "Green Room".

Jay, now you want to know how many cars I have?
Go to my new website. www. Mccainsassets.com

art lazar
phoenix az

What! I have to pick a running mate? The only place I run to these days is the bathroom and I do that solo! Speaking of which... excuse me...

.....and our next guest tonight on the program is Charles Keating.

Obama are you scared now

McCain proves that he and George W. have more than just policies in common... They also both have the unfortunate tendency to give that "deer in headlights" look.

McCain: "Oh no, I forgot I left an egg boiling on the stove but I don't remember which house!"

Having just been informed that many folks are jumping on board with Obama and his campaign, McCain reacts to an unexpected surprise in his Depends...

My friends, I can't believe Hillary was just kicked to the curb like that! My opponent must hate women just as much as he hates America!

Wait, no, did I say that I was old?

Jay, now you want to know how many cars I have?
Thanks for the question, you little jerk.

art lazar
phoenix az

Did you just say I'm finally ahead in the polls? I can't believe it!!!

john McCain says to a member of the audience, "Whoa my friend, please stop the name calling, my VP choice is still in secrecy.

McCain: "Wait a minute...does Cindy have to speak at the convention too?!?"

Jay, your leaving the "Tonight Show!" When did you decide this?

Who Am I??? Why am I Here???

Sen. McCain shows his amazement when Jay reveals that not only does every American not have seven homes, but each home doesn't come with a man servant to cut their sandwiches into neat triangles.

Wait a minute..I'm confussed... I thought Johnny Carson was host of the tonite show!

No, don't record that. Stop the camera's

"One day we can tell our children, that this time we listened to our hopes instead of our fears"

I think Michele summed up the difference between Obama and McCain, if you want to listen to the hopes that the Demorcats are trying to bring us, vote for Obama, but if you want to listen to the fears that the Republicans are trying to fill us with then vote for McCain.

Oh, NO!!!! They're sending in the calvary and Hillary's leading the charge!

Sandy
Arkansas

oops, that last comment was for another blog... sorry

Really?? am going to be on one of those talking pictures?

No, I didn't buy Ed McMahon's house.

oops, i forgot, i left my conestoga wagon running!!

Oops! Where's the head. Gotta go – gotta go right now!

Gwynn Oak, MD

Oh!...No.... I have 7 houses???? I thought I have more than that....

Leno- What will you do if Obama wins the election?

McCain- Oh HELL!!! I just did it Jay can we go to a commercial break I got to change my tidy whites.

I'm running for what ? With who???

Uh oh! I feel a dance coming on!!

Ol' man river,
Dat ol' man river
He mus'know sumpin'
But don't say nuthin',
He jes'keeps rollin'
He keeps on rollin' along.

I think I soiled my Depends...

"No, don't bring out a computer!"

Sen. McCain, how many homes do you own?

"You don't know how many cars you have? Big deal – I don't know how many houses I have!"

Wait, wait, I feel an original idea coming on! Oh darn, I can't remember what I was going to say.

Hold on...it's only 5 houses. We've sold two already! Next auction is tomorrow.

"Hillery said WHAT about me? Well, I am a sexy beast."

Whoaaaa! Is that what I look like on t.v.? Please turn that monitor off, it's freaking me out.

Hey, Senator McCain, I said, Obama is here...not Osama.

Hillery, no, stay back! Darn it, I've told you a hundred times – you can't be my Vice-President either!

OH GOD! I am that OLD!

WHAT! You're a democrat, Jay? I'm shocked, shocked I say! Why didn't you tell me that before I agreed to come on the show?

"Here's my 'O' face Hillary!"

It's not fair...I can't compete against those cute little girls!

McCain's 3 Stooges routine on the Tonight Show just didn't quite work without the other 2 Stooges of the Republican Stooges Act (Bush and Cheney).

McCain: "And there I was with Cindy, when all of a sudden my wife walked in..."
Leno (thinking): "I thought this was the conservative candidate..."

7 spouses? oh, 7 houses? i couldn't hear. my people will call your people.

Opps! I pooped myself a little.

Oil.........................................................can........................................................

Alan Hochbaum
Atlanta, GA

Mccain just found out he wasn't on Oprah.

Oh no hold up, before you ask me about my houses let me call my brokers.

Leno thinking-* Oh no, here we go about his POW days AGAIN*

Whoa! I don't remember saying we will have troops in Iraq for a hundred years..I want to apologize ahead of time for all the young people that will die because of my ideals.

Oh, gotta go Jay... it's time!! (singing) "Viva, Viva, Viagraaaaaa!!!"

Looks Presidential

"Jay, you reckon I'm how old? Woopsy Daisy, young feller, I am actually 100!"

The look of a man who's pacemaker just went off

McCain reacts to the news that Steve Allen & Jack Parr no longer host the Tonight Show.

John MCain is surprised by a Whoopie cushion covertly placed by a pro-Obama stagehand.

McCain tells his old joke again about how it's always darkest before it goes totally black.

Next time, have the chili but hold the beans.

OH MY GOD! You mean I won!!!!!

"Criminal Shiminal, I still love Bush/Cheney"

McCain: "Oops! I fawted."

"Wait a minute! WAIT A MINUTE!!.....OOH yeah...that's better.

I was misunderstood, I didn't mean we would have troops in Iraq for 100 years, I meant I have had stools like a rock for the past 100 years.

Check out my imitation of Jay Leno's chin.

"Are you sure that I'm younger than Larry King?!"

Senator McCain experiences a "Republican Moment".

Oooh this is more people than we invited to the convention.

Beano meets Leno.

Holy cow! I just realized Madonna's eligible for AARP. She's one of us now!

John McCain tries his impression of Johnny Carsons "Carnac the Magnificent" as he says....The Answer:
"Pigs.... Barack Obama.... and my jokes."
The Question:
What 3 things will not fly this election.

"CLEAN UP ON STAGE ONE!"

McCain-"WOW, The camera doesn't just put 10 extra pounds on you....it puts a ton of old as well!"

Change you can believe in: ladies and gentlemen, the next President of the United States!

John McCain does his impression of Ed McMahon.

HEY, I think I feel the name of my VP coming... oh wait that's just gas.

No Jay! I did not agree to answer that!

But I thought I was a legacy! What do you mean I have to be voted in?

Mr. Leno must have told him who Sen. Obama running mate is.

McCain--"See, I can look and act just as presidential as George Bush!"

Jay – You found my marbles!!!!!!!!!!

I'm tellin' ya the truth Jay, it was a UFO! I saw three enormous bright lights hovering above me in the night sky,

McCain thought he was going to The Johnny Carson Show.

Sen John McCain show's how he reacted when he saw Paris Hilton in a campaign ad.

Sen. John McCain just found out that Hannah Montana was the next guest.

John McCain does his best impersonation of the party going on in Denver with the convention.

Oh no! Please tell me that those news reports about Mitt Romney being my vice presidential pick are false.

What....ME a celebrity? No way...

What? I have that many houses on my Arizona property?

Keep that computer away from me!!!!!!!!!!

mccain thinks he spots his ex-wife in the audience

McCain after being notified by Leno that he had more houses than he knew about, "You mean I have THAT many houses?!"

My staff bought another house? OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!

"Hey look, is that Donald Trump in the audience? He just saved Ed McMahon's home from foreclosure, Jay! He can bail us out of this slump economy as my right hand man!"

"This is the face that I will make after I solve the economic problems facing the country"

"Shhhhhh! Cindy doesn't know I'm here! I'm supposed to be at house #4 tonight, wherever that is."

Jay Leno: So the race is a dead heat right now.
Senator McCain: That's hot!
Jay Leno: I saw your latest negative ad attacking Senator Obama in what some might call sleazy tactics.
Senator McCain: Oops I did it again!
Jay Leno: What is your biggest grievance against Senator Obama?
Senator McCain: That he reminds me of celebrities like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears.

Woh! Oh that is just my hourly alarm going off to remind me to mention that I was a POW.

I promise to deliver to the American people 4 year of extended Bush term including his look. If you want more, I will also Rap from the oval office.. Yo bros I need your Votes!

This is Sen. McCain explaining how he really felt when shaking hands with Sen. Obama at Rick Warren's interview.

John McCain finishing his story to the crowd, '...and then you can upload it to the Internets!'

John M, Clinton, NY

Why the long face Jay?

So you are telling me Hillary lost???

Suddenly John realizes that last guest with the snakes forgot Fang.

John McCain reacts upon realizing the little red light on the camera means that it is "on."

What do you mean Alexander
Solzhenitsyn already told the
story about the cross in the snow?

Jay watches in horror as John McCain attempts to give a punchline.

To my Chinese-American supporters and Bruce Lee fans, ooooooohhhh.

WHAT? A verbal recount of the Democratic Delegates states Hillary is the REAL CANDIDATE? OMG Now I am in trouble ~ I can't win against her...

Presidential candidate John McCain attempts to hypnotize the TV audience ..................(don't worry John, you already put us all to sleep).

Wheeeeeeeeere's Johnny?

Senator McCain appears on the Tonight show and gives yet another negative ad!

Senator McCain: All beers taste like swamp water except Cindy's Family's Bush beer.

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning, it smells like.... Victory!"

What do you mean I'm 511 in dog years!

I have nothing but respect for Senator Clinton so therefore I used her own words to hurt her party and make her look petty and vindictive.

"Whoa! Help me Jay, I'm leaning to the left!"

McCain: Just doing my share to contribute to find new sources of natural gas!

It's okay John. We'll get the seat cleaned during the commercial break!

We want to imitate the French in their offshore drilling efforts and I am doing my best to imitate their taste in comedy, doing my best Jerry Lewis impersonation!

THAT GAS WAS FREE

Jay Leno is unimpressed with John McCain's imitation of Charlie Chaplin.

Did you feel that? Is that another earthquake? Oh, It's just my cell phone on vibrate. Whew!

During a commercial break Sen. McCain and Jay Leno catch a few moments of the DNC and Michelle Obama's speech. Sen. McCain is astonished not only by Michelle Obama's beauty, but her charm and tack. He now realizes his precious Barbie of a Wife will actually have to open her mouth a say something relevant and not just stand there and look pretty.

Oh no! Jay, my Metamucel just kicked in!

Hey Cindy, this "Duds" for you!!!!!!

Whoa ! Wait just a second Jay ..... I know your contract is up in January, but you still can't be my VP !

jay: senator mccain, what do you think about the choice of joe biden?

mccain: oooohhhh, i'm so scared. Not!

OHHH!!! It's my incontinence....hell after I turned 65 I couldn't hold it like I used too.

McCain's reaction after Leno reads him translations of Daddy Yankee lyrics.

.......... and then my captors asked ............. "do you know the muffin man?"

Hey Hey, I'm NOT as big an idiot as George W.

My Friends. This is my ghost of John McCain look that will come back and haunt you if you don't elect me President.

You've got to be kidding, Jay; television broadcasting isn't a series of tubes just like the internet??

Oh my! - I just remembered how many houses I have!!!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Hey Hey, I'm NOT as big an idiot as George W. ...Pittsburgh Pa

John McCain: Help me, I have sat down and now I can't get up.

OverBloggers like me here: Help me, I keep coming up with 360 quotes and now I can't stop.

Oh snap....Thats my Jam!

Wait.... Dont leave! I havn't told you my neat POW story!

Oh no he didn't!

Sen. McCain learns that his wife has an enforceable pre-nup!

"Don't be concerned, Jay. It's just the Botox."

Oh snap...Jay look at those Hooters!

Jay. if you were young, virile and good looking like me you'd be a shoe-in to be the next President.

DOH!

Nooo...I assure you that I know nothing about the possible plot to assassinate Barack Obama at democratic convention in Denver!

Then my dentist said: " No John, you get bluetooth at an electronics shop."

"So Jay how I picked my V.P.....we were all in a room playing musical chairs...you shoulda seen the winner he looked just like this....." "One candidate said oops I sat on a Obama campaign pin. He's a real thorn in my side!" "I knew I had found the winner!"

Wait! Dont look! (Turns to Jay) Let me run to the back and get my GO HILLARY lepel pin....

Help, I think I'm having a heart attack!!!

Oh!! That's right I own 8 houses, I forgot.

Cory
Cameron

Oh, man. Why can't McCain just stick to the issues instead of always singing "Monster Mash?"

"I really do not have the personality of a wet mop. I'm sure listening to me speak is more exciting than watching paint dry, or more fun than sitting home eating a sandwich."

McCain demonstrates the painful consequences of using sharp pins when securing adult diapers.

Oh look; its a bird; its a plane; no, its a democratic super delegate!

Oh no, the teleprompter has words instead of pictures.

McCain demonstrates to Jay Leno how he will give nonanswers and no comments once he is president.

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!!

Ok....so If the Obama-Biden combo is called "OBIDEN"....
I better think this through.....

McRomney?
McLieberman?
McCrist?

Oops, I forgot I couldn't say that on network TV!
You can only say it on cable shows like Anderson Cooper 360!

Leno: So rumor has it you've got ADD. People are concerned whether you would be able to handle the presidency.
McCain: No, No, I don't have A... Oh look a chicken!!!!!

McCain: I just joined the old white hair dudes unite club... wanna join Jay? How about you Anderson?

As for my previous statement that we would have troops in Iraq for 100 years, it all depends on what your definition of "IN" is.

Mcain saying " ohhhh ohhhhh - wait I know this one I have 7 houses.

As you know Jay, I released 1,173 pages of medical documents. So after the election I'll be releasing my new book "John McCain's Medical Documents Volume II" Would you like an advance copy?

OH! Does this mean I'm a celebrity, too?

McCain pitching his new show on Comedy Central: McCain's Navy

OH NO! I'm sorry I couldn't hold it....

"Wha..wha....Colored people on television!? What'll they think of next?

McCain contributing to his own gas surplus

Help! Wonkavision!

Whoop, there it is!

"Well, Jay, this is the biggest place I've been in since I moseyed out back to the guest cottage of house number 5."

McCain channels Groucho as serious Jay says the secret word.

WOW! I'm supposed to call my doctor if this lasts more than four hours.

John mcCain as he just realized he accidentally chewed up his Viagra instead of his breath mint before going on stage.

Wait, who are all these people?! WHERE AM I?!

Republican presidential candidate McCain renacts his being shot down over North Viet Nam.

Where the heck is Ed McMahon?

"You mean, after that Belgian company buys Anheiser Busch, my wife will be worth twice as much!!"

BOO-YAH ! I may not know how many houses I own,
but at least I know what city I'm in!

Please!!! Don't expect that I'll be text messaging my Veep announcement too!

Nobody told there were celebrities on this show!

I didn't know that I had so many houses!

Lisa Hemenway
Richardson, TX

Senator McCain explains his new campaign buzz word "OOPS"
to Jay Leno:
O – Offshore
O- Oil
for
P – Politically motivated
S – Senators

Leno to self, "What have I done with my life?"

"Jimmy Fallon? You gotta be kidding me!"

Ohh...
I should have used Preperation H...

Why would I need that many condos in one place?

And with that stick where it is, Senator, I'm surprised you can bend.

Let me tell you all a story. Once upon a time, a long long time ago, a young boy was born. His name was John McCain..

Kevin Eubanks managed to fool everyone with his John McCain costume, until-out of habit-he faked a laugh at one of Leno's jokes.

"You say women have the right to vote? Oh, my God! I'm in trouble now!"

McCain reacting to false information on the teleprompter stating that he owns 13 houses.

I own all those buildings behind me?!

Oh Wait!!!! I just realized... LOL Michelle Obama is joking about loving the country. Shes being sarcastic!!!! Shes so funny!!! LOL

Straight Talk Show Express? What?

Wait, Wait, I know I will have Hillary as my Vice President. Not only will she secure 18 milllllion votes!!!!! But, she will also be the brains of the administration

HA HA HA Jay the whoopie cushion joke is a little old. Oh wait, so
am I!!

On cue, McCain's cell phone starts vibrating in his back pants pocket.

But seriously Jay, this is what we like to call a "One Cheek Sneek" Haaaaaayyyyyoooooo! <–or whatever it was that Ed McMahon used to say.

Forget those cute little Obama kids. You should see my wife.

No, sorry, Sen. McCain. Johnny Carson has been gone for a long time.

"No, really senator, If you do your Mummy imitation we'll be your friends."

Wow... Let's back-up for a minute. Being rich doesn't start at $5 Million - that was a joke! Seriously though, rich folks starts around $15 Million.

WHAT???!!! I'm running for President...of the United States???!!!

Bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy. wheeeeeeeeh!

Caught in yet another lie, John McCain fakes shock!

Hold the presses!!! I waited for weeks so I could announce on the Tonight Show that I have chosen Hillary Clifton as my running mate!

Jay,

That can't be true! Cindy's dad was a convicted felon? Are you sure? Federal liquor law violations?

Oh, no! This could really put a dent into my family values platform!

Yes, Senator, I DO have a whole museum of all kinds of automobiles, but I am pretty sure none of them will run on Budweiser. You are going to have to come up with another solution for our gas crisis.

Did you just say that the American voters rejected me because of my age?

Newsflash....Hillary's In – Obama's Out!

Wait, I just remembered. I'm suppose to be at my prostate exam right now!

Yet another cameraman gets yelled at for shooting McCain from an angle that makes him look old.

Please!!! Don't go thinkin' that I'm gonna text message my Veep announcement too!

Woah, wait a minute Jay! My viagra is kicking in, gotta go!

"I see dead people"

Senator McCain, believing he is on The Late Show with David Letterman, does his best Jay Leno impression. Mr. Leno is not amused.

Wow, the guy who played Captain Steubing on The love Boat has really gone downhill!

If I don't leave now I'm going to miss the senior discount at the buffet!

CNN is bias towards democrates, your kidding?

My Friends, I don't need a Halloween Mask.to go trick or treating.

I'm dead even with Obama! No WAY!!!

What??.....i'm NO "Sidekick".....REALLY...i'm a "Maverick"!!

Age, Kitchen Tables and Money Shuld never be count!!!!

Oh can youi watch behind the stage at DNC

...upset stomach, diarrhea...

I can give speech like Obama in Germany But I'm not sure anybody will show up!

You mean I'm the old, white-haired wrinkly dude?

"And now HEEEERRRREEEE'SSSS JAY...." If I don't make it as president, maybe I can be your announcer!

After I become President, I'm going back to school to learn to count on both hands.

Oprah will not show up when I will give speech ?

"Oh...I just remembered I have another house...I think it's in Russia."

OMG...I have how many houses????

Sen. John McCain reacts to hearing his wife Cindy is in Tbilisi, Georgia and not Atlanta, Georgia.

Dan Daly City,Ca

WHOA...even I didn't know I owned THAT many houses!

"I should've used Preparation H"

No, I'm serious, John! Can I be your Veep?

I took train once in my lifetime !!!!

"wOW! Do you think that Michelle will write Cindy's speech?"

Alisha – Raleigh, NC

OH! You don't remember ME the POW?

"Where am I?" "Who am I?"

Hoooooo! don't vote for John McCain, he is too old

In anticipation of the upcoming Holloween. Sen. McCain shows off his skills

No, no no I didn't mean to run for President!

Hooooooo. Sen. Obama picked Joe the pit bull Binden for VP, I am scared...

Wait...did you say that Osama is in the building

I promise when I am President I will devote government resources and catch UFOs that look like this

Senator McCain cringes at the though of a Cockroach being named after him!

I'm awake... I don't need the whoopie cushion

WHAT!!! You mean I sent Cindy to the nation of Georgia?! I thought I put her on a plane to the state of Georgia!!

"What, Johnny Carson retired?!"

This is the face I been practicing for when Obamba goes by me in the poles

If I had half a brain I'd have stayed at one of my seven homes rather than go heads up with Jay Leno on the Tonight Show.

What do you think of a going into the future with my eyes wide open speech

OH MY GOD, I THOUGHT I WAS WEARING DEPENDS!

Hey Jay, calm down ! ! ! ! l got seven houses. So what ??

....and then we're gonna take the white house! Byeeaaaaawh!

Cindy won't be very happy with me if I go to the wrong home after being on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

the news finally sinks in that McCain is the Republican nominee for president

Senator McCain is taken aback when Jay asks him if he could park some of his vintage McCain era cars in the empty garages of his homes.

Senator Mccain was visibly shocked when told by Jay Leno that two plus two does not add up to five!

NO Mr. Macain I didn't say you were as old as Larry King I said you have a very nice wedding ring.

Back in my day Jay, that's how you attracted the ladies...

And that Jay, was the expression I had at my first convention, with Lincoln

"I shoulda brought a Depends!"

"what? I voted with Dubya 95% of the time? I thought I was a 'Compassionate Conservative'!"

Iv'e just remembered how many houses I have!!!!

i CAN lift my hand higher than Biden!!

Jay, Cindy forgot to change my Depend. Can you change me?

Uh oh...I think I just started my period!

Wait a minute...you mean I still gotta listen to Bill Clinton and Joe Biden on Wednesday, then Barack on Thursday! I feel yucky...

Senator McCain is shaken as the ghost of Johnny Carson appears
during the taping of the Tonight Show.

OHHHHH, wait did you know my wife won the bikers beauty contest. Your a biker right.

WHAT? Hillary is goiing to speak tomrrow night and convince her followers to vote for Obama? OH..I ALMOST had the Presidency in my Hand!!!! (Grasphing at Thin Air)

OH, OH I forgot to change my depends.

Wow I actually lead the polls now.

Brian E. Fillioe

Brandon VT

Hillary Clinton couldn't have said it any better:

NO WAY, NO HOW, and God NO, NO MCMain-Bush

No No I don't need anymore homes, I can't keep track of the ones I have now.

Brian E. Fillioe
Brandon VT

During a commercial break Sen. McCain and Jay Leno catch a few moments of the DNC and Michelle Obama’s speech. Sen. McCain is astonished not only by Michelle Obama’s beauty, but her charm and tack. He now realizes his precious Barbie of a Wife will actually have to open her mouth a say something relevant and not just stand there and look pretty.

John McCain expresses shocked finding out Paris Hilton is running for president and is ahead in the polls.

Told by audience member Brian that he was quitting sending captions to CNN's anderson Cooper, Sen. McCain said no no don't do that.It took me over 70 years to get the Republican nod for President. Your turn will come.

Brian Fillioe

Brandon VT

Run that by me again Jay two plus two does not equal five or does it?

" Bluhaahh, if you think 'the Busher' was bad, wait 'til 'the McPhantom' sucks out what life is left in you, Bluhahaha !!! "

Like I said, "I'm older than Frankenstien"

...I forgot, I'm from Rockville, Maryland...(sorry !!)

John McCain finally remembers how many houses he has.

Holy cow, my Depends just failed!

Ohoooooo wait, i had to let one out Jay,.....this old age!
watch Jay's face!

"Oh no!! I shouldn't have drank that 5th glass of prune juice right before the show!"

Oops I did it again,... I forgot my Depends.

(San Francisco, CA)

McCain practices for "accidental" seizure and slump onto the button

"Don't worry Senator, the big red light just means we're on the air."

Oh, Oh, it's past my bedtime! I better get to bed in one of my homes so I don't turn into George Bush.

Jay: MEDIC!

Evan
Statesboro, GA

No No No! I did not cheat on my first and disabled wife with Cindy.

As Sen. McCain realizes he forgot his Depends, Jay Leno gives him the dumb face.

Bush's got his presidential trademark this is mine...

Bush's got his presidential look this is mine

Dude!?! You mean I really am running for prestident? I thought iit was a game me and Obama were playing.

JJ Troia, Cambridge, WI

My look beats Biden’s 360 degrees

I think my shorts exploded

Oh i think i a crack in my back.

"Don't even get me started about that Vee-et-namm!"

Yes way, yes how, yes McCain.

woa, that felt kinda wet for gas!!

oh yeah and what i really like are lobbyist. They bought my 7th home!! or was it 19th

Wait!!! we can take down OBAMA from television ads.

Obama I'm coming

Die Hard was great!!!!!!!

Oh,Oh Oh, Holy Clydesdale! Is it !n Bev again?

OUCH!!! ................. I just got a Barack spasm.

Oh my Gosh!!!!!!...I knew it was big....but I didn't know it was that big.

Oops! Just saw a ghost called loosing?

Do you know how many cars do you own – me neither !!

John McCain is my name, looking young and beautiful like the other cats on the Tonight show is not my game!

I 'm a very old friend of Joe Biden but I"m not I tightfisted like he is!!

Really? I have HOW MANY houses?

Imagine the look on Obama'a face when I announce Hillary Clinton as my running mate. I think it'll be sumptin' like... THIS

No ,wait did I say Romney for V..P no Liberman! ,no Romney!

Look at my expression! Can Obama do that? Of course NO; I am the one who can frighten the terrorists...

Look at my expression! Can Obama do that? Of course NO; I am the one who can frighten the terrorists…

McCain : o0o0o0o the democratic party united now !!! Bring out more dirty campaign ads
Damn you Hillary i thought we was a team