Bishop Jakes,
Thanks for joining us on the blog. I love your preaching! You are a great man of God and a great person.

Yes we should all teach our kids to love themselves no matter what color they are or how they look. You can’t rely on anyone else to make you happy. That starts within yourself. So we need to start getting people to love themselves from the time that they are small. Maybe then what others think won’t matter as much and we can be our own person and not have to follow the herd to “fit in”.

Cindy…Ga.

I remembered a similar conversation with my father. It was a painful conversation… but knowledge of burden can be helpful in the long run.

AMEN

Bishop Jakes–Thank you for sharing such a wonderful memory. It must have been very painful too.
Children have to be taught that being different has nothing to do with goodness or badness.-They are all unique little individuals, regardless of skin color or other ‘difference’. Self-acceptance & self-love are hard lessons to teach. Parenting is such a .forgotten tool these days. It sounds like you did a wonderful job!

Bishop Jakes, I watch you on Dr. Phil an listen to your wisdom. As a young mother I also witnessed how even children learned about the color of somone’s skin. My young son wanted to invited “Sam” to his Birthday party and I told him that was fine. Chris to me that some of the other children said they couldn’t come if Sam did because he had
brown skin. Their parent’s wouldn’t let them come. Our children are
born innocent why can’t we let them grow up among each other that way with out the prejudices adults teach them. When Chris got older we moved to an area with much more diversity and he surrounded himself with many friends from diffent cultures. Color is only skin deep. Keep on teaching your love.

Amen..
Thanks Bishop for sharing.

now that’s some good preaching…..thanks for sharing Bishop Jakes.

Thank you for sharing what must have been painful experience. As I parent, I cry with you. Kids always need to be reassured that they are special and created by God just the way God wants them to be. I think all parents go through this at one time or another. My parents went through it with me - I never fit in with everybody because I wore really thick glasses. My one son has a learning disability, so he feels isolated, the other one has freckles, a sibling was the shortest in the class - every single year. The list goes on and on. I don’t think that raising your child to love his/herself is a racial issue at all. We all, as parents, need to do a better job at it so kids have self-worth and take care of themselves and each other….

Amen, very thoughtful, enlightening, inclusive piece.

Mr. Jakes, thanks so much for sharing that story, while reading your story tear came down my check. Please have a great and bless day

I enjoy your commentary and believe many of your points are valid, however, your comment about “knowing how things can be when you are a minority in a majority world” is a bit dated.

Living in Los Angeles, a city that is comprised of 140 nationalities, to focus on one race is to deny what our country has become.

California has a population of more than 50% hispanics; I don’t believe I have ever read one article where a non-hispanic has documented how it feels to be a minority in a majority world.

Our nation’s tapestry is multi-colored and getting brighter each day; to focus on one group rather than a collective whole is a disservice to diversity.

The black community needs to embrace the opportunities afforded all Americans and demand a culture of accountability, success and self respect; anything less and we will be having these same discussions 50 years from now.

Amen Bishop!

This editorial shows us that we still haven’t realized the dream that MLK spoke about… yet.

But I have faith in this country and those who inhabit it. I believe, truly believe that racial equality will be a reality in my lifetime.

Get a grip Black people! Grow up! This talk is nothing new! Stop making excuses and go get a JOB!

It is interesting that Mr. Jakes uses Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. famous quote, “Judge me on the content of my character and not the color of my skin.” My question to Mr. Jakes is why did he not apply this same standard to Pastor Jeremiah Wright and his racism. Mr. Jakes was silent.

Not to nitpick, but when you don’t have the facts, your perception can be incorrect. California is NOT > 50% latino. California has a ‘no majority’ where the majority (white) is less than 50%. JC, get the facts first.

Amen, brother, Amen.

Thank you Bishop Jakes. I absolutely love your preaching and applaud you for sharing such a touching and sensitive story. I learn more every day in this life and pray to God my love for everyone is equal. Amen and Amen.

Bishop Jakes,

Great message! Thanks for sharing.

Bishop Jakes,

Historically I’ve not been one of your fans, but for this matter I must say I truly appreciate you bruh.

God Bless

Kevin

“The self-esteem issues are exasperated by absentee fathers, substance abuse, and many other circumstances that add to the conundrum of the lagging behind of our people. ”

“Exacerbated” is the correct word, not “exasperated”.

Nice editing there ….

At least one black man is willing to admit his own accountability.

JC - from Los Angeles … you can’t be from Earth! Everybody doesn’t have the same opportunities my friend. You’ve been watching too much Glenn Beck!

To Bishop Jakes … thanks Pastor for telling the “REAL” story!

I thoroughly agree with JC in Los Angeles! You hit it right on the nosey!

When will we see a special about being Irish in America or Latino or Asian. This kind of black only victimization is ridiculous.

Amen brother! As a white man with two young children living in a diverse community, I agree with you completely. We (Americans) need to celebrate our differences AND our commonalities and treat each other as the brothers and sisters we truly are.

I thank you for your wonderful article. I think one small way to gain an appreciation for one’s self is to not use a term that conveys a lack of appreciation, and that is the N-word.

Really, though, it is a question of what comes first, the lack of appreciation of one’s self that causes one to use the N-word to refer to others of like race, or the use of the word that causes the lack of appreciation of one’s self/race.

Any thoughts?

Thanks.

Thank you for sharing this story. It has echoes today, with lifelong Democrats threatening not to vote for Obama because of his skin color. Just like your son, Obama is proud of who he is and his heritage. I pray for a country that embraces everyone because of the richness of our differences. Only then will we be able to achieve our full potenial as a nation.

JC Los Angeles.
He is talking from a black perpective not from a hispanic one. He is trying to get understanding and from your comment you have none. Blacks were in-slaved. I think that seperates the two minority groups.
Here we are trying to find our own identity to bring about a change in the black community and you get this stuff.

I thank you Jakes and thank you for your thoughts as we will make a change and we will be a better people even though there are those who still wantt o knock us down.

And I will add a good AMEN.

Mr. Jakes that was a great story but this is not only limited to color. I think we should teach our children to love themselves because if you do not love yourself you cannot love others.

AMEN… and thank you for including the issue of female body image along with this discussion. While there are special issues relating to people of color, I think that all people have to be given an idea of their worth as creations of God. Young girls are very vulnerable to the images that are displayed in the media and in our culture.

This is what I would like to share with people of ALL colour!

“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone
else’s eyes.”

Sandra - Memphis TN

Thanks so for a very loving article. I agree on many of the points that you made, but I’m afraid I also have to agree with JC from Los Angeles, who stated “to focus on one group rather than a collective whole is a disservice to diversityand also the the black community needs to embrace the opportunities afforded all Americans and demand a culture of accountability, success and self respect.”

The Whiteman is the most dangerous species on the planet

What a shame your wisdom doesn’t extend to people who are homosexual. Your words should apply to everyone’s situation, but to you, they only apply to what you and your family, people of a particular skin color go through. When you can see that a person’s sexual orientation is no more chosen than their skin color, then I’ll congratulate you for your wise words.

Thanks Bishop Jakes for this wonderful story. We also have to teach our children not to run away from racism but to face it and fight it. It is the only way that we can change the views of those that think people of different races are different or out of this world.

Thanks again for all the words of encouragement that you always provide in your lectures, books and preaching. You are a great human being. God is always with you.

Sir, I understand what you are saying and do not minimize your experience. However sooner or later the self pity and whining has to stop. We live in an America where Blacks command our military, control public and foreign policy and where a black man may shortly lead us all. Black America needs to move on, not keep nurturing the victim mentality. This must happen and not for the sake of white people but for black American themselves whose potential and confidence is confined boxed in by the perennial victim mentality.

A’men pastor,God doesn’t see the color of our skin,he see what ’s in our hearts. Why should we be any different. Have a blessed day.

Pastor Jakes,

Wow, I have a very similar story. Yours brought a tear to my eye as I thought of your son and his very real reaction to the world ways. On that note I look forward to heaven where color really won’t matter at all!! I am a white female and I have a child, Erika whose father is african american. He is a wonderful father to her though we never married. She is 21 now, but years ago when she was about 3 or 4 years old, we were shopping in a clothing store and Erika came up to me with a sad look and said “mommy, those 2 ladies are looking at me mean and talking about me”. As I looked up, sure enough they were looking at Erika and myself still and I had to quickly move past them and on to addressing my little girls pain. How I responded (even being only in my early 20’s then) would make all the difference to her and her self image. All I could think of then was “Honey, there are just some people in this world that are not very nice at all and those people were just not nice”. Erika made other comments growing up along the same lines that she’d hear from other kids also. Today, she is very comfortable with her skin color and I attribute that to the way she was raised by both her father and I. Though in separate homes, she experienced both races/cultures (white & black), by two people who hold no predjuices towards any person because of color.

I disagree with JC-Los Angeles point about “knowing how things can be when you are a minority in a majority world” is a bit dated. White culture dominates this society. In spite of a place like LA having 140 nationalities, only 1 of those nationalities dominates every institution - from government to infrastructure to media and the sciences. Most of the country is NOT culturally diverse, and even in the places that are, there still is rampant segregation amongst where people live, work and worship.

As a result of this, there is a pervasive ignorance of culture that looms large over this country. This ignorance leads to situations such as Sean Bell getting shot 50 times by officers who mistakenly think he had a weapon, to a Punjabi couple being discriminated against by getting lured into a sub-prime loan.

This is effectively dealt with via communication like the reverend said. However, complacent people who typically don’t have to worry about cultural issues should be the ones especially immersing themselves into situations where they have the opportunity to learn about others. This country would be better for it.

As a white male growing up in Canada I have no experience and no commonality with the experience of blacks growing up in the racially heated environment of the United States. I haven’t felt the pressure of being an obvious member of a minority group in the way that many (if not all) blacks evidently experience south of the border. As a child, I did experience the minor bias against those of a Polish background that was prevalent in the early 1960’s but its hardly comparable.

It is refreshing to see an increase in the general awareness of racial problems and discrimination in North America, and it was enlightening to read this article. I hope this trend continues, and I hope we see an increase in members of minorities who learn to be proud of their heritage and who can surmount any racial or cultural obstacles. We are all the same colour under our skin.

Great story, I just hope that people can take this message and apply it to all situations where people are different. Whether people are gay, straight, poor, rich, black, white or brown this applies across the board.

Bishop Jakes,
Thank you for your heartfelt sharing. May God continue to bless your words of love and caring that you may continue to assist all God’s Children that they may recognize love and choose the way of love. May God’s peace be with you…and a big AMEN!

Amen Bishop- I commend you for your efforts to empower your sons for the imperfect world we live in. If only more parents/fathers would give their children this same gift, perhaps we would the society our leaders have pledged to us for generations. I do not know of any person on this planet that does not wish, either openly or secretly, at some point in their life they could change some part of themselves physically. God created us as we are for a reason and purpose. Keep going.

Can a brother get a good Amen??? That right there kind of defeats the entire message, ya know. How about if a white woman like myself used that term Can a sista get a good amen…I would be considered a racist…I think racism is a 2 way street and I think that Bishop Jakes message is great and sincere however, I have been the subject of more racism than I like to share because I am labeled a racist only because I am white. I see this everyday and everyday it sickens and disheartens me a little more. I see more and more black people pulling the racist card when things don’t go there way and it is not right. We should not have 2 standards. It is wrong and someone needs to stand up to that.

It’s tough to teach your child the harsher realities of life no matter what your background or ethnicity. Teaching young children that there are people who will choose not to like them for no good reason is hard to explain.

I’ll be honest here, I don’t think we’re going to get this thing right until ALL OF US realize that there are no majorities or minorities. I realize I’m talking about something that will never happen, but that is the “Dream” isn’t it?

JC, you’ve missed the point. African Americans aren’t 50% of any population anywhere in the states and continues to be become a smaller and smaller number. In this country were are indeed a minority no matter how “dated” it may seem to you.

I’m an afro-caribbean female, dark-skinned, an immigrant, and I have to agree with JC from Los Angeles.

“The black community needs to embrace the opportunities afforded all Americans and demand a culture of accountability, success and self respect; anything less and we will be having these same discussions 50 years from now,” is what he writes.

The biggest problem in the black community today isn’t lack of respect from whites, it’s the incessant whining and lack of respect among ourselves. Get over it. No matter how bad you have it, Americans– be they black or white or Latino, or whtever you may be–have it better than most others. If you don’t believe that, dare take a trip around the world, like I have.

Why is the label of black Americans still ‘African American’? These are Americans like any other U.S. citizen, they simply have a different color of skin. Having pride in one’s heritage is important, but you do not see those with great-great grandparents from Ireland calling themselves Irish Americans. The first step to unity is to consider each person the same on some level - we are all human, and anyone born in the United States is an American - not an African American or an Irish American or a German American. It’s a minor thing, but how can one desire unity if one will not consider themself united with others.

Thank you Bishop for your insight into being black.

I think you meant to explain to your sons on how to get rich in America

Create your own church with you as the sole leader and keep as much of the money from collections as possible.

Only in America

Thank-you for this interesting perspective, Bishop Jakes. As a white person and father of young kids myself, I find this article very enlightening. An African-American woman that I worked with recently told me how she aknowledge to an African-American man who is a darker tone than she that she new he had a more difficult time getting a head in the work place than her, since she was “lighter.”

A good point was also made about the fact that success in life to a large degree comes down to how you feel about your-self and self-worth, which must me instilled at a young age. Bishop Jakes sons are lucky to have him and his wife as their parents.

Eloquently written. However, would you please elaborate on your sentence. ..I was sitting with both of them in the predominantly white environment of my home in West Virginia talking about things fathers discuss with their sons… in what context are you defining ‘a predominately white environment in your home’? Thank you. KF

JC I respect your comment, but the reality is although their are opportunities afforded to all Americans and we should all be accountable for our actions and our success or lack there of, the fact remains that not every place is like Los Angeles… I live in St Petersburg, FL which is a good mixture of cultures and absorbing from a variety of cultures, as a performer I still get the n* word at venues I perform at. In one bathroom stall it stated that “all ‘the n word plural’ must die”…I laughed at it because well its funny to me that people are still so pathetically archaic… but its still my reality…

On another note we should appreciate that we can see the diverse colors that God & Mother Nature have bestowed upon us… The greens of the leaves… the browns and ivories of skin town… Because sight is a gift not a mechanism to be utilized for judgment or hatred…

Thank you Bishop TD for spreading love and compassion not blame and solitude…

I am a grandmother to a 3 yr old mixed son. He is truly a joy. My son is black and the mother is mixed with beautiful long blonde hair. I attend an all Black church and you should see the looks that I get as my husband and I bring him with us. I dare not ask the Mom to come because I’m so afraid that on any given Sunday, a ‘Rev Wright’ sermon may come from the pulpit. My older son experiened some awful things in College and never told me until he graduated. My younger son left a party early due to a confrontation that would leave a Black man paralyzed and nothing done to the white guys who did it. We can pray and talk and pray that things will get better. It is 2008 and these things remain today.

I hope the black community will focus on other things beside race. I think the black community must be the most racist of all races since every discussion revolves around race.

I don’t even think of a person as being black or white. But once people bring up about this supposed burden of being black, I realize they are black.

This attitude of making excuses is silly. Grow up and get a life.

That’s my Bishop right there!!!

“The black community needs to embrace the opportunities afforded all Americans and demand a culture of accountability, success and self respect; anything less and we will be having these same discussions 50 years from now.”

You think we dont? I am sick and tired of people saying that the black community is not about accountability, success and self respect. YOU DON’T KNOW EVERY SINGLE BLACK PERSON IN THIS COUNTRY SO DON’T ASSUME YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE BLACK COMMUNITY. I agree that we have issues in our community, but it’s assine to suggest that these issues only exist in the black community. You’re going off of what you see in the news or on t.v. shows that do not always show the diversity within my very own community. People outside of MY COMMUNITY like to point out what is wrong within a society they have limited access to, whether by choice or not. I suggest people read Matthew 7: 1-5 and learn how to judge not.

While attending a seminary of 99% white people, I began to
attend an Afro-American Church 38 years back. When my children
went to school, they had a face lewd remarks from some of their classmates.

But, I gave them motivations to keep on ignoring the offenses
caused by others. Until we can see everybody, being created by
the same God, this social disease can’t be earadicated. Indeed,
a lot of improvements have taken place during the last forty years,
but still a long way to go. The children act in the public or school,
based upon what they hear at home. When I was reached in the
American life forty years back, this social disorder was the greatest
shock of my life in a Christian nation. I have experienced that the
educated people and people of social status are basically
free from this disorder of any kind discrimination.

In reponse to JC-Los Angeles

I agree with what you are saying but do not feel that Bishop Jakes’ intention was to single out blacks as the only minority to go through struggles with their self image.

His story reminded me of my own childhood, growing up as an Asian American in a predominantly white community and possessing those same sentiments that his children felt. After all, if you just replace the word “black” with brown or yellow or red, the article and message still remains identical.

I believe that Bishop Jake wrote this article not to explain and express the turmoils specifically experienced by blacks, but rather used his personal story as an example to illustrate that the problems involving race need to be tackled by all groups of people in society.

Bishop Jake - I commend and thank you for this beautifully written article and will be looking forward to seeing more in the future.

Dear Dr. Jakes:

I only hope that more white Christians read your remarks concerning the experiences your sons had growing up in a part of the US that was (is?) primarily white. I think the imperatives Christ laid out for us call us to honor every person God made as equal to each other person.

Racial mistreatment of any sort is sin in God’s eyes. And I think, pray, and hope that it is diminishing as time progresses.

My family are white Canadians who came to LA in 1954. One of the first things my dad did was take us to a series of black evangelical churches there, to show us how varying types of Christians expressed their faith. Why did he do this? Daddy King came to his church in Vancouver BC in the late 1940s and spoke. My parents saw him as an ambassador from Christ and from that time forward they were changed inside. As was I by their example. My point? If you try to see people for who they are, below the level of pigmentation, they are all pretty much the same. They are people God made, and that makes them my brothers and sisters and friends, and in my case, my wife.

I grieved that your sons had a rough time. We still have a lot of work to do. God bless you in your work as a teacher and as a preacher, and as a father. Even though your boys are in their thirties, they still need you.

In Him,

Wes Nielsen

JC-Los Angeles, you missed the point… Bishop Jake was referring to his being a minority in a majority world…at a the time and place “his” family actually experienced at that time. I guarantee you, if other ethnicities that are “minorities in their majority” world; you would get answers, questions, dialogue, etc. This whole CNN “Black In America” show is only to enlighten us all on how things are from the Black American experience. It’s not the total picture, it doesn’t speak for all Black American experiences, but it gives the American people something to discuss and hopefully we (Americans) will let this be a beginning of listening to each other, understanding each other and loving each other as we would our immediate family and close friends. Until we can openly spend time with each other, regardless of skin color and other differences; this country will not unite.

JC- It’s easy to “not focus on one group” if you are a member of a group that does not have to undergo the unique experience of being black in the United States … an experience that is not comparable to the experience of any other ethnic group in this county, because of the uniqueness of our heritage. To simply sweep our experience under the rug indicates a lack of perspective. The black community has tried to “embrace the opportunities afforded all Americans” since Reconstruction. Sometimes we have failed of our own accord. Often times we have succeeded. And often we have failed because those who could have helped us decided that equality meant keeping themselves comparatively better as a group while keeping the rest of us happy enough to get along — aka, Equality in Thought Only.

In response to JC from Los Angeles. You obviously are not a person of color or you are hispanic, or you are too young to have experienced any part of the stuggle for racial equalilty or you would not have made such a snide remark about focusing on one group. In the next 50 years whites will be the minority because hispanics because of their illegal immigration, will be the majority. The notion that hispanics take the jobs that blacks won’t do, should explain to you that blacks don’t have to take those jobs because they are more educated, and have more self respect. Blacks are still in a struggle because they are not yet afforded the full respect that is given to others. If you don’t understand the struggle from the inside out, I don’t believe that you’re qualified to speak on it.

JC, in Los Angeles I understand what you’re saying. However, Bishop Jakes statement about “knowing how things can ne when you are a minority in a majority world” is very much relevant. Yes, it is true that the country is much more diverse now than in years past. But the balance of power still does not reflect this. Maybe things are difference in LA than it is in NC (which is a distinctively Southern state). The reality is that our country is definately much more diverse than ever…but most power is still held by the same. And, yes, there are some challenges associated with simply having darker skin, regardless of one’s social class. Take it from this light skinned man working on his second graduate degree who is married to a light skinned woman with a graduate degree working in a Fortune 500 company.

Coming from a predominantly black country, where all the people in influential positions looked just liked me and moving to the USA as a teen where I was suddenly a minority and all the challenges that came along with that branding was a major culture shock for me. I now have a family of my own and am learning to have these very same conversations with my children. My youngest was called a monkey and dirty in preschool!!!

Bishop Jakes, thank you for sharing as I am totally unprepared for this and the more we talk and share the better it is for those like myself who grew up not having to have these conversations.

Keep on Sharing Bishop. Your Words bring healing and help to so many. But God has put us on an even playing field and we should step up to the plate and stop blaming others. Fathers especially black ones as senator Obama says should step up and the Nation will change. We have many teachers but so few fathers. As for me and my house my children will Know what it’s like to have a true father. Black Amercia needs to wake up and take care of their /our own.

Shalom

This is a really good essay. I remember my mother telling me this story from when I was just a little boy growing up in LA in the 70s. We were sitting next to a black, older woman at the airport waiting for a flight, I must have been like 5 or 6 then. Apparently I told my mother, in clear earshot of the woman, mommie, that woman has black skin and I don’t like people with black skin. My mothers’ re-telling of this event (though now at 37 I do not remember it) clearly demonstrates her shame and embarassment. She told the lady I am so sorry, and I can assure you that he did not learn that at home. And I surely did not learn it at home, I was raised solidly middle class white but I was ALWAYS taught by my parents to respect and love everyone. But it goes to show that somewhere our kids are learning STILL at young ages that people that look different are somehow less than we are. It’s terrible.

My son is 4 now and my wife and I already teach him at every opportunity to respect and be kind to everyone. That’s probably not enough to nail the message home, but it’s a start.

Thanks for your thoughtful column.

This makes me glad all over again that my three smart, beautiful, responsible children were raised to value every person as him/herself ,and to refuse to acept anything less than respect for themselves. That meant, of course, that they had to earn respect by their behaviors.
One of the best ways to instill this is through parental behavior. Lavish love and praise, treat as humans with dignity, show acceptance and always, always challenge them to be more.
Mine would rather fight than switch!

what a bunch of jive pastor. when you come right down to it we’re all different and have had our share of difficulties.. this is not a purely black experience; every new group coming to the new world put up with discrimination and most have overcome it without the carping and whining inherent in the black public discourse of today. get over things and get on with it. i’m tired of the excuses.

Thank you Bishop Jakes for your story. It reminds me of the great responsibility I have as a father. I love our daughter and I take time to share stories of African American people so she knows fully that she can be proud of how God created her. Thank you for the inspiration.

I’m so proud of you letting us into your world. It had never accord to me that you had ever had such a conversation with your children. Let me explain why I said this. Whn my grandson was born, not only did I count his fingers and toes, I cried because here was another african amercain male child born into a world that is hostile towards them. I have told my son about the struggles he would have to face, but I also encouraged him to be the best human being on the planet. I was not saved when I had this conversation with him, but I told him that God has never made a mistake and to never let anyone make him thinl his was one. Yes he will have to go the extra mile, but in the end it will be worth it for him to be a strong man. I could go on and on, but I will stop here. I’m so proud of you as a man, not sugar coating life and instilling in your sons that life is indeed what you make it.
thank you

AMEN!!!!

I am reminded of a conversation I had with my son when he was 3 or 4 years old. He asked me, “Mommy, why are black people black?”

Naturally I was VERY taken aback, considering the friends I had were every different race, color, shape and creed, so I knew I really had to think before I spoke. Quite honestly, I don’t think it was a “color” question, but more of a “why are people not like me” question.

I looked him in the eye and said, “It’s because God likes diversity. Just think of how boring it would be if everyone looked like you. God created everyone differently so we would have so many different and wonderful people around us.”

Thank you, Pastor Jakes, for sharing your beautiful story with us. God bless you and your lovely family.

The black community truly needs to comes to terms with itself. What most of us non-blacks don’t realize is that there is discrimination within the community for the color of the skin! (high yellow? seriously, what the heck is that all about)

As far as his son’s comments, he could certainly meant “they”, as in other black people. Unfortunately, most of us will read this and automatically assume that he was talking about caucasians. (please dad, I don’t want to get blacker comment)

There is one thing that truly bothers me however…
There is an underlying assumption that if the roles were reversed, those in charge would treat others differently is truly the thing of fairy tales. If history has taught us one lesson, it is that man will continually treat those in the minority poorly regardless.

JC - the comment is not outdated and I’m sure folks will be having this conversation 50 yrs from now. Diveristy in a population does not reflect diversity among classes and as such, people in positions of power. As long as black people are dispoportionately jailed, illiterate, high mortality rates, etc., there will be good reason for this discussion to take place.

I think the majority of what you staet is very true. However, I think it is true for all people. I have a son who has epilepsy, who has cried over being different than his classmates. As a loving parent, I explained to him how people are different no matter what color, religion, medical issue, or learning issue they may have. I think we as Americans need to embrace the fact that we are individuals, and we are all different, even if we are from the same racial class.

Thank you, Pastor Jakes, for an insightful portrait of a black American family who overcame the prejudice that is woven into the fabric of our society. I truly believe that everyone should be treated equally regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, abilities, or disabilities; however, you do have to recognize that it is not just white Americans that are prejudiced against other races. Prejudice can and does exist within every culture. We must do everything we can do fight prejudice within our hearts and take action to ensure that everyone fees valued as a human being. Something as simple as a smile can lead to bigger changes. Do unto others…. that’s where we all need to start.

Thank you for your insights Brother Jakes. All children - black, white, brown, or otherwise - need to be affirmed in who they, children of God. Our diversity is what makes us special. And others diversity is what makes them special. I pray that as a nation “under God” we can finally get to the point that we recognize and applaud that fact.

As a father, I also thank you for your raising of your children. Great job!!!

Amen Bishop Jakes.
I am a white woman raising a grandson who is half black. He is currently 14 and we are deeply involved in studying black culture to ensure he knows how interesting it is and how much to be proud of there is. Even though there are a large number of black children and Hispanic children in his school system, studies don’t highlight achievements of those cultures the way they do white cultures. He’s a beautiful child, growing into a beautiful man. I want him to know and appreciate all of himself and to have pride in the achievements of both cultures that make up his ancestry.

I hope I live long enough to see a time when black, white, brown, yellow, red refer to the color scale for artists and not to prejudices and assumptions.

I want to give another take on this subject. I am a middle aged white man who grew up in a very racist household. I never heard anything good about black people so of course I was already skewed in the wrong direction. Shortly after turning 19 I moved to Minneapolis from a small town. This was a culture shock to say the least and I admit I was a bit leary. I started working in a nursing home with many black people and immediately found that what I heard growing up was wrong. I became freinds with many black people and really started seeing a side I have never heard about. What I also noticed though is how many black people hated me because I was white. They didn’t know a thing about me yet hated me. I also noticed that the black people that I got along with acted totally different when other black people were around, they acted like they didn’t know me. I understand that there is a lot of racism everywhere but I think we all need to look at both sides, white and black, to see where and how racism can be eliminated. Not all whites are racist and not all blacks are non racist.

Not a word about the very pronounced color preferences within black culture, whether here or on the continent of Africa.
How long it is before we recover from a losing hand is determined by how long it is before we honestly approach it. It would appear never is the answer.
As long as you look to white people as the problem you are going to look to white people for the solution. Considering the people you have dictating solutions that are your white friends, you were better off with genuine enemies.

What an uplifting commentary. I have always enjoyed listening to you and your insight. Speaking as a white man who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time during riots in the late 60’s, I can honestly (and ashamedly) admit that for a while, I was prejudiced. It took my blind friend to shock me into reality. While I was healing from the attack, I aksed him “What do you think about all this Black stuff?” (Maybe not in those words at the time). His answered floored me and I have NEVER forgotten it. He said “I don’t know, Mike, everyone is black to me; I don’t have the luxury of sight to know if I’m going to like some one or not.”

Oh were we all to be “blind” like my friend. Blind to color, size, shape, religion, politics, and all the other distractions that keep us away from being the best we can be. I have tried to live my life “blind” since then. I may not have always done so, but I would like to think I’ve done OK.

God bless you and your family; God bless us all.

We need more T. D. Jakes

“Because if you are black they hate you more.”

Just have to consider the irony here. When in school, it was almost exclusively the blacks who tormented others with hate and racism, showing it to many of us at an unbelievably young age. It was almost exclusively always the blacks who harassed and beat up the others, and this pretty much continues throughout all ages in our society. Many of us had horrifying experiences being tormented by blacks, which continued throughout school. Black gang violence (blacks attacking others in mass numbers) has become a horrifying normality in our society.

People don’t learn to dislike blacks because they are darker. The only reason people of other races avoid blacks in mass numbers is from lessons they have well-taught us.

Blacks are responsible for their own doings, and for the subsequent consequences.

AMEN!!!!! Bishop Jakes I pray that I will continue to remember this long after this moment is gone and teach my children and grandchildren well that they may do the same.

JC of Los Angeles, all power to you for being optimistic and wearing rose-tinted glasses when it comes to diversity. But reality has a way of slapping one upside the head: you learn super-fast when you aren’t a white male. This piece reflects precisely that difference, between the ideal and reality.
Bishop Jakes, Amen and Thank You for sharing your gift. More, please!

Most villians,witches and the ungodly portrayed by hollywood has black hair & dark skin. It is no wonder African-American children develop a “sense of inforiority complex” about their skin colour.

I migrated from Africa 13 yrs a go and it is stories like these tha help understand where blacks have gone through. The neat thing about it is the positive tone I hear. Comparing what I hear.read and what I see today, things have changed dramatically. We need to get this information to the neighborhood that would rarely be reached by this articles and programs like the one on CNN…because we spend too much time on BET the rest hearing a lot of negative from the parents.

Very inspirational real life account….open communication is key to any society that is serious about not self destructing. May we honor all humans…dark skinned & light skinned; in the womb & out of the womb; rich and poor; as well as all those whose voice is dim in a world of pundits….Grace & Truth.

Focused on Eternity….Living in Reality,
JosephJoshua T.

Bishop Jakes,
I enjoy your ministry, your books, and the stories from your heart. I have always been white and in the majority, but I haven’t always been a Christian. We must teach our children to be proud of who they are no matter the color of the skin they are in. We must also be conscious of the fact that this culture’s prejudice is based in more than race. Everything that makes us unique tends to cause a devide, or a separation from “Normal”. I am teaching my kids to be Christian, and I know what judgement/persecution they will face.

thank you bishop i think we needed that ….

There is a fine line between pride and arrogance, I believe that you are a man able to teach his children to walk that line. Be proud of your heritage, but you should also teach them to be proud of other peoples cultures as well.

Together, all of humanity has taken many steps forward together but we have so many more to go…

I am with JC down below, especially his last paragraph. Honestly, I am tired of racism but get tired of the “woe is me” mentality. We all have issues regardless of color. I mean if CNN put “White in America” they would all be called racists. It should go both ways. All people should stop using race as a crutch and make your own way in the world. I see a black man ride a 545i BMW past me and think, “Now there’s the white man keeping him down.” Let’s move on shall we and all get past the hate.

AMEN!!!!! Bishop Jakes
I pray I will remember this teaching long after this moment is gone and teach my children and grandchildren well.

Thank you for your commentary. As a parent, it touched my heart deeply. I’ve had that conversation numerous times with my own children who are all biracial and all have the same father. I learned my own lessons about the varieties of skin color just by having those 3 children who all have the same parents and all have different shades of skin color. How their peers related to them growing up I believe has influenced their personalities. My daughters are more accepting of and accepted by black culture. My son, who looks more Caucasian than anything, has a mixture of friends of all races and his interests include things in both so-called ‘white’ and ‘black’ culture. My youngest is 16 and I’m still learning every day along with them.

When i read this it always makes me reflect on my own growing up experiences. My parent ( mother ) was so busy trying to survive that she never had the time to doing any self love for herself or her children. its hard to be an adult when you have never had a mentor
to show you how its done or what it means to Love your family when you don’t know that side of life. I truly understand what it means to
Love Yourself.. My father Lord Jesus Christ has been the only person to truly love me and to show me what self love truly is…Jesus Christ
is the only Father I’ve ever known…Bishop I admire your wisdom.
I know that your children are blessed to have a father that is there
for them and truly express that love towards them.. God continue to
bless and enrich our lives as a people!

Amen to that,and it is true that in this world we live in today,our children both young and old need to know how important it is to be yourself regardless of color.

I am not a follower or fan of T.D. Jakes. But this was great commentary. Drastic times call for drastic measures. To help fight the inferiority complex we need a to do a public education 180. No more George Washington and Abe Lincoln. When is the last time that has helped anyone to get a job? We need to teach black history to black kids. Imagine a white kid going to school and recieving 95% of history lessons from black culture. White parents wouldn’t stand for it. A white kid only being taught black history. Well they would be right to not stand for it. And black parents shouldn’t stand for the white world image given to young black children. Teach them about themselves so that they can respect themselves. They are not just descendants of slaves they are descendants of Pharoahs, Kings, Queens. Teach them the truth!

Bishop Jakes, thanks for sharing that story, I only wish my husband would read this, because within our marriage I leave with internal pain I am a dark skinned woman, but he is always commenting on how beautiful the fair skinned woman is, he is so color blind, and my only thought is why did he chose me, it really makes me feel so insecure, i am so tired of hearing him say that is a beautiful red woman, I always comment to him and say we are all black people why must you refer to a woman as red…. I love my husband but it is painfully to know prejudice.

I am a white mother of three. This story reminds me of a situation that occurred when my then three year old daughter noticed another girl of color. She asked me why she was black and my daughter was white. I explained exactly what the reverand had said. God made her exactly how He thought she would be the most beautiful. This then made my daughter very angry, and she insisted that she wanted to be black. Her heart and mind are still racially open, and I am truly thankful. I have family in the Deep South and other areas that are still blatantly racist. I have fought a lifelong fight to show equality to all, and am glad to see it is growing in my children as well. May everyone out there work together and start listening to differences. There is nothing wrong with being different than the one next to you, just remember you that you are also different from everyone else.
Pat, Newberg , OR

The fact that CNN has created a forum for a long neglected topic like racism is something that all Americans should appreciate. Sharing stories like this and making it accessible to people who may have never imagined such a scenario, is the first step towards making race irrellavent.

To Anderson Cooper, CNN and Bishop Jakes-Keep up the good work!

What a wonderfully written commentary! Amen Amen!!! I am a white woman and as a woman have suffered from discrimination as well-sometimes for being a woman and sometimes for being white. This is a truly commanding article that all people of all color should read and instill the teachings in all of our children.

Thank you Brother Jakes. We have had those heartfelt conversations with our son (Luke) who is seven. All men are created equally and the color of a person’s skin does not matter - our creator loves all of us. Growing up in the Deep South, where former generations did not think in these terms, there are many Caucasians that are now teaching their children the same truth you shared with your two sons. May you, the First Lady and family continue in the favor of our “one” Father.

Jim Stockstill

JC:

Perhaps you should broaden your spectrum of reading materials. You would be naive to think that such literature/thoughts do not exist in the Hispanic community.

Here is an example: imagine being Hispanic and a legal immigrant and having any number of people judge you or otherwise look down their nose at you, or whisper behind your back at the thought that your are an illegal immigrant.

Bishop Jakes—-thank you for such an uplifting story.It just proves that out of sorrow can come such wonderful moments for parental love and teachable opportunities.

Amen! Well said!

JC,

Not all parts of this country, or even California are so blessed to be as racially and culturaly diverse as Los Angeles or San Francisco. Many of the outlying suburbs such are still segregated. Though, thankfully, much of the reasons driving this new era of segregation seems to be more due to economic inequalities rather than pure racial hatred.

As a 70 year old white mail, I was astonished to read this. I feel so badly about the 7 year old. I would like him to know that there are so many white people who do not hate black people, and certainly don’t worry one way or the other if a black is light skinned or dark. The same as we don’t hate or judge Italians, or Eskimos, or American Indians or whomever, just because of what they might look like. It is his character that matters. I hope he can grow up and come to know this through his experiences with all races.

Sometimes I think as a white person we just don’t realize what some other people have to endure. We know it is unfair and unjustified to be predjudiced against our own race and think it’s got to be the same for all races. Thanks for the wake up call, and please don’t judge all white people for a few ignoramuses.

This touched my heart. I am from a small town where there are a lot of racist people. I love all walks of life and pray that someday we see each other as equals and not by a race definition. One person can make a difference to others. I try to influence the people in my town to love all. We all bleed the same color.

Finally- someone has the bravery to speak out on this issue. My nephew is half African- American and his mother was very vocal about her hopes that ‘he is lightskinned’. I viewed this not as ignorance, but a manifestation of her pain that she experienced in her lifetime as a dark skinned woman. Yes, he was born light, and at 9, his skin is turning into a gorgeous dark color.
We must all strive to tell our children how beautiful they are. I am half Hispanic and half Caucasian, and throughout my life I have been questioned about my ethnicity. I never felt like I belonged anywhere. At times being accepted by Caucasians was a challenge because I have just enough color to make them ask a suspicious, ‘What are you?’ and ‘What is your last name’? Hispanic people see me as a ‘white girl’ and chastise me for not being fluent in ‘my language’. Prejudice reaches across many ethnicities and ages. All I know is that I am proud of both of my heritages and I tell my nephew how lucky he is to represent not one, not two ethnicities, but three ethnicities that have has a rich history which shaped a nation that is free and for the most part, accepting.

You may have a point JC, but just because someone who is white (like myself) lives in an area where there are more “minorities” than whites doesn’t mean you quite understand exactly what it’s like to be a member of a different group. I was born in the Bronx and adopted, and needless to say a little white kid in the Bronx in the 1980’s means living in an area where at best 10% of the people I knew shared my skin color.

I had my own unique experience, as did Bishop Jakes and his children. He is not saying that minorities in a “majority world” should be given preferential treatment. His point is, racism and prejudice do exist. Maybe they aren’t outwardly manifested as much as in the past but they do still exist. He is asking for people to understand that everyone may have a different experience, that they are all born being who they are, and that people need to learn to accept that.

I am white and went to elementary school in an affluent, mostly-white suburb. Many of my friends were minorities: Taiwanese, Indonesian, African-American, Indian. I still vividly recall a day when a white student came up to me and snidely asked, “Why don’t you hang out with any WHITE kids?” It’s a shame that these prejudices are ingrained at such a young age. Thank you for sharing your story. We all have to work together to eradicate these stereotypes.

As a white male raised in the South, I can easily see how your children could come to have such fears. The racism I’ve encountered in my life sickens me, and I hope for the day when it no longer exists. Thank you for this powerful story, and for being such a wonderful father — not only to your own children, but to all of us.

Thank you Bishop for that heartfelt story. I look forward to seeing you in October at Johannesburg Megafest.

Bishop Jakes, I am so glad that you shared your experience and your thoughts. As a person of color and as a person who identifies gay, I relate wholly with the experience of your sons. I have to believe that I am created the way God created me to be. There are so many similarities between the struggles of people of color and LGBT people. I hope that we all teach our young people to embrace themselves and remind ourselves of this daily. We should work to embrace all of our identities and try and live a true honest life. Perhaps more importantly, we should daily strive to feel and understand the struggles and realities of others, especially those not like ourselves.

Your words moved me today.

I was born and reared in a small town in southeast Georgia. I wouldn’t change or trade one day of my childhood. I’ve seen a KKK cross burning, I was called the N word once, but the white man apologized the next day. From then on he treated me special. That was in the 50’s. The Civil War era is my fascination. My great, great uncle joined Sherman’s army when he was marching through Georgia. He was a “mule skinner”. The whites heard of this. After coming back, he was lynched on his wedding day. I’m White, African, Blackfoot and Cherokee.
I’ve been advantaged because of my blackness, not disadvantaged. My drawbacks and failures were of my own doings, not bcause I was black. I’ve befriended the most prejudiced of whites.
I learned from an early age by my father on how to carry yourself.
I watched him, he always carried himself in a respectable way. He would always tell me, “Take the Lord with you every where you go.” And I’ve always tried to do that. Smile and greet everyone with “How you’re doing?” And the world will smile and greet you back.

Mr. Jakes’ story reminds me of the scene in “The Jerk” where Mabel King tells Steve Martin that he’s not their natural born son. Steve Martin bursts out in tears and moans, “You mean I’m gonna stay this color?”

Pastor Jakes,
I enjoy that, when my son start to school many years ago he came and told his dad and i he wanted to be a fireman but not a black one i said you will be a black one he just cry so hard and said no mom i said yes son that was 38 years ago

what a great story.I just returned from montana and experienced repeated racism from native americans.I’m a white male who worked in the nursing field.I must admit that although this is 2008 racism is alive and well.racist ideals is alive and well in all facets of our society.individuals should not be hated because of the color or lack thereof,of their skin.

Sorry, but I am not buying these words. Blacks do not want to be judged by the “content of my character and not the color of my skin”. No, they want set asides, affirmative action, Medicaid, quotas, welfare, etc. Did you see Spike Lee have a fit because there were no blacks in a WWII movie? They want a Black History Month, a Black Miss America, and a national holiday for a brother who was an adulterer, a liar who plagiarized his doctoral thesis, and a Communist to boot. Sorry, but I can’t hear your words because of your actions. Are there special titles for other white, brown, or Asian Americans? The answer is “No” reverend.

Bishop Jakes,
Thank you for sharing such an important story. As a parent raising two boys (ages 1 & 4), one with much lighter skin then the other, my husband and I talk about some of the comments that we hear from those in our inner circle (family & friends) regarding our boys skin color and how it may affect them later on in life. We’ve heard the terms “light bright”, “high yellow”, and “pretty boy” about our youngest son whose skin is very light. We’ve planned to talk with our children and educate them on the differences in people’s skin color as they got older, but I see that may be more sooner then later….

I truly believe in the power of a child being able to communicate his/her feelings and thoughts surrounding their culture. My son is biracial (hispanic/caucasian) and he also stuggles with the same issues of “where he fits in” and how society views him. I believe he needs to stay in tune with both cultures and embrace them. Thanks for such a touching story,,,,

Thanks for the wonderful, sad, and yet uplifting story. You hit the nail on the head. When a family promotes self respect, compassion, and good self esteem all the cards will fall into place. Children will grow knowing that how they treat themselves, and how they treat others, will be what defines them as human beings. Yes they may very well have to deal with racial inequality, yes they may have to overcome odds that may be greater for them than others, but given the right tools from within the home, the family, the parents, they will shine throught it all and do the same for their children when that time comes. We are all products of our families first, and than secondly products of our environment. It’s all about the children!!!! It’s all about the children, and I repeat this because this simple mantra is so often forgotten.

Thanks Bishop for sharing.

Mr. Jakes,

I can appreciate and agree with your words. I would also like to add however, that it can go both ways. I am a latino male who grew up in a predominently hispanic and black city. Unlike others around me though, my skin color is very light and I was made to feel inferior because of that. i did not look “normal” to them, since I looked like a typical white caucasian. I grew up, wishing I had darker skin in order to fit in with those around me and embarrased of my color. I no longer think that way, but as a child, so see what’s around you and see that you are different and it can be painful. Especially when others, who normally would be the minority and are endlessly going on about racisim and prejudice, are the ones doing the very same thing to those are do not look like them. So, the same lesson that you give, as you said, should be taught and driven into every child, to have selfworth and not compare themselves to any other race or color.

I,too, enjoyed your article and it brought tears to my eyes and unfortunately remembering that blacks are not the only ones that are treated so poorly.
What sticks out and you mentioned are women.
Another group that is disliked even more than blacks is the Gay community.
Mongs, Mexicans, yellow, red and yes white are all a big part of predudice and disrespect from other communities.
It is time we all come together and again yes, judge people for who they are inside, not for the religion they choose or the color of their skin.
To me, it the person is nice to me, it is very easy to be nice back or visa versa, no matter who they are or what their background is unless they are just deliberityly mean.
I do not have any tolerance of mean.

A wonderful and insightful piece, but I’m curious. Your son said, “Because if you are black they hate you more.”

Who is “they?”

You might have missed an opportunity to also counsel your son on his own prejudices.

JC - not a dated comment at all. People such as yourself pretend that nothing much is wrong with race in our society, and that minorities just need to change the way THEY behave and think and everything will be fine. What an insult to the people who suffer from living in an environment where the racism is so ingrained that many individuals choose to blame the victims and refuse to acknowledge the role they play in perpetuating this mentality. I don’t know what race you are but you have clearly adopted the position of the majority in placing the blame squarely on those that have been oppressed and demeaned for centuries. The hardest thing for people with this approach to do is try and think for a moment what it must be like to automatically be viewed as inferior and flawed by people who consider themselves to be righteous and good, but who are unwilling or unable to truly empathize with them. Change requires an effort from both sides, but it takes more than token gestures from the majority like affirmative action to even the playing field.

Very good article. I agree with exposure. I am a white female from the midwest & when I was in 2nd grade my father was transferred and we had to move to Jacksonville. I hated it at first but as I got older I did appreciate all the culture I was a part of daily. I was about 8 years old and we had a young teacher which actually had a week in her classroom of exploring diversity. All kids brought maps, food, religious books, stories, and some even family members that told a story. It was such a great experience for me I actually did the same thing with a group during girl scouts when I was a troop leader. I was overjoyed to see the girls learning so much from each other as I remembered so fondly from years ago. Sometimes when kids get information from each other it is just fun, but as they grow older you realize how much you learned about compassion, tolerance, agree to disagree and most of all we are all human. Everyone gets sad, laughs, cries, hurts, and has feelings. I really hope in the future as my generation grows older that racial issues will fade or go away. Lastly, I have this habit (because I believe we are all equal) I check other for my race on forms and write human. Some people think it is funny or make comments, but those forms need to vanish.

Great man of God. Always been blessed with wisdom and courage. We enjoy his preaching from way down in Africa continent and peoples’ lives are being changed through television. Please keep up the good work. The word of God applies everywere in the world. This story teaches us a lot too!

Some people need reasons to hate, and some don’t need a reason at all.

Some people need a reason to complain, and some don’t need a reason at all.

Some people worry about others having more then them, while others worry about having less than others.

Some people think they are better than others, and some people feel they are not better or worse than others. It should be a I am doing my best.

Its not about lighter versus darker, its about evil people versus good people.

I do not fear light or dark people, I fear people that want to hurt people in general. Why is it that people hate muslims & islamists who are mainly dark people. Terrorism of the times is the answer, we have not learned much from past Wars, but we are still learning, otherwise why is Obama doing so well. Why have their been Afrrican American, Italian, Irish, German, and polish mayors and governors. Why, cheap labor.

Powerful message Pastor. Powerful. Thanks for sharing.

Amen! When are you running for President?????

At JC: I think you missed the point.

All children should be taught that skin color, race, gender etc are merely external trappings. Who you are and what you are worth is intensely personal, and can’t be develo