Bishop Jakes,
Thanks for joining us on the blog. I love your preaching! You are a great man of God and a great person.

Yes we should all teach our kids to love themselves no matter what color they are or how they look. You can't rely on anyone else to make you happy. That starts within yourself. So we need to start getting people to love themselves from the time that they are small. Maybe then what others think won't matter as much and we can be our own person and not have to follow the herd to "fit in".

Cindy...Ga.

I remembered a similar conversation with my father. It was a painful conversation... but knowledge of burden can be helpful in the long run.

AMEN

Bishop Jakes–Thank you for sharing such a wonderful memory. It must have been very painful too.
Children have to be taught that being different has nothing to do with goodness or badness.-They are all unique little individuals, regardless of skin color or other 'difference'. Self-acceptance & self-love are hard lessons to teach. Parenting is such a .forgotten tool these days. It sounds like you did a wonderful job!

Bishop Jakes, I watch you on Dr. Phil an listen to your wisdom. As a young mother I also witnessed how even children learned about the color of somone's skin. My young son wanted to invited "Sam" to his Birthday party and I told him that was fine. Chris to me that some of the other children said they couldn't come if Sam did because he had
brown skin. Their parent's wouldn't let them come. Our children are
born innocent why can't we let them grow up among each other that way with out the prejudices adults teach them. When Chris got older we moved to an area with much more diversity and he surrounded himself with many friends from diffent cultures. Color is only skin deep. Keep on teaching your love.

Amen..
Thanks Bishop for sharing.

now that's some good preaching.....thanks for sharing Bishop Jakes.

Thank you for sharing what must have been painful experience. As I parent, I cry with you. Kids always need to be reassured that they are special and created by God just the way God wants them to be. I think all parents go through this at one time or another. My parents went through it with me – I never fit in with everybody because I wore really thick glasses. My one son has a learning disability, so he feels isolated, the other one has freckles, a sibling was the shortest in the class – every single year. The list goes on and on. I don't think that raising your child to love his/herself is a racial issue at all. We all, as parents, need to do a better job at it so kids have self-worth and take care of themselves and each other....

Amen, very thoughtful, enlightening, inclusive piece.

Mr. Jakes, thanks so much for sharing that story, while reading your story tear came down my check. Please have a great and bless day

I enjoy your commentary and believe many of your points are valid, however, your comment about "knowing how things can be when you are a minority in a majority world" is a bit dated.

Living in Los Angeles, a city that is comprised of 140 nationalities, to focus on one race is to deny what our country has become.

California has a population of more than 50% hispanics; I don't believe I have ever read one article where a non-hispanic has documented how it feels to be a minority in a majority world.

Our nation's tapestry is multi-colored and getting brighter each day; to focus on one group rather than a collective whole is a disservice to diversity.

The black community needs to embrace the opportunities afforded all Americans and demand a culture of accountability, success and self respect; anything less and we will be having these same discussions 50 years from now.

Amen Bishop!

This editorial shows us that we still haven't realized the dream that MLK spoke about... yet.

But I have faith in this country and those who inhabit it. I believe, truly believe that racial equality will be a reality in my lifetime.

Get a grip Black people! Grow up! This talk is nothing new! Stop making excuses and go get a JOB!

It is interesting that Mr. Jakes uses Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. famous quote, “Judge me on the content of my character and not the color of my skin.” My question to Mr. Jakes is why did he not apply this same standard to Pastor Jeremiah Wright and his racism. Mr. Jakes was silent.

Not to nitpick, but when you don't have the facts, your perception can be incorrect. California is NOT > 50% latino. California has a 'no majority' where the majority (white) is less than 50%. JC, get the facts first.

Amen, brother, Amen.

Thank you Bishop Jakes. I absolutely love your preaching and applaud you for sharing such a touching and sensitive story. I learn more every day in this life and pray to God my love for everyone is equal. Amen and Amen.

Bishop Jakes,

Great message! Thanks for sharing.

Bishop Jakes,

Historically I've not been one of your fans, but for this matter I must say I truly appreciate you bruh.

God Bless

Kevin

"The self-esteem issues are exasperated by absentee fathers, substance abuse, and many other circumstances that add to the conundrum of the lagging behind of our people. "

"Exacerbated" is the correct word, not "exasperated".

Nice editing there ....

At least one black man is willing to admit his own accountability.

JC – from Los Angeles ... you can't be from Earth! Everybody doesn't have the same opportunities my friend. You've been watching too much Glenn Beck!

To Bishop Jakes ... thanks Pastor for telling the "REAL" story!

I thoroughly agree with JC in Los Angeles! You hit it right on the nosey!

When will we see a special about being Irish in America or Latino or Asian. This kind of black only victimization is ridiculous.

Amen brother! As a white man with two young children living in a diverse community, I agree with you completely. We (Americans) need to celebrate our differences AND our commonalities and treat each other as the brothers and sisters we truly are.

I thank you for your wonderful article. I think one small way to gain an appreciation for one's self is to not use a term that conveys a lack of appreciation, and that is the N-word.

Really, though, it is a question of what comes first, the lack of appreciation of one's self that causes one to use the N-word to refer to others of like race, or the use of the word that causes the lack of appreciation of one's self/race.

Any thoughts?

Thanks.

Thank you for sharing this story. It has echoes today, with lifelong Democrats threatening not to vote for Obama because of his skin color. Just like your son, Obama is proud of who he is and his heritage. I pray for a country that embraces everyone because of the richness of our differences. Only then will we be able to achieve our full potenial as a nation.

JC Los Angeles.
He is talking from a black perpective not from a hispanic one. He is trying to get understanding and from your comment you have none. Blacks were in-slaved. I think that seperates the two minority groups.
Here we are trying to find our own identity to bring about a change in the black community and you get this stuff.

I thank you Jakes and thank you for your thoughts as we will make a change and we will be a better people even though there are those who still wantt o knock us down.

And I will add a good AMEN.

Mr. Jakes that was a great story but this is not only limited to color. I think we should teach our children to love themselves because if you do not love yourself you cannot love others.

AMEN... and thank you for including the issue of female body image along with this discussion. While there are special issues relating to people of color, I think that all people have to be given an idea of their worth as creations of God. Young girls are very vulnerable to the images that are displayed in the media and in our culture.

This is what I would like to share with people of ALL colour!

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone
else's eyes."

Sandra – Memphis TN

Thanks so for a very loving article. I agree on many of the points that you made, but I'm afraid I also have to agree with JC from Los Angeles, who stated "to focus on one group rather than a collective whole is a disservice to diversityand also the the black community needs to embrace the opportunities afforded all Americans and demand a culture of accountability, success and self respect."

The Whiteman is the most dangerous species on the planet

What a shame your wisdom doesn't extend to people who are homosexual. Your words should apply to everyone's situation, but to you, they only apply to what you and your family, people of a particular skin color go through. When you can see that a person's sexual orientation is no more chosen than their skin color, then I'll congratulate you for your wise words.

Thanks Bishop Jakes for this wonderful story. We also have to teach our children not to run away from racism but to face it and fight it. It is the only way that we can change the views of those that think people of different races are different or out of this world.

Thanks again for all the words of encouragement that you always provide in your lectures, books and preaching. You are a great human being. God is always with you.

Sir, I understand what you are saying and do not minimize your experience. However sooner or later the self pity and whining has to stop. We live in an America where Blacks command our military, control public and foreign policy and where a black man may shortly lead us all. Black America needs to move on, not keep nurturing the victim mentality. This must happen and not for the sake of white people but for black American themselves whose potential and confidence is confined boxed in by the perennial victim mentality.

A'men pastor,God doesn't see the color of our skin,he see what 's in our hearts. Why should we be any different. Have a blessed day.

Pastor Jakes,

Wow, I have a very similar story. Yours brought a tear to my eye as I thought of your son and his very real reaction to the world ways. On that note I look forward to heaven where color really won't matter at all!! I am a white female and I have a child, Erika whose father is african american. He is a wonderful father to her though we never married. She is 21 now, but years ago when she was about 3 or 4 years old, we were shopping in a clothing store and Erika came up to me with a sad look and said "mommy, those 2 ladies are looking at me mean and talking about me". As I looked up, sure enough they were looking at Erika and myself still and I had to quickly move past them and on to addressing my little girls pain. How I responded (even being only in my early 20's then) would make all the difference to her and her self image. All I could think of then was "Honey, there are just some people in this world that are not very nice at all and those people were just not nice". Erika made other comments growing up along the same lines that she'd hear from other kids also. Today, she is very comfortable with her skin color and I attribute that to the way she was raised by both her father and I. Though in separate homes, she experienced both races/cultures (white & black), by two people who hold no predjuices towards any person because of color.

I disagree with JC-Los Angeles point about “knowing how things can be when you are a minority in a majority world” is a bit dated. White culture dominates this society. In spite of a place like LA having 140 nationalities, only 1 of those nationalities dominates every institution – from government to infrastructure to media and the sciences. Most of the country is NOT culturally diverse, and even in the places that are, there still is rampant segregation amongst where people live, work and worship.

As a result of this, there is a pervasive ignorance of culture that looms large over this country. This ignorance leads to situations such as Sean Bell getting shot 50 times by officers who mistakenly think he had a weapon, to a Punjabi couple being discriminated against by getting lured into a sub-prime loan.

This is effectively dealt with via communication like the reverend said. However, complacent people who typically don't have to worry about cultural issues should be the ones especially immersing themselves into situations where they have the opportunity to learn about others. This country would be better for it.

As a white male growing up in Canada I have no experience and no commonality with the experience of blacks growing up in the racially heated environment of the United States. I haven't felt the pressure of being an obvious member of a minority group in the way that many (if not all) blacks evidently experience south of the border. As a child, I did experience the minor bias against those of a Polish background that was prevalent in the early 1960's but its hardly comparable.

It is refreshing to see an increase in the general awareness of racial problems and discrimination in North America, and it was enlightening to read this article. I hope this trend continues, and I hope we see an increase in members of minorities who learn to be proud of their heritage and who can surmount any racial or cultural obstacles. We are all the same colour under our skin.

Great story, I just hope that people can take this message and apply it to all situations where people are different. Whether people are gay, straight, poor, rich, black, white or brown this applies across the board.

Bishop Jakes,
Thank you for your heartfelt sharing. May God continue to bless your words of love and caring that you may continue to assist all God's Children that they may recognize love and choose the way of love. May God's peace be with you...and a big AMEN!

Amen Bishop- I commend you for your efforts to empower your sons for the imperfect world we live in. If only more parents/fathers would give their children this same gift, perhaps we would the society our leaders have pledged to us for generations. I do not know of any person on this planet that does not wish, either openly or secretly, at some point in their life they could change some part of themselves physically. God created us as we are for a reason and purpose. Keep going.

Can a brother get a good Amen??? That right there kind of defeats the entire message, ya know. How about if a white woman like myself used that term Can a sista get a good amen...I would be considered a racist...I think racism is a 2 way street and I think that Bishop Jakes message is great and sincere however, I have been the subject of more racism than I like to share because I am labeled a racist only because I am white. I see this everyday and everyday it sickens and disheartens me a little more. I see more and more black people pulling the racist card when things don't go there way and it is not right. We should not have 2 standards. It is wrong and someone needs to stand up to that.

It's tough to teach your child the harsher realities of life no matter what your background or ethnicity. Teaching young children that there are people who will choose not to like them for no good reason is hard to explain.

I'll be honest here, I don't think we're going to get this thing right until ALL OF US realize that there are no majorities or minorities. I realize I'm talking about something that will never happen, but that is the "Dream" isn't it?

JC, you've missed the point. African Americans aren't 50% of any population anywhere in the states and continues to be become a smaller and smaller number. In this country were are indeed a minority no matter how "dated" it may seem to you.

I'm an afro-caribbean female, dark-skinned, an immigrant, and I have to agree with JC from Los Angeles.

"The black community needs to embrace the opportunities afforded all Americans and demand a culture of accountability, success and self respect; anything less and we will be having these same discussions 50 years from now," is what he writes.

The biggest problem in the black community today isn't lack of respect from whites, it's the incessant whining and lack of respect among ourselves. Get over it. No matter how bad you have it, Americans– be they black or white or Latino, or whtever you may be–have it better than most others. If you don't believe that, dare take a trip around the world, like I have.

Why is the label of black Americans still 'African American'? These are Americans like any other U.S. citizen, they simply have a different color of skin. Having pride in one's heritage is important, but you do not see those with great-great grandparents from Ireland calling themselves Irish Americans. The first step to unity is to consider each person the same on some level – we are all human, and anyone born in the United States is an American – not an African American or an Irish American or a German American. It's a minor thing, but how can one desire unity if one will not consider themself united with others.

Thank you Bishop for your insight into being black.

I think you meant to explain to your sons on how to get rich in America

Create your own church with you as the sole leader and keep as much of the money from collections as possible.

Only in America

Thank-you for this interesting perspective, Bishop Jakes. As a white person and father of young kids myself, I find this article very enlightening. An African-American woman that I worked with recently told me how she aknowledge to an African-American man who is a darker tone than she that she new he had a more difficult time getting a head in the work place than her, since she was "lighter."

A good point was also made about the fact that success in life to a large degree comes down to how you feel about your-self and self-worth, which must me instilled at a young age. Bishop Jakes sons are lucky to have him and his wife as their parents.

Eloquently written. However, would you please elaborate on your sentence. ..I was sitting with both of them in the predominantly white environment of my home in West Virginia talking about things fathers discuss with their sons... in what context are you defining 'a predominately white environment in your home'? Thank you. KF

JC I respect your comment, but the reality is although their are opportunities afforded to all Americans and we should all be accountable for our actions and our success or lack there of, the fact remains that not every place is like Los Angeles... I live in St Petersburg, FL which is a good mixture of cultures and absorbing from a variety of cultures, as a performer I still get the n* word at venues I perform at. In one bathroom stall it stated that "all 'the n word plural' must die"...I laughed at it because well its funny to me that people are still so pathetically archaic... but its still my reality...

On another note we should appreciate that we can see the diverse colors that God & Mother Nature have bestowed upon us... The greens of the leaves... the browns and ivories of skin town... Because sight is a gift not a mechanism to be utilized for judgment or hatred...

Thank you Bishop TD for spreading love and compassion not blame and solitude...

I am a grandmother to a 3 yr old mixed son. He is truly a joy. My son is black and the mother is mixed with beautiful long blonde hair. I attend an all Black church and you should see the looks that I get as my husband and I bring him with us. I dare not ask the Mom to come because I'm so afraid that on any given Sunday, a 'Rev Wright' sermon may come from the pulpit. My older son experiened some awful things in College and never told me until he graduated. My younger son left a party early due to a confrontation that would leave a Black man paralyzed and nothing done to the white guys who did it. We can pray and talk and pray that things will get better. It is 2008 and these things remain today.

I hope the black community will focus on other things beside race. I think the black community must be the most racist of all races since every discussion revolves around race.

I don't even think of a person as being black or white. But once people bring up about this supposed burden of being black, I realize they are black.

This attitude of making excuses is silly. Grow up and get a life.

That's my Bishop right there!!!

"The black community needs to embrace the opportunities afforded all Americans and demand a culture of accountability, success and self respect; anything less and we will be having these same discussions 50 years from now."

You think we dont? I am sick and tired of people saying that the black community is not about accountability, success and self respect. YOU DON'T KNOW EVERY SINGLE BLACK PERSON IN THIS COUNTRY SO DON'T ASSUME YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE BLACK COMMUNITY. I agree that we have issues in our community, but it's assine to suggest that these issues only exist in the black community. You're going off of what you see in the news or on t.v. shows that do not always show the diversity within my very own community. People outside of MY COMMUNITY like to point out what is wrong within a society they have limited access to, whether by choice or not. I suggest people read Matthew 7: 1-5 and learn how to judge not.

While attending a seminary of 99% white people, I began to
attend an Afro-American Church 38 years back. When my children
went to school, they had a face lewd remarks from some of their classmates.

But, I gave them motivations to keep on ignoring the offenses
caused by others. Until we can see everybody, being created by
the same God, this social disease can't be earadicated. Indeed,
a lot of improvements have taken place during the last forty years,
but still a long way to go. The children act in the public or school,
based upon what they hear at home. When I was reached in the
American life forty years back, this social disorder was the greatest
shock of my life in a Christian nation. I have experienced that the
educated people and people of social status are basically
free from this disorder of any kind discrimination.

In reponse to JC-Los Angeles

I agree with what you are saying but do not feel that Bishop Jakes' intention was to single out blacks as the only minority to go through struggles with their self image.

His story reminded me of my own childhood, growing up as an Asian American in a predominantly white community and possessing those same sentiments that his children felt. After all, if you just replace the word "black" with brown or yellow or red, the article and message still remains identical.

I believe that Bishop Jake wrote this article not to explain and express the turmoils specifically experienced by blacks, but rather used his personal story as an example to illustrate that the problems involving race need to be tackled by all groups of people in society.

Bishop Jake – I commend and thank you for this beautifully written article and will be looking forward to seeing more in the future.

Dear Dr. Jakes:

I only hope that more white Christians read your remarks concerning the experiences your sons had growing up in a part of the US that was (is?) primarily white. I think the imperatives Christ laid out for us call us to honor every person God made as equal to each other person.

Racial mistreatment of any sort is sin in God's eyes. And I think, pray, and hope that it is diminishing as time progresses.

My family are white Canadians who came to LA in 1954. One of the first things my dad did was take us to a series of black evangelical churches there, to show us how varying types of Christians expressed their faith. Why did he do this? Daddy King came to his church in Vancouver BC in the late 1940s and spoke. My parents saw him as an ambassador from Christ and from that time forward they were changed inside. As was I by their example. My point? If you try to see people for who they are, below the level of pigmentation, they are all pretty much the same. They are people God made, and that makes them my brothers and sisters and friends, and in my case, my wife.

I grieved that your sons had a rough time. We still have a lot of work to do. God bless you in your work as a teacher and as a preacher, and as a father. Even though your boys are in their thirties, they still need you.

In Him,

Wes Nielsen

JC-Los Angeles, you missed the point... Bishop Jake was referring to his being a minority in a majority world...at a the time and place "his" family actually experienced at that time. I guarantee you, if other ethnicities that are "minorities in their majority" world; you would get answers, questions, dialogue, etc. This whole CNN "Black In America" show is only to enlighten us all on how things are from the Black American experience. It's not the total picture, it doesn't speak for all Black American experiences, but it gives the American people something to discuss and hopefully we (Americans) will let this be a beginning of listening to each other, understanding each other and loving each other as we would our immediate family and close friends. Until we can openly spend time with each other, regardless of skin color and other differences; this country will not unite.

JC- It's easy to "not focus on one group" if you are a member of a group that does not have to undergo the unique experience of being black in the United States ... an experience that is not comparable to the experience of any other ethnic group in this county, because of the uniqueness of our heritage. To simply sweep our experience under the rug indicates a lack of perspective. The black community has tried to "embrace the opportunities afforded all Americans" since Reconstruction. Sometimes we have failed of our own accord. Often times we have succeeded. And often we have failed because those who could have helped us decided that equality meant keeping themselves comparatively better as a group while keeping the rest of us happy enough to get along - aka, Equality in Thought Only.

In response to JC from Los Angeles. You obviously are not a person of color or you are hispanic, or you are too young to have experienced any part of the stuggle for racial equalilty or you would not have made such a snide remark about focusing on one group. In the next 50 years whites will be the minority because hispanics because of their illegal immigration, will be the majority. The notion that hispanics take the jobs that blacks won't do, should explain to you that blacks don't have to take those jobs because they are more educated, and have more self respect. Blacks are still in a struggle because they are not yet afforded the full respect that is given to others. If you don't understand the struggle from the inside out, I don't believe that you're qualified to speak on it.

JC, in Los Angeles I understand what you're saying. However, Bishop Jakes statement about "knowing how things can ne when you are a minority in a majority world" is very much relevant. Yes, it is true that the country is much more diverse now than in years past. But the balance of power still does not reflect this. Maybe things are difference in LA than it is in NC (which is a distinctively Southern state). The reality is that our country is definately much more diverse than ever...but most power is still held by the same. And, yes, there are some challenges associated with simply having darker skin, regardless of one's social class. Take it from this light skinned man working on his second graduate degree who is married to a light skinned woman with a graduate degree working in a Fortune 500 company.

Coming from a predominantly black country, where all the people in influential positions looked just liked me and moving to the USA as a teen where I was suddenly a minority and all the challenges that came along with that branding was a major culture shock for me. I now have a family of my own and am learning to have these very same conversations with my children. My youngest was called a monkey and dirty in preschool!!!

Bishop Jakes, thank you for sharing as I am totally unprepared for this and the more we talk and share the better it is for those like myself who grew up not having to have these conversations.

Keep on Sharing Bishop. Your Words bring healing and help to so many. But God has put us on an even playing field and we should step up to the plate and stop blaming others. Fathers especially black ones as senator Obama says should step up and the Nation will change. We have many teachers but so few fathers. As for me and my house my children will Know what it's like to have a true father. Black Amercia needs to wake up and take care of their /our own.

Shalom

This is a really good essay. I remember my mother telling me this story from when I was just a little boy growing up in LA in the 70s. We were sitting next to a black, older woman at the airport waiting for a flight, I must have been like 5 or 6 then. Apparently I told my mother, in clear earshot of the woman, mommie, that woman has black skin and I don't like people with black skin. My mothers' re-telling of this event (though now at 37 I do not remember it) clearly demonstrates her shame and embarassment. She told the lady I am so sorry, and I can assure you that he did not learn that at home. And I surely did not learn it at home, I was raised solidly middle class white but I was ALWAYS taught by my parents to respect and love everyone. But it goes to show that somewhere our kids are learning STILL at young ages that people that look different are somehow less than we are. It's terrible.

My son is 4 now and my wife and I already teach him at every opportunity to respect and be kind to everyone. That's probably not enough to nail the message home, but it's a start.

Thanks for your thoughtful column.

This makes me glad all over again that my three smart, beautiful, responsible children were raised to value every person as him/herself ,and to refuse to acept anything less than respect for themselves. That meant, of course, that they had to earn respect by their behaviors.
One of the best ways to instill this is through parental behavior. Lavish love and praise, treat as humans with dignity, show acceptance and always, always challenge them to be more.
Mine would rather fight than switch!

what a bunch of jive pastor. when you come right down to it we're all different and have had our share of difficulties.. this is not a purely black experience; every new group coming to the new world put up with discrimination and most have overcome it without the carping and whining inherent in the black public discourse of today. get over things and get on with it. i'm tired of the excuses.

Thank you Bishop Jakes for your story. It reminds me of the great responsibility I have as a father. I love our daughter and I take time to share stories of African American people so she knows fully that she can be proud of how God created her. Thank you for the inspiration.

I'm so proud of you letting us into your world. It had never accord to me that you had ever had such a conversation with your children. Let me explain why I said this. Whn my grandson was born, not only did I count his fingers and toes, I cried because here was another african amercain male child born into a world that is hostile towards them. I have told my son about the struggles he would have to face, but I also encouraged him to be the best human being on the planet. I was not saved when I had this conversation with him, but I told him that God has never made a mistake and to never let anyone make him thinl his was one. Yes he will have to go the extra mile, but in the end it will be worth it for him to be a strong man. I could go on and on, but I will stop here. I'm so proud of you as a man, not sugar coating life and instilling in your sons that life is indeed what you make it.
thank you

AMEN!!!!

I am reminded of a conversation I had with my son when he was 3 or 4 years old. He asked me, "Mommy, why are black people black?"

Naturally I was VERY taken aback, considering the friends I had were every different race, color, shape and creed, so I knew I really had to think before I spoke. Quite honestly, I don't think it was a "color" question, but more of a "why are people not like me" question.

I looked him in the eye and said, "It's because God likes diversity. Just think of how boring it would be if everyone looked like you. God created everyone differently so we would have so many different and wonderful people around us."

Thank you, Pastor Jakes, for sharing your beautiful story with us. God bless you and your lovely family.

The black community truly needs to comes to terms with itself. What most of us non-blacks don't realize is that there is discrimination within the community for the color of the skin! (high yellow? seriously, what the heck is that all about)

As far as his son's comments, he could certainly meant "they", as in other black people. Unfortunately, most of us will read this and automatically assume that he was talking about caucasians. (please dad, I don't want to get blacker comment)

There is one thing that truly bothers me however...
There is an underlying assumption that if the roles were reversed, those in charge would treat others differently is truly the thing of fairy tales. If history has taught us one lesson, it is that man will continually treat those in the minority poorly regardless.

JC – the comment is not outdated and I'm sure folks will be having this conversation 50 yrs from now. Diveristy in a population does not reflect diversity among classes and as such, people in positions of power. As long as black people are dispoportionately jailed, illiterate, high mortality rates, etc., there will be good reason for this discussion to take place.

I think the majority of what you staet is very true. However, I think it is true for all people. I have a son who has epilepsy, who has cried over being different than his classmates. As a loving parent, I explained to him how people are different no matter what color, religion, medical issue, or learning issue they may have. I think we as Americans need to embrace the fact that we are individuals, and we are all different, even if we are from the same racial class.

Thank you, Pastor Jakes, for an insightful portrait of a black American family who overcame the prejudice that is woven into the fabric of our society. I truly believe that everyone should be treated equally regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, abilities, or disabilities; however, you do have to recognize that it is not just white Americans that are prejudiced against other races. Prejudice can and does exist within every culture. We must do everything we can do fight prejudice within our hearts and take action to ensure that everyone fees valued as a human being. Something as simple as a smile can lead to bigger changes. Do unto others.... that's where we all need to start.

Thank you for your insights Brother Jakes. All children – black, white, brown, or otherwise – need to be affirmed in who they, children of God. Our diversity is what makes us special. And others diversity is what makes them special. I pray that as a nation "under God" we can finally get to the point that we recognize and applaud that fact.

As a father, I also thank you for your raising of your children. Great job!!!

Amen Bishop Jakes.
I am a white woman raising a grandson who is half black. He is currently 14 and we are deeply involved in studying black culture to ensure he knows how interesting it is and how much to be proud of there is. Even though there are a large number of black children and Hispanic children in his school system, studies don't highlight achievements of those cultures the way they do white cultures. He's a beautiful child, growing into a beautiful man. I want him to know and appreciate all of himself and to have pride in the achievements of both cultures that make up his ancestry.

I hope I live long enough to see a time when black, white, brown, yellow, red refer to the color scale for artists and not to prejudices and assumptions.

I want to give another take on this subject. I am a middle aged white man who grew up in a very racist household. I never heard anything good about black people so of course I was already skewed in the wrong direction. Shortly after turning 19 I moved to Minneapolis from a small town. This was a culture shock to say the least and I admit I was a bit leary. I started working in a nursing home with many black people and immediately found that what I heard growing up was wrong. I became freinds with many black people and really started seeing a side I have never heard about. What I also noticed though is how many black people hated me because I was white. They didn't know a thing about me yet hated me. I also noticed that the black people that I got along with acted totally different when other black people were around, they acted like they didn't know me. I understand that there is a lot of racism everywhere but I think we all need to look at both sides, white and black, to see where and how racism can be eliminated. Not all whites are racist and not all blacks are non racist.

Not a word about the very pronounced color preferences within black culture, whether here or on the continent of Africa.
How long it is before we recover from a losing hand is determined by how long it is before we honestly approach it. It would appear never is the answer.
As long as you look to white people as the problem you are going to look to white people for the solution. Considering the people you have dictating solutions that are your white friends, you were better off with genuine enemies.

What an uplifting commentary. I have always enjoyed listening to you and your insight. Speaking as a white man who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time during riots in the late 60's, I can honestly (and ashamedly) admit that for a while, I was prejudiced. It took my blind friend to shock me into reality. While I was healing from the attack, I aksed him "What do you think about all this Black stuff?" (Maybe not in those words at the time). His answered floored me and I have NEVER forgotten it. He said "I don't know, Mike, everyone is black to me; I don't have the luxury of sight to know if I'm going to like some one or not."

Oh were we all to be "blind" like my friend. Blind to color, size, shape, religion, politics, and all the other distractions that keep us away from being the best we can be. I have tried to live my life "blind" since then. I may not have always done so, but I would like to think I've done OK.

God bless you and your family; God bless us all.

We need more T. D. Jakes

“Because if you are black they hate you more.”

Just have to consider the irony here. When in school, it was almost exclusively the blacks who tormented others with hate and racism, showing it to many of us at an unbelievably young age. It was almost exclusively always the blacks who harassed and beat up the others, and this pretty much continues throughout all ages in our society. Many of us had horrifying experiences being tormented by blacks, which continued throughout school. Black gang violence (blacks attacking others in mass numbers) has become a horrifying normality in our society.

People don't learn to dislike blacks because they are darker. The only reason people of other races avoid blacks in mass numbers is from lessons they have well-taught us.

Blacks are responsible for their own doings, and for the subsequent consequences.

AMEN!!!!! Bishop Jakes I pray that I will continue to remember this long after this moment is gone and teach my children and grandchildren well that they may do the same.

JC of Los Angeles, all power to you for being optimistic and wearing rose-tinted glasses when it comes to diversity. But reality has a way of slapping one upside the head: you learn super-fast when you aren't a white male. This piece reflects precisely that difference, between the ideal and reality.
Bishop Jakes, Amen and Thank You for sharing your gift. More, please!

Most villians,witches and the ungodly portrayed by hollywood has black hair & dark skin. It is no wonder African-American children develop a "sense of inforiority complex" about their skin colour.

I migrated from Africa 13 yrs a go and it is stories like these tha help understand where blacks have gone through. The neat thing about it is the positive tone I hear. Comparing what I hear.read and what I see today, things have changed dramatically. We need to get this information to the neighborhood that would rarely be reached by this articles and programs like the one on CNN...because we spend too much time on BET the rest hearing a lot of negative from the parents.

Very inspirational real life account....open communication is key to any society that is serious about not self destructing. May we honor all humans...dark skinned & light skinned; in the womb & out of the womb; rich and poor; as well as all those whose voice is dim in a world of pundits....Grace & Truth.

Focused on Eternity....Living in Reality,
JosephJoshua T.

Bishop Jakes,
I enjoy your ministry, your books, and the stories from your heart. I have always been white and in the majority, but I haven't always been a Christian. We must teach our children to be proud of who they are no matter the color of the skin they are in. We must also be conscious of the fact that this culture's prejudice is based in more than race. Everything that makes us unique tends to cause a devide, or a separation from "Normal". I am teaching my kids to be Christian, and I know what judgement/persecution they will face.

thank you bishop i think we needed that ....

There is a fine line between pride and arrogance, I believe that you are a man able to teach his children to walk that line. Be proud of your heritage, but you should also teach them to be proud of other peoples cultures as well.

Together, all of humanity has taken many steps forward together but we have so many more to go...

I am with JC down below, especially his last paragraph. Honestly, I am tired of racism but get tired of the "woe is me" mentality. We all have issues regardless of color. I mean if CNN put "White in America" they would all be called racists. It should go both ways. All people should stop using race as a crutch and make your own way in the world. I see a black man ride a 545i BMW past me and think, "Now there's the white man keeping him down." Let's move on shall we and all get past the hate.

AMEN!!!!! Bishop Jakes
I pray I will remember this teaching long after this moment is gone and teach my children and grandchildren well.

Thank you for your commentary. As a parent, it touched my heart deeply. I've had that conversation numerous times with my own children who are all biracial and all have the same father. I learned my own lessons about the varieties of skin color just by having those 3 children who all have the same parents and all have different shades of skin color. How their peers related to them growing up I believe has influenced their personalities. My daughters are more accepting of and accepted by black culture. My son, who looks more Caucasian than anything, has a mixture of friends of all races and his interests include things in both so-called 'white' and 'black' culture. My youngest is 16 and I'm still learning every day along with them.

When i read this it always makes me reflect on my own growing up experiences. My parent ( mother ) was so busy trying to survive that she never had the time to doing any self love for herself or her children. its hard to be an adult when you have never had a mentor
to show you how its done or what it means to Love your family when you don't know that side of life. I truly understand what it means to
Love Yourself.. My father Lord Jesus Christ has been the only person to truly love me and to show me what self love truly is...Jesus Christ
is the only Father I've ever known...Bishop I admire your wisdom.
I know that your children are blessed to have a father that is there
for them and truly express that love towards them.. God continue to
bless and enrich our lives as a people!

Amen to that,and it is true that in this world we live in today,our children both young and old need to know how important it is to be yourself regardless of color.

I am not a follower or fan of T.D. Jakes. But this was great commentary. Drastic times call for drastic measures. To help fight the inferiority complex we need a to do a public education 180. No more George Washington and Abe Lincoln. When is the last time that has helped anyone to get a job? We need to teach black history to black kids. Imagine a white kid going to school and recieving 95% of history lessons from black culture. White parents wouldn't stand for it. A white kid only being taught black history. Well they would be right to not stand for it. And black parents shouldn't stand for the white world image given to young black children. Teach them about themselves so that they can respect themselves. They are not just descendants of slaves they are descendants of Pharoahs, Kings, Queens. Teach them the truth!

Bishop Jakes, thanks for sharing that story, I only wish my husband would read this, because within our marriage I leave with internal pain I am a dark skinned woman, but he is always commenting on how beautiful the fair skinned woman is, he is so color blind, and my only thought is why did he chose me, it really makes me feel so insecure, i am so tired of hearing him say that is a beautiful red woman, I always comment to him and say we are all black people why must you refer to a woman as red.... I love my husband but it is painfully to know prejudice.

I am a white mother of three. This story reminds me of a situation that occurred when my then three year old daughter noticed another girl of color. She asked me why she was black and my daughter was white. I explained exactly what the reverand had said. God made her exactly how He thought she would be the most beautiful. This then made my daughter very angry, and she insisted that she wanted to be black. Her heart and mind are still racially open, and I am truly thankful. I have family in the Deep South and other areas that are still blatantly racist. I have fought a lifelong fight to show equality to all, and am glad to see it is growing in my children as well. May everyone out there work together and start listening to differences. There is nothing wrong with being different than the one next to you, just remember you that you are also different from everyone else.
Pat, Newberg , OR

The fact that CNN has created a forum for a long neglected topic like racism is something that all Americans should appreciate. Sharing stories like this and making it accessible to people who may have never imagined such a scenario, is the first step towards making race irrellavent.

To Anderson Cooper, CNN and Bishop Jakes-Keep up the good work!

What a wonderfully written commentary! Amen Amen!!! I am a white woman and as a woman have suffered from discrimination as well-sometimes for being a woman and sometimes for being white. This is a truly commanding article that all people of all color should read and instill the teachings in all of our children.

Thank you Brother Jakes. We have had those heartfelt conversations with our son (Luke) who is seven. All men are created equally and the color of a person’s skin does not matter – our creator loves all of us. Growing up in the Deep South, where former generations did not think in these terms, there are many Caucasians that are now teaching their children the same truth you shared with your two sons. May you, the First Lady and family continue in the favor of our "one" Father.

Jim Stockstill

JC:

Perhaps you should broaden your spectrum of reading materials. You would be naive to think that such literature/thoughts do not exist in the Hispanic community.

Here is an example: imagine being Hispanic and a legal immigrant and having any number of people judge you or otherwise look down their nose at you, or whisper behind your back at the thought that your are an illegal immigrant.

Bishop Jakes--thank you for such an uplifting story.It just proves that out of sorrow can come such wonderful moments for parental love and teachable opportunities.

Amen! Well said!

JC,

Not all parts of this country, or even California are so blessed to be as racially and culturaly diverse as Los Angeles or San Francisco. Many of the outlying suburbs such are still segregated. Though, thankfully, much of the reasons driving this new era of segregation seems to be more due to economic inequalities rather than pure racial hatred.

As a 70 year old white mail, I was astonished to read this. I feel so badly about the 7 year old. I would like him to know that there are so many white people who do not hate black people, and certainly don't worry one way or the other if a black is light skinned or dark. The same as we don't hate or judge Italians, or Eskimos, or American Indians or whomever, just because of what they might look like. It is his character that matters. I hope he can grow up and come to know this through his experiences with all races.

Sometimes I think as a white person we just don't realize what some other people have to endure. We know it is unfair and unjustified to be predjudiced against our own race and think it's got to be the same for all races. Thanks for the wake up call, and please don't judge all white people for a few ignoramuses.

This touched my heart. I am from a small town where there are a lot of racist people. I love all walks of life and pray that someday we see each other as equals and not by a race definition. One person can make a difference to others. I try to influence the people in my town to love all. We all bleed the same color.

Finally- someone has the bravery to speak out on this issue. My nephew is half African- American and his mother was very vocal about her hopes that 'he is lightskinned'. I viewed this not as ignorance, but a manifestation of her pain that she experienced in her lifetime as a dark skinned woman. Yes, he was born light, and at 9, his skin is turning into a gorgeous dark color.
We must all strive to tell our children how beautiful they are. I am half Hispanic and half Caucasian, and throughout my life I have been questioned about my ethnicity. I never felt like I belonged anywhere. At times being accepted by Caucasians was a challenge because I have just enough color to make them ask a suspicious, 'What are you?' and ‘What is your last name’? Hispanic people see me as a 'white girl' and chastise me for not being fluent in 'my language'. Prejudice reaches across many ethnicities and ages. All I know is that I am proud of both of my heritages and I tell my nephew how lucky he is to represent not one, not two ethnicities, but three ethnicities that have has a rich history which shaped a nation that is free and for the most part, accepting.

You may have a point JC, but just because someone who is white (like myself) lives in an area where there are more "minorities" than whites doesn't mean you quite understand exactly what it's like to be a member of a different group. I was born in the Bronx and adopted, and needless to say a little white kid in the Bronx in the 1980's means living in an area where at best 10% of the people I knew shared my skin color.

I had my own unique experience, as did Bishop Jakes and his children. He is not saying that minorities in a "majority world" should be given preferential treatment. His point is, racism and prejudice do exist. Maybe they aren't outwardly manifested as much as in the past but they do still exist. He is asking for people to understand that everyone may have a different experience, that they are all born being who they are, and that people need to learn to accept that.

I am white and went to elementary school in an affluent, mostly-white suburb. Many of my friends were minorities: Taiwanese, Indonesian, African-American, Indian. I still vividly recall a day when a white student came up to me and snidely asked, "Why don't you hang out with any WHITE kids?" It's a shame that these prejudices are ingrained at such a young age. Thank you for sharing your story. We all have to work together to eradicate these stereotypes.

As a white male raised in the South, I can easily see how your children could come to have such fears. The racism I've encountered in my life sickens me, and I hope for the day when it no longer exists. Thank you for this powerful story, and for being such a wonderful father - not only to your own children, but to all of us.

Thank you Bishop for that heartfelt story. I look forward to seeing you in October at Johannesburg Megafest.

Bishop Jakes, I am so glad that you shared your experience and your thoughts. As a person of color and as a person who identifies gay, I relate wholly with the experience of your sons. I have to believe that I am created the way God created me to be. There are so many similarities between the struggles of people of color and LGBT people. I hope that we all teach our young people to embrace themselves and remind ourselves of this daily. We should work to embrace all of our identities and try and live a true honest life. Perhaps more importantly, we should daily strive to feel and understand the struggles and realities of others, especially those not like ourselves.

Your words moved me today.

I was born and reared in a small town in southeast Georgia. I wouldn't change or trade one day of my childhood. I've seen a KKK cross burning, I was called the N word once, but the white man apologized the next day. From then on he treated me special. That was in the 50's. The Civil War era is my fascination. My great, great uncle joined Sherman's army when he was marching through Georgia. He was a "mule skinner". The whites heard of this. After coming back, he was lynched on his wedding day. I'm White, African, Blackfoot and Cherokee.
I've been advantaged because of my blackness, not disadvantaged. My drawbacks and failures were of my own doings, not bcause I was black. I've befriended the most prejudiced of whites.
I learned from an early age by my father on how to carry yourself.
I watched him, he always carried himself in a respectable way. He would always tell me, "Take the Lord with you every where you go." And I've always tried to do that. Smile and greet everyone with "How you're doing?" And the world will smile and greet you back.

Mr. Jakes' story reminds me of the scene in "The Jerk" where Mabel King tells Steve Martin that he's not their natural born son. Steve Martin bursts out in tears and moans, "You mean I'm gonna stay this color?"

Pastor Jakes,
I enjoy that, when my son start to school many years ago he came and told his dad and i he wanted to be a fireman but not a black one i said you will be a black one he just cry so hard and said no mom i said yes son that was 38 years ago

what a great story.I just returned from montana and experienced repeated racism from native americans.I'm a white male who worked in the nursing field.I must admit that although this is 2008 racism is alive and well.racist ideals is alive and well in all facets of our society.individuals should not be hated because of the color or lack thereof,of their skin.

Sorry, but I am not buying these words. Blacks do not want to be judged by the "content of my character and not the color of my skin". No, they want set asides, affirmative action, Medicaid, quotas, welfare, etc. Did you see Spike Lee have a fit because there were no blacks in a WWII movie? They want a Black History Month, a Black Miss America, and a national holiday for a brother who was an adulterer, a liar who plagiarized his doctoral thesis, and a Communist to boot. Sorry, but I can't hear your words because of your actions. Are there special titles for other white, brown, or Asian Americans? The answer is "No" reverend.

Bishop Jakes,
Thank you for sharing such an important story. As a parent raising two boys (ages 1 & 4), one with much lighter skin then the other, my husband and I talk about some of the comments that we hear from those in our inner circle (family & friends) regarding our boys skin color and how it may affect them later on in life. We've heard the terms "light bright", "high yellow", and "pretty boy" about our youngest son whose skin is very light. We've planned to talk with our children and educate them on the differences in people's skin color as they got older, but I see that may be more sooner then later....

I truly believe in the power of a child being able to communicate his/her feelings and thoughts surrounding their culture. My son is biracial (hispanic/caucasian) and he also stuggles with the same issues of "where he fits in" and how society views him. I believe he needs to stay in tune with both cultures and embrace them. Thanks for such a touching story,,,,

Thanks for the wonderful, sad, and yet uplifting story. You hit the nail on the head. When a family promotes self respect, compassion, and good self esteem all the cards will fall into place. Children will grow knowing that how they treat themselves, and how they treat others, will be what defines them as human beings. Yes they may very well have to deal with racial inequality, yes they may have to overcome odds that may be greater for them than others, but given the right tools from within the home, the family, the parents, they will shine throught it all and do the same for their children when that time comes. We are all products of our families first, and than secondly products of our environment. It's all about the children!!!! It's all about the children, and I repeat this because this simple mantra is so often forgotten.

Thanks Bishop for sharing.

Mr. Jakes,

I can appreciate and agree with your words. I would also like to add however, that it can go both ways. I am a latino male who grew up in a predominently hispanic and black city. Unlike others around me though, my skin color is very light and I was made to feel inferior because of that. i did not look "normal" to them, since I looked like a typical white caucasian. I grew up, wishing I had darker skin in order to fit in with those around me and embarrased of my color. I no longer think that way, but as a child, so see what's around you and see that you are different and it can be painful. Especially when others, who normally would be the minority and are endlessly going on about racisim and prejudice, are the ones doing the very same thing to those are do not look like them. So, the same lesson that you give, as you said, should be taught and driven into every child, to have selfworth and not compare themselves to any other race or color.

I,too, enjoyed your article and it brought tears to my eyes and unfortunately remembering that blacks are not the only ones that are treated so poorly.
What sticks out and you mentioned are women.
Another group that is disliked even more than blacks is the Gay community.
Mongs, Mexicans, yellow, red and yes white are all a big part of predudice and disrespect from other communities.
It is time we all come together and again yes, judge people for who they are inside, not for the religion they choose or the color of their skin.
To me, it the person is nice to me, it is very easy to be nice back or visa versa, no matter who they are or what their background is unless they are just deliberityly mean.
I do not have any tolerance of mean.

A wonderful and insightful piece, but I'm curious. Your son said, “Because if you are black they hate you more.”

Who is "they?"

You might have missed an opportunity to also counsel your son on his own prejudices.

JC – not a dated comment at all. People such as yourself pretend that nothing much is wrong with race in our society, and that minorities just need to change the way THEY behave and think and everything will be fine. What an insult to the people who suffer from living in an environment where the racism is so ingrained that many individuals choose to blame the victims and refuse to acknowledge the role they play in perpetuating this mentality. I don't know what race you are but you have clearly adopted the position of the majority in placing the blame squarely on those that have been oppressed and demeaned for centuries. The hardest thing for people with this approach to do is try and think for a moment what it must be like to automatically be viewed as inferior and flawed by people who consider themselves to be righteous and good, but who are unwilling or unable to truly empathize with them. Change requires an effort from both sides, but it takes more than token gestures from the majority like affirmative action to even the playing field.

Very good article. I agree with exposure. I am a white female from the midwest & when I was in 2nd grade my father was transferred and we had to move to Jacksonville. I hated it at first but as I got older I did appreciate all the culture I was a part of daily. I was about 8 years old and we had a young teacher which actually had a week in her classroom of exploring diversity. All kids brought maps, food, religious books, stories, and some even family members that told a story. It was such a great experience for me I actually did the same thing with a group during girl scouts when I was a troop leader. I was overjoyed to see the girls learning so much from each other as I remembered so fondly from years ago. Sometimes when kids get information from each other it is just fun, but as they grow older you realize how much you learned about compassion, tolerance, agree to disagree and most of all we are all human. Everyone gets sad, laughs, cries, hurts, and has feelings. I really hope in the future as my generation grows older that racial issues will fade or go away. Lastly, I have this habit (because I believe we are all equal) I check other for my race on forms and write human. Some people think it is funny or make comments, but those forms need to vanish.

Great man of God. Always been blessed with wisdom and courage. We enjoy his preaching from way down in Africa continent and peoples' lives are being changed through television. Please keep up the good work. The word of God applies everywere in the world. This story teaches us a lot too!

Some people need reasons to hate, and some don't need a reason at all.

Some people need a reason to complain, and some don't need a reason at all.

Some people worry about others having more then them, while others worry about having less than others.

Some people think they are better than others, and some people feel they are not better or worse than others. It should be a I am doing my best.

Its not about lighter versus darker, its about evil people versus good people.

I do not fear light or dark people, I fear people that want to hurt people in general. Why is it that people hate muslims & islamists who are mainly dark people. Terrorism of the times is the answer, we have not learned much from past Wars, but we are still learning, otherwise why is Obama doing so well. Why have their been Afrrican American, Italian, Irish, German, and polish mayors and governors. Why, cheap labor.

Powerful message Pastor. Powerful. Thanks for sharing.

Amen! When are you running for President?????

At JC: I think you missed the point.

All children should be taught that skin color, race, gender etc are merely external trappings. Who you are and what you are worth is intensely personal, and can't be developed through association with groups that share a particularly characteristic. Absolutely: kids should take pride in their family and culteral history and never let anyone make them feel less than worthy because of a physical attribute. But encouraging kids to place their self-esteem in the collective reputation or association with a group (IE gay pride, black pride etc) is setting them up for an identity crisis and may even limit their ability to fulfill their dreams. For instance: if a child grows up believing that being black comes before being themselves, they may be discouraged from pursuing traditionally white fields. Success in those fields may earn them less respect among their "black" community, and if their self esteem is too closely tied to the approval of the community it can cause major internal conflict.

The only way we'll ever overcome the sins of slavery and racism will be for all people to choose to believe in themselves, and not care if some idiot doesn't accept them because they are black, female, fat, gay, handicapped or whatever other characteristic that causes idiots to be, well, idiots.

Good day, I thought the writing was well put, But there is missed topic that I beleive we missed in that writing "shade" bias. I dont know if people caught onto what was said but I did and that is the child had a problem with being "darker" than he was at that time. which meant that lighter skin was more acceptable than darker skin. This still exists in the media, suburban schools, urban schools anywhere there are people of different hues and yes it even exists in hispanic circles. It is the roots of self image issues that allows blacks to distinguish between classifications of beauty. That is a long talk when it comes to kids, one that can't be taken lightly as equality starts with self awareness i would think and helping in over coming those divisive issues we are better equipping our children to see true prejudices for what they are, foolishness.

JC,
We are the only race came over here against our will and became slaves. Should I say more.

Anyone else notice the preponderance of "Black" stories on CNN? This is nothing less than media manipulation in an all out attempt to pump up the "white guilt" factor and elect Obama – the leftist media's Anointed One.

As a mother of a bi-racial son I stress to him the importance of embracing both heritages. I tell my son that he is no better or no worse then anyone else and he too was created special and unique and was a gift from God. Luckily for us we live in an area of Norther Virginia, my birth place, where diversity is embraced and we have not experienced any issues as a mulit-racial family. The funny thing is you can never judge a book by its cover. I am blonde, have grey eyes but my great grand father was bi-racial (black & white), my mother scottish and irish and my father german and native american. We are all Gods people and are all unique and special for he formed us in his image. No one is just white or black anymore, we are all mixed somewhere down the line. The most important thing I have taken from this article is be proud of who you are and always make time to talk to your children. It is important for them to know their heritage because they are the future.....

This is exactly what we need to hear in these last days, for "if the trumpet gives an uncertain sounds who shall prepare himself for batle."

I've often wished I could ask black friends and coworkers "what's it like to be you?" but something has always held me back. Thanks for giving me a glimpse into your experience.

My son attended a school for preschool, kindergarten and first grade that was predominately black. He had a book that answered a lot of questions children have, one being, "What makes a person's skin light or dark?" He learned about melanin and that the darker a person' skin is, the more melanin they have.

He came home one day from school and told me that he wished he had more melanin in his skin so he could look like the other children at his school. To him, having dark skin was something to be had, and it warmed my heart to hear his disappointment that he would not have "more melanin in his skin".

When we went to the local children's museum and saw the exhibit about Ruby Bridges, my son was quiet but attentive. He went back to school and, unbeknowst to me, the next time they went to the library, he got a book about her and read it. He mentioned to me a couple of week's later that in the book he read that every morning when the U.S. Marshall's walked Ruby to class in the predominately white school, she prayed and asked God to protect her.

I'm doing my best to raise my son to love people based on who they are rather than what color their skin is. It is the greatest gift that I can give him...the ability to love.

Each group of minorities in this country has walked a different path of footprints from the other. Therefore no one group can understand or feel another's pain or struggles, it is just too deep within us.

I believe the author should have told his young children, "...to value their own self-worth as a human being.". Regardless of race. I fear he, at that moment instilled racism into his children.

Let us celebrate life! Leave racism to the racists and let the non-racists life loving humans live together happily.

Parents of all color, please stop pointing out race/color differences. Please!

As a young woman of mixed race, I understand the struggles encountered by many people who are minorities. As one who values fairness, I find myself straining to be considered equal with my fellow Americans. I used to believe that talking about the issue of racial inequality was fruitless and only caused more disunity. I have now come to believe that dialogue increases understanding and cohesiveness as long as both groups approach the issue with compassion and a willingness to grow and learn. I hope that the discussion will continue until racial inequality becomes obsolete. I admire those, like Bishop T.D. Jakes, who are willing and brave enough to tell their stories.

I agree with JC from Los Angeles. A person's standing and worth should be based upon, on one hand, their simple humanity, and on the other hand, their deeds.

T.D. Jakes should just tell it like it is; racists needn't any recognition nor any acknowledgment. They are selfish fools. I would tell my children that there is no need to cry about the mean-spirited words and deeds of a racist. They don't hate on others because of skin color – they do it because they are sick inside. They cannot see the beautiful unity and harmony amid the diversity of God's creation; all they can see is themselves.

Race, while an integral part of one's identitty, is of no matter to me or most fair minded people. I care much more about what you've done and contributed. I don't need any minority proving themselves to me for the sake of race relations... We are all human, one family. Transcend the petty divisions of the past, and look to the future!

Your story is a poignant one and should be read and valued by whites (as I am ) and African Americans. Allow me to add what I feel is another possible contributing factor to your young son's reaction. Perhaps out of good intentions, white liberals in this country have felt it their responsibility to "teach tolerance." Unfortunately tis has led to an emphasis on the victimization of blacks and not the achievements. Public schools are sending the message "we are racist because we are white." Tolerance and brotherhood becomes condescension instead of respect. Yes the history of slavery and the Civil Rights movement must be taught, but let's also speak those who rose to great heights in American history and culture, like Frederick Douglass, Langston Hughes, DuBois.... Black history month being filled with stories of only oppression and murder does not serve the education of either race. I say this not to ignore such an issue, but to stop teaching black children that they are victims, do not have a worthy place in our history (except as victims) and community, and will always be hated or pitied because they are black, and that not all white people are racist.

Yeah that's surely good to share experiences about race here but as a pastor and "man of God" what have you done yourself to educate black people themselves? It's ok to have them come to church and Tv for your show but I don't much focus on education of black folks in churches including yours mister pastor. Church can do better than just collect money from people, you have to educate these folks so that they can see and walk by themselves. Also stop showing us how rich you are and how many Bentley and castle you have please. It's insane, it's insulting to poor people who come to church to pray while their money feeds your banking account. Teach your people to take chance and opportunities that are out there. There is nothing given per Se, ask parents to be involved in their children life, at all time. Ask the youth to stay in the house, yep they have to learn to come back and stay in the house, be with their family and not always looking for something they don't have in the streets....

I am a loyal follower of the bishop keep on preaching it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When my daughter was 6 years old attending a school in southern Missouri – I was very upset when she came home from school crying. Some kids at school had called her a "Black N-– Lover" and had said mean things to her friend Lili. Her father and I ask her if Lili was Black? She said, "No – she is just like me. She just moved here too." I then ask her if Lili had dark skin or dark curly hair and my daughter said, "No her skin is just like mine and she has normal hair – like me and you mommy." We ask where Lili had moved from and our daughter replied , "well you know she moved from her old home. " A few weeks later Lili came over after school to play and stay for dinner and my husband and I was amazed to learn that Lili was from central Africa I think perhaps Zambia and her family had moved to this country for her father to attend college working on a PHD in Engineering.

After almost 20 years I can still remember thinking that this was the true meaning of acceptance. I wish more people were just plain Americans – Instead of "African Americans" or some other "named" group.

Thank you for so clearly illustrating this issue. If everyone would take the time to address these problems in the same way, then we could have real communication. I also thank you for your continued steadfastness in your Christian faith. It's very reassuring to see someone who is very prominent, that continues to set an example like you do, regardless for race, color, or gender. Some day I hope we will all appreciate the differences we have.

By the way – I know it's not the same but it reminded me of a similar event, when sitting at the dinner table with my three boys, one of them was very upset when he told me he didn't want to grow hair on his chest when he grew up...

I live in Los Angeles as well.... however determining who constitutes the majority/minority has to do with much more than simple population statistics.

Although the population alone may suggest that hispanics and other ethnic groups make up the majority, you also have to look at who operates and controls the dynamics that make up the city (i.e. politics, businesses, educational institutions, etc...) Even in Los Angeles this is not controlled by what we typically consider "minorities".

And yes there are opportunities afforded to black community....as a young black lawyer I can personally attest to that. However to think that the comment "knowing how things can be when you are a minority in a majority world" is a dated, really show how far we still have to go.

On occasion I listen and watch TD Jakes (my mother loves the man) and as someone about the same age as his sons who also grew up in a two-parent home in the suburbs, this issue is still an on-going struggle in my daily life. It wasn't until I entered the corporate workforce did I understand what my father meant when he said "a black man with a brain scares people much more than a black man with a gun".

AMEN JC-Los Angles

The black community as every opportunities as others, but most and this is whats so sad, are raised to "take" and not work for anything.
We owe nothing its been paid in full....move on and stop handing it down from generation to generation.

I had a friend that went to Mr Jakes church in Dallas and want to tell him thank you for his sermon. She walked towards the front and was stopped by his body gurads....I do think I've read any where in my bible that Jesus had body guards, or for that matter had to scream at any one to get His message across. hmmmmmm

Thank you Pastor for sharing such a powerful lesson in loving self. My own young son has difficulty with being "Spanish". Of course the tone set for my Puerto Rican culture is a bit different, but not by much. We are faced with bigotry for knowing two languages and daring to speak them. We are treated as if we think with an accent (although we don't speak with one). I will share your wonderful testimony with my son. Thank you.

I appreciate this piece as a credible point of view from someone who has first hand experiences regarding racial issues. For many people who dont know you; this blog can speak volumes of your wisdom, and I personally admire the writing for its choice of words and vocabulary. Just to add to the overall awareness of these issues you're trying to promote; I'd like to comment that an African American family relocating to a majority "white" community, can be viewed as an abandonment or very subtle but hurtful message to inner city youth. If we as a society are to encourage cultural pride and acceptance across the board; we need to have leaders such as yourself setting a good example to those, still "left behind" in poverty struck urban areas. We need to work hard to better those areas, and those schools. The lone successful black family moving to "white suburbia" never sets a good example, and never encourages healthy competition or pride. It insteads contributes to the very same low self-esteem and self worth issues we are discussing here.

Thank you! We are currently going through exactly the same experience and have nowhere to turn to. It's completely hearbreaking. Our darker skin son seems to be more impacted than our ligher skin son. Currently me and my husband are thinking of selling our home (to buy a smaller condo) and travel the world to show the boys how diverse the world is but we are totally conflicted about selling our dream home. I am not sure if there's some kind of website or anything like that geared toward a younger black child (especially boys). If anyone has any ideas information .. please please share. We are desparate. Thank you!!

To JC-Los-Angeles

VERY WELL WRITTEN!!!

Thank you Bishop Jakes. Very Insightful.

To JC-Los Angeles – I'm happy that your experiences have been positive. I would like to clarify what I refer to as the majority... If you walk into many of the corporations and look in the offices of the folks making decisions for those companies, you will notice that, while California may be 50% hispanic, this percentage does not carry to the folks making decisions.

When the professional environment doesn't mirror its community, that is the minority experience. It goes beyond the taunting of peers in grade school and continues to inequities in the workplace as adults. When you work hard and expect equitible treatment and don't receive it, it is disheartening.

I've had success but I have also experienced racism in the workplace. This is why this conversation is still relevant. Your insights will hopefull add another layer to a deep discussion.

Thanks for sharing Bishop Jakes. May God continue to bless you .

Thanks Bishop. Right on!!!

Leroy Allentown, Pa

Of course, everything you say about your sons' feelings apply equally to GLBTI people.

The internalized self-hatred is combined with the most virulent and hateful messages from the larger society, as well as a near-daily dose of homophobia among peers in school just as the person is recognizing his or her sexuality.

The baggage of being different is only crippling when the child is left to carry it without an intentional awareness of cultural diversity, sensitivity training and supervision in private and public schools to ensure that what they learn at school is education and not the devaluation that comes when those who make decisions do not look like the ones they decide about.

You said it yourself.

I really appreciate this piece of wisdom. However, I see that you left out an important piece that we ALL have to deal with daily, and that is the image of the "successful black American." Do you know what that is? Gangsta, rap artists, and drug dealers. Look at the "popular culture" of such black entities as BET and you'll see that a great portion of black America's destruction is self-induced. The rap lyrics are deaming to women, are full of violence and degradation, exhalt anarchy and anti-social behavior. Spokesmen such as Quarnel X actually HURT the cause of black America because he is a racist that favors anything BLACK as opposed to true, color-blind JUSTICE.

We all far to go to make our world more fair. As a multiple-time minority myself (woman, hispanic, lesbian and non-christian), I KNOW what the messages are that bombard us daily. True self-esteem of the kind you mentioned is crucial. I pray that we may ALL work together to share POSITIVE images, histories and hopes for ALL humanity, no matter who they are for indeed, we are ALL wonderously made.

I have a daughter that is not mine by birth but she wanted me to be her daddy so I took on the role. She is Bi- racial and is having the same problems with self image. She was raised mostly around the white half of the family til I came around. She is always sad that her hair is curly, and thinks that everyone is always looking at her or asking her questions about why she is brown when her mom is white. Its very hard to explain to that her being different is a blessing, but the story just told has given me a lot of insight to what kind of discussions I should have with her. Thank you

This is exactly what we need to hear in these last days, for " if the trumpet gives an uncertain sounds who shall prepare himself for batle."

That is a wonderful story Bishop Jakes - and I thank you very much for sharing it with us. You are undoubtedly a great man and I'm certain your sons are model members of society just like yourself. As a person of hispanic origin, I certainly know that while there may be challenges posed by looking different than the majority, triumph and success will always follow if you stay on a steady, good. wholesome, and devoted course.

Very true and profound message for all people to read. It's a shame people don't realize that young boys and girls who are/may be gay go through something very similar to this that the Jakes' twins experienced with the color of their skin. The struggles of any minority group have one thing in common and that is the way they are treated based on one reason or demographic. So, I say that remember this the next time politicians and clergy try to use the gay card as a wedge issue!

Wel spoken!!!!

We all deal with the issues of racism and prejudice either as a victim or perpettrator and it can't be overstated that we learn from our enviornments. My experiences in the USMC as a young man did much to increase my understanding and change my beliefs. Many times a Dark Green Marine( There's only one color of Marine and that's green though it is understood there can be different shades) and I would have conversations about race, bigotry and many other topics. It was often a debate but it made me think and questiona and eventually modify my beliefs to accept tolerance for that of what is different. It's not that we were friends we actually didn't like each other but we were able to talk openly and honestly. I can only add that it's easy to become a racist, regardless of your race, when there is no diversity. It takes knowledge and understanding to overcome and for that I thank Tommy John from Cleveland for helping me see things in a different way so many years ago.

Mr. Jakes, we live in that world everyday. I pray everyday for black
children who think that way. Thank you for sharing that emotional comment.

When Mr. Jakes child said “I don’t want to get blacker, Daddy!” “Because if you are black they hate you more.” was he refering to how whites treated him or how other "light skinned" blacks treated him? The "skin tone" has been an issue in the "black" community for years too.

Although I acknowledge that African-Americans are minorities in the US, I disagree that they are "minorities in a majority world." It is all a matter of perspective and depends upon how you define your world. The US is not the "world" and I encourage African-Americans to stop distancing themselves from Africa and instead to educate themselves about the many positive things about the continent. Do not limit yourselves by thinking that your history starts with slavery. African history which precedes US slavery is also your history and learning about it may be the starting point to developing a sense of pride and identity. Irish-Americans do it, Asian-Americans do it, Italian-Americans do it. There is no reason why African-Americans cannot join in as well.

Bishop Jakes,

I can identify with your son and his reaction to the color of his skin. My complextion was always to light for the other black kids in my neighborhood; however, I was also, to dark to be challenging the white kids in the classroom. I never really knew where I fit in, until one day I decided it was okay to just be me.

A value your honesty.

How about a red head who doesn't want to stand out against other whites with extremely fair skin and loads of freckles?

The problem with these types of conversations is the group initiating them may not have thought about what other people who are 'different' are feeling.

In short, everyone feels out of place no matter race, creed or color. Frankly, I'm tired of hearing it. How about a blog for all people who feel alone rather than us feeling alone.

T.T. Jakes for President!

Will any of this really matter 10,000 years from now if humanity is still around? Only then will we be able to love and care for each other as God intended for us to do.

Most of the prejudice I have ever received being a dark skinned Black person came from older Black people in my family. I was raised to believe that White folks saw all Black folks the same and treated them accordingly. After all, a slave in the house is still a slave.

While many of us understand the differences we have in the race issues I wonder if we are not missing something. I am white of English decent – hopefully not proud nor ashamed. I am married to a Scottish girl [and I understand the English hate the Scottish]. I, however, love my wife of 61 years. My question is that why I've never been called an English American. I am taught {Bible} that I am to love my neighbour as I love myself regardless of my neighbour's color. In my opinion we should address blacks, whites, reds and yellows simply as : "American." It just may solve the problems our youth inherit early in life. The important issue is: "Where does our LORD Jesus Christ fit in the picture?" I would hope brother Jakes would agree.

Bishop Jakes,

Yes, we all are different. I try to teach my children who we are. If we are in Christ Jesus, we are citizens of heaven. We are pilgrims passing-by. We spend 50-90 years in this body whether it is black, brown or white.

Where will we spent eternity? A child of God will have a new body, a glorious one. Let us wait for that rather than worring about the temporary body.

Stan, NJ

Right on!

as a young white man in America, it does me good to hear this. Thank you for sharing! God bless

Bishop Jakes,

Great writing. I applaud your story. I appreciate your honesty. I did want to say to JC that the black community is endeavoring to embrace all of the opportunities that the US is affording all Americans. I think that I can help you here. When the captives from Columbia were freed and then began to discuss what happened in the jungles of Columbia to them. Americans were appalled! Imagining people tied together by the neck, beaten, under-fed and sleeping on the ground was hard to fathom, BUT when it comes to facing what has happened to blacks in America we need to "embrace" opportunities. JC, please put yourself in Black America's shoes and imagine being taken from your home, sold, beaten, raped, hanged, burned, whipped and made to eat inferiority for hundreds of years and then re-write what you wrote today. Paradigm Shift...........Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

In love,

frank

A good message presented in a manner that those of us who do not have the same experiences can understand. One comment late in the piece, however, struck an off cord with me ... "If all else fails, it must be the responsibility of the parents to instill the worth and value into our children as early and as often as possible." It seems to me that the parental role and responsibilty should be in the forefront and not a "last defense."

Bishop Jakes,
I also grew up in West Virginia, and as a man of color was in a similar situation as your son. I can remember thinking many times that I wished I were white so that the kids would like me more at school. Even as I entered junior high and high school, I attempted to assimilate into the predominantly white culture, and had few black friends. In high school, my self-esteem took a blow, because I always felt like I was on the outside of a lot of the social circles. Once in high school I was even called the n-word at the cafeteria. My mother (who is of much lighter skin tone than me) was also outside a lot of the parents' social circles. As a consequence, I didn't date much in high school. I was successful academically and fairly successful athletically in high school, so I basically got to choose where I wanted to attend college. I chose to attend a good school on the West Coast, and noticed that everything was drastically different. My mother and my stepfather no longer live in West Virginia, but whenever I go back, I have a very different perspective than what I did in high school. In short, I think that one of the reasons that West Virginia is so different is that it has a fairly homogenous population. According to a 2006 estimate, West Virginia is almost 95 percent caucasian, while California is 76 percent caucasian. When you have such a little minority population, the views of that population often take a back seat, and there are often situations where the attitudes don't necessarily arise out of hatred, but out of ignorance. For example, I'm sure it's not uncommon that a person growing up in rural West Virginia spends years on end without seeing any minorities. With that in mind, whenever I meet new people or travel to new places in West Virginia, I would subconsciously think "I'm representing my race whenever I go somewhere" because it might be the first or last time in a long time that someone sees a person of color, and it could affect their perception. To this day, when I am the sole minority in a room full of caucasian people I tend to act differently (for example, I'm EXTRA hesitant to eat chicken or watermelon, or do anything remotely stereotypical). I guess the whole point I'm trying to make is that I think having positive experiences with minorities is essential in ending racial stereotypes in this country, and around the world, for that matter.

Rev. You handled it fine. It is a shame,though, that our kids have to experience the hardships of life,especially when they seem so cruel and stupid. I hope as time goes by,we all spend more time with our kids teaching them not to be unkind to others. Your particular story was one pertaining to being Black,but these types of prejudices happen to all kids every day. There always seems to be a "bully" or "click" in every town,in every grade level,that does nothing but sit and figure out ways to lift themselves and put others down. It can be a Black thing,but it doesn't necessarily have to be. If I had a nickle for everything each of my kids cried about, I'd be rich. My brother is fairly rich,he's a banker.......he married in to a banking family........but ,I am just a regular working guy living from pay check to pay check. One of my daughters went to visit my brother for a few days,and after enjoying all of the yaught rides,the confort of a mansion,talk of the lodge in Aspen,and where they were vacationing next month,my daughter returned ,and in no uncertain terms,informed me she wanted Uncle Terry to adopt her. Yeah! It hurts! Bad! But understand,hurt is something we all live with every day. If you would rather I spoke of a Black story that brought tears,I have one of those too!- My daughter,while attending Middle school,tried out for cheerleader,and she was in the top eight,voting wise,she placed 7th. I had to explain to her why she got bumped,because there was not enough Black cheerleaders.........the bottom two got knocked off the squad in order to be more fair to the African-Americans who ,also , tried out ...........it was ok! It was fair! I agree! But it none the less hurt!!!!!!! and she cried and cried! We need to all realize and dialogue more,so that both sides know that hardships,and hurt,knows no color,although it can be the source occassionally,of hurt. Maybe we wouldn't have an Asian kid,as we've witnessed lately,,feeling misunderstood,and wiping out 8 or 10 other kids before shooting himself,if we dialogued more and taught our kids better than to make fun or alienate a child,regardless of color. We need to teach them to be more tolerant and kind. It starts at home!

JC. You are missing to point of the article. That is exactly why most Americans refuse to discuss race relations today. Some don't get it and others do but don't have the patience to help others along the path. First, ask a minority how it is to live in a country that hasn't really embraced other races until the 1960s. Will you do that? Talk to any Hispanic, Asian or African-American that you past in LA and ask them how they feel growing up in America. Then, ask yourself, how would I feel, as a minority, in their shoes in the same situation. TD Jakes isn't focusing on one race. He is simply stating how minorities feel that they are not accepted because of the systemic wrongs they they have faced in the past and now. These wrongs may include people being treated differently based on race or ethnicity. TD Jakes talked about himself and his race since that is what he is familiar with. He can't speak from the Hispanic or Asian perspective. I can pretty much predict that the other minority groups may not have the same story, but a similar one. JC, it may be easy for you to say blacks need to demand a culture of self respect, but do you see any things on TV or in the past American history that has disrespected majority culture? Of course not. All disrespect has occurred to minority cultures. So it may be easy for you to state the above comment, but until you walk a mile in a minority person's shoes, I don't think you will fully understand. And even if you are a minority, you miss the point that everything in society is geared toward someone's agenda, preferences and likings, so the question is, whose agenda is being played out in America? In order to be accepted, I have to look like ..., or be like .... Lastly, as you can see in LA, opportunity is not afforded to all Americans. Just ask the African-Americans, Asians and Hispanics is LA whom you might past everyday. Ask them about their opportunities in their neighborhoods.

To JC-The reality is that most of America does NOT live in California, and unfortunately, racism, both subtle and overt, is still alive and well in other regions of the US. Denial of these attitudes does nothing to eradicate them.

jc- You totally ignored the point of the story and the feelings of a young black man, you point to YOUR experience in ONE city in America and it's obvious you don't have any Hispanic friends, maybe you should watch Univision or Telemundo to hear the opinion of Mexicans. You totally missed the point and quickly dismissed a young child's anguish, typical person with blinders on, 50 years ago we were living with segregation we have fought long and hard, we must continue to fight. it must be nice to ignore history and how it affects black people and Mexicans. when I was a child in Boston, protesters threw rocks at our buses because they did not want their children to go to school with blacks, I was in elementary, many of the protesters were white women holding babies. These protesters are still alive, just like Mark Walhberg, grew up with racist parents but magically their feelings have changed in 30 years? I don't think so. I lived in SoCal, it was three years behind Boston academically, yet all of my white classmates thought I was in Honors classes because of my skin color, I went to Boston Latin Academy one to the top one hundred high schools in America and transferred to a SoCal high school. Even though I received all A's my counterparts thought I could just put black on a college application and I would automatically get in , this was in 1988 and they thought any Mexican with good grades was exceptional. What is crazy is that these people felt nothing in sharing their racist opinions like it was offensive. we still have to fight because people don't listen to our thoughts, feeling and do not see us as individuals, like you for lumping all hispanics together.

First, let me say that I do not think the term African-American should be used anymore for two reasons. There are many people who are black who have ancestry coming from other places than Africa. Secondly, the very fact that there is a hyphenation automatically separates a group of people from another group. I prefer to use American. As far as holding up people of different skin tones and genders from the usual who have made successes of themselves I do agree that excellence should be acknowledged, but when you only showcase the other groups it makes it seem as if this is a miraculous thing rather than something which is attainable to all. And as far as accountability goes it should be for each individual person NOT for entire groups.

we here at the other side of the atlantic in europe that is supposed to have gone beyond racism will relate more to your story sir. our labours – manpower is accepted grudgingly, but we are made to feel as unwelcomed as ticks on a dog all because of skin colour. an hospital in nederland gladly accepted my blood for their blood bank, but their government is making every effort to throw me and the likes of me out of their society, that is the world we live in and for those denying this, well they are like the proverbial ostrich

To assume the rest of the country is like California is a gross mistake. Having lived on the east coast and the midwest all my life, I can tell you the feelings of minorities are often overlooked and unappreciated in a majority world. The outcome is the formation of special interest groups and other provisions which are designed to aid minorities achieve in many ways, but effectively drive a wedge further between them and the majority. One of my life long goals has always been to move to California because of the diversity and open mindedness I often experienced when visiting. Contrarily, when coming back to the east or midwest I hear nothing but condemnation for the west! Most reasons stemming from the idea that there are "too many mexicans" or some other race based reason. The time needs to come when the entire country realizes we are all made equal, and need to treat each other as such. Race has no bearing on who you are, how you act, how pretty you are, etc. Individuals are what is important because individually we are all different. There are beautiful people of all races, smart people of all races, criminals of all races, and much more. Unfairly skewing the perceptions of an entire nation to prefer one over another needs to end if we are ever to end these racial tensions.

When is there going to be more famous hispanics in mainstream media?
When are there going to be more black actors in leading roles that arent considered "black movies"?
When will more whites break into hip hop??
When are more asians going to get the spotlight?

There is a lot of wisdom in your words.

Racism still exists, but it is a minority of people on both sides and goes in both directions. It is funny how so few people get so much attention and are characterized as the norm. Both sides in that issue are wrong... We are all children of the same God (who is colorless). Nowhere in the Bible does is say that whites, blacks or whoever are superior or inferior.

We all make due with our opportunities and we need to be content in our lives. You could have everything you need or more, but if you are not content, you feel as though you have nothing and need more. That is why we are a nation of debt; we are never content and buy more and more. Americans, in what we call poverty, have more than most of the rest of the world.

In college, I was denied scholarships because I was male and I was denied other scholarships because I was white. Although certainly not because of my grades, I did not complain; I just worked harder to support myself. I control what happens in my life and I choose JOY. Everyone should have this attitude.

During World War II, my father (4 yrs old at the time) and his family had their farm in Latvia and everything else that they owned taken by the Germans (and then again by the Russians). They spent years in a German displaced persons camp before they were sponsored by an American church to travel to the good old USA. My father and his family never say one word against the Germans or the Russians. He has never demanded reparations from either country. Those people are gone now, just as the slave owners are gone as well.

Even my father, who actually came from Latvia, does not call himself a Latvian-American. If he felt that his Latvian heritage made him who he was, he would go back to Latvia. We talk about his history and keep it alive, but it does not make me who I am, it is just our history. This is the same with coining yourself African-American. If anything, you are American-African.

We are all American and we need to live and work together to better our country, not divide it further by focusing on what makes us different.

I love reading your blogs. I wonder though what about mixed race children. How do we teach them pride in both backgrounds? It seems like they are often made to choose which race they fit with. Usually it's chosen for them them based on how dark their skin tone is. I want my children to be able to have pride in both their white and black backgrounds.

Rev. Jakes:

Thank you so much for sharing this story and in such an elegant manner.

Sandy

Point well taken but you need to consider this is a man that make a living off the poor. He use god as an excuse take these poor folks monies then write some nice blog or essay to show that he feel your pain. Come on people get a clue, while you are busting your butt everyday to get by, this guy is talking you into giving 10+% of your hard earn income to the "church". A slick talker is these money hungry preachers is.

MP

My Dear Bishop Jakes, I,m going to print your message and hang it in my house. Thank You for being You. God bless. Dannyo

Bishop Jakes – that was wonderful!
I was raised in a small town with no diversity, but raised my children in the early years in a military setting with much diversity but once we moved 'home' had not prepared them for the lack of diversity. My middle daugher came home from school very upset, ' Mom all the teachers are white and almost all the kids are white, isn't that just a little boring?' Out of the mouths of babes! She was in 4th grade and was missing her best friend from 3rd grade who happened to be black. I apologized for not preparing them for the changes, and said 'Yes, it is boring. I had forgotten this aspect of the town. Maybe we can join some activities in X town where it doesn't seem so boring.'

As a father myself, I can see how these single moments, like a conversation, can have a profound effect on a child's life. It's cool to hear that your kids still mention that conversation, and I bet it helped their self-esteem and the "dream of themselves" considerably. Everything counts and has meaning, and individuals really do make a difference.

Thank you TD Jakes,

I am African and have just moved to the US with my three year old daughter. She was born into a completely black community but she is now the only black kid in her class. She is bewildered by all the colours of people she sees around and wonders if something has gone wrong.

My prayer is that she will grow up to understand our diverse world. That she will grow up to give and take from society and that the world will love her back. This can only happen if I walk with her through every step of it.

God bless us all.

In the spirit of communication providing the road to unification, the wise words of Pastor Jakes are most apt. Just in case one's heart is hardened to the extent that it doesn't see the pain that prejudice taking the form of off-hand remarks causes adults, please consider the children and how injurious it is to their self-images. Let those thoughts be in the forefront of your minds as you interact with all persons, as you strive to live good lives. This is the expression of a white male who is speaking to himself as much as to others.

This is wonderful and I'm so excited that we are having this discussion.

I have noticed that this new generation (the younger leaders of tomorrow) is not that concerned with the color of one skin.

I believe racism is going to become a thing of ones self- moving forward. He who holds on to it in their heart or perceives it in their mind will eat of it own torment. But again the world and the people in it is moving forward we don’t have time.

We have a greater issue at hand rich vs. poor fear vs. perseverance is what’s separating us at a greater degree now.

You had a very good article and I enjoyed reading it very much. I feel we all get caught up with race as a color, rather than realizing that there is only one race, human that matters. My daughter has experienced racism herself at her young age of 12, being told by other children that they can't be her friend because she isn't hispanic or black (she is white). We have taught her much same as you have your kids, that its not the color, but the way we act and treat others that matters. Only we can control how we behave. Hopefully mankind will mature as a whole and only then will we be able to achieve the greatness that God has given us the ability to reach.

Thank you for sharing this very personal story. It was touching regardless of the race of the reader.

I imagine that the discussion with his son needed to be had, but it is also a sad trueism that it is within the black race itself that the skin color distinctions are often first made. Yes this is learned and generational behavior, but really the pride in being black will come, when black parents stop talking about color.

When I was younger, growing up on Long Island, my brothers and I went to a Christian Private School – all white. I think there were 4-5 black children from Kindergarten thru the fourth grade. My younger brother, who was in Kindergarten, was told by my mother he was black (he was light skin) during a conversation and he cried profusely, refusing to believe he was black, but white like is class mates.

Another story. While in the 5th grade (I was now in a public predominately black school) my next door neighbor (also in the fifth grade; dark skinned girl) applied bleaching cream to her face, damaging her skin.

These are sad stories that scare me because I have beautiful boy (age 5) whose on a 6-7 year old academic level, but I'm concerned about marco social forces and the racial construct of the country.

Thanks, Mr. Jakes for the comments. I do believe that we as parents must love our children and show that love as well. When I was growing up I thought that black was a some dreadful color that was put on black people. I thought this because my mother would refer to me as old black heffer. I thought something was wrong with me.I remember applying for a job once and I put on the application that I was white because I thought that I would get the job, which I did not.
That taught me to look and respect my children, and to bless and not curse them.

Pastor Jakes,
I love watching you on TV and love your message of teaching children to respect who they are (and others) at an early age. Pray for me as I try to do the same as a public school teacher.

Bishop Jakes,
I thank you for your words. As parents it is our responsibility to instill in our children a sense of self-worth. We are responsible for teaching them that who they are on the inside is much more important than what they look like on the outside. I am currently raising my sister-in-law and have heard her say on more than one occasion that she doesn't want to get blacker. I don't what experiences she had with the color of her skin before she moved with us, but everyday I stress to her and my children that they are beautiful people because of who they are, not because of what they look like.
At some point, we need to ensure that all children are taught to appreciate the differences in people.

My wife and I are trying to raise our two boys to not be concerned with the color of another's skin. I want them to understand that we are ALL created in the image and likeness of God.

I can remember being called chocolate when I was growing up in a household where there were six girls, 4 of them light skinned and 2 of us "chocolate". Well my older chocolate sister was married and moved away leaving me the only one around. When we took pictures with those black and white polaroids, no one could see my face, only my hair sticking out in the two ponytails I wore often. Everyone would laugh at my pictures. Now that I look back, the two of us who were chocolate were also the prettiest!!

JC
Wow where to begin. First I think that I should tackle the misconception that Minority/Majority in the context of this discussion has anything to do with the actual number of people in a given group. Instead it has to do with the people in power, the images in the media, the opportunities available in your immediate situation.
You seem like a reasonable person, think about something like a supermarket in LA, who are the shoppers, who are the clerks, who is the manager?
Your final comment about embracing a culture of accountability suggests a deficit in the black culture. This was a thought prevalent in the 1950-60's and led to such programs as the "fresh air" program, that all you had to do was show "those" kids what life could be and they would straighten themselves out. Many studies have debunked this idea. The problem is in fact it is just the opposite, an embracement of the "American" culture of "independence" and individual achievement, without the without the social support (not only monetary, but emotional a well) necessary for all but the most determined to get through.

Dear Pastor Jakes:

You have been an inspiration to me for years through your teaching.

It really should not be so difficult to be black. But it is. That is why your story is important. Most Anglos do not have any idea of just how difficult it is to be black because they have never lived it and can therefore never understand it. I hope one day we can wake up knowing that everyone realizes our strenghts and embraces us the way they embrace others of their own race. Racism is an invisible tragedy we face daily, yet few know just how daunting and how much effort is can be to have a healthy self esteem under the circumstances.

I do feel that a better day is coming when there will be no such thing as an inferior race, just people living in harmony reaping God's blessings – each other.

God Bless You,

Paula E. Powell

Amen.

Thank you for sharing your story, it was both heartbreaking and uplifting to read. My daughter, when she was 2, asked her pediatrician why she was black. And Dr. Mooney had the most marvelous answer she said, "Because God loves variety. If we were all exactly the same, he would have nothing to do."

I am a white person, but only by description. I am a human by my logic.

I hope all Parents start their children of with the truth,,,Everyone on this planet is equal when they are born. The differences begin when these children start making decisions that impact their future. Thank you for an uplifting story and the knowledge to know there are men like you in the U.S.

God bless you and yes "Amen brother"

Thank you for the well written and touching story. My darling nephew is bi-racial – my sister being of Italian descent & my brother-in-law born in Guinea, Africa. The thought that anyone would treat him badly because of his skin coloring makes me angry, sad & determined to try to make a difference in the way this country can sometimes treat minorities, especially African Americans. To JC-Los Angeles, I understand that there is a large hispanic population in L.A., but please don't even try to compare how Whites may feel there as compared to Blacks because the authorities are almost exclusively White in L.A. and you know damn well that they'll single out Blacks and to a lesser extreme, Hispanics, to check up on much more often than they ever would Whites. We must first admit that there is racism in this country & not try to call it any other name & then we can start to overcome it. It may be improving, but we're not there yet.

JC, apparently doesn't get it. Its not focusing on one race. I have a daughter, she and I are African American. I understand completely what the Reverend is saying. Why is tit hat people that don't understand always have to preach to others on how they should focus and feel. Who/what gives you the right, the authority, the arrogance.

Thank you very much for writing that. In 1990, I was a grad student at Syracuse University. I did a research paper on the "race" and sex of actors in commercials during Saturday morning television. Most were white males, with one or two white females thrown in. Very few actors of other races appeared in these ads. While I haven't reprised my study, my casual observation assures me that I would not come up with the same results if I repeated the study today. We're getting there. We may be going slowly, but at least we're going forward and with forward motion, we can build momentum.

Wow! I've never read a more powerful or thoughtful essay on the issue of race today. As a white male, I've not had this sort of experience of racism, but I'd always suspected that even when the overt racism of parts of our society are absent, that a subtle creep of other sorts of racism can be found.

I love my Scottish and Irish heritage. My family celebrates in subtle ways, but we definitely celebrate it. It is sad that too many in our culture will have no problem with my cultural delight, but then look down upon non-Europeans doing the same sort of thing.

I'm keeping this piece in my library. Thank you, Bishop.

I found the discourse to be refreshing and encouraging. No race should have to put through guantlet of thoughts to not wanting to get blacker. I'm nearly 50 years old and my daughter came home and told my wife and I that she wanted to be white. With that being said, I 'm glad Barak Obama is running for president. His campaign, even if he does not win, will expose the hidden racism in the country like never before. I'm already noticing it in all the network new casts through their language and what they choose to focus on. Of course FOX news is more upfront and blatent. The other network anchors are more subtle in exposing their racism. Many times, I find myself talking to the TV saying, they really don't know that their statements and questions reveal their hidden racism. Racism is a militaristic spirit from hell that seeks dominiation over others who have less wordly power. That's why many whites will not give Obama no chance simply because he's an African American. If he were white, their would be no discussion or news to report. It would be just two white men running for office.

To Jc, from California, If I guess correctly you are hispanic. I am African, Jamaican, American. African because that is where my ancestors came from Jamaican cause I was born there, and American, because I am a citizen, and I am also Hispanic. My mother was born In Costa Rica. Its weird but the hispanic community never embrace their African Ancestry instead alot of them who are lightskin embrace white culture but yet you see alot of dark skin hispanic who never like discussing their race or color, which alot of them are of African Ancestry.

Great story Bishop. Sad though. For a 7 year old to feel this way is tragic. I wish I knew how to fix it. The golden rule does not work, the 10 Commandments apparently have been forgotten. The love of God and Jesus doesn't seem to appeal to many of our fellow country men and women and thats too bad as well because I am 100% sure that the Holy Trinity does not see skin tone, just soul tone. Maybe one day all this will be behind us but it makes me sad to say that it probably wont happen soon. It could if we just practiced love instead of hate.

Rev Jakes,
I have had the pleasure of meeting you in person several times, and each time I hear you speak my respect for you grows. As a white woman, and a new mother I can only hope to do my part in creating a world for my son where he knows to judge others by what they do and not by how they look. Making progress one baby step at a time! Thank you for continuing to bring us together!

Why is it that when a black person relates a personal experience inevitably someone posts that we should not focus on the black experience but all experiences. The black experience is unique in America. We were not allowed to immigrate by choice we were brought here by force. It's not an affront against other ethnicities when we discuss the differences, you shouldn't take it that way.

I appreciate this story and sent it off to my wife. We are progressive, that is what we call ourselves, some people call it interracial. We have been having discussions on this nature for a while now as we embark on the journey of parenthood(hopefully God willing).

Thank you

An inspiring article, may God Bless you always Bishop Jakes.

Bob

Good thing the conversation never became "if you're black and gaythen even you'll hate me, right, Daddy?" Because while heterosexual Christian borthers are accepted by Pastor Fakes, the young gay children are made to be monsters. Unless they can sing, then you put them in the choir.

We are a family of diversity...I'm white and 1/2 Jewish, my husband is Hispanic and Black and my children are mixed everything! A very California family. Living in Los Angeles, we really never dealt with racism and if we did, I never noticed! However, when my daughter (who's brown and beautiful), moved to San Diego, all of a sudden, she faced racism! She was shocked to find herself treated as if she were an illegal alien. Because they are so close to the border and because San Diego is, let's face it, backwards, racism against Hispanics is very, very prevalent. It hurt me so much to see my gorgeous daughter treated like a 2nd class citizen. Needless to say, she's moving back to L.A.!!!

Bishop Jakes, I can tell you first-hand of the effects of low self-esteem due to racism on a child. I grew up in a predominently white community. I don't remember too many other blacks in my elementary school and none in my classes. I can say with all honesty that the saddest day of my life was the day I realized I was black,..and different. It was the realization that day that people really hated me for the color of my skin. The worse part was the realization that there was nothing I could do about it. That day all the taunts started to make sense. I never knew why previously,..but I knew after that day.

From that day forward it was a long process of rebuilding self-esteem on my own. Not an easy task when so many are telling you that you are basically undesirable. It affected my grades,...my outlook,..my childhood. The hurt and the scars are real and have lasted till this day. Eventually we all find the strength, but we bear the scars forever.

It isn't just an African American experience, it is every nationality. My parents, German and Italian immigrants always taught my sisters and I to be proud of who we were. This was in a very affluent jewish community where we were excepted by most, but shuned by a few.
Perhaps 25 years ago things were differant. I cannot imagine a black person not being proud of their heritage today.

Thank you for sharing that story.

I often sit and think of how we will deal with such issues with our biracial daughter as she gets older (she is only 1 now). Though things are better than they were, we as a country still have a long way to go.

I have already had people say "your daughter can pass". I have asked them "pass as what exactly??" It usually leaves people uncomfortable when I ask that question, but some have actually said "well... white". And I want to know – why does she "have to pass"?

She has both black and white ancestry along with some native american, and I pray that as she grows she does not have to deal with such nonsense, but I know in my heart that she will. I pray some day we all get past this issue of race and just look at the person as a fellow human being.

Amen, pastor, amen!
Just to add something, as one person said, we don't come in this world with racism it somehting that is taught.
But how interesting it is that with all our differences, we are all the same. If you need a donated organ and you start debating if you will accept it based on the race of the donor, you have a huge problem. I hope and pray that you will accept the gift of life that God is giving you at that time.

It is human to think darkers things are evil and ugly. This is not a white and black issue, I grew up in Nigeria and we make fun of those who are really dark skinned but that is where it ends. We don't discriminate on skin tone, we use it to crack jokes. How can you hate someone simply because they are 'black'? satan works in mysterious ways. Get rid of the demon in you, or maybe go to church for delieverance if you tend to hate your fellow human beigns simply on looks.

Bishop Jakes: Thank you so much for such a loving and insightful view of what it is to be a minory of any kind, the subtle but profound effects that negative messages have, and therefore why insitlling of self-respect is essential. Regardless of one's view on sexual orientation, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender children experience exactly the same feelings of negative self worth as those imparted to other children because of race, gender, body weight, or anything else not perceived as within the norm. In some respects, though, it is worse. While covert and even overt racism clearly still exist, as a society we have reached a concesus that overt racism is unacceptable. That is not true with homophobia. LGBT youth grow up in a society where their very right to be who they are is debated publicly. No wonder suicide rates among LGBT youth are the highest. Reasonable people may disagree about LGBT issues, but there is no room for disagreement about the need for loving and tender conversation with LGBT about inherent self worth.

I empathize but it's still misguided. His comments are presumptuous and lack perspective.

As a society we need to get over "You don't know what it's like to be this" type comments.

His son said, “Because if you are black they hate you more.”

More often than not black children are taught this by their parent and family rather than by the American Culture.

I thank God for farthers and men of GOD like you. We are all loved
by God Whatever race and need his help to make it in this world.

What an awesome testimony. Being a white man helping to raise two bi-racial girls, one with black skin one with white, no one knows better about sitting with two children and explaining this one. As far as the comment from Los Angeles, I can understand your point and not taking away from the struggles of other ethnicities, I must laugh at your joke about Pastor Jakes commments being "dated". Don't think so, try going to rural Ga, or North Carolina and tell me how dated it is where the KKK is still active, cross burning still exists, where people still sneer and stare and comment. I am sorry, but perhaps you best become up to speed and understand its as current as todays news. I appreciate your comments pastor and it was equally moving to build my little girls self esteem up after a few years of racially motivated comments directed in thier way. What is so wild is they did not even recognize the difference in each others skin let alone anyone elses until someone stated it was. Racism is a taught behavior and one that is a curse to any person teaching it. God has a plethra of colors girls and he has a color for each of us. Where it proud, where it loud, don't let anyone tell you different is what I told them.

Thanks again!

It is time for the black community to come alive and wake up to the responsibilities of this society. You are what you become, a good citizen, a bad citizen. The very reason that there are more black people in prison is that they are breaking more laws. The facts are that the law and school and opportunities have been slanted in your favor as you slept and let them pass by, its time to wake up and accept your responsibilities. Amen

Being an African American father in America is not an simple task. Not that being a father in this day and time is easy for anyone. But after traveling to other countries of the world, some places we are treated better some worst.

I have had similar conversations with my children. I believe most African Americans have. Yet this is the best place I have been to. If there is a better place to live, with better quality of living I would like to see it.

Things are much better that they were 30, 40, or even 10 years ago. let's all enjoy the acheviements

This article not only brought tears to my eyes but also opened them. I am a caucasian, married to an african american man and we have a 6 year old son. Even though I would describe us as lower middle class, our son attends a private Montessori school. He has been there for three years. There is a blend of different cultures within the school but it is still a predominately white environment. While my husband and I are always conscience of the fact that there are differences between our family and others within the school, mostly due to income level, I have never considered that my son may be facing prejudice within his classroom or in his environment. It is heart-wrenching to think that he may have feelings like those described in your article. We have always encouraged him to understand that he is a special person because God made him so. This article only enforces that this is the right thing to do. Thank you.

Amen from Minnesota, the land of the blue – eyed blonds. But here it has also changed. Our cities and state are becoming increasingly more diverse. Sometimes it challenges us to understand and embrace our brothers and sisters, but ultimately, we are all better for it.
Thank you for your very personal and moving testimony

I wish I could understand people who judge a person based on the color of their skin. Understanding the problem is the key to solving the problem.

I'm white, born and raised near a black community (College Station) near Little Rock, AR. I've always had as many black friends as I have white and was taught from an early age that you befriend or shun a person based on his/her heart and character, not their race, religion, wealth, or any other factor.

I've done my best to pass that attitude on to my children as they were growing up. I pray that I've been successful.

I do have a problem with the sagging pants, and sideways hats though. The hip-hop and rap (ughhh.....don't like them), but it's not a race problem, it's a culture issue, and (hopefully) just a fad.

It's a rare gift to be able to explain a complex issue with such clarity, but you certainly have achieved that Mr. Jakes. Thank you!

Bishop Jakes – What a fantastic piece of writing! Thank you for sharing your experiences and insight into what is surely still a struggle, but I think we are seeing the begining of the realization of Dr. Kings Dream. My son (7 years old and white) is in a school where there is no real majority nor minority. Of his two best friends, one is black and the other is Indian. His elemntary school is a wonderful mix of black, white, hispanic, indian, asian and middle eastern children. The school system continuously celebrates this diversity and the children are well aware of each others unique cultures. Be sure that the pain that you and your sons shared that night on the floor of your living room is being driven from our society by the innocence of our children. As Dr. King said "I have a dream......where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers."

They are, Dr. King. You planted the seed and I see it grow every day in Northern Virginia.

I am a 26 year old woman who was born in small country town in Texas. My father is Caucasian while my mother is Hispanic. My sister is as fair as day in her complexion while I've always had dark olive skin, but I didn't always appreciate or see the beauty God gave me. As a child, I wasn't invited to birthday parties or allowed to go to the community pool because I was too dark. I wasn't Hispanic enough for the Hispanic kids (who laughed when I tried to speak Spanish) or Caucasian enough for the Caucasian kids (I felt this even among both sides of my family). My inability to find and create a cohesive racial identity bothered me all the way through college. I was even lectured for checking multiple boxes on tests that asked about my ethnicity, so I finally started checking OTHER. It wasn't until I moved abroad and traveled that I saw the beauty in THE WORLD, in the ability to be everything at the same time and embrace ALL parts of myself. These experiences, coupled with my own diligence in reading up on other people's experiences (Danzy Senna's Caucasia comes to mind), have given me the strength, understanding, forgiveness, and compassion I have today.

As I am still young, I can only hope that children such as yours, Mr. Jake, grow up to not hold a grudge on the ways of the world but instead see the beauty in their own existence and that which does live all around us. Thank you for such an insightful article.

I would be willing to bet that it was you and your wife, and those that had surrounded your family, that put such feelings of self-hatred and inadequancy in your son.

I would bet that your son actually listened to your self-pitying sermons, your messages of hatred and fear toward whites.

I would also bet that you won't ever accept responsibility and blame for poisoning your child's soul with racism.

I applaud the Rev for his contribution and his advise,but this can be viewed in several dimensions. Apart from what the family has to do it is also the responsibility of community leaders, including church leaders, to reach out to parents and chidren alike. This is important too since the reality of American family is that women head most households.
Adults also need need help with self esteem, people who lack this can not teach it to their children and wards. However, African Americans must begin to walk with their heads held high. The reality of life is that there is no superior race, I have met worse ppeople from the so called majority race,if there is anyting like "the majority race anywhere'. If we want to know the majority race, check the chinese population.

Reverend, you forgot to mention that most of the discrimination against dark skinned blacks is and has always been from their lighter skinned kin folk...its a shame this aspect of the conversation is avoided like the plaque in the so called race conversations in black America.

Dear Bishop Jakes,

Thank you for sharing the story of your sons. I have twin boys who will be seven this year and they, too, are different complexions. One is lighter than both me and my husband and the other is darker than both of us...recessive jeans I guess; my husband's father is very fair and my father is a much darker complexion. It amazed me that at the ages of 5 and 6 that my sons were cognizant of this difference between them. They both refer to their differences, but not as one complexion being better than the other. But I often wonder if this was an awareness they came to on their own or if someone said something to them. I pray that this difference will never carry a negative connotation. However, if we ever have to address this issue as a family, I pray that God will grant my husband and I the wisdom to discuss this with them in the same way you and your wife approached your sons. Thank you again for sharing this experience with us.

Peace, love and many blessings,

Hey JC, about California that could be because that's a new statistic and also I'd like to point out that California is not the world. the focus is not entirely on one group. I believe that CNN is trying to tell a story. The story of the African-American experience is unique and I applaud CNN for highlighting it. This is not to say that the Hispanic, Middle-Eastern or Asian story is not worthy of a documentary or needs to be addressed. It absolutely does and should be. But as pointed out in "Black In America" Black people are struggling disproportionately in contrast to other ethnicities.

This reply is to JC. While I agree that such statistics are probably the case for LA, it is not so in WV where his article took place. In WV, the majority of the population is still predominantly white.

We may be a diverse country but not every state/city/town is equally diverse.

TD Jakes, get a grip....guys and especially ladies, just another super rich preacher....

Thanks Bishop. I too, have been thorugh a similar situation with my son. His skin was light, or as he liked to call himself and people of his complexion, beige. I have avery dark complexion, which I am very proud of. He's an avid sports player and is always in the sun, but was always worried about getting darker. He has told me on several occassions that the reason he does not like to be in the sun too long is because he does not want to get darker. That hurt. But what can you say when you live in a society where light is right?

Kudos Bishop Jakes. No offense to the last Hispanic brother. But one exception does not constitute the norm. Los Angeles is a typical in terms of its cultural composition. Indeed in most cities in America, whites are still considered the majority, and every other groups are therefore minorities. No one argues that Hispanics are not an increasingly improtant and growing part of the multi-colored society that is America.

I was raised in a small rural town in mid Michigan. My school had no black students. Until I went into the Army, I had never spoke to a black person, other than a greeting at a store or something similar. I was raised in a Christian home and house rules were that being prejudice was a sin and in no way was tolerated. Like many other kids, others influenced my thoughts. While I was in the Army, I had wonderful relationships with my black friends and I learnded that the childhood influences were just ignorant people. I have never heard a Rev. Jakes sermon, but I will certainly be looking. What an extremely wise and intelligent man. I hope to be a fraction of the father that he has been to his sons. Thank God for men like him.

I love to listen to Bishop Jakes preach. And one of the things he stresses in his sermons is that men have to start being men, loving their wives, and taking care of their children.

Perhaps if we could see men of color assume responsibility for the kids they bring into the world, the prejudicial opinions people have of them would change.

We know for a fact that the majority of the prison population is black; we know for a fact that the majority of people on welfare are black; we know for a fact that the majority of children born out of wedlock are black....I can continue, but you get the drift.

Bishop Jakes speaks to us about the sadness of watching his kids, even at a young age know what it feels like to suffer discrimination.
But, people of color are the only ones who can change the way they act and take responsibility for their own actions.

I don't know anyone who hates a person because they are one color or another...but I know plenty who resent ANY race thinking they are owed a living because their grandpappy was a slave, or thinking they are proving something by bringing a bunch of children in the world for everyone else to support.

Sweet story, and I hate that children have to feel the pain; but it's time for every person to assume responsibility for themselves and quit whining about it.

Sadly, you and I know it won't change, that we will continue to see the people who aren't really minorities anymore blaming everyone else for their troubles.

Touching us with sad stories about their children, the very ones they are bringing up to perpetuate the myth that they are "owed something." The very ones they are raising to hate the white guy. At some point, someone needs to stop the merry-go-round and get off......Bishop Jakes can talk the talk, can't he?

Thank you, Bishop Jakes, for your wisdom and insight. As a white woman who grew up in South Los Angeles and chose to stay and raise her family here, I have a similar problem, the opposite side of the coin.

I have two white boys. They have always been in the minority, in the neighborhood, at school, and at church. Most of their friends are Black, and our house overflows with Black young adults from the neighborhood with whom we have a wonderful, loving, trusting friendship.

The hardest lesson I am trying to teach my boys now, as teenagers, is how to safely live in a predominately Black neighborhood where they are sometimes seen as targets. As they walk and drive down the streets of South LA, there are many Black young men who will not treat them with respect. And that is really unfortunate!

I believe that dialogues such as this thread must be on-going, to build friendship and trust between the races. But as I tell my son that it is not safe for him to drive alone through certain neighborhoods near our home, and teach him to drive with the awareness that the driver next to him may act out of rage at any moment, I am very sorrowful that our society has not come farther in the 50-some years since the Civil Rights movement. Can't we all just get along?

Thanks for that message. I cried while reading, as my three year old daughter told me just last night that “see did not want to be brown". This broke my heart as I too believed she was too young to know the pain of being a minority in a majority world. When I tried to tell her that GOD picked that color for her she began to cry even more. She finally fell asleep and I stayed awake half the night crying and wondering what to do. How do you tell a three year old about the pride history of the women and men that look like she does?

Your kind words are helping me and my family deal with this situation. Thanks for sharing and GOD bless.

An interesting story. Now I'd want to know why the child thinks being black is a bad thing. I wonder where he got such an idea? From his parents? From his teachers? From his friends? I wonder what effect the conspiracy theorists like Rev Wright and Al Sharpton have on young black children? Are we building fear into kids at age 7 or younger? Why does your child think having dark skin is some kind of impediment to a fruitful and productive life? How did this idea get planted? I believe the root of this issue is the prejudice he was taught and not any real-world problem he might have experienced. Issues of race can be managed in the real-world and he should be taught to believe that.

Thank you very much for this enlightening piece. I feel your pain because I am now going through this with my 5 year old son, I cry for him and hurt for him. This does not only apply to black children in the USA , I live in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada and the situation is just as bad. I will be forwarding this article to his school principal and teachers, maybe come September 2008 beginning of the new school year they may understand him and the challenges he face a little better.

You have given me renewed strength. Thanks! May God Bless Us All!

JC

I do not believe Pastor Jake was attempting to ignore the plight of any nationality as much as he was attempting to share with the world an intimate moment in his life so that others may learn from his mistake. The moral of Pastor Jake's story is bigger than color and cuts to the heart of the problem that as a society we are missing the mark. So often we allow society and the media to dictate who we are, what is attractive, and what is acceptable. As parents we allow music videos to teach our boys how to be men and our girls how to be women. We (parents) are so caught up working numerous hours a week to buy our children their newest whim instead of providing them with what is truly important; self respect.

Unfortunately JC, many people will read Pastor Jake’s testimony and dismiss it as another rant from an African American clergyman. But I ask you and everyone else to reach beyond color and reflect on your relationship with your children. Ask yourself truthfully, am I doing all I can to prepare my child/children for a life that judges’ people based on the color of their skin, income, and physical attributes. Have you taught your children that all money is not good money and that you do not have to be promiscuous to be liked? Have you taught your child that all things are possible with hard work and perseverance? Finally, are you a role modal for your child our do you leave that inconvenient task for others? These questions and many others are the types of questions we as parents should be asking ourselves. Pastor Jake story is hart wrenching, however, it is heartbreaking how parents today are failing at parenting.

The story about your son breaks my heart. I heartily disagree with "JC-Los Angeles." In the late 90's through 2002 I lived in a neighborhood for 4 years where I was the only caucasian to be seen for miles. I was treated with respect by people who are seldom treated with respect by caucasians. It was a sweet addition to my life experiences.

My mother is fairly racist but doesn't really see it. Every time someone brings up the pain of feeling devalued she launches on a diatribe about her own pain in life, willfully turning away from the point. It saddens me. I sincerely hope it is a generational blind spot and stops with my (forty-something) generation. Or perhaps the buck stops with the generation of my mixed-race daughter. Either way, we need harmony in America if we are to thrive in the future.

As a mother of eight we adopted 5. Two African American we are white parents, I'm allways interested in thoughts about race. A funny thing we adopted our two children because no one would. We love them so much our daughter has sickle cell. We lived in ca for a long time and have moved to NC we have recieved perjudice from both the blacks and whites. We chose to teach our children that all of us are different in Gods world taht is the beautiful thing. When our daughter came home from school she is 8 because black children were commenting on her white father. My husband sat her down and said stick out your tongue what color is it? Then he said what color is my tongue? She commented he said see we are the same color. See when our daughter needs blood we never ask the color so I beleive just as Jesus had many in his blood line so do we.

JC-
The Bishop mentions "Majority world" for a reason. The Majority of Business and Government leaders, media leaders are white. This is prevalent whether you live in Iowa or LA. They also come from a "Caucasian is the norm- everything else is not" perspective. The same can be said about Male dominated society or world.

Yes there are exceptions like Obama or Oprah or Condoleeza Rice or Hillary, but the society as a whole tells us through news, entertainment, commercials etc... That White and Male = "the Norm".

I am not being reverse racist or neo Nazi feminist for saying these things. It is really how it is. It is hard to notice when you are part of this "norm".

I am a white female and have had many opportunities, but it is the subtle slights, backhanded comments, media bombardment that I have to deal with. Yes I can ignore it, and feel empowered in myself, but something eats away at you. This feeling can grow ifit is fed by hardship, or any bad turn of events.

Recognizing the problem is the best way to start resolving it.

It is not necessarily a blame thing- more of a "let's recognize the issue and stand against it from now on" sort of thing.

Thank you for sharing your story.It will help me, as a white parent to educate my childred about the struggles that children of color will face!

When my son was in first grade we had a parent-teacher conference and the teacher was disturbed because my son had refused to hold the hand of a black student. When asked why, he said "he didn't want it to rub off on him." We were floored that he had done this. We put the pieces together and realized he had recently seen a Hallmark movie and it was about racial discrimination and featured school-age kids. I wasn't in the room with him when he watched it, I don't think he watched the entire show, and we didn't discuss it. What he took away from that was the very literal negative part. He was too young to understand the moral of the story and needed guidance to understand the point the show was trying to make. Kids are so easily influened–he felt very bad when he understood how hurtful his behaviour was to his classmate. He's grown into a nice young man, and we've had lots of "teaching" moments since then about many topics. So grab them while they are little and don't take anything for granted–kids need their parents guidance!

I have to agree with JC. As long as people keep making distinctions (media outlets included), we will continue to see racism in this country. Until we can all just be people, we will never see an end to this.

This was an eye-opening situation I have not thought of for a long time. I am white I live in the north and we a very small black population so there are still a lot of things I probably do not understand but from my prespective this is how I feel: I feel like you can go anywhere in the country and God have mercy on any one that attacks you but I cannot, how dare me go beyond my borders ex. in the inner cities or the south I am not safe. I have worked with my husband driving truck cross country and we have found ourselves in many dangerous situations. Then we also have the complete rejection of the south, one time while we were in a small restaurant in Texas we noticed in the background music there was drum beats and southern music of a walking cadence. As we looked around the room the place was full of war paraphenalia of the south. A little girl was told as she was acting out like a little girl might and it was very insignificant , "You act like a good little southern lady", oh my, what is this? I cannot believe I would ever tell one of my children to act like a good little northern child. MY MY !!!! I had a very best friend with a mixed marriage and counseled one of her daughters to be proud of your heritage I sometimes wish I had such a rich heritage. She was ashamed of her black father but after this talk her eyes were open to how blessed she was, her father went to her high school on Martin Luther Day and shared, Kelly was the hero of her school I know somethings not all but there is another side to this coin. Fear of what you might think or do or say to me is always there and this is sad. I love TDJakes for all you have given to us the Christian world but then I see you be very strange: like crying because Obama (difinitely liberal man not for life very strange beliefs anti-American at the least) was the leader in the democratic politics, and the crowds you entertain is predominately black, remember what Billy Graham did tore down the barriers we need you to tear down the barriers you have put up... I would love to go to one of your retreats but I do not know if you are color blind or not. Carolyn

My hard-working mother moved my sisters and I out of the city into a predominantly white neighborhood in 1969...we were the only black family in that particular developement and I was one of 4 or 5 in my elementary school. So I grew up in an enviorment very similar to the one Rev Jakes describes for his children. It was to say at the very least difficult at times but it made me the unique person that I am today. I can remember arriving at elementary school some days and the white kids...people I thought were my friends...had decided they were not going to play with me today. No real explanation was ever given for this...maybe they just woke up that morning and realized I was 'different' and didn't want me as part of thier group. I never mentioned these incidents which came and went to my mother because I felt it was something that maybe I had done wrong....as a child would. By the time I was in high school...I found myself feeling as though I wasn't really part of either world....I "talked too white" for the black kids and I wore my hair in braids and traditional styles which made it impossible for to really 'conform' for the white kids.

I also crossed racial lines with dating and friendships which caused more controversy. I also participated in extacurricular activities like cheerleading (1 of only 2 on the squad) ) and volleyball which at the time were considered non-traditional and more of a 'white' thing?

I look back on all of this while the discussion of 'Black in America' surrounds me and I feel very proud....I was always pround to be Black....I never wanted to be any other race....I simply wanted people to accept me for who I was. My Mother and my family had a very strong 'black heritage'. We were also very proud of our Native American heritage also. So as an adult, I realize that the sadness I sometimes felt was truly because I actually felt bad for the people who wasted so much energy disliking me for who they thought I should be and didn't take the time to get to know me for who I was.....someone who was a combination of different educational and social enviornments, who was bathed in all cultures of music, art and history while being surrounded by a loving American family.

This story is very touching and very real.

Thanks for sharing in such a positive light.

I believe we all can learn from this.

Thanks for sharing some of your experience as a father, and some insights as a pastor. I grew up in Ghana, Africa; lived in London, England over a decade, and now reside in Canada with my family. In nearly two decades of travels, I too have experienced prejudices of different kinds and so have my four children. It is important to appreciate, though, that all peoples are created by God, and in His image. The same Creator gave us colors and did not elevate any one color above others. Racial prejudices are creations of some people and it is all of us who must work to eradicate them. It must begin with each of us appreciating others as much as we appreciate ourselves. It is in this regard that labels such as "black", "white", "brown" are not helpful. Can we all see God, His love, and beauty in others. That will be an unbreakable platform for harmony in diversity. And I say "Amen" to this, and to your thoughts, Rev T.D Jakes. Thanks.

Thank you for sharing such a sentimental and personal experience with the rest of the world. When we have open dialogues, people on the outside looking in are able to understand our feelings on what it's like being us! I really enjoyed this statement: "Today we are seeing more black, brown, and female faces slipping through the glass ceiling to positions of prominence and finding there a new breed of more accepting people." This was really profound and will prove to be beneficial for young, aspiring intellects.

My son did not know what it was to be a minority and discriminated until he went to college in Indiana. In this "Christian" university he was constantly taunted and harrassed by the wife of his coach for being a "foreigner" and hispanic. So maybe California has lots of nationalities but as a whole USA lags in acceptance of other cultures and people.

This is a POWERFUL article!

As a single mother of two mixed young boys, from Senegalese and Caucasian decent, I find this article invaluable in what I am sure some day will need to be addressed between us.

Thank you for sharing your story in such a candid way so we may all benefit from your knowledge and experience!

Yes We Can!!

I am not considered "a woman of color" but I am no stranger to experiencing prejudice. You see, I've been overweight my entire life. It's still hard to look in the mirror. I hate shopping. Nothing ever fits right and when I go into a "skinny store" just to look around, the stares feel like daggers going slowly into my skin making me feel out of place.

To all those who have never known how to love yourself, it's never too late to learn to do so.

Mr. Jakes, thank you very much for sharing such an important life lesson.

You guys kill me. That was not preaching. Preaching is inspired by the Word of God. None of what he said came from the Bible. It kills me how many of you will drink the kool-aid. This man and Obama have the great talent of eloquently stating nothing. The Bible teaches that your self-view should be based on your relationship with God and what he has planned for your life; your purpose; not fitting into mainstream. Racism has nothing to do with your self-esteem unless there is a lack of Godly wisdom in knowing your place in the kingdom. I see why he is so wealthy...

I come from a biracial family and am "white"skinned my five brothers are all medium complexion and I refused to teach my children anything about white/black/asian,etc. because to us it was never something we think about because we have every shade in our family tree and to them it was normal and not a white/black issue. On her first week of Kindergarten some of the little "white" girls teased her about her "black" friends and she didn't have a clue what they meant but that it made her friends cry so she cried and came home still crying.I had to sit her down and explain to her that regardless of what color others perceive you to be our hearts only come in two shades one is dark and empty,the other is light and loving and no matter what color our skin is only we know what color our hearts truly are andwhen we show the world who we are then they see if we have a dark heart or a light heart. She returned to school and told the kids that were picking on her what i said as best as a kindergartener can. That was 15 years ago and her boyfriend of 3 years is biracial as well,he is half black and half Korean,he hated the color of his skin because he is perceived as black and after I told him what I told my daughter on her first week of school and he said after all of the years of being teased he finally felt good about himself . His mom said she had tried different ways of making him feel better when he would come home upset but nothing ever worked until that day and every time she hears a child is going through that she tells them this story. I wish the world was color blind but it's not and may never be in my lifetime,I live in South Louisiana and we are racially diverse but there is alot of racial problems still here that are as prevalant in other states but i'm doing my part and that's all anyone can do. The next time you are talking to your friends about someone,don't start the description of the person you are talking about by saying "that black guy/girl" if you do you are feeding into this hateful world.

JC in Los Angeles, a majority is not dictated by simple numbers. What Mr. Jakes refers to is being an "other" to those who hold the power, make the rules, and dictate the norms. I am a white female living in the Northeast, but I can tell you that today, in 2008, the world I live in is still very much one dominated by a white male majority. It doesn't matter that women outnumber men at the University where I work....the fact of the matter is, it's men with the power, and white men to boot.

Mr. Jakes is not talking about separation between races or ethnicities or sexes...he is encouraging each group to respect and take pride in the things that are good and rich and meaningful within their circle, and recognize those things in other groups as well. This is not the negative spin that you are putting on it. NO culture should feel forced to ignore or denounce the things that make them special in order to try to blend in with the majority. Our differences, and the respect we show to those differences are what gives us such richness as a nation.

Bishop Jakes, thanks for sharing. Your children and your congregation are lucky to have a man like you.

Why do people of color have to be African-American?
I am a white American. Why can you not be a black American?
America needs Americans to profess love and strength in things that are American. I have met T.D. Jakes and have followed his teaching for years. If you are not American then you are not American. I love living where Americans live. I do not want to live where Non-Americans live.

My daughter is 5 and I had to similarly explain to her that her naturally curly hair was equally as beautiful as the young girls in her class whose hair did not resemble hers. Her little brother reminds her of how beautiful she is on a daily basis. It is vitally incumbent upon us parents to instill, inject and perpetuate diversity within the lives of our physically colorful, colorless minded innocent children who only know LOVE.

Thank you for sharing Bishop T.D. Jakes!

Knowledge is King and being abundantly aware of your challenges is half the battle.

Although the mainstream images do not reflect the same beautiful images that represent my daughter and other colorful children, I take OWNERSHIP of the definition of beauty that my children will value and appreciate in their upbringing into their adult lives.

GOD makes no mistakes and there is zero exception to that rule!

Be Blessed.

All the Best, All the Time!
Proud Father,
Corey

Bishop Jakes - Your story just stung me, and as a white person,
I believe the only thing I can do to help repair the harm to so many innocent people is to vote Obama in '08! What a wonderful thing it will be if he is elected as our next President! God bless you - please know that not all people share those hateful racist thoughts. We can heal these wounds if enough people want it!

Thank you for sharing and when you can, give them a hug for me too despite it being over twenty years overdue. Nobody should feel that their very skin is a limitation. Ever.

Wow, an amazing story. I often tell myself and others that I am not prejudiced or racist. I grew up the son of a sailor that brought fellow sailors to our home that were black, I grew up in neighborhoods were often black people were my best friends. For two of the last four year my regional boss was a black man and I absolutely loved and admired him. However for the last 30 years though I lived in a predomently white population in rural Pennsylvania, with very little exposure to people of color. It's hurtful to me to think that black people think that I would think less of them because of their color but with a country full of idiots who don't think like me I guess I can understand it.

Wow! I am of a darker hue, well educated (Ph.D.) and somewhat have a way with words. Your column said in a two-minute read what I have been trying to express all of my life!

Thank you Bishop!

Amen Bishop,

Being raised by my Grandmother I had a similar incident. I have a dark complexion similar to Bishop Jakes and grew up in the South. However, my Grandmother spoke of my color with a great since of pride and adoration-she has a light complexion. She often called me "Blackie", but not in the negative sense of the word-but with heartfelt emotion. So-I said to myself at that time, if my Grandmother-who meant and means the world to me has this since of pride about my complexion then whom else should matter.

This stuck with me and gave me the confidence to go out into the world not being afraid to fail. Currently I am the President and CEO of a major health care facility, all because of my Grandmothers love and perspective.

I applaud the frakness and picture painted by the story, it was both heart renching and eye opening. I am also thrilled that a dialog of being black in America is finally being openly discussed. It is through this discussion that the rest of the nation will be enlighted to the struggles we go through.

However, as Solidad and Senator Obama are both of mixed back grounds, just like most Americans, when are we going to be just Americans? Why do we have to distinguish? You don't hear about Latin-Britons or Korean-Italians. This country is a melting pot and it would be nice to get to the solidary we had as Americans after September 11th but without the high price and tragedy.

I suppose talking about it is part of the process. It is my hope that it will bring our country that much closer to being country of Americans.

I was so inspired by the CNN conversations and commentaries regarding this subject. Through those, you feel & see the hurt and obstacles that are being dealt with. We all have an obligation to do our part. As a caucasian mother, it is my responsibility to educate my sons that we look at the "person" and not the color of their skin or differences. I am happy when I see the diverse group my sons call "friends" and all the positive impact that has on their lives. What a sad world not to want to reach out to everyone based on such ridiculous categories. Keep up the good work and know that it makes a difference. AND, one parent at a time, we can continue to make a difference.

To JC, I think you have to remember the context that Pastor Jakes was speaking from, this was over 20 years ago in West Virginia. Had they lived in CA. The conversation probably never would have taken place, there would have been no need.

JC from LA has a very valid point. I believe we have reached critcal mass on the diversity issue. If society targets one group making them the scape goat, denying them opportunities in both education and economics, blocking them from government jobs and programs because of their gender and skin color, that is not going to provide the social environment by which an equal society will develop.

Signed

A White Male

Bishop Jakes,

Very enlightening story. Thank you for the insight.

It is a shame that children are forced to feel so aware of any difference from the other kids. If you are in the minority, it can be easy to feel this difference. Richard Pryor once remarked that he had been to Africa to see the old country. One of the things he said he noticed was that in Africa, it was the white guys who were walking down the street looking for each other.

I am caucasion, grew up in a very caucasion western state, and had no preconceived racial notions in regards to African Americans (pro or con).

When I was 13, I attended Boy Scout Camp and met two African American brothers from "the city." The older brother, about my age, was one of the funniest people in the place, so the other boys enjoyed his company, and wanted to hang out with him. Any event attended with him was bound to be really entertaining.

His little brother was somehow offended by this. "You only want to hang out with my brother because he's black!" he shouted. Honestly, that had never occurred to me. We tried to reassure him, "No, we want to hang out with him because he's so funny!"

To this day, I am not sure whether he was just feeling left out by his brother, or whether he felt that his brother should not have all these white kids as friends, or whether his experience was that the white kids might eventually exclude him and his brother...don't know. But I have thought about that for 35 years.

Our country has a history of racism–not always overt, sometimes just a matter of stacking the deck. From Reconstruction (though the Union won, it allowed the South to revert to slavery in all but name), to to "Equal but Separate," to Jim Crow, to the Dixiecrats, to the GI Bill (one of the best pieces of legislation in US history, but way rules set and other allowed racial laws tended to favor whites) to the Voting Rights Act to Trent Lott's comments at Strom Thurmond's birthday.

It has been an uphill battle all the way for African Americans. Educational and work opportunities, though unbiased in form, can easily be made biased in practice. What a shame that such feelings should exist at all, never mind start at the age of 7.

Great insight brother; I struggle everyday wondering if I should have kids and if I do should I raise them in Africa where I'm from. My personality was well developed when I came to this country simply because racism does not exist where I'm from. Would my kids develop a sense of self worth and self acceptance if I raise them here? I struggle with this question everyday.

I say it loud and I mean it, "I'm Black-African (American?) and I'm proud of it.

Pastor Jakes, thank you for sharing your story. JC, I appreciate your point of view. I have lived in Indianapolis, Los Angeles, Dallas, and for a short stint of my childhood in Memphis, Tennessee.

I can tell you, JC, that California is not an accurate representation of the makeup of American society. And if you have not read one article or piece of literature where a non-Hispanic has documented how it feels to be a minority in a majority world, then you should stop in to your local library and check out books and periodicals that are focused on certain sub-cultures of our society and the experiences of minorities. There is a wealth of information on this topic. I think people choose to not see this.

I believe Pastor Jakes is merely pointing out the need for families and those involved with children to teach them that differences are a reality and no one race or culture is superior or more desirable than another. And certainly, children should be taught to appreciate their differences. If Pastor Jakes were Hispanic and offered a similar testimony, I'm sure he would stress Hispanic children learning love of self. Don't let the color issue overwhelm you, corrupt you or blind you from seeing his underlying message – [black families] need to encourage love of self and teach our children that their dark skin, thick lips and kinky hair are as beautiful as any physical features of other races.

This section is disgraceful. Black America. Where is the White America, or Hispanic or Asian American? It's time black people stopped thinking they are something special and get with the program. Black people think the world is against them and everyone is holding them down. They are not. The only thing holding blacks down is themselves. You have the NAACP, BET, Black History month. Its this special entitlement you think you deserve that makes people hate black people so much. If you just stopped trying to be something special, African-American BS comes to mind, and just be Americans then more people would like you.

I guess I don't understand how in the same story you can have a fear of losing identity and worry about blending mixed with overt racisim noticed by a seven year old. What is so wrong with a lack of outward physical identity in this world? Should we all be so concerned with culture and heritage recognition by others that we miss the individual? It seems that we're at a point, finally and at long last, where we can truly begin to be based on the "content of our character and not the color of our skin" yet we cling to outward identity.

This is a different world. People of many different backgrounds and nationalities run Fortune 500 companies and occupy positions of authority in government. Why should a child aspire to be just like someone else because they are successful – and black? Why can't they just aspire to be like someone whose character they admire regardless of race?

I don't disagree with Bishop Jakes in that any racism is too much and that there is a difference in cultural heritage and pride. What I do disagree with is that in today's world it has to be tied to anything other than what you bring to the table as a person.

J.C

For you to say something is out-dated takes alot of nerve and ignorance. Hispanics never had to deal with having there language
taken away from them nor told that to read was a crime. African Americans had to fight through that nonsence for four hundread years.
And for you to look down your snobbish nose is very interesting. Are you sure your not passing for White?

As a white man I can never fully understand the complex race issues faced by minorities. Reading this is just one more eye opener. I too shed a tear and immediately could relate as a father and a provider. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences Bishop Jakes, I was unexpectedly infused with hard earned wisdom.

Being from a small town in West Virginia, I know how you can be treated. A few years ago, a black person wouldn't think of stepping foot into our area because of the hatred people can have. We have a few blacks in our neighborhood now, but I still hear the "n" word and other choice of words still being said. I believe this is because these people have never had contact with anyone outside of their race and this is how others have been raised. I applaud you for speaking about this experience and I hope that West Virginia wasn't always a bad experience for you and your family! God Bless!!

Well said...as always, you rock!

Reverend;

Please be assured that things are changing! Still not perfect, but changing!

We moved here from South American when I was 10. Although our family was caucasian, my dark eyes and dark hair gave me away as a person of Mediterranean origin. I tanned like the dickens too. One summer, I really tanned very dark. I still remember hearing a racial epithet assigned to me and my country of origin because of my dark tan. I also remember how ashamed I felt.

Flashforward 30 years!!!

My daughter tans just like her momma! With her curly hair and her momma's tan, you'd never guess she is half dutch and half hispanic...you really would not be able to tell WHAT she is.... But unlike me, she LOVES her exotic looks and tanned skin.

Moreover, neither of my kids really know race. The other day, my five year old son was struggling to describe a few kids and he said "the brown boy blah blah blah." I was immediately alarmed until I noticed the boy in question had a brown shirt.

Things are not perfect, no sir. But they are improving. Our children's attitudes about race have evolved and will continue to do,

Personally, here is my hope. I hope we continue our fight against poverty, which affects people of all hues and backgrounds.

Regards,
An Admirer

Your words are like a brush is to an artist...the further along that I read the better perception of the 'whole' picture that you were painting..it opened my eyes up to view the world as you and your children view it. It truely is a sad world when children are afraid to grow up and be as God intended them to be. Hopefully, we as adults can learn more from our children.....to just get along with one another.Amen

Well written opinion piece, though I would like to echo the statements of JC from Los Angeles that this discussion should expand to include all minorities, particularly hispanics. We should also accept current realities that Blacks and Hispanics are not necessarily a minority everywhere in the United States. With that said I applaud you for mentioning personal responsibility I would have to agree with Bill Cosby that it may very well be one of the most important issues holding back the Black community at this point in history.

I think JC missed the point. Because you have not read or the article may not have been written about how a minority group feels does not negate the need for the feeling to be articulated.

I don't think T.D. Jake was doing anything but to suggest positive reinforcement as one plank in the platform of self acceptance – of appreciation of self within the wider community. Unless you are saying that the 7 year-old child's feelings were not legitimate and had no basis in reality. Ignorant racism and prejudice are real even if unspoken.

A minor point 140 nationalities do not translate into as many racial minorities. While there also exists nationalist chauvinism and bigotry the issue here is hatred of another human on the basis of genetic make up, which even causes one to hate and think little of themself.

Mr Obama is embracing the opportunity to be leader of the country and there are those who silently wish him failure based on his skin tone – no less dangerous than the overt KKK.

Bishop Jakes, I was impacted by your article in a way that I didn't think I could. I'm a father myself, and my son is younger now than yours at the time of the incident you describe. We certainly share the love for our own children, and the desire to see them at the same time protected from the harsh realities of our world, while trying to equip them with the tools to handle them.

I'm white, and I've experienced my own brand of prejudice, being Jewish. I've often thought of how I would address these situations with my child and I never thought, the same as you, that I'd need to do so at such an early age. I would love to hear more about how you handled that conversation with your sons.

This dialogue is so needed, and while uncomfortable, it's so essential. I want my son to be not only accepted for who he is, but also have the open mind to accept others, and not be tainted by society in the way as it stands now. I would like him to look at others and judge them on more than their appearance. It's a subject that is left to parents and I dare say that, along with many many other things, has been overlooked, glossed over, or simply avoided by virtue of being too difficult to address. I can't see how wounds in this country can heal, and how we can prosper alongside one another unless we do, and that is why I'm glad that CNN is running these programs. They should be required viewing for the youth of our country, more of this, and less perhaps of Facebook would do our children all alot of good.

Thank you for sharing what was clearly a painful memory. I don't have to be black to understand your message myself, as it is one that should resonate with all the readers of this column, no matter their race, and most especially if they have young children.

I am embarrassed to say that I had not heard of you until this article. I am proud to say that I will not forget you.

Communication is the only way for unification. Thank you for such a gentle, yet powerful read.

Sir my hat off to you; I feel the pain everyday for my kids and family. You see Mom was born in the pacific, my sons were borned in the USA and I was borned in hispanic caribean; and not one day goes by were reality of difference hits us by caucasians, blacks and others who do not have accents or funny skin tone.

Again thank you for your candor and courtesy of sharing .

Mario Cairo

I realize that racism is definitely a valid concern and more work needs to be done. However, Bishop Jakes brings up another subject that I feel is just as important but NEVER gets addressed to the extent of other societal ills. That it the fact that overweight females (males as well but not to the extent) are ostracized, made fun of and discriminated against just as much as any minority if not more but it is not talked about. It is just as harmful as racism! I am 38 years old and still remember being teased at school & called names.....and I wasn't all that overweight!!!
This needs to be addressed as well! Amen to Bishop Jakes for at least acknowledging it

An excellent and thought-provoking contribution ... thank you!

Hello, I'm currently deployed to the middle east and i had a chance to read TD Jakes on cnn.com. This was an awsome article from TD Jakes. It is so sad that you have little kids that have to feel this racist world. I'm here deployed with many african americans, and in fact respect the african american sitting beside me as i do my job for my country as they are doing the same. It is sad that you have little kids having to go through the same thing that people had to go through many many years ago. Even thought it was 24 years ago this araticle was being refered to. Hopefully one day this world will rid of racsit people.

Pastor.
I am white and have only experienced the "bringing up" of my two sons. 17 and 14 at this time. The have all the things most young boys ever wanted. I just retired from 20 years in the military and being "military brats" was hard for them in it's own way. It is still a challenge. The paragraphs I have just read leave me in awe of a father that loves and shares love in an unbias and open way with his sons. All people of any color should be educated in the ways that they are belssed and special. White, black, brown, etc... All of us have wonderful things to be proud of and some to be shamed of. My sons will read this tonight and we will discuss our heritage. We have been in the US since the founding of St Louis. Pioneers so to speak. Pastor, as I read your words, I am touched in all I read. All need to look hard at who they are and be thankful to be blessed for who they are.

Hi Bishop Jakes,
No one could have said it better. I love your preaching, I watch you on TBN. Your article here could not have been more eloquently stated. I agree with you 100%.
Keep up the good work. I hope to visit the "Potter's House" someday.
Thank You,
Jerry Frazier

Mr. Jakes,

I am a white male who until recently never did experience racism. My wife and I have adopted two boys from China and have become a bi-racial family. I am begining to understand in small part what it is like to be judged and stared at because of the makeup of your family. I struggle daily with how to equip my boys with the skill they will need to navigate through the environment where they are judged by the color of their skin. I appreciate your sharing your experience on this. I found it encouraging. Keep up the good work

Jeremy

Amen brother.

I wish we all could see in someways as a blind person. Only that from within matters.

Mark – Minnesota

Bishop Jakes I appreciate your story and how it gets to the core of several issues:
For one, many seem to doubt the implications of being socialized in an environment where WHITE is RIGHT, and BLACK is WHACK. Your son felt the sting of this epidemic and painfully carried the burden until a venue was provided for him to share. There are many black man however, that aren't afforded an opportunity to enjoy a "safe place" where they can vent.
In addition, your story unveils a truth about many of our African-American parents and how they have been forced to juggle the realities of raising children of color in the 20th & 21st centuries, dealing with many forms of anachronistic racism, only to be bombarded with subliminal messages of inferiority and incompetence.

Peace and Blessings

I have zero doubt of the completely unfair suffering of African Americans in this nation due to skin color and race. The slavery thing was completely uncalled for and horrible.

I do have a problem with Rev. Jakes, however: Too often I've read/heard long-winded and melodramatic stories from various ministers. I'm always skeptical of the stories themselves, though I don't doubt such a young man existed (probably 10,000 times over) as Jakes describes.

As for Jakes himself, I'm curious as to why, on the cover his book "Mama Made the Difference," HER photo is the size of a postage stamp compared to his cover-swallowing photo. >:-\

Anyway, I don't need a minister to tell me of our social ills.

Amen! Thank you, Bishop Jakes, for all that you do. I have been truly inspired by your written words in your book, Maximize the Moment and by your message at Willow Creek's Leadership Summit in South Barrington, IL, a few years ago.

Your blog message of teaching all our children to embrace their diversity and that of others around them is so important. God sees, hears, knows and values each of us around the world and accepts and celebrates our differences. If we are to live in peace, we all need to learn to do the same.

Pastor Jakes, I have followed your ministry for a long time. I am a white woman 59 years old, I must admit I was confused by your comment when Obama won the nomination. You said you had cold chills and how wonderful it was that a black men might become president. I was confused because I felt we shared the same beliefs (Christian beliefs) which Obama's position on many issues are to me , contrary to God's word. Such as his position on abortion. I am confused because many black Christians I know are for Obama and it appears that the only thing they are looking at is his color. They are apparently putting race at the top of their list rather than principles and convictions. Am I reading something wrong in this I really want to know.

Thank you for your insightful message about the importance of self-acceptance and truly valuing and appreciating your individuality and all that you are.

JC,

Maybe that applies to California and maybe New York, but the rest of the country really is not that different (in racial makeup) than it was ten or twenty years ago.

Go to West Virginia, Kentucky, Pennsylvania or any other number of states and Blacks and Hispanics are still by far in the minority and are treated as such.

I am happy for you and your diverse Californians though....the rest of us are not so lucky.

As a white person who has lived in California the last 35 years out of my 58 on earth, it is obvious that there are now more non-whites here than whites. However, at all my temp jobs whites still seem to be the majority of office workers, with hispanics and asians also represented in significant numbers. Blacks are few and far between outside of the government sector. Blacks are still under represented in white collar jobs and probably in blue collar jobs as well and that is why it is accurate for them to feel they are a minority in a majority world. My 18 year old son happens to have many black friends. They always seem to view us white folks through the prism of judging us as to if we are "racist" or not. I can remember as a 5 year old I asked Santa Claus for "blue eyes" since I preceived way back in the 1950s that blonde hair and blue eyes were better than the blonde hair and brown eyes I was born with. To go through life with the self-esteem burden most blacks suffer from is holding back our entire society. We must do better by these children and people.

I appreciate the piece. I shutter a little at the "if all else fails" speaking of parental involvement, which I presume was a joke. Of course, that should be the prime focus.

An ongoing problem across all racial groups in the U.S. is parents continued subjugation of their responsibilities to schools and governmental institutions under the cloak of 'feeding our children' or ‘paying the bills’. American children would benefit greatly simply having mom or dad around more living the example of their values, rather than working that precious time away for luxuries in the guise of necessity.

It’s a difficult balance in this material world, but as a father of eight, I often envision when my kids have all left the nest. No possessions, retirement savings or peer praise will compensate for things I wish I would have done, or taught, to my children.

I agree with the Bishop–pride in oneself is a good thing. However, trying to have pride in my Irish heritage seems to bother some African-Americans. I have never understood why some think it is o.k. to have "black pride" but it is not ok for me to have pride in where my family came from (Ireland). No, I am not a rebel flag wavying type–I just like to hang my Irish flag next to my American one. Why the double standard?

This problem is so common in the black community, and I don't know what more can be said, but we need to do better. We need to teach our children self-worth, that they are beautiful, and to believe in their ability to over-come this pain and or any obstacle in their path.

Wonderful!. So sad to think of the vast number of children who experience this. Girl children experience it when they begin to discover that they are viewed as less than boys by some people. All other than white children experience it at some point. All gay people experience it as children. All poor children experience it. Hopefully someday no child will awaken early to the realization that they are perceived as "less than" because there is an arbitrary and narrow "norm" that they don't qualify for just because of who they were born as, or the inherited circumstances of their life.

Very touching story. I can understand how his some felt. Growing up in a predominately white community 30 years ago was tough on me. I often wished I was another color just so I would be accepted. I hated living in a white community because of the name calling and mistreatment. Things are certainly much better now, but to think inequality doesn't exist would be mythical.

To JC-Los Angeles – Not everyone lives in a community like LA. Some live in much smaller areas where people are less progressive in their thinking. Many still hold on to bigoted thoughts. I agree the black community needs to embrace opportunity, but at the same token, opportunity need to be equal and fair.

GOD loves us all ,what a great example he set for us

Latino is not a color...it is reference to all people of Latin America and Spain regardless of ethnicity or race. Therefore, a "Latino" can be of white, black, Indian, etc. ancestry. Please do not confuse the term "Latino" with race, as the popular American culture and media does. (cf. US Census for more info.)

Dear Bishop Jakes:

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your gifts of insight and

sharing. It is pass time that men let go of pride and share what's

real and recognize that is is o k to be sensitive and cry.

God bless you and your great ministry.

Elder Frankie Fells

I have twin boys, mixed race Mexican and Anglo. Never was there better proof to me of the true color blindness of my dear sons then when they came home from school telling me of their friends. When they spoke of their friend Mike, I wasn't really sure which one they meant. They finally got thru' to me by saying the "beige" Mike, not the "brown" Mike. Surprised by their description, I continued the discussion but now asking about our family. What color was their Abuela? Beige. What about Dad? Beige. Well, if they were Beige. What is Grandma? Oh she's Peach! Then I asked "What am I?". You're Pink! I loved it. Nothing became "Black or White" til' middle school.

We have to be careful, the self hate and lack of self esteem may originate from home not in the media and surrounding environment. Children often pick up on the subsurvient nature of the parents and begin to feel less than equal. If you want strong proud children you have to be a strong proud adult role model to your children. If you walk a look them straight in the eyes equal lifestyle for your children to see you won't have to talk half as much about being a black and proud individual. Are you black and proud? Maybe that's why your child isn't. Walk it as well as talk it.

Dr. Jakes. You have raised some deep issues here and you have done it with your usual mixture of power and sensitivity.. Part of your message, however, probably should be discussed a bit further.
Self esteem comes from a variety of sources. Much of it comes from the people you spend time with and value. Many young people derive their self esteem and identity from within their peer group. Some of our youths who are having the biggest problems have high self esteem and some who are doing well in some respects, (e.g., school) have low self-esteem. This has been the subject of some pretty good social science research.
We have many young people who resistant school authority. Many of these do not seem to listen to their parents or their teachers. Their identity is wrapped up in being oppositional. Sometimes these youths link their opposition to their identity. So I think we need to explore ways to link ethnic pride to positive outcomes. Ironically, oppositional youths often have high self esteem and, in the process are working to assure their lack of educational success. Your message
with its statement on behalf of more successful adults can help move us in that direction.

Thank you.

I am white and have neither straight blond hair, nor blue eyes. Skin color doesn't matter at all...love yours, or hate it...it's within the mind to reject stereotypes and negative self-images. Yes, others can berate you and yes, you can ASSUME that you're inferior...but you're not. Period. If you have an itch, you scratch it. If you hate yourself...just don't.

This may sound odd but I see this from both ends. My daughter is beautiful 12 year old bi-racial little girl and I can honestly say racism burns me to no end! I can't and do not stand for it in any shape or form. Hahaha, my daughter handles "akward" sitiuations much, much better than I do. It always seems there has to be at least one moron in every crowd though.

Dr. Bishop Jakes,

I wanted to thank you for bringing this difficult but needed dissuasion to light. After watching you on CNN, I have become inspired to accept myself for who I am and not for what I am. I personally look forward into the future with optimism, hoping that one day everybody regardless of their age, gender, race or ethic back round will be able to coexist in a world without hate and discrimination.

Skin color (and it's hue) is a very difficult subject to approach, especially with our children. Often times in our culture, one not only experiences prejudice or bias by non-blacks, but also within our own race. As a child, I can recall many encounters with my own people making very harsh and hurtful remarks regarding the darker hue of my skin. And then to go on to my predominantly white school and experence further bias was unbearable at times. However, all of the credit (and my gratitude) goes to my mother and father who went the 'extra mile' to instill in me a strong sense of self-worth, self-love and self-acceptance. Thank you so much for sharing your story and reminding us to never underestimate the powerful impact we can have on our children by just taking time out to be 'parents'.

Dear Bishop Jakes,
When my oldest daughter was 3 she noticed a skin color difference between herself, caucasion, and her cousin, African American / caucausion. She didn't tell anyone about this discovery. My daughter's warm-weather behavior for the following 9 years, was all about being in the sun. She would tell me almost defeated daily, "I'm just not there yet, Mom." "Just not where?" "As good as Nancy." Well instead of asking where she was trying to get to, I'd just tell her to keep working on it, practice makes perfect! Last year on a school bus ride home, which her cousin rides as well, Jess learned that her cousin was in fact 1/2 African American and 1/2 caucasion. She was fuming as she entered the house, throwing her books on the floor, and cornering me in the kitchen, "Mom, why didn't you tell me Nancy wasn't all white? Mom, she's half black, too! Did you know this?!!!" "Yes, I knew this, but I didn't think it was important. She's Nancy. Does it matter to you?" "Mooooom!!!! Yes it matters to me!I've been trying my whole life to get as dark as Nancy so I could be as pretty as she is! Here I thought there was something wrong with me!" And she sobbed. We discussed how God created her in His image. God had been planning for her since day 6. She looked exactly as God wanted her to.

Self – love, no matter what aspect we're fighting to accept is a life – long journey – but it is critical to start from the beginning.

To JC's point, agree with your point that – by sheer numbers – the nation's diversity has expanded to include more than one "race". But I think living on the coasts have given us a squeed view on what the status of racism is in American as a whole. Step out into Kentucky, Missouri, or Iowa and you'll get a completely different idea of what the idea of diversity means.

I'm not pinpointing any states in particular, I am referring to states that do not benefit from the diversity that is enjoyed on the coasts.

It makes it even more important for people like Mr. Jakes to stand up and call on parents to plant those small seeds of self-esteem so they can navigate their way to being good members of society.

Very insightful. The AA experience in the US is unique, JC. Yes, in America there are many nationalities. All with their own stories.

Just look at the article on CNN.com about the family tracing its roots back to Africa. We know we come from Africa, but we don't know the country, the tribe or language! I mean this is not only true for AA, but also those of African descent in South America and the Caribbean.

I have a nephew whose father is Latino. Now his father may be light, but a whole lot of the family is darker than me. Do you think any of them acknowledge having African roots? It's almost shunned by some of them. They can't deny it...Heck, a whole lot of slaves were taken to Puerto Rico, Dominic Republic, Uruguay, Panama, etc, etc!!!!!

This is a very thoughtful piece. Thank you.

My thought:

Why does it appear that when 'whites' express pride in their heritage, we condone it as predjudice?

This story is Ridiculous .... My son is 6 and he gets upset when I tell him that he may be bald like me some day . I this guy is just over Exaggerating I doubt the kid fell to the groud sobbing ...give it a rest . I am so tired of "black in america" stuff and "racial dicussion" Hey here is a discussion racial discrimination in the US has been in sharp decline since the 1970's and realy is not a big issue anymore ..

THANKS CNN.........................................

wondering if we could start discussing the how in regards to having these discussions and additionally what you feel about doing it on a community scale, why it would be relavent to involve others in the community etc...

Powerful. Moving. Eloquent.

Thank you.

"The Whiteman is the most dangerous species on the planet"

Oh really?

But you'll keep your electricity, computer, telephone, eyeglasses, local modern hospital, corner Walgreens, refrigerator, flushing toilet, etc., etc. won't you?

There have been lots of good and NON-racist white men.

If you can't agree to that, YOU are racist.

Dr. Jakes,
Let me tell you that in the Native American community it is the reverse. Children are more valued for the darker they are and more they look "Indian" and less white. Now the caucasian students did not see it that way as all of us in our family were treated badly due to our very obvious Indian sounding name. so that was a hurt that we learned to deal with in angry and vengeful ways. So when we went home the fair skinned children in our family of nine were deemed to have it easier in the white world so we were given less attention and not glorified with dance regalia. the darker skinned children were dressed out in regalia and paraded out in ceremonial dances, but not the fail skinned ones, less someone think we were white playing Indian. our own families hurt us more than any white person ever could.

I found this article very educating and helpful in my life and my daughter's. I live in a predominately white city north of Seattle, WA although it is getting more diverse due to the College nearby. I have primary custody of my daughter who is half white and half black (I am white, mother is black) and I fear the day my daughter comes home hurt because of how words can affect people deeply. Being white I represent a view of white people in my daughter's eyes and try very hard to make her see that even though many people can be ignorant, there is a chance for equality and that there are people out there than do not buy into the superior/inferior scheme. I will need to reach out to her Mother to help in explaining that both of her ancestry has postives and negatives, but it is up to her to choose what kind of life she wishes to live. And that she will have to be strong and not let words hurt her. Myself nor her Mother will know exactly what she feels because neither of us are mixed Black/White.

The truth is that beside skin color most people in America are all mixed. I am predominately German/Scottish. White to most, but I have met several people that are not American and they don't understand why we don't just tell people we are American especially since most of us no nothing of our countries of origin. It's possible someday that we will all end up as the vision was "a melting pot" and all be "mixed" including skin color. I'm sure America will find a way to still exploit and hurt eachother still, but it would be nice to be able to focus on issues together instead of segmented groups and polled against eachother staticized against eachother and constantly being compared. Even Obama is not black, he is black and white, but the media only refers him as the possible first "black" president. America needs this first step though and I can't think of a better candidate to represent what America really is and that is a melting pot that is not perfect and has seen both sides of the coin.

Bishop Jakes, I love to hear you preach on TV and the only fault I find is when the commercials come on! You preach the unaltered Word of God, and it is always uplifting to hear God's Words and Direction. But I cannot understand how you can back Barack Obama. It would seem that your soul is so thirsty to see a black man succeed that you have chosen to ignore all of the things he represents that are reprehensible to us all. He is fervently a backer of abortion, which is the murdering of God's children. He even voted to not save those who survived abortive procedures. He has voted for partial birth abortion, which is the most barbaric practice known to man. He is backed by people who are now in jail for their illegal practices and have given him special privileges regarding real estate. He has endorsed hate preachers who, unlike yourself, promote the evil hate in our society, rather than the Gospel of Jesus Christ and God's Changing Power. He says we need change, and it would seem that many, yourself included, are so desperate for change in their lives and in America that they will blindly follow a man who is very much like Lenin and Marx. All they can see is that he's 'Black like us.' That is despicable. It would be like Klansmen voting for someone because they were white. He is merely a wonderful public speaker. Barack has nearly zero experience and the White House is the worst place for on-the-job training. Barack supports everything that has held the black man down for over a century and only now, when he has made a few speeches telling fathers and others that they need to practice responsibility, has it changed at all. Insanity can be doing the same thing every time and yet expecting different results every time. Eastern Europe has departed from socialism and rejoices in their new-found freedom and yet Barack wants us to go into that same quagmire of socialistic practices. And who will pay for it? Invariably a bad policy affects those who are the downtrodden first. So blacks will suffer more loss of family life, more adultery, more abortion, more poverty and more affliction of every kind, while the Devil laughs.

Thanks Bishop Jakes....I truly appreciate your wisdom and candor....I am not a "church goer", but I try life as my Grandmother taught me 56 year ago...Bishop Jakes your word keeps me inspired....thanks...

Hi, I read the article and very much appreciated it. Being white married to a hispanic our children are dark eyed and have dark hair. Totally different from me. I have been asked if my children are adopted or if I am their nanny. I feel people that ask me that are ignorant. I live in Manhattan NY and would not want to live anywhere else. The diversity in the city is beautiful.

Everyone needs to love themselves and know where they came from but I do not understand why knowing your culture would define you? Why do you feel your children were losing their identity living in a "white" neighborhood?

Peace Love and Understanding!!!!

JC I think you miss the point. What I believe he is saying is that our experiences even in the same city, neighborhood and school are different. The message from and for the majority can and often are damaging to those in the minority. It does not mean that because Hispanics and other groups have not begun to address the issue publicly that it is still not taking place. The determination of what is beautiful, acceptable and preferable is part of the socialization process and no one is exempt. The messages to our children do have to be countered and unfortunately it can affect their self esteem if left unchallenged. It goes beyond race and only honest admission of the problem and further discussion can move us away from this issue toward a workable solution.

I think Pastor Jake was talking about his own experiences not trying to give an explanation for what all races are like. This is his quote:

Do not misunderstand me, I know all too well from my own experiences, how things can be when you are a minority in a majority world.

Unfornately, we may be have this same discussion 50 years from now.

Thanks, Ms. Willams.

About 5 years ago I was blessed with a grandaughter. My daughter is caucasion. My grandaughter is dark skinned and has beautiful brown kinky curly hair. She is the product of a mixed race liason. Unfortunately, the father has not remained in her life. However, she's pure beauty and intelligence and verve. A vivid life force shining in every direction, physically attractive with a wondefull personality.

However, I am well aware that as she grows up, somewhere along the line, someone will attack her for being "Black" or "dark" or different. I can't help thinking how ironic it is that a lilly white family like mine can come to fear and loathe racism and anti African American bias with new vigor by the appearance of such a gift.

I hope I meet it with as much force and validity as you have Bishop.

AMEN! And thank you for sharing. I wish everyone could get past skin color and realize there is really only one race ~ human.

Thank you, sir, for sharing...
I agree with much of what you say. However, your comments "the baggage of being different is only crippling when the child is left to carry it without an intentional awareness of cultural diversity, sensitivity training and supervision in private and public schools..." troubles me. I can see how this sentiment might leave the door open for groups like GLSTN to want to introduce their gay agenda into the public school curriculum under the guise of "sensitivity training" or "promoting tolerance." I am not clear what role public education should be expected to play in this particular discussion, but I do think caution is needed when we use phrases like "sensitivity training."

The responsibility and accountability will always fall squarely on the parents, and it is indicative of our current society that so many parents fail to act upon this "calling" and instead choose to neglect it. To what extent should we ask schools/teachers to compensate for parents failing to do their job?

Zoey,

All mankind originated out of Africa!

Where does a 7 year old learn that "they will hate you more" if you're black?

I have always admired T.D. Jakes, he is indeed a great man of God! I though sometimes feel that blacks are always making up excuses for the lack of fatherhood in the home and/or gangs and it seems always pointing fingers at the other side blaming them for the mishaps.
I was abused for many years and went through some major inward hell where i thought I might not make it another day but I did make it, and I never look back at the abuser and blame him for my confusions and pain. I decided to be a victor and quit letting the past keep me down.
I am not at all trying to take away from the subject because I know racism is real but I have seen drastic changes even in the last few years and if blacks keep putting in the other cultures faces, its going to cause them to get tired of always hearing that they are the reason why blacks are the way they are.

God bless T.D. Jakes, he has helped me in many ways.

I'm a black woman and while living in a small somewhat segregated midwestern city I can remember at the age of 4 years old walking with my mother downtown and confiding in her something that had be on my mind. I told her that I thought white people were better than black people, shocked at my statement, she ask me why I thought that and I told her that I thought they were prettier than black people. She then told me that black people come in all shapes and colors and it's a good. I wasn't convinced, but quickly learned never to bring up again. I'm now in an interracial marriage and I have 4 children. I find it to be amazing and troubling at how remnants of slavery and myths of racial inferiority can impact a person from a very early age and effecting their lives as an adult.

One of the best I have read on race in America, and how Americans are led by culture and the media.

Mr. Jakes,

Thanks for a healing voice of wisdom. I am a white man and when I read your words I do not feel judged or attacked. I do not sense bitterness and resentment. But I do feel sad and ashamed for the way I and others have knowingly or unknowingly played a part in the pain your boys and your ethnic group have suffered in this country. Please forgive us. And thanks for not giving up on America and those of us in the majority groups.

You are an asset not only to the church, but to our nation.

May God give us more leaders like you.

If you ever decide to step down from your high calling, you might consider a run at the Presidency!

this is so honest
I am encouraged to read God centered wisdon about racial issues/ AND building positive American relationships. It affects us all and we all hold a part in working with each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.

JC, just had a conversation with a successful hispanic businessman the other day, and his daughter was going through the same episode that Bishop Jakes just described. She was being taunted in the classroom for being a Mexican. Not just by Americans but by another nationality. Sometimes it's just better to listen to the experiences of others and add it to your knowledge.......

Wonderfully addressed Bishop!!!

As for Mr. Jim...the reason why Bishop Jakes did not apply this to Pastor Jeremiah Wright and his racism is because he did not need to. Pastor Wright is a grown man and knows better. It is not Bishop Jakes job to reprimand grown men, but put the knowledge out there and pray that one heeds and grows from it. Famous quote: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". I am glad Bishop Jakes stayed silent, because the way media twist words and situations around these days, silence is your best defense!

Much Love to ALL people!

I enjoy your view on black awareness, and the gift of being African Americian, however the fight is deeper than any other minortiy can imagine.

The hope for so many African Americans is lost in a dream of non-fictional.

We only exist for tomorrow is the new motto in so many communities.

We must also teach our children what is self-pride and self-preparness for a world that only see Black and White, and understand that in GOD eyes we are all the same.

It will be mandatory for my 6 year old son to watch Black in America with me tonight and tomorrow. Thank you so much Bishop Jakes for sharing your story which has enlightened me about discussion I need to have in my own family.

Please go back to Africa.

Thanks you Bishop Jakes, my daughter went to a school where you could count the black students on one hand. My sister told me my daughter was going to grow up thinking she was white. After High School she ask could she go to a Black College she had to do it for herself.

Thank you Bishop Jakes for sharing your story. When came to Canada in 1985 from Jamaica, I started high school in grade 13. Only two black students including myself were in the classs of about 30 students that were an ethnic mix of Chinese, South Asians, Italian, Jews, Caucasians, Hispanics etc. Unfortunately for me my English teacher who was of Scottish caucasian background some how did not like black people, which he made apparent by his behaviour. I remembered quite clearly that the Cosbys was the best rated sitcom at that time. My teacher then asked the class which sitcom was the best, unanimously the whole class said the Cosby. His response was, "that dumb show, which family that has a father has a doctor and a mother has a lawyer would behave so stupid, no! Jewish sitcoms are the best". The class was completely silent. The teacher then gave us assignments to do analysis of various authors work. On many occasions during the course of us analysing the work in class, he would make statements like, "Black authors are not as talented as white authors". I ignored the comments for a while until one day when I deemed it to be overbearing, I stood up in the class and said, "Mr. Brown are we here to analyse the authors' work base the writing style or is it based on their skin colour or ethnicity?" He stood shock and said nothing, I then turned to the rest of student and remarked, "do you guys realize what he is trying to do?. It is only two of us in here that are black students and he is always making negative comments about black people. It is obvious that he is trying to let us get discourage and drop out so we wont make it to university". then to him I said, "if you keep it up you will not teach much longer because I will take it all the way to Human Rights". He never did it again. We both graduated and went on to university. I share it with my oldest child who is now going to university and the others who are preparing to go there also. It is important to give them self worth.

Bishop, your words are continuing encouragement to us in a world that sees and hears of us, but who really doesn't know us. I too had a similar conversation with both sets of my children, boys and girls, when they were less the 10 years old, about the pain they were going through and that I saw in their eyes, as I was trying to give them the dream that we were told was ours to have.

Yes, the white schools, white neighborhoods, and white world that we/I put them in had caused them to question their identity, their "blackness"; it pained me in knowing that it was better for them that they get that view then as opposed to their view later, too late.

I come from a "dysfunctionally unstable" Black family, an O.G. – L.A. Crip background, and yet the culture shock of a white college, my white military service, the true suburbia life that we live now, along with the management level responsibilities within a Fortune 500 company to keep that, and their dream going, still takes me back to those talks with my children about who they are, who we are, and where we can go if you try..........

Your message applies to ALL parents, ALL Americans, ALL human beings. Speaking from your own experience as a person of color, you have a close up look at what being Black in America can mean, yet your story transcends race, gender and age. We all have a vested interest in embracing and contributing to the diversity that IS the American Culture and showing our children the value they add, the gifts that they are!

I enjoyed this article. Very insightful. I also like JC-Los Angeles comment. I think there is an opportunity to apply this wisdom to a much greater community. My family is interracial. My children have a mixed heritage. They have and will face many challenges growing up. The bully at school. Their appearance differences. The reaction of some when their mother shows up and they can't believe she is the "natural" mother.

I have never been a proponent of African-American lable. Labling is/creates a challenge of itself. How else do you acknowledge your heritage? My kids are fully aware of their heritage. They dont classify themselves as "Asian-American", "Japanese-American", "Chinese-American", "Brazilian-American", Italian-American, French-American, Austrian-American, Thailand-American, ect... So many heritages and cultures are celebrated in this country without people having to get hung up on a title. Titles can sometime bring division and seperation. We should be aware of our differences and those should be celebrated and acknowledged. Just not sure if they should define us to that extent.
Our society is adapting. Many marriages are interracial. Many cultures are melting together. We have marriages with different religious views, marriages with different cultural views, marriages with different political views. And somehow those marriages survive.
Just something else to think about.

Bishop, The good Lord made each of us in His image and likeness for a reason. It is man, starting with Adam that polluted God's perfection. We feel the aftershocks and deal with it on a daily basis. Our kids need to find their worth in the Lord to eventually discover it in themselves. The self-help baloney will only go so far, because again it is man-centered. I pray that your boys have found their worth first in the Lord who sustains each of us moment by moment, if our trust is in Him.

An important perspective–beautifully written. We would like to walk a mile in the shoes of others, but many times it still does not grant us the total experience. This was lovingly written and I am thankful for men like TD Jakes.

LIfe is short and then you die. Get over it. I am so tired of hearing this crap. The mass media shoves race down people's throats so they won't focus on the truth, which is that W and his cronies don't care what color you are. The only thing they care about is MONEY. It has been this way since the dawn of time and will continue until people of ALL RACES realize this.

Bishop Jakes,

With leaders like you and your God given words of wisdom, maybe someday we will really be "color blind" in the United States and skin color will no longer matter.

I always enjoy reading your comments and hearing you speak.

Thanks and God bless you!! (From a 65-year-old white man raised in rural Mississippi)

Wow! great article! I dont understand some of these comments though. Especially the one that says "wake up black people and get a job". TD Jakes has a JOB and probaly makes a lot more than you! Why does the commenter assume black people dont work? Is that racist or what?

I appreciate this story because so many people don't think that this kind of thing goes on. I am the same age as the Bishop's sons are now but remember growing up as they did and feeling sometimes different since I was hispanic. Being raised to only speak english in the home by an american uncle, since my mom brought my brother and I at the age of 5 and 3 to this country that was his way of teaching us to live the american way and learn the american way. Its a shame that I really didn't learn my heritage and really didn't have a since of being proud of who I was and what I had to offer. Now in the work enviroment i realize what an asset it is to be bi-lingual unfortunetly I do struggle with my words when trying to help someone. I am raising my 2 kids now with my African American husband and I am proud to say that even though they are of light skin color, since they have a variety of races in my husbands family creol, mexican, and italian they are African American and are very proud of it. My son loves the summer time he thinks he is one day going to be as dark as his father which is the opposite of what the Bishops son wanted. We should all teach our kids that it is an asset to be different and be able to teach everyone what you have to offer our country no matter what anyone thinks or how they feel.

Now wonder CNN is referred to as the Colored News Network.

Thank you for the wonderful, well articulated story! I'm not a Christian or African American but I can relate to the ideas expressed both as a parent and as a person. The analogy at the end about young girls suffering because they don't look like the "ideal" skinny girl helped me understand how sad I would be if my daughter was upset about something she could not and should not change about herself. Content of character is everything and we can all continue to dream that we will someday be judged by only that!

“Because if you are black they hate you more.”

I wonder if Bishop Jakes could clarify who his son meant by 'they'. I'm sure the Bishop probably was inferring 'white people' and I'm sure that's what most readers will take away from this. But his son could just as easily have meant other African-Americans. It is no secret that among African-Americans, the darker-skinned people are looked down upon by the lighter-skinned. Of course this isn't 'racism' but it does qualify as bigotry. Even African-Americans are guilty of being prejudiced against those with darker skin than they.
Shame on the Bishop for his inferrence (which only drives the racial-divide wedge deeper). Perhaps he has another book he'd like to sell.

I grew up in an all white community with an active KKK. I had been told deragatory stories about blacks all my childhood and every chance I got, which weren't many, I checked them. I found the stories certainly not true, I found smart, clean, fearless, hard working, family loving etc. people and found no foundation for any hatred or lesser cast. In fact, I usually learned to check myself and to try to do better.

The first time my daughter saw a black person, she was five years old and she gasped and said, Momma, a chocolate woman, she is beautiful! And, I said, yes she is.

I don't know if time will eliminate stupidity. I can only hope, and make sure the next generation doesn't miss out on what they too can appreciate from these people of pride and ability and the highest of standards who have been to the mountain. I moved.

Amen. Thank you Bishop Jakes for an insightful writeup. I, too, struggle to raise my children in a moderate-to-middle class community that is predominantly white, with some of the same characteristics you've discussed. They are now facing issues I haven't prepared them to face and I am at fault for not preparing them sufficiently until this point in their young lives. The major difference is that my children are, for the most part, older than the your children were at that time in their lives when these unfortunate revelations were made.

My wife and I are of different colors; she's white and I'm black. My children don't interact with or have oinly befriended one other individual in their same position, not black-white, but white-asian. I believe there is more acceptance of the white-asian child in our society that the black-white. It's unfortunate, but something we have to live with.

They are beginning to question their race. With the negative images of black america posted on television and in the newspapers, and because they are very good learners, I believe the images are having a negative impact. Just the other day my youngest child asked me why black people are so bad, having just watched the latest news. These are images bombarding them everyday. Forfunately, afterwards, I was able to discuss with her what she had seen and to try to ease her feeling that not all people who have darker skin are bad people. She's not even seeing the good things that happen that involve people of color, at least not in our news media. She's being taught, by images, to believe what many children are believing and that is to fear a dark-skinned person first.

We, as a race, must overcome this type of "prejudism" yet we are really to blame for it. We have too many of our young people who have resorted to criminal activity as a means of improving their lots in life and, true to form, the media prints, publishes, highlights, etc. all these misdeeds. It finally ends of being a characterization of an entire race.

Children do believe what they see unless or until we as parents "persuade" them that such is not the case for everyone. However we continue to fight a losing battle.

Thanks again.........and, again, AMEN!

Relle, I think you meant enslaved not "in-slaved". Oh and through history there have been many white people that were enslaved as well. They got over it and moved on.

I must say me and my husband had the same conversation with our sons. We have 4 boys and one girl. Two of them are twins. They are faternal twins which means they can come out looking very different which they did. The oldest twin came out my complexion which is dark while my other twin came out with his father complexion which is light. When he started kindergarten he came home and asked me why his skin isn't like his twin brother and I must tell you I cryed because it hurt my feelings.
We discussed with him that their are different shades of black and that it was okay for him to be a little darker because we love him the same way.
Come to find out his teacher was the one who talked about his skin color in class. He said she said your brother is lighter and you are darker than him so that is how I will remember you.
I was pissed!
So to hear your story is something I truly understand and believe that we as parents of color should talk more to our children so that they can understand the beauty in being themselves no matter what color they are.

Thank you for sharing your personal story. However, in the city that I grew up in, the blacks were the majority. With such a diverse culture in America, I don't think that blacks will continue using the "minority" title for much longer. We are such a melting pot that it is becoming a culture where there is no "minority" anymore in the sense that it was used in the past.

I don't condone bias against anyone for race, religion or sex. I am 64 yrs. old, caucasion (as far as I know) and have studied many different religions. We are all seeking validation and survival and none of us have a corner on superiority. My sister and I have never been able to trace my father's side of the family and, while frustrating at times, I would not be concerned no matter what his ancestry. I think everyone should just mix and we should have one race (wouldn't that tilt the world).

being black in america makes it seem america is the one doing the victimizing. newsflash! being black around the world has the same issues that being black in america does. if you leave the country and open your eyes, you will see that. america isn't perfect but it sure is better than most countries where certain ways of life can never be questioned or challenged.

I think it is also important to note, your skin color is only a small part of your race...one reason that "race" is such a difficult topic to discuss, in my opinion, is that it's connotation fluxuates so. Digging deeper and discussing elements other than the fact that African American's skin is black has little to do with the rest of their racial makeup, it is simply the most obvious and public one...discussing other elements of race and bringing them to the forefront is a great way to stimulate discussions which are more focused and, usually, more productive

Relle,

You state "Blacks were in-slaved" (sic) – keyword there is "were" and that is more than a century ago. I will agree that persecution and fear/hate continue to this day, but I don't know any blacks that I've ever encountered who were denied a public education and the opportunity to make something better with their lives.

This victimization attitude is the first thing that Black culture needs to rid itself of – this belief that America owes them something. I'm white, middle-class, and college educated. Everything I've earned to this point has been by my own doing. I don't hate black people – I don't hate any race or religion. But I will tell you that the problems Blacks are facing are their own and they need to be the ones to solve them.

Mr. Jakes,
While my family is mixed, your story reminded me of something that happen to my children when they were younger. They both have disabilities and I insisted that be part of a regular education classroom. It hurt my heart to see them struggle so much. It hurt my children because they were different and the children told them so, so did the teachers in some ways.
Thank you for reminding me of hard being different can be and how we as parents need to also be there for them.

Wow! Thank you for writing such an interesting piece.

JC – I think you missed the point completely.

I have to respond to JC's comment, because it bother's me that he doesn't understand why “knowing how things can be when you are a minority in a majority world” isn't dated at all. However, I am not suprised because sometimes I just believe you have to be black to FULLY understand the black experience in America. Our experience is different than any other minority experience in America. We were enslaved as a people and denied rights. My living grandmother can tell me stories about not having civil rights or being able to vote in America. That was what 40+ years ago? The effects of that discrimination still lives on today in many different ways. I can remember hating the color of my skin growing up in a predominately white neighborhood as a young girl. If you are white, I doubt if you ever once hated the color of your skin growing up in a diverse LA, because all your "positive" images were white. Yes, we have some healing to do as a people, and TD Jakes is doing the right thing by healing from within his own family unit. But make no mistake we also have healing to do as a country. America created the wound, specifically to the black race. That part is undeniable. To not focus on this group at any point in our history is to be in denial. I'm not suprised we're doing it. I'm just suprised it's taken this long.

As long as these articles continue to be printed, and people still cry about things, the social divide will remain, unconsciously strengthened by those who supposedly want it to disappear.

Pravo Bishop Jakes

JC – Los Angeles – Please watch black in American on CNN tonight and tomorrow.

Clearly you do not have a single clue. Does it rain in your world of "everything is everything? Denial of reality does not help anyone. The last thing the black community needs is for someone outside to tell us again what we should and should not do or feel. Mind sets like yours are the reason we are still having this discussion.

Try walking a few years in someone else shoes before you say what a community should or should not be doing. At the very least please watch the show.

I'm a 43 year old black woman and I remember being 7 years old and my fathers friend, who is white, came over and visited. As he left he commented on me being pretty and I gave him a look. He give me a kill on my forehead. I was stocked. I remember thinking,'did anyone see that'. My father always had white friends, but my mother always talked bad about white people. I was so messed up that whole day. I never forgot that experience. Years later, when I was in my 20's as an adult I asked my mother why she felt the way she did. She told me she saw her cousin get killed for talking to a white girl when she was 17. She never forgot it. I asked her "then why do you work for white people" She said she could work for them, but not trust them. I felt bad. I served 10 years in the military and was friends and roommates with every color in the rainbow. But in the military our race was green. I look back at some of my experiences and had to realize that the comments my mother made about white people effected me in ways I didn't know, till I had my own child. My son hasn't had any bad issues or questions and he is seven. He plays with all children. There are times when we are at McDonalds and we go play on the toys and some white parents pull there children and go inside. I take it in stride. My child dosen't see what's going on. He's happy. I'm married to a wonder man who has that same belief that I have. We are different, all of us, but we are all Americans and we have to make things better for future generations. I believe that I'm my personal self first, then I'm black. My self being is what makes me who I'm am. I'm proud to be me. That is something that I can affect. I can't say I'm proud to be black because I've never been anything else. When I get a job I get it based on my skill set and experience, not because someone takes pitty on me or feels they need to give me a break. I know some people are going to disagree with me. I'm not a victim because of my race. I would only be a victim if I listin to these self appointment black leaders who what to tell me what to call myself and how we are so in the basement. Blacks, as individuals, need to start thinking for themselves. Nothing in life is easy. Trust me. Get past the color of your skin. See your personal self and your on the right path. I don't have white friends. I have friends.

why is it that many, not all, whites are uncomfortable discussing matters of historical race perspectives in America. Race has been and will continue to be a relevant issue in this country. No one should be offended by TRUTH.

Wow! First I would like to thank Bishop Jakes for his commentary! It is on point!! Now for all of you all that say its ridiculous and there are more races than black etc etc..while you may have a point if I was to look at it from your perspective open your eyes a lil furthur and see ours! Yes there are more races than black but all other races were welcomed here with open arms!! Irish, polish, italian, greek every thing else were greeted here with full voting rights and their basic civil rights! Now yes there are stereotypical labels that may run abound neither one of those other races were looked upon as less than human! Some of your comments even reflect that...we are NOT th eonly race that has a high unemployment rate..especially now BUT YET the retort was get a job!! Now Im not accusing those with opposing views as being racist...I just think they need to step out the box and listen! All black people cant be lying...

Bishop Jakes:

Thank you for your throughtful and heartfelt story. I am saddened that your children learned at such a young and tender age that some people hate blackness. Thank you also for so eloquently distinguishing between pride in ones heritage and prejudice against those of other heritages. Although I was raised as a secular humanist (in the finest sense of that now abused phrase), I have always been proud of what my jewish ancestors contributed to what we think of as western culture. That pride, however, has never stopped me from being awed at the contributions of individuals from other groups to western and eastern cultures, and by the the tenacity with which yet other peoples have fought to overcome the worst kinds of treatment in order to live decent lives or to share their own special gifts.

Perhaps the fact that my parents small circle of close friends, the people with whom we shared vacations and holidays, included a Japanese American family and an African American family meant that differences in skin color meant no more to me than differences in eye color. Looking back, I realized that what we all shared was a middle class, suburban, liberal upbringing where politics and social engagement substituted for church (or synagogue) attendence. The irony is that while I have largely been "color blind" from my earliest days, it has taken me years to become aware of my economic prejudices. It seems to me that my parents sought to cultivate friendships that crossed racial boundaries, and by doing so, they sensitized me to the idea that people are more than their skin color, but in cultivating friendships only with their economic peers, they inadvertently limited contact with people outside the middle class.
Perhaps each generation will address the sins of the previous generation, and we will always have some insensitivities about "others", but I am optimistic that in America today, we are finally starting to address the ancient evil of racial prejudice.

Amen!

Bishop Jakes, I applaude you for what you have done in/for society. However, it is important that African Americans begin to understand that many of the things that are holding them back are self inflicted. While it may be cultural/fashionable things like grills, saggy pants, huge baggy shirts, and improper slang terms and just plain old turn-offs to most employers. I know the term is over uses, but "keepin' it real" is only keeping yourself down. Why is dressing to look like a thug more important than doing what is necessary to make it. I grew up poor as a cockroach, but went to school on govt loans and was able to get an entry level position is sales. I now have paid off those loans and make 6 figures. I didn't do it by "staying real to my roots" which was a trailer park. I wanted out and did what was necessary.

Jim:

You must be a whacko.. or not getting the purpose of this article..or
you have no children and no idea what is being talked about here.
I give you benefit of doubt and assume latter.. so read this. I have 3 year
old beautiful girl.. who is not black but not white either and watches
too much of Disney princess (less Dora).. consequently she one day
asked me and her mommy... why isn;t she white and blond. After
throwing out all Disney princess stuff.. and 6 months of teaching her
that beauty comes in all color.. she is much better now.. You get it...
if not search your (White) soul.. may god help you.

It saddens me to see racism in these posts. It's not that it is criticism or iven a critical view that shows insight like JC – Los Angeles. The comments by the last 2 are abominable and drip with venom. Thus, proving what racism looks like.

Thank you for the sharing. Yours is the wisdom that comes from experience, instead of the one-dimensional caricature that Obama is selling us (blame it on the absentee fathers).

Bishop Jakes,

While I don't discount your words at all, i would like to emphasize a key point I think could get lost. It was this right here: " my wife and I began to explain what a gift it is to be yourself, and to love who you are and how you are made. I told them how wonderfully God has created them in the skin they were in! "

I firmly believe that having two parents aligned in teaching their children the value they have in the eyes of God can trump all the subtle, and overt, inferences this world can manufacture. And I contend that the effort to do that can cross barriers of race, age and nationality.

God Bless, sir, and you will continue to have my prayers.

By the way Bishop Jakes was not silent during the Wright situation! It was that situation that started Jakes having a commentary on CNN in the 1st place!

Well said T.D.!!
Thanks for the insight!
Peace,
-L

Bishop Jakes' comments are relevant to an array of circumstances. While inspired by a personal experience, the underlying message is that in an increasingly diverse society that continues to adjust, we must teach our children (our future) acceptance and love of self and others. If we all read carefully at the beginning of this piece, Bishop Jakes says that his story is just one of many; just his personal addition to an important dialogue. At no point did he dismiss the plights of other ethnic minorities. He was simply adding to the discussion of the black experience in America. I do not take offense when I read an editorial about Hispanics in America wiritten by a Hispanic-American...it is instead, an opporunity to gain insight from a person who experiences the challenges first hand. How quickly the oppressed criticize those who are also oppressed...you should be ashamed of yourselves. Just as there is monolithic experience for a black person, there is no one life experience for all minority groups. We will only learn when we embrace honest sharing of personal experiences like this. If we didn't need to learn, this article would never have been written and would never have received the predicted flurry of varying emotional responses.

Bishop Jakes, thank you for sharing. It was very informative...a lesson that we can all use, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion, or however you define yourself.

Bishop Jakes,
Thank you for your heartfelt insight. The sad truth is that we not only do this to ourselves and our children, but we must teach them to be that way. If you put a group of racially diverse 2 year old together they will play and treat each other no differntly. They may ask – why are your eyes like that? or "why is your skin that color?" but it truly is innocent inquisitiveness. Typically the other will reply " I dunno" and that ends that and they play together.
I believe it is because although they recognize something looks different about another but they ASSUME they are the same, just look different.
As a society we tend to focus on how different we all are. Not just how we look different, but what we wear, what we eat, how we talk, sing, dance etc. But we are not different really. Yes, you can name a dozen differences but in reality there are thousands of ways we are identical.
We all want the same things for ourselves, our families. We laugh and cry the same. we have the same needs.
When you see programs like this "Black in America" or documentaries on TV in other countries they are about what is different. These things should not be ignored, or hidden and should rightfully be celebrated. We watch because the differences facinate us.
But until we realize how much we are really the same it will be difficult to treat each other the same.
It is hard to fear, distrust or villify someone you feel is the same as you. Remember mostly God made us all and God loves us all.

Hallelujah! Can't we all just LIVE IN PEACE! It's 2008 people!

I might be white, and a British wasp, but I've always thought that black people are beautiful just as they are; there isn't any need to fit in with any class or culture really. I might be well educated, relatively wealthy, and attractive, but seriously, it's how you are inside – always has been and always will be. In the 60's I went to various Christian youth clubs and listened to 'Soul Music', and marveled at the terrific energy and beauty put forth – Edwin Starr and Marvin Gaye's voices (and Jimi Hendrix) soared out the right messages – they spoke for all of the masses – which is what we all – one big soup, but what a wonderful variety of ingredients are contained therein.

To 'Jim';

If you read the seventh paragraph of this article, this applies to everyone including Pastor Wright..

To 'JC Los Angeles";

The term 'dated' is relative – if you're young and there are no positive role models where you live of color that reinforce self-pride (not prejudice) it creates issues when you get older. That's why Pastor Jakes is writing this article; to address the issue as well as promote parents being active regarding their children when these issues of self worth come up.

To 'Cryonbrian';

No ones making excuses; certainly not Bishop Jakes. This is a very constructive article, certainly more constructive than your cryptic comments. Perhaps you cannot relate to the article, but for those like myself, who as born in the 50's, these experiences are very real.

Thank you Bishop Jakes for sharing...God Bless!

I wish the different peoples of this country would stop singling themselves out so darn much. It only perpetuates the racism. We're all Americans...some darker, some lighter, but American through and through. I don't go around referring to myself as "European-American". It's just silly. Most of black America, and their ancestors, have never even stepped foot in the great continent of Africa.
The sooner we stop trying to segragate everyone with all these labels, the sooner we will realize the world is out extended family. We can only hope that kind of thinking will happen in outr lifetime.

As for the pastors words, he's a smart man. Even though I may not be a fellow Christian, I can appreciate his thoughts and thank him for sharing his story. No child should ever have to cry for just being who he/she is. After all, they are our hope for the future.

Blessed Be.

I found your comments insightful and relative to me, a white woman. Of course, I could never know the pain felt by black people nor the very real possibility of physical harm. However, having been an overweight child and an obese adult all my life, I have had much experience with prejudice. My parents tried to instill in me that everyone was vaulable, regardless of looks, race, religiion or creed. I am very thankful for that. I have raised my own two sons the same way and I am proud to say that they are sensitive, color-blind men.

Thanks for the reminder that the reason Black might be having a tough time in life is because While people are so mean and hateful, I'd almost forgot. But of course, if we all forgot that, you might not have a column.

I love this part "Believe it or not , you can become invisible in a nice neighborhood". Wow, there's a shocker. Who knew that if you were a good citizen and didn't run around like a gangster and just blended in with everyone nobody would have a problem? I'm shocked that the white people weren't burning crosses on your yard. I'd say you've got just as many predjudices as those you claim are perpretrating your low sense of self worth.

And as far as light skin being seen as beautiful, try watching Telemundo sometime, nothing but the lightest skinned hispanics you've ever seen. Are they all racists too?

Oh man, I have to take back my compliment to JC.....sorry about that....but you are right. All of America does not live in CA....try living in Texas and the 32 comments i was talking about are shortly after JC's post

To Brad, who wrote:

“Exacerbated” is the correct word, not “exasperated”.

Nice editing there ….

Read your dictionary more carefully. Here are definitions from The American Heritage Dictionary:

Exacerbated: To increase the severity, violence, or bitterness of

Exasperated: To increase the gravity or intensity of

His word choice is more applicable than your self-proclaimed “correct” word choice. The author is talking about “gravity or intensity” not “severity, violence.”

Next time, before you decide to correct someone, remember Muphry's law: "If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written."

And yes, “Muphry’s” is intentionally spelled incorrectly.

From reading some of the comments, I would assume that a black person never in life will be a victim nor will he/she have the right to complain. Why, because it makes a few non-blacks uncomfortable?

The responsibility to show children their self-worth has ALWAYS rested with the parents...whether there is one or two present in the household. The problem is that African-Americans generally approach their own culture with a defensive (and rather petulant) posture...one that causes they to amplify the good and bad parts. The good parts being the emphasis on family, remembrance of one's personal history, and the continuing struggle each and every one of us goes through on a daily basis. However, it seems as if certain segments of our population have adopted the negative aspects of Black culture (admittedly, most of these are beliefs held by other races towards us) and thrown it in the face of the rest of the U.S. populace. One very salient example is the use of a certain epithet in music and movies. I use this example because it is incredibly negative when uttered in the wrong context and endearing (I don't really see how) when used in others. Without regard to how this word may affect Black people and non-Black people alike, Black culture has used this word as a point of solidarity within our culture...and a middle finger to everyone else. Again, this is just one example of a "positive" aspect of our culture with very negative implications. We all might want to rethink how we're teaching our children to be proud of "who they are".

Pastor Jakes is awesome. I believe crime & violence is the engine pulling the load of racial tension & animosity these days, not skin color. If young black males were to begin committing crime, violence and baby abandonment at the same rate as their white counterparts, I believe racial problems would go down 80%. I, for one , would sign on to get rid of the other 20% in my circle of influence. If all young men behaved the same, (imperfect as that might be), discrimination would be inappropriate and fairly easy to challenge.

Awesome blog. JC from LA has really good points too, however it wasn't that long ago that LA was predominantly white. I grew up in the 70's in the valley. I was raised by a white mother with a hispanic absentee father. As a small girl I recall being different from my family and friends. I would sit in the bath for hours trying to clean the brown off my skin. Demanding people of color to just brush off demeaning comments such as "beaner" is allowing the distributors of such comments a pass on their own accountability. I have been told my whole life to "get over it". I don't know if you can ever shake being disliked for something you have no choice on, but I have learned that having pride for things you have no choice on, such as skin color is a false pride. Today I take pride in my accomplishments and try my best to be responsible. I still get jarred when I meet "white pride" folks because they are real and they are out there, but I try to remember that is all they have to cling to, perhaps they have nothing else to be proud of. I also want to say that I have experienced discrimination from the hispanic population that has burgeoned in LA for not speaking Spanish, this is something I may never do because people get so angry I don't speak it, it makes me want to rebel against that too.

It would truly be a wonderful world if no one noticed the color of our skin, I just wish I knew how to get there. I grew up on a farm in Iowa, near a small town which was exclusively white. I knew a single black family before I went to college, and never experienced any sort of racism. I remember watching the civil rights demonstrations and riots of the 60's and not understanding what was going on. I never actually witnessed the hateful, hurtful, demeaning type of racism until I moved to the south a few years ago. I was ashamed to hear the comments made by a white contractor I asked for an estimate, and I will never approach him again because of them. I was shocked and embarrassed by this behavior, but I was equally shocked by the hatred I sometimes feel because I'm white. I also don't understand why it's OK to have organizations that are exclusively for black people, when it's not OK to have organizations that exclude black people. I would never exclude them, why would they want to exclude me? Can I form a group called the National Acssociation for the Advancement of White People? Can we celebrate Irish American History month? Can we study Swedish American history in public schools? Why not?
I want to treat every person the same, and I have black friends and neighbors that I love, but racism cuts both ways. Make it go away.

Amen and amen.

It is not just race as you said it can be our gender our size our age our facal structure etc. Too many look on the ouside, and fail to understand the beauty that lies with in.

This is a fascinating story

I too was moved by this story. I am old enough to recall the integration struggles in Little Rock and beyond. I am white, but darker-skinned, and my hair is very tightly curled - I am sure I have African roots, as do we all. But I lived in Minnesota, where I was considered odd-looking among the Scandinavians, and since the ideal for a woman seemed to be Grace Kelly, I loathed myself in direct proportion to how much a deviated from that. When the "Black is Beautiful" movement began, it changed my whole perception of myself. I could see myself through different eyes, and I realized that I too was beautiful - and I really was. And so are all people. But it was that phrase that helped to heal me, make me proud of my own vigorous, youthful beauty and stop comparing myself to an impossible "ideal". We are all ideal.

Amen! Teaching self-love is hard because you have to have it in yourself before you can teach it.

Keep the faith and always believe.

I am a white female who grew up in the south. My daughters were raised in the military, a large part of the time overseas. They were exposed to various nationalities and skin colors. My grandchildren are of white, black and hispanic nationalities and are equally loved by all of their family. If more people spent time learning about peoples character and less being concerned about skintone maybe racism would go away. The continuous discussion about rights and racism goes a long way to continue promoting racism.

TD Jakes... I had a similar issue with my own daughter, when whe was in pre-school. Another student told my daughter she did not want to play with my daughter because she was not "light" enough... What was endearing is my daughter thought "light" was a measurement of her weight and not her color... I explained to her some children have the need to exclude to feel popular, but she should not feel inferior for any reason (in pre-school terms of course).. What was astonishing was finding the other student was also a minority with skin only a shade lighter than my daughters, but close enough to white to make her feel "accepted". This outward color issue does not change whether you are in a neighborhood of caucasions or minorities. I still remind my daughter of the great words of Samuel in I Samuel 16:7 "...For man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."

My 12 year old bi-racial daughter wanted to go to a "Black" salon to get her hair done. She normally would have a friend, a white friend, give her corn rows or a braid what have you. I loooked around and found on the other side of town where I live was a Black salon I was recommended to take her too. we walk in and there are 3 women to the left getting their hair done and to the back were 4-5 ladies waiting for them to get done. Yes they were all black and I am her father and I am white and there was the initial hush where all the talking stopped when the white man walked in, Hahahahaha. There was a pile of magazines and cut outs with different hairstyles on a table and the lady there asked her to take a minute and pick out the hair style she wanted. Now there were probably 20 different books to chose from and when she finally said she was ready she walked up and sat down and the lady asked her "This is what you want" and she said yes. She looked up and turned it so everyone could see her choice and the started to laugh hysterically. Then you hear someone say "get it baby, get it if you want it" with a clap here and there ! It was a copy of redbook with Jennifer Anniston on the cover and that hair what ever she has. And they were all so nice too her and I had never been happier for her in my life! You see she may have been getting a white hairstyle but it was being done at "The black salon", which meant more than anything to her. She made their day and I know they made hers! talking with her, joking and all. They made her day special and now she has 2 other friends, white, that are going in with her in 2 weeks to get their hair done. It is a shame things just can't be that simple in everything.

Bro. Jakes,
Thanks for such a good message. I'm the adoptive father of a mixed- race son and I often wonder how much of his black culture I need or should include in his upbringing. Fortunately, as a Soldier, I am always in a diverse community, so I have the oppurtunity to seek out friends and get help. I still worry though, because like most parents I want the best for him. Your message was helpful and i will share it with him as he gets older.
Lastly,
Amen Brother

So Jakes: Why do you say the good of America outweighs the bad? Is it because blacks in white countries live more prosperously than when living in black nations? Do the whites benefit from the vast economic contributions of the blacks or do you think they maybe are pulled down a bit by it?

WOW!

We can all pray that one day soon, Dr. King's dream will truly become a reality for us all. I hope that soon we will have more leaders like you who can provide the vision of what we can be...and truly grow beyond what we were and what we are to make this dream come true. We are truly better than what we live each day in America today. As we all should know, we all are God's children first regardless of skin color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, or whatever other districtions we, in our baser moments, choose to focus on.

Frank ...in Dallas

This story reminds me of the time when as a child of about 7 years old in Texas around 1968 I i said something very similar to my mother. I know now that it broke her heart to hear me say it. I told her that I wished I was white. Stunned by the comment she asked me why i felt that way. I told her, "because all the pretty girls are white." Looking back now, I don't know why I said that to her. I can only surmise that growing up in the still segregated America of the 1960s, I had been conditioned to place whiteness on a pedestal and to view blackness as less than whiteness. And this was in an environment where I was surrounded with very positive models of strong middle class black men and women. Nevertheless, the culture of the time did its damage to my self image and my perception of those around me who I loved. I love America, it is the country of my birth. By the way, I can only say now, given the number of beautiful black women I have seen in my life-boy was I a dumb ass kid.

I found it interesting that the guy thought his son was upset because of experiences he had outside the home environment and not things the son heard or picked up on in the home from his father. "They" must have made my son afraid to be black, not me. Most unlikely. Also, I examine documents for a living. Mostly written or typed statements and I go through and highlight where I think someone is lying, being deceitful, not telling the whole story, etc. I really doubtful that the story about his son is true, there are just too many markers that indicate it was fabricated. However, I do not know if someone else edited the story so that is why I am not 100% sure.

Rev. Jakes,

I have just now heard of you and read your article, and it is touching, I admit. With my own children the ages of 15, 17 ,and 18 respectively, I can only imagine how difficult that had to be. However, with all due respect, I didn't read the article word for word, but rather scanned it.

In case I overlooked this one item, please call my attention to it. Where was Rev. Jesse Jackson called out in this article for using the "N" word which I understand to be considered offensive when spoken by others of different skin tones? While racism against African Americans is typically thought of being predominantly the "way" of white Americans, it seems to me that the esteemed Rev. Jackson should be called out for perpetuating this negative trend. I am completely in favor of eradicating racism from the face of the earth, however, when folks who proclaim to want to want the same end to this problem as I do, and who participate in a funeral for the "N" word then use it, well then it makes me think that the allegations of racism are being only used as some sort of excuse.

With all due respect .

Donna,

I have to strongly agree with you.

I am one of 8 children, my mother is German, English, Welsh, etc. and my father was born and raised in Mexico of Italian and French descent. He is an American citizen. We were all raised in a Christian home, all be it dysfunctional at times, and my father never cried racism, although he could have several times. He was proud of his heritage, but even more proud to be an American.

My sister who is 41, a caucasian, and a business professional. She attends a community college in the suburbs of Charlotte NC along with many african American females. She is the most generous, loving person that I know, but she also is a leader. When it came time for her study group to pick a leader, none of the african American females volunteered, so my sister took the reigns. Not a moment later and for the last year and a half they have maligned her, treated her harshly, and labeled her as a racist. All of this without any other reason except for her skin color.

Now tell me, who is racist?? I am not naive, yes there are caucasians who are racist and it is mostly due to ignorance. But the main reason that racism is kept alive is because african Americans refuse to let it die.......

Thank you for sharing this painful story. I wish you had also dealt with issues of language. I am white, and I remember a black friend telling me how hard it was to raise black children to know they are good when they are surrounded by the use of words like "black" and "dark" to represent evil. I think that was when I first began to see some of the problems.

Outstanding commentary... I am moved, deeply touched and motivated to spread the good word of Bishop. Jakes.

Awesome!!!!

It is apparent by some of the postings here that many of "you" didn't not understand the point of his story.

We need to accept each other for who we are no matter the race, age, gender or orientation. God loves us all based on whats in our hearts. Not anything else.

Well said Bishop, well said.

One thing you conveniently omitted is that skin tone is more often an obsession of the black community, not the white. I've known a lot of racist whites in my life and not a one of them made any distinction between lighter skinned blacks and darker skinned ones. That is something that has emerged in the black community itself (with lighter skinned blacks often making fun of and ostracizing darker skinned ones). So if you're looking to blame evil Whitey for this attitude–forget it. The white community could care less.

My cousin grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood. When she was very young my aunt and uncle went out to dinner and were sitting next to a table of dark skinned African Americans. This was the first time that she had encountered anyone who looked different. She pointed about to exclaim and everyone with her held their breath at what she would say. "They Are Beautiful!!!!"

I dont think it is human to think dark things are "evil or ugly." This is a story the family still brings up today and I think it is a beautiful insite to innocence.

I have always been inspired by you Bishop and my joy is fuller that you brought up this subject.I believe that parents have a big role to play in this.

Children shoul be thought that nobody can make them feel inferior without their conscent.

I believe in Black people and i believe in equality

Africa is the future
Femi Jubal
Lagos NIgeria

Black Americans have endured a history like no other race and continue to endure racism. But they MUST understand that life does not end. They MUST stop dwelling on the past because they only victimize themselves. There's always going to be racism – hopefully it diminishes to a point of being insignificant. Regardless of that we have to continue living happy fullfiling lives. Believe in your selves, your potential and be honest to your self. Not every bad thing that happens to you is because of racism and even if it is because of racism, pick you self up and keep going. Look at your African brothers that come here to the US!!! They are the most educated people in America today. Obama's Dad was one of them.

Sue, thank you for sharing. I grew up in Memphis, TN. I never experienced racism until I got to college. I went to predominantly black elementary school, junior high, and high school. In college I had a roommate who did not want to have a black roommate. I also had the experience of being the only African American in my classes. that was a new experience to me. I ALWAYS was proud of my heritage.

Unfortunately there will always be racism and prejudice to some degree. The solution starts with a simple concept of loving yourself, and extending that love to others. A problem that is rarely addressed is racism within the black community. I've had the experience of seeing bi-racial classmates teased because he or she was "mixed" or had a "white momma." I've also seen darker complexioned blacks show prejudice against lighter skined blacks. That is so unfornutate, because God created us all in his image... beautiful.

Children imitate their parents. Children should be taught to love and accept each other. Fear and intimidation breed hate and ignorance. It is up to thhis generation to plant seeds of love, and move forward.

This was nice article. A couple questions I pondered as I read though. A black person has pride in their race's success, for caucasian people with the same thought we are called racist. I understand that moronic skinheads have ruined the word "White Pride", but that fact still remains a white person with the same thought is a racist.
And Rev. Wright and farakan (sp.?) are not chastised for their blatant racism. I don't understand our society's double standard. It is excused as venting for them.
Also, I think this series from CNN is nice, educating is always helpful, but what about , "Being Asian in America, or "Being Indian in America", etc. I know those races face struggles as well. Seems we just continue to patronize one race. That in itself is racist.

Just thoughts.

But I will end it with an "Amen" per Jakes request. =)

The tide definitely IS turning. I'm white from a white-bread small town. Married to a Latino for 15 years, best friend since Kindergarten is Asian, dated an African American in college.

What I do notice is a lot of white self-loathing these days. Many other whites in this area dislike each other *until* they discover one is interracially married (as I am) - then I'm "okay" again. And if they aren't interracially married or involved, they seem to feel "lesser" about it.

This is a concerning trend which I hope doesn't gain momentum.

We're ALL equal regardless!!

It's my birthday today and I got one of the best ever gift today. That is, your experience and message to all of us. It had no color and still very colorful. I plan to teach my kids the same.

Thankyou.

Bishop Jakes, you are truly a wise man. America needs more dialog such as this.. Remember everyone, there is only one race, and that is the human race! (go Obama go!)

AMEN! One day, I hope, our girls won't feel different or inferior because they are female, our people of any color will feel the same and we won't have to listen to people saying that a Presidential candidate is "not Muslim...he's a Christian"...maybe that too won't be as important as what Dr. King wanted us to realize...IT IS OUR CHARACTER, not our sex, religion or skin color, that God will judge us by! I'm a person of religion who knows God loves us all!!!

Again, thanks Bishop Jakes!

While black America sits home tonight to watch CNN, I will watch TRu TV or something. Until Blacks learn not only to respect themselves and especially other blacks, quit whining about what white America is doing to you! Maybe you should whine about what you are doing to yourselves. Quit waiting for someone to pick you up and JUST GET UP! No matter the effort, until Black America gets off of the whining crutch blaming their failures and sorriness on White Males, you will stay down! There are many successful black people in this country. The People who decided to stand on their own two feet and stop waiting for handouts!

This story, like many others in today's America is outdated. If people are looking at you differently,or treating you differently it is because you are carrying yourself improperly. Most of what is called Black culture goes against what it conventional and inclusive. So, Black people if you start acting like you want to be a part of America you will be welcomed in. Start by pulling your pants up and becoming literate,

Bishop Jakes
Very great observation ,my family also experienced racisim and it was very painful because it was from so called white christians.The tongue talkers that love jesus but they ahte your black face. My children went to a christan school an di would not recommend thi sto anyone they treated my children worse than non believers. Glad we are talking about this but lets be honest nothing will change white people control the banks the schools most businesses and the white house so the only change is when we die and go to heaven and most white people when they find out blacks are in heaven they will ask to leave. Black America what is this all about its garbage cnntake some that money that your are wasting on a bucnh of useless words feed a homeless black child pay for a college education

Bishop Jakes,
I appreciate your words of wisdom and that you shared your story. I am a middle-aged white man, that was raised in the rural south where the old ways still exist. Sadly, I took those same bigoted ideals and took them as my own, simply because that was how I was raised. Fortunately, as I went to college, joined the military, and have been exposed to people of other races, I am proud to say that most of those ideals that I was raised with have vanished.

I say most because I am an imperfect person and sometimes I still catch myself going back to my childhood tendancies at times, especially when I perceive that I, or my race, is being attacked. I often hear of the struggles of being a minority in America, but I become closed-minded to the person's plight when they start blaming "whitey". Though I grew up in bigoted household, I did not grow up in a priveledge household and had to work hard to pull myself up from my poor surroundings to my middle-income life I have now. My point is that being white is not necessarily an easy thing either, but I am not niave enough to not understand that blacks have other challenges to overcome. I reject racism, but I am mindful that differences in cultures will breed certain contempt for the other. I believe that is human nature, and that there is not much we can do about that other than blend our cultures into one.
Bishop, you said "Sadly when one speaks of this teaching – African Americans to love themselves, their community or accomplishments, many outside of the realities of our life relegate such pride inappropriately as prejudice." With all due respect Sir, I disagree. Where you see pride in yourself and your community, I see the propagation of racism, of feeling of oneself as superior to the other. To me, Black Entertainment Television, JET, Miss Black America, the NAACP, etc. are not symbols of pride or of teaching blacks to love themselves, but instead institutions teaching blacks to stay within the black community, to stand strong in the face of other cultures, to perpetuate racism. As a white man, I see these defenses go up, and the hope of reconciliation fades. Until, we all choose to become one group, may I suggest Americans (and I mean leave the hyphens out), then racism will remain to exist. It is not just up to white majority to solve racism, it is the honest effort to love each other and accept each other with all their differences, that will see this ugliness abate. I offer my opinion in a effort to promote real understanding of each other and our views.
May blessing find you all.

To Norma above:

White people did not sail to Africa and take slaves and bring them back here against their will. Your "own people" (hate saying that) brought you here and sold you to the white man. Why do blacks hold this against whites? You should be angry at the people that subjected your ancestors to that.

Pastor Jakes,
You story reminded me of how easy young children can be influenced.
When I was 5 years old my mother made an off hand commet about a black friend of my uncles. She pulled my uncle aside and told him not to bring "one of those" into her house again. To my childish mind, it said that "those people must be bad or inferior to white. So with that implanted in my young mind I guess I grew up with a scued view of the Afro Americans I met. My youngest son somehow grew up knowing all races, and accepting them for who they are, not what color they are. I have learned a lot from him. Your message just reinforces what he has taught me.
thank you.

Smart kid!

Pastor Jakes

My watches you when your on. I watch when I can(due to a hectic work schedule)

My wifes wonders why you do not run for President. You are a man of faith and one thing that America needs is good scrupples again. We need someone who is going to fight against Abortion and the Homosexual Agenda.

Barack Obama is certainly not the least bit concerned about those issues. Oh by the way it doesn't matter to me what the skin color of our president is going to be. It only matters if he or she is going to do the job that they are sent o Washington D.C to do.
I am a white Irish/German heritage who is a born again Christian with three children. Hate is something we can all do without....

Sorry, but I think it was pretty naive of you to be shocked when your son cried because he did not want his skin to get darker, Bishop Jakes. We all know the stories about blacks wanting to "pass" as whites. We all just want to fit and assimilate. Its old news, and regardless of your simplistic feel good essay, you can't do anything to change it.

I am saddened by your story but probably not for the reasons of others posted here. It makes me realize that we will never get beyond race as long as we are a hyphonated society that feels the need to separate by race and teach our children "pride" in our particular race instead of pride in our accomplishments. Being white or being black is not something you have control over so what is the point of being proud of it? If you get good grades – now THAT is something to be proud of. You have worked and accomplished something that nature didn't just hand you.

As hard as I try to teach my children to be color-blind I am finding it is impossible. Obama refers to "typical white people" and Jackson is throwing around the N-word while accusing white people of being racist if they do the same thing. The hypocracy of that causes me to lose credibility with my young sons when I tell them that we are all the same and should judge people by their actions, not their skin color. I tell them one thing (we are all the same) and then the media and people like you keep telling them that YOU are different and proud of it.

Where will it end?
.

As a proud gay man i can relate to this ,I once had a friend over and he was looking up at my ceiling in the living room,the larage beams were painted a mauve colour and the tounge and groove ceiling were a swiss coffee ,he said,"Your ceiling is too gay," I never understood what he meant until I read the article by Mr. Jakes, does this mean it is alright to be black or gay just don,t overdo it?? ftw

Very though provoking and sad that children should feel this way!

As a person of non-color (or perhaps all colors), Caucasian, white, or whatever description fits, I find it strange that I do not see how, in today's society, we can continue to believe there is any separation based on ethnicity, gender, or religious beliefs. We currently have a person of color as the presumptive democratic presidential candidate and a female as a potential vice presidential running mate. The simple fact that America accepts this, and has stated this in the caucuses, speaks bounds about how ethnicity, or sex, is no longer, or should not be, a factor in judging the ability of a person to do a job based on anything other than their abilities.

Why is it we keep bringing this up and reminding people that we should consider a person based on skin color or any other non-relevant factor?

Unfortunately, there is a small minority that is reluctant to accept that we are a diverse society that composes what we call America. If we start ignoring them, they will go away. They are irrelevant!

By constitution, and by majority belief, we as Americans are all colors, all genders, all ages, and all religions accepted equally. “How easy is that”?

I find it interesting that there is a focus on being African-American, or any other dash-American, as opposed to simply being American.

Certainly there should be pride in heritage and ancestral background; but should this overshadow the fact that we are simply Americans? How many dash-Americans were actually born outside America?

We all came, ancestrally, from other countries; well, most of us. Native American Indians are really the only Americans that could obviously claim the title as natural Americans.

Perhaps I should refer to myself as a Welsh American? No thanks, I’m an American; it’s simple; I was born here and I don’t intend leaving.

JC and anyone else that thinks that black america should get over it and move forward, well, we would and could if other nationalities could move forward with us. If race discrimination did not still exist, then we would have nothing to talk about. You can't talk about something that does not exist. Kids do encounter, at a young age, discrimintation- I know for a fact. Do you think this is a thought or mindset of a 5 year old. No, it is the thoughts of Parents feeding this to their children JC. A 5 year old does not know or feel unworthy or embarrassed unless someone makes him/her feel that way. It is not over people and I don't believe it will ever be over until Jesus Christ comes. Yes, we are seeing more color in high places but don't think for a minute it is equal or no where near equal. No other race has been discriminated against because of the color of their skin. So yes, we have to continue to teach our kids, no matter what others think, that they are BEAUTIFUL.

With the world experiencing the ever increasing intensity of the 'global village syndrome’ issues of diversity are increasingly competing for the center stage. It is as if we are all suddenly feeling a sense of great loss- when the next person is 'finding themselves'. Of late, I'm particularly amazed how quickly the black experience is often diluted with other perhaps competing social issues – but not the subject of discussion at a given point.

For instance, after reading the powerful excerpt by Bishop Jakes, someone quickly posted something about sexuality–posing the question, what about the gays etc...I'm saddened with the whole notion of hijacking this platform and trying to use it for other issues that cannot be discussed in the same vein, or atleast teh same time as race in America. I can't help but think, there must be a another portal where discussions -on sexuality or global warming or peta and the list goes on and on- are being conducted yet you can count on the issue of race in America or elsewhere, to be hijacked.

My question is what must we do to stay focused, can our 'internal mechanisms' even allow us to stay focused on race discourses? Is it a spirit or perhaps are we knocking at the core of our hearts with this topic of race? As much as we discuss race, why can’t we get relief?

Thank you CNN for organizing this forum and I hope as a community (the elite who are mainly participating in this dialogue) can learn something new and more importantly implement it to make America and the world a better place. God Bless.

I too have an experience very similar with yours and agree with all that you said. I travel a lot on my job. In Feb. my six-year-old daughter called me on the phone. Her question – What did the brown people do to the white people. Her school had shown a black history show entitled "My Friend Martin." To this day, I still haven't seen it. Obvisously, it showed some of the treatment Blacks recieved in the Civil Rights struggle. My daughter was very confused. I live in predominately white part of metro Atlanta. African American culture wasn't represented at the school's annual Sock Hop dance. However that oversight came to be, I will start early this school year to ensure proper representation.

I grew up in a poor black neighborhood. I know racism first hand. I was always afraid of being beat up by the other kids because of my color. Fortunately I grew up not being racist and hating those black children that did that to me.

I have always been very pale...since I can remember I have wanted to be more tan. This is not because of anything to do with race, I just think being tan looks better.

Is it possible that your son didn't think that darker people were hated more because they were seen as more african-american but because they were different than the average skin tone?

I hate being pale, not hate being a caucasian. Maybe your son didn't want to be dark, but had no problem being an african american.

Great article, Brother Jakes did what responsible fathers are supposed to do, provide wisdom, comfort and protection. I applaude that. He did what I have been doing with my kids.
When are blacks and whites alike going to get the hint they will never see eye to eye, that prejudices and rasism exsits and will always exsist . Being a Hispanic because thats is what my father is, also being white because that is what my mother is has taught me to take advantage of the opportunitues afforded me by the grace of God not my ethnicity. Granted many have sacrificed in the name of cutural advancement and to that I am grateful and feel blessed to be in this great country even with all it's faults. It is refreshing to read all the thoughts and feelings for these intelligent and insightful bloggers however we must not let the ignorance of one define our purpose and destiny. I for one, refuse to let the memory of being called a halfbreed, beaner, greaser prohibit me from fullfilling my God given purpose. There are culture groups in America that will never accept me or honor me or even care that I exsist. Thats not OK with me but I also know athe when I come home at night my wife, children and grandchildren love and respect me. And for those who used those hurtful words against me, I have forgiven and it didn't matter what color the were. Whatever gets fed lives and grows.

one thing stands out with me in this posting: Rev. Jakes, why were you even talking about skin color and how yours changed with your kids? I say this is a black woman who grew up in a family with a variety of skin colors. my oldest brother is darker-skinned than me, my other brother somewhere in between with my parents and my sister is lighter. but never once did my parents talk about varieties of skin color in anything other than a very matter-of-fact manner. i should also note that they talked to us very matter-of-factly about racism, and the fact that we are all human beings worthy of respect and should not allow ourselves to be put down, or put others down. so let's stop all the hand-wringing and moaning and just teach our kids to be themselves and value themselves, regardles of skin color–white, light, brown, black or whatever.

Pastor Jakes, Thank you for sharing such a passionate story. There is a documentary on CNN this evening at 9 EST about Being black in America. I will endulge everyone to watch.
As an immigrant growing up and now having my children in this country, I have the obligation not only to educate my kids with these thoughts (self love and respect) but also to explain to them the value of diversity and my uniqueness as an immigrant.
What perpertuates these negatives of being different is BET. This media does not help black folks but certainly destroys the community. I am surprised that in the name of enterprenuership some of these prominant black leaders still go on this channel to either sell their products without reprimanding the executives of this media.

All comments are welcome! The subject is not BET destroying the black community!
thx

No matter how many discussions or reality T.V. shows there are or news about how blacks are being treated, some white people will never get it. No matter how many stories there are about how blacks or hispanics get different mortgage rates, or different automobile loans you still have those whites that still say blacks and hispanics are not being mistreated and to get a grip on life. Am I saying that blacks are not the cause for some of our problems, no I am not. I could go on for days about things we do that causes problems for our race. But every race has their problems. But it is amazing how some of you white folks seem to downplay what blacks and hispanics are talking about when it comes to race. I mean look at the Obama, Clinton situation. Read some of the comments that are written on these blog sites. Read some of the nutty comments on here when this man is speaking truth and speaking positive. I can understand some of you white folks comments about blacks, because their are blacks out there that just want a handout, don't want to be responsible for nothing, and are just plain ignorant, but you no what so are some whites, some hispanics, and some asians. There is a comment on here from a person saying that they think blacks are the most racist people, but to be honest it's whites. White people have more hate groups and organizations than any other race. They have a hate group for every race of people. You whites say all blacks do is kill, kill, kill, but who's shooting up all of these schools, you say all we do is steal, steal, steal, but who's running Worldcom, Enron, and HealthSouth. You say blacks need to get a grip on life and to be more responsible, but here is a man that has a grip on life, shows plenty of responsibilty by doing what he preaches and gives back to his community, and always talks positive, but you still have some white folks on here that are just talking plain negative. Maybe you need to get a grip.

Amen
Thank you for sharing your story.
your story is very real to me because my experience happened as i drove my two children home from school. (We live in a majority white suburb and I didn't grow up in the US.)

They both burst out crying in a middle of our conversation...nothing related to race at that time. When i asked the reason for crying, they asked why God made them black. These were thoughts on their minds and I didn't even know.

They are are still in grade school as we talk, but what is beautiful in this case is that my wife and I continue to teach them that the color of their skin has little to hold them back from God promises. We can achieve anything we aim to be when we look beyond our skin color, work hard and look up to the author and finisher of our faith.

We are US citizens who moved into this beautiful country from Africa.

How are we going to move forward if we keep living in the past? As a society, all races are judged unfairly. Camera chasers like Rev. Jesse Jackson just abuse the media to throw one race's injustices in your face. Life is tough, and what we should focus on is grooming are children for acceptance of all races and groups. This is so whites don't discriminate to blacks, blacks don't discriminate to whites, and all the other racial groups in our great country are treated fairly as well.

Race is still a prevalent issue for Black people not because we seek special treatment or want to wallow in our own self pity. But the truth is that there is no other group of Americans who has faced a similar experience…ours is unique. Our ancestors were not immigrants seeking a “better life”, from Europe, Asia, or the Caribbean…they were forcibly taken and sent here to be slaves. Less than 50 years ago in this country if you were a black man or women you could barely vote for fear of being beaten or intimidated; it is likely you did not own a home, and no one would give you a bank account; and the fact that riots, protests and bombing took place merely at the thought of school integration are things that occurred not that long ago…this is of my parents generation…and I am only 30 years old. Imagine having to face or have that as your ancestral experience?! Is it any wonder that the Bishop’s son said he did not want to become any darker? Black people bring this up and talk about our reality and struggle not to get weighed down in, but also not to ignore it. In addition, let us not deny or brush over the fact that the history of black people in America has had lasting affects and placed many of us behind the curve on things like home ownership, educational attainment, wealth and capital (not merely having a job, which is income), and our industrial prison complex. However, the fact that we are even having this conversation is a good sign that we may be able to openly discuss race, history and its place in our country.

I could understand the preacher, I do not write very good english, however, i can say that from my perspective I see that the black man or woman in america has endured many hardships that white people do not understand. I as a Cuban not a communist but a proud cuban man understand these problems because in my days i remember the old cuba and the racial problems but they were not as bad in america later when fidel took over , yes, racial problems got fixed under natural terms. Yes , it was many systems and cultures that have passed through cuba but never the discrimination and hate like in america. I respect the black preacher and if he invite me, i go to his church. thank you

I enjoyed the article and thought it was very poignant not only for the black community, but also for anyone facing self-image, self-worth, and/or self-esteem issues. Inspite of this, it is a little disheartening to read all of the comments by white people who think that black people need to grow up and are making blanket judgments based on a few interactions, whether directly or indirectly, with black people. Not only do we need to realize that there are different races, cultures, creeds, etc. in this country, we also need to realize that there is diversity within any given classification of people. Let's not paint every black person with the same brush. Yes, we have the same ancestry and the same color skin and yes, we have all had similar experiences, but this doesn't mean that we all take away the same things. Some of us do become victims of our environments and circumstances, but there are many others who work hard everyday to rise about the very little that is expected of us and live fulfilled, accomplished, and peaceful lives.

Reverend, where's your kid now? Why don't you go get him, I wanna give him a big hug.

Bless you and your family.

Thank you so much for sharing this touching story. I am looking forward to "Black in America." My husband is a United Methodist pastor and once we visited The Potter's House; it was a great Sunday.

Rev. Jakes,

While that is a truly heart warming story, I can not help that you would sing a much different song regarding my own childhood. I was seven years old and without anyone telling me back in 1966 I knew I was gay (though we did not have that word to describe a homosexual then). I lived in a very small town in upstate New York.

You see it is one thing to be falsely hated for the colour of your skin but to be a homosexual and hated is justified because it is a religous issue. If G-d says I am foul then it gives license for all to feel I am foul. There is no society that will come to my aid.

At the age of seven I wanted to crawl into a pit and die. At the age of 49 I have learned that the only one who will love me is myself.

Just thought I would add this bit of wisdom though I doubt this entry will make it to you.

Sir,
Excellent piece of work! Nothing compares to first hand knowledge on a given subject.
I have been married twenty years to my beautiful wife who is Black. Yep, I am white. We have three sons and have been living in the Antelope Valley area of California for the duration of our marriage. We ran into a situation back when our children were very young. Black History month was in full swing and my wife asked the public school our kids attended what they were planning. An 99% white school had nothing planned. My wife asking why not, received an "Its not important" type of response. It is important to us that our kids get both sides of the culture coin. But we talked about that way before we had kids. She wasn't happy with the schools response and proceeded to make it important with the school board. Goes to show that nothing happens unless you make it happen. But more than that it is hughly important to expose those folks who may never be exposed to different cultures to become aware there are different cultures. I beleive her efforts to make this happen opened up the eyes of those who may have never or ever been exposed cultures other than their own. This in turn will provide an understanding for next the generation adults to work off of.

First let me thank Bishop for presenting this heart felt story. It must be understood that even with all of the great difficulties that our folk have suffered we have still made great strides. Still though we have such a long way to go. I believe that African American parents have to except more responsibility for the self esteem issues that our children and our race face. No one is better suited to teach your children about not only pride in our race but pride in ourselves as individuals first. I think what has been missed in this country and world is if one person of any race feels disinfranchised the world is at a lost. Thanks again Bishop Jakes for bringing forth your story. may God continue to bless you.

Pastor Jakes,

I grew up with your boys in WV, and have very fond memories of them. They were both on my campaign committee for student council president in middle school, and I've always remembered their kindness.

If you read this, please give my best to them both

Sarah G.
Austin, TX

It is as simple as this: No other ethnic group has the unique and tumultuous relationship with America that Black Americans have had throughout its inception. thus, even through gritted teeth, I understand JC's ignorance of central issues that govern this discourse. I agree with many of you that it is silly and pointless to argue that Black American's have a monopoly on victimization. I am only suggesting that experience is unique and it is unsettling to see that others of different nationalities who have come to the United states find them selves equipped to pass such sweeping negative judgments on a group of American's that they , in reality, know so very little about. Those "opportunities" that are available now to all minority groups have been made possible because Black American's have been forcing doors open for centuries in this country. the beauty of this series is that encourages discussion like this.

Pastor Jakes, Thank you for sharing such a passionate story. There is a documentary on CNN this evening at 9 EST about Being black in America. I will endulge everyone to watch.
As an immigrant growing up and now having my children in this country, I have the obligation not only to educate my kids with these thoughts (self love and respect) but also to explain to them the value of diversity and my uniqueness as an immigrant.
What perpertuates these negatives of being different is BET. This media does not help black folks but certainly destroys the community. I am surprised that in the name of enterprenuership some of these prominant black leaders still go on this channel to either sell their products without reprimanding the executives of this media.

All comments are welcome! The subject is now BET destroying the black community!
thx

Relle in Boston, Blacks were not in-slaved, but enslaved.

I raised my children to ignore skin color and go by character. I was kind of raised like that, so the effort was there.

As long as a person claims to be a victim there will be no progress. Take control of your life and you will progress.

I am a white male who lives in and grew up in Hawaii. I grew up wishing I was Hawaiian and staying as tan as possible. In school I was careful not to act "too white" so as to avoid racial slurs and beatings. It's a fact! Whitey gets discriminated against in Hawaii, especially 30 years ago, ask Barack. It is not unique to African Americans in America.

While I won't compare my plight to that of African-Americans, it is time for African Americans to realize the majority of white people don't care what color your skin is. I am voting for Barack, my favorite athletes are black and my favorite music is from black artists. I don't care what color their skin is and most of us whites don't care, this will hopefully become apparent as Barack gets elected. Stop worrying about the remaining minority of whites who are still bigots and fools and get on with living your life. They will pass on soon and it will even be a smaller percentage of fools holding on to twisted beliefs. Don't sit back and wait until you think the "coast is clear " to be black. Get on with your life. We all want you to succeed.

I think you have explained this situation very well. I am white, but I was taught as a child, "you're just like God made you". I hope to see the day we can view each other as a child of God first and everything else will fall into place.

I think the majority of problems blacks face are self check. Teen mothers are not THE WHITE MAN'S FAULT, you droping out of highschool is not THE WHITE MAN'S FAULT, kids taking the easy way out selling drugs instead of working is not THE WHITE MAN'S FAULT, black men not being involved in their kids lives is not THE WHITE MAN'S FAULT. Black people we have to hold ourselves acountable first and end a lot of the defeatism attitudes out there.

Given that the human race began in Africa and that all humans today are descendants of Africans, no matter what race they are classified as today, all Americans are African Americans.

This African race now includes a multitude of skin colors, tones and shades but we all are descended from the first humans. Today's ideas of race are artificial intellectual constructs. What we need are people who are willing to use their innate intelligence to discover this truth and base their action in the world on this reality.

If we keep passing these artificial (and arbitrary) constructs of racial divisions down to our children they will be born again into each succeeding generation, into perpetuity. What we need most is to use our brains, not legislation, riots or wars.

Trace each person's DNA back far enough and we all have the same homeland.

With the interbreeding of the races growing exponentially we are in the (painfully slow) process of solving the problem. I bet Mr. Jakes has ancestors who did not have dark skin, just as I, considered by society to be "white" have little doubt that I have fairly recent ancestors who were dark skinned.

Our DNA is the Truth about race- the artificial constructs are not.

Humans just have not evolved enough to understand LIFE yet.

The problems Mr. Jakes suggest are real, I agree. They are real to the extent that people believe them to be real. The problem, however has nothing to do with skin color, that is just an easy excuse for intellectually lazy people.

The root of this problem is fundamental and foundational – whatever programming we put into the minds of our children thus becomes their reality.

I'm a dark skin black male and I have never had problems with skin tone racism. This is an article that shows his son connects his skin tone with attractiveness when really it has nothing to do with skin tone. Attractiveness is about facial features and even if T.D Jakes was as white as snow he still wouldn't be considered attractive. This CNN black american series is starting to irritate me.

Brian July 23rd, 2008 2:46 pm ET

When will we see a special about being Irish in America or Latino or Asian. This kind of black only victimization is ridiculous.

Brian you are so missing the point. We will see a documentary on Irish, Latino and Asian when you can identify with this issues that many Black men in America face. Your birth canal is far different and when you walk in a black mans shoes successful or not, then you will understand his plight.

One question, have you ever fit the description? I'm sure that’s a no! Why don’t you watch with a non-judgmental disposition to see if you can relate to CNN's findings if you can, we have a line of communication that is open for you to voice your opinion.

Biop Jakes,

Your words touched me deeply. I have a 7 year old daughter who is legally blind. She reads Braille, uses a cane, and has endured a great deal of pity, teasing, and mean treatment from her peers - including her friends.

I teach her that the amount of sight a person has tells you nothing about the kind of person s/he is. I remind her that Jesus taught us to love one another without regard to skin color, sightedness, ability to walk, etc.

I will share with her your wise words and continue to let her know that she is a worthwhile person and a glorious gift from our gracious Lord.

Thank you!

I remember having that conversation with my father 30 years ago. Looking back at that little girl who cried in anguish because her skin wasn't light enough breaks my heart today. And I can tell you that the experiences of blatant racism as a child for me where few and far between. It was the hidden message about the color of my skin that made me yearn to have a lighter completion.

It took me a long time to appreciate myself and my heritage. It might surprise you to know that I am a Latina from Los Angeles. As a teenager in my journey to find myself I got involved with gangs and everything that comes with the territory. Eventually I was able to find my way but it was not easy road. I adore my skin color and embrace my heritage today.

I am convinced that not every Latino has had my same experience because we as a people are so diverse. I have many family members that can pass off as a white person and I can assure they don't know what it is like to walk in my shoes. Unfortunately I see my son, and his cousins and young teenagers in our community struggle with the same issues and the cycle continues. As for Latinos who are positive role models, George Lopez, our Mayor, its like....they got lucky....we don't see that everyday. What we see as the role models are the homeboys hanging out on the street corners getting respect.

All I can say is a can relate and I completely agree. God bless.

First of all great article Pastor Jakes. Secondly I read some beautiful comments on this blog. But, sadly enough you have folks who just don't get it. He can't speak on any other race because He's black, he can't tell you of another groups struggle because He hasn't walked in their shoes. I'm a Black female and until you walk into a room, an interview, meeting/gathering for the first time and get the "Oh she's black face", you have no idea what it's like to be a Black person. How many times have "you" been told that "You speak well"? Do you know where that type of question stems from? From certain groups of people believing in negative images that they see in the media of black people. I face racism everyday of my life; espically living in Louisville, KY and working in the Southern Indiana area. If you faced 1/2 of what me and my husband face, you would probably take a gun and blow your brains out. Oh, just to make sure the "Oh, she's black" face isn't just popular in Louisville, KY; the samething has happened to one of my best friends who just so happened to have graduated from Columbia (Ivy League) Manhatten with her Master's Degree and 4.0; trust me when I tell you, the "Oh, your black" face is live and well. Or when I tell someone that I have a degree in Criminal Justince they automatically assumed that I grew up in "da Hood" with shootings/killings everynight. My husband is the Asst. Pastor at our church, but when he's in his shorts/t-shirt going to the grocery strore, he's treated like he's some thug off the street. Another bestfriend owns (2) luxury vehicles that she hates driving them because of the constant negative comments that she gets from mostly white people, whipers of "how can they afford that", to the point where they had to get a family friend to come to one of the lots to sell them a car because noone wanted to wait on them assuming they were "broke"; BIG mistake. Listen to what Pastor Jakes is telling you, he's speaking about his own experience because that's all He has had to draw from. Until you walk in someone's shoes you have no idea what you're talking about. To one of the bloggers who posted "Get over it"; I will as soon as "It" gets out of my face.

Bishop Jakes and I are first-cousins. I applaud his courage and honesty in addressing the TOPIC of discussion that was presented to him by CNN.

Respectfully yours.

I like the article and the strength of the bishop as a father to his sons.
However coming from Europe I do not understand the continued label black people carry as being less. I believe black people are equal in all aspects of life. This is how I was raised in the Netherlands. The only difference is a skin color, all else was the same. However in the US I feel like black people and the society keep this stigma alive of being black as being less.
I believe black people need to stop feeling they are less fortunate and stop using the so called "black card" as a means to say they are less fortunate, or whenever things dont go their way.
I know many black people that have been challenged because of their color, but never through all adversity used their skin color as a reason to give up. Eventually their determination paid off and now are only seen for their achievements, dignity and strength.
Yes, is it true that rascism exists, ofcourse others will use it as a means to undermine others. But its those who are weak in mind that act that way and use rascism.
So I urge black people to ignore these weak minds and rise above. Dont ask others to understand, but be stronger and stand above. This is not an easy task but the only way to close the gap.
White people will always have an excuse to have an issue with black people as long as they remain having the issue they have today, such as the proliferation of gangs, teenage pregnancy, illiteracy, high school drop out rates.
These are all reasons for white people to quickly overlook other achievements. Eventhough white people have similar issue's, the focus is not on them. Gangs have been glorified to long and the life style as well. I love Bill Cosby and agree with his message as well.
Its a tough task but like the bisshop writes, things change by example.
So parents who go around telling their kids, things are the way they are because their black etc stop!! Its not because your black, its because you choose defeat and the easy way out. Rise aboove, show your children great black leadership and examples.

This is a lovely article, lucid and fair. If only more people thought this way.

Come on black people, evolve already! Have your national self pity party and try to catch up with the Latinos, who have already left you behind (along with the Koreans and Indians, etc, etc.) and are now pretty much on par with whites in terms of success and values in this country. This is why we cannot afford to elect Obama. "Poor me I'm black" will become the new national mantra!

Good Lawd, my cousin whants to be black. Hes a redhead. So what?

Very thoughtful article. I would be interested in your opinoin as to how much the learned helplessness, hopelessness, anger and resentment that characterizes much of the younger african american generation is a product of older generations...what they are taught to perceive as the reality in which they live by the authority figures in their community.

I ask because sometimes it seems that, while there are undeniably problems/issues to be resolved, progress yet to be made...there is still progress that has been made, a different world to live in than it once was, etc...while all that may be true, it seems there is a definite element of wanting to perpetuate the perception that nothing has changed, all is the same, no progress has been made and, well, the white world is still out to get you. I look at the quotes of ranting of individuals like Rev. Wright and wonder how much damage it does to a young mind that still has hope, still believes the world is there for the taking, to be taught to perceive in black and white, to perceive a dichotomy of interests, to have their world polarized by their own identity because their own elders teach them fear, anger, resentment, suspicion and that there is no way out.

Sure, there are pockets of racist white devils in this country...always will be...we're all going to have to learn to live with that and not attribute it to the general population. Still, it sometimes seems that the african american chair at the table MLK dreamed of remains unoccupied as a result of an unwillingness to sit there...like there's fear of identity loss in unity. Nothing's lost there tho...everything's gained.

I grew up in a predominantly white, upper middle class community. My parents were very open, loving people and we had always been taught that a person was a person no matter their race, religion, or ethnicity, and we were to treat everyone as we ourselves would want to be treated.

At that time, there were maybe two or three black families in town and there never seemed to be any animosity directed towards them. Some years later though, I happened to be speaking with a black man outside of the market, who was new to town, and he revealed he had only been here one week and already someone had yelled to him "Go back to Africa, n*****!"

I was shocked that someone would yell this in my own community but it made me realize something. Sometimes you don't see the hate unless it is directed at you. The majority of whites in the US say that racism isn't a problem, while the majority of blacks feel that it is. The reason is, most whites will never be subjected to the hate and the slurs that a black person might be, and so never see the prejudice in their own community, and do not realize how prevalent it might be.

I too had the same experience with my daughter several years ago when taking a road trip with my family, my daughter informed me that she did not want her cabbage patch doll (the one I searched high and low for). Through her tears she cried that "there was something wrong with her". I too was stunned. We were considered a middle-class family and thought that we were doing a pretty good job raising our child. I knew immediately, as a black man, it was paramount that I educate my child of the riches of her heritage. I also taught her to appreciate her very dark skin. In short, today she loves the beautiful black skin she's in and understands what being an African Queen really means. But that's a whole other story. Thanks Bishop Jakes.

Amen Amen Amen.

As a white man in Florida I am constantly barraged by overt and occulted racism toward blacks, mostly from adults. It literally sickens me. But then I see black and white kids hanging out together with no trace of that bigotry and I am heartened that they represent the real near future.

Thanks for that article, it brought tears, but hope too.

Cryonbrian- you are a hateful person, who obviously has no clue the challenges people of color experience. I, as a white woman, also don't understand these experiences, however, unlike you I try not to be a part of the hurt, racism, and ignorance. You sir,are the one that needs to get a grip.

Each person has a right to voice their opinion on the subject at hand. Pastor TD Jakes simply told a heartfelt story that is extremely relevant at this present time. I can appreciate Pastor Jakes for taking the time to provide us with some food for thought. Everyone wants to point the finger at this and blame this other person but it's up to us as individuals, regardless of race, to make a difference. We tend to allow society to dictate how we should be, when we should be comfortable in our own skin. It seems like everyone wants to bring up Jeremiah Wright when speaking of racism. So what if you didn't like what Jeremiah Wright said in his sermon. That was what he wanted to preach about that particular Sunday and those were his beliefs. If you really understand the Bible then you would know and understand that no man who has walked this Earth is perfect except for The Lord. My Pastor preaches to our congregation all of the time about imperfections. Priests, Pastors, Clergymen...they are all just like you and me and they make mistakes. And sometimes they are mistakes that you may not agree with...and so what. Shake it off and move on. No one is forcing you to agree with anything. So...stop referring to that unfortunate piece of information into each article you read. Because that didn't have to do with racism...it had to do with him preaching on what he thought was right but many may view as wrong.
Thank You Pastor Jakes for providing this great insight and I truly hope the Special – Black in America allows all races to really understand the struggles of African-Americans...past and present.

Thank you Bishop Jakes for sharing such a profound experience with us.

I am a light skinned african american woman. I was raised in a predominantly white neighborhood and went to predominantly white schools. As a result, I wanted to be like the white kids. I had long thick jet black hair that i hated because it wasn't like the hair the white girl's had. I even went so far as to buy white hair products thinking that would help. I also made every effort to speak properly because I thought it would make me seem more White. Needless to say that I struggled with my own identity and self worth believing that being as white as possible would somehow make me more acceptable. Unfortunately, there was no one to tell me any different. My grandparents, who raised me, grew up in the south so their thinking and mindset was already distorted. However, I did finally open my eyes as I became a high school student, to the fact that there was nothing wrong with who I was. I was in advanced classed just like the white kids and performed as well if not better than many of them. Today, I am a proud black woman and no one can take that away from me. Yes, we live in a white dominated society but I must remember that I am just as good as any white person regardless of their status.

Amen, Bishop Jakes; I consider you a leader for all regardless of race or creed. I have watched many of your programs on television, and have found you to be a captivating storyteller. Thank you for coming forth and sharing your story. My husband and I are raising two young (black) males, and it has not been an easy task. We have lived in a similar middle-class community as you described, and what I am seeing is that as my boys reached their early teens, they began seeking an identity. What scares us as parents are the “hip-hop” images that they are focusing on as a representation of what it is to be “Black”. We are from the Caribbean, and we want our children to be proud of who they are, however, that image is not what being a person of color is all about. As a race of people, we can do without that! I see from many of the commentary here, that while the majority of people support what you are saying, there is that small group that is going to take snippets and use it out of context, how unfortunate.

Bishop Jakes,

I read the story of your little boys with tears in my eyes. I can't for the life of me understand why whites feel superior to blacks. Honestly I can't understand why individual people feel superior to others for any reason. It just doesn't make sense to me.

I'm a white dad to an internationally adopted Asian child, Vietnamese. Your story made me realise that I need to be more aware of my childs budding self-esteem and reinforce it. I need to make sure I do everything I can to counter the racism he will encounter as he grows. He's only 6 now and he sees that he is different. It's my job to make sure he realizes it a "good" difference, not a bad one. No matter what others may tell him.

I love my child and I know you love yours. Thanks for your story.

If you are so concerned about being labeled as "black" then why are you asking if a "brother" can get a good amen?

It makes my skin crawl that someone would care what color someone else's skin color is. To go a step further, how black a black person is. I am white and I truly do not understand racism. It makes absolutely no sense to me. People hating homosexuals doesn't make sene to me; Christians who believe that Jews will never make it into heaven makes no sense to me(okay, so I am a agnostic lesbian); I am just naive enough to believe that live and let live is a truism. Please everyone, take a chill pill and make your lives easier by living and let live. I won't be there to hurt you and I am sure the blacks and Jews won't bite either.

Bishop Jakes, I totally agree with your article. I'm a black mother of three young men (ages 18, 17, &14). I grew up in a predominantly white society, I experienced racism on both ends. In the white community where I went to school and lived, I was too black because sometimes I was the only one, which was lonely. In the black neighborhood where my cousins lived, I was not black enough and called white girl. Needless to say, I grew up with a severe self esteem complex of not knowing who I was because I was always changing trying to fit in and please my immediate company. I wanted it to be different for my boys, so I put them in schools that had a diverse christian culture, which allowed them to be themselves and interact with other cultures as well. I didn't have a father and mother to sit me down. I just had a single mother that was struggling to raise two boys and a girl in a complex society, so most things I had to figure out for myself. It has taken me a lifetime to know the real me and love who I am.

To those that ask what about this race or that race of people or sexuality, the artticle is based on being "Black in America". STAY ON TOPIC.

Touching, but at age seven I suspect that the fear of becoming darker skinned stemmed more from what was heard within the family and community about how white society was abusing you. If you are constantly being told you are a victim, you begin to believe it.

You can't be indifferent to your neighbor and call yourself a human being. That's not acceptable. Race matters if you are White or Black, and sometimes ethnicity creeps up on you too. I can't relate to a White woman's experience in Newton just like she can't relate to my Black experience in Dorchester. But I can listen and respect it.

Reverand, have you turned on the TV and watched any documentaries on the gangs that are prevelant in the USA now. 99% of violent gangs are black or latino. Now, don't get me wrong, I use the term black in the same context that I call myself white, but I do not go around demanding that I be called a White-American or an Anglo-American. The violent gangs need to be delt with no matter what color they are. The black community needs to address the issues of getting their children educated and acting civil. Remeber, the currrent white population did NOT enslave anyone and the black mindset of entitlement has done the most harm to Rev. King's legacy. Rev. Jackson showed what he really thought the other day by what he said. The black community should disenfrachise people like Jackson and Farrakan so that the issues of race can move forward and not be stuck in the past. Reverend, please keep working toward mutual understanding, but please work to move toward the future. It's not 1964 any more. Remember, being Civil is the beginning of Civilization.

God made us all same internally to love on another.
Unfortunately because of the fall of man and because of our rejection of his Son Jesus Christ there will always be hate and racism in this world nothing will change until his rerturn no matter what promises are made by man.

Thank you Bishop Jakes for that wonderful story. As an African immigrant raising three young sons here in the US, I also sometimes take for granted that my children would not be sensitive about their skin color, much in the way that I had no need to be for most my adult life. But as as they grow up, I am reminded by articles such as yours that carefully cultivating worth in one's self is a burden that must be borne by parents as we raise our children.

Also, I agree that much as society is changing and overall acceptance of differences is becoming the norm rather than the exception, it still behoves the black community to rise to the challanges of the present,"leaving behind what is past" to raise a generation of children that will take their rightful place in this present time we live in. It is great to be able to discuss so openly what used to be taboo issues in the past

bishop T.D. Jakes may the Lord keep blessing you and your family thank you for those words of wisdom that God gave you.

Bishop Jakes,

I appreciate your commentary and I believe that appreciation of diversity is taught at home. My wife and I try to instill in our daughter that all people are beautiful and have infinite worth. Our God created man (passage devoid of color reference and includes both male and female) in his own image and as such each of us derives our beauty from the creator. No person is of greater value than the next person in the eyes of God, and so no person should have greater value placed on he/she than the next person. Each of us, at one time or another have been belittled by someone based on the way God made us. From skin color, to body shape, to mental capacity, to physical limitations, someone at some point has made each of us feel like we are worth less than they are. For some, self-worth is part of their DNA, but in most cases it is a learned trait. Our jobs as parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, sisters and brothers, friends and acquaintances is to continually each day focus on uplifting and edifying those who surround us and demonstrate how much they are worth to us and to this world.

Some people will get offended by anything. This was a good article. Take it for what it's worth people, stop looking for a reason to be offended.

JC: this comment is directly especially to you and anyone else who believes that the black community simly needs to "get over it". The fact that you can bring your fingers to type those words proves our point. White America has yet to fully acknowledge the impact slavery and years and years of discrimination had on the black community. I am a black female who grew up in Orange County, California. I'm just a stone's throw away from you J.C. Do you know how it feels to wake up in the morning with a cross burning in your front yard? Do you know how it feels to have people call you a "n–ger" when all you did was walk pass them on the street? Do you know how it feels to be discriminated against? These aren't things you simply "get over"! It becomes and shapes the way you view life and the people who are in it. I do agree with Bishop Jakes that we must first learn self-love and then use that love to encourage others to see "us" the way we see ourselves, but until and unless America in general realizes that depsite its best efforts, there are still overwhelming numbers of racists in this country and that BLACKS tend to be the object of that repeaded racisim, then we will never be able to simply "get over it". Just for the record, I am an extrememly successful wife, mother and employee of a huge oil company in Texas. I am articulate, very well educated and laugh at people who "try" to discriminate against me. That being said, I completely and totally sympathize and understand how many who share my skin color who have YET to "escape" the pains of everyday racisim cannot get over it. It is a pain that runs deep, it is a pain that can only be overcome with time, patience and understanding........understanding that must come from people like you who need to realize that by telling us to "get over it", you are, in essence, minimalizing our pain and our struggles. God Bless You J.C. I hope your life is filled with love and happiness. God Bless you Bishop Jakes....you are an absolute inspiration. God Bless this wonderful country which will ONE DAY be able to put its past behind it, but please know..........it took America a LOOOOOONG time to end slavery, allow "us" some time to "get over it". God Bless everyone reading my post and thank you for your time. I truly hope I did not offend. )

I have the privilege of watching the Bishop's service on Sunday morning as I get ready to go to church. I am not a person of color, but I am a person who has experienced bigotry on far too many occasions. I felt for the Bishop as he had to explain to his children why they are different and tried to help them in their struggle for self esteem. This kind of struggle does not apply only to the matter of color.

In our efforts to walk through this life with Christly love toward one another, we must see each other with the eyes of Christ. We are all God's children, and this makes us all sisters and brothers in Him. Learning to appreciate each other means that we need to look past our differences.

I wish that the Bishop would preach on the matter of sexual orientation and how this is a matter of birth rather than choice – just as race is not a choice. As a Christian woman, I would appreciate someone having the grit to tackle this subject with honesty. Can I get an AMEN??

The Pastor's reflection led me to focus not so much on color but on Family.

Dare I say that 44 years after the signing of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the most daunting challenge facing people of color is how to re-affirm the importance of Family. As an administrator at a private school in the Nation's capital, 80% of my students exist (not live) in homes headed by females. There are of course the exceptions but let's face it, moms, this is not the ideal you envisioned. The tentacles of poverty run far and wide (for the kids, their families, and the communities in which they live.) These kids are literally 5-runs down in the bottom of the 1st inning.

In 1965, former Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan penned the work,
"The Negro Family: The Case for National Action." In it he identified the breakup of black families as a major impediment to black advancement. At that time in history, this message did not go over too well in most communities – as you can imagine. Fast forward 44 years (though he left us in 2003) his words are now seen as "an important and prophetic document," in the words of Prof. William Julius Wilson of Harvard.

Yes, it is true that the community has made tremendous advancements over the decades since the turmoil of the 50s and 60s, but if we are having an "open" discussion about CNN's Black in America, we must ponder the question: Is the black Family truly better off now than it was pre-1965?

Not a sermon, just a thought.

Relle,

The word is "enslaved", and white people throughout history have been enslaved as well. In fact, peoples from all races and cultures have been slaves at one time or another. Not to say slavery is not a horrendous act of terror against human beings, but there hasn't been slavery in this country for nearly 150 years, and it's time for people of all colors to take responsibility for lifting themselves up, and stop trying to blame everything on the slavery of their ancestors. The opportunities exist, but only some of us care about ourselves enough to grasp them and run. What needs to happen is for the black community to teach our children to love themselves and each other as they are, and to strive to better themselves each and every day, not to expect something to be handed to them. I came from a working class family and made something of myself because education was stressed in my two parent household. We need to get off the welfare merry-go-round and reduce the number of single mother (or grandmother) households in order for equity to ever become a reality.

Thank you for the thoughtful comments. You made me think. In my mind I was thinking about the lack of self-esteem I had as a young white girl – but poor. There was never any overt critcism, but kids notice differences automatically and can feel they are different. I was glad to hear the comparison to girls and bulimia. It is a universal problem for children, but obviously more apparent when your skin is different.

I'm a 53 yr. old Chicano from Texas and my beautiful grandchildren are mixed "Brown and Darker Brown". My grandson is 7 yrs. old and he is into the game "Guitar Hero". One day we got on the internet and I showed him the original rock and roll guitar hero, in my point of view, "Chuck Berry". After seeing the video he stated, "But that man is Black, isn't there a White guitar player". That shocked me and I told him that he's half-Black and should be proud of both his races. I also told him that when you grow up you'll find out that anyone who is part Black will be considered by society as only Black. When I saw my son-in-law I mentioned it to him. He thought he's picking up certain ways of thinking from his little friends at school. I have been "color-blind" as far back as I can remember and I taught my now-grown-children the same thing. I want my grand-children to grow up the same way so I believe we all got to keep-on-keeping-on until our last breath. It not only takes a village, but a village of different shades. And here's you AMEN bro. Vaya Con Dios, Adios

I don't disagree with Jake's article, but I can't help but wonder if pulling scab from the race wound at this critical junction in the presidential election is a very underhanded way of reminding American's that Obama is Black! Just as Hillary and company attempted in the primary. Anderson Cooper and Soladad Obrian just might be playing the "race card" with this "Black in America" series?

I think that American's are most interested in the economy, gas prices, and losing thier homes. Is this a clever trick?

Sir – When are you running for President? I want my president to be an inclusive man and not someone like Obama who goes to great lengths to deny his muslim roots. Like Obama I am of mixed descent but Obama has disappointed me by denying his roots. Roots are what define us. I tell my self discrimination is a fact of life but I will not let it put me down.

Thank you for this article. As the white mother of a latino child, I have learned that skin color prejudice is alive and well in the US. It is not blatent (ie KKK, segregation) but it is there in the subtle ways Mr. Jakes mentions. Your honesty is appreciated.

I am the proud father of two children, one black and one white. When very young, I told my daughter that she has to become twice as accomplished as a male to be considered equal and I told my son he has to be twice as as accomplished to be considered equal to a caucasian. Today they are both married, both successful, and both honours graduates – one a doctor, the other doing a second master's degree. How much difference did my comment to them make? No idea. They never did tell me. They are both salt of the earth.

Pastor Jakes,
I am a 43 year old caucasian woman, of Italian descent, who is proud to see her son, born of a marriage with a black American, cherishing his double heritage. He thrives on the fact that he – not by any means of a privileged background, mind you – is able to reap the good and the bad from each of us and somehow, discern the wheat from the chaff. I think this sense of belonging must start from the home, regardless of the demands of society. Utopian, some may say, but it can be done. He is living proof of that, notwithstanding the fact that he does struggle immensely with his money, with his job, with the every day living that is now part and parcel of the commodity that is living in America, he still has a sense of inner discernment that ultimately makes or breaks an individual and a racial background alike. The lines are blurred between a societal responsibility and a familial one.

I am an African-American woman who has done quite well for herself through the grace of God. None of us can judge the other until we have walked in each other's shoes. Bishop Jakes was sharing a personal story, like so many of you I can relate to what you have experienced. While, I will agree that America is the land of opportunity and it is what we make it. I will also agree that some races, groups, religions have a harder time in this society. CNN choose to air this segment today, but who knows what is in the works for other ethnic, religious or sexual orientation groups at a later date. Instead of looking for our differences, we should embrace the opportunity to learn. I am very proud to be an American. But I am also conscience that this country has issues on all sides of the table. Let's pray that as a nation we continue to strive to learn about the wonderful diversity that we have in this country.

Amen. Bishop Jakes you are truly a inspiration to the body of christ. We should try to get a million men to your father ,son event in March 2009,Gaylord ,TX. Keep uplifting the mutlitude of people from around the world with your preaching and teaching of our father "WORD". Amen. GOD BLESS YOU and YOUR FAMILY.

I've read some of these comments and I see that ignorance is bliss. I know that racism/prejudice exist everywhere. Does that mean I succumb to it? No. I hate the expression, "the white man trying to keep me down". Nobody can keep me down except for me. It seems that many of you have let the media shape your opinion on everything that is black. It's obvious you know very little about black culture and all the people that make up that culture. While growing up I had caucasian friends, hispanic friends, asian friends, etc. That doesn't make me an expert on their culture nor qualify me to make blanket statements concerning their culture. What I do know is that I experienced racism first-hand and I learned to brush off my shoulders and keep moving. Racism still exists whether you choose to believe it or not. Many of us handle it the right way. Many of us don't.

Thank you for sharing this story. My husband is from another country, and already my 6 year old son is concerned about being the "darkest" of my three children. It has been shocking for me to see just how early that children are skin color aware and have negative perceptions with being too dark. I really appreciate your insights.

Now, I think every person is unique. Every culture has an agenda, yada, yada, yada. But to be the person to put all that hatred, indifference and prejudice aside is the real goal. I feel his speech is one sided. Although I think it a great speech I wonder how much of the sermon is to include ALL "God's people". To quote "The baggage of being different is only crippling when the child is left to carry it without an intentional awareness of cultural diversity, sensitivity training and supervision in private and public schools to ensure that what they learn at school is education and not the devaluation that comes when those who make decisions do not look like the ones they decide about." Does this county for a gay child? Prejudice and discrimination extend way beyond race. I wonder how many of the comments on here would have lauded the preacher for telling a story about how his "gay" child felt hated.

I have to agree with Tom and Mario J. The blacks think they are the only ones who suffer racism. Racism isn't about being black. i am a white middle aged woman who grew up in eastern Canada. in a black and white town. Before I started school,Ii didn't think anything of it. Some people had darker skin ans some people had lighter skin. So what? Then I started school...5 yrs old..I was "white trash" and because of that I was spit on, kicked, beat up, had lunch stole, slapped in the face I could go on. By the time I was 10, I was terrified of anyone with black skin..NOT BECAUSE THEY WERE BLACK BUT BECAUSE THEY BEAT ME UP BECAUSE I WAS WHITE! The teachers and parents said that if they tried to stop it, thet woud be racist. That was the first i heard of it. I do hurt for blacks who have been treated badly because of skin color. But why can't hey see that it is two sided. Whites are treated terrible by other races because we are white!!

We all have something in common – the price of gas is the same for all of us and keeps going up. However, the price for being different is not. That price has not gone down as much as it should have over the years.
You'll find a sale or a price reduction in certain areas here and there. Hopefully, as young minds are taught to think, reason, and pray about proper perspectives about themselves, they'll be better equipped to absorb the extra costs as they come along – and they will. On another note – one healthy voice of reason over the last 35 years was the late Mr. Rogers of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood – he had and to this day likely has the most consistently diverse set of guests on his show ever! A good, calming balance for young children of all backgrounds.

It's very sad but true.The lighter the colour of skin, the more preferential treatment you get.And what's worse, it is from white and black races alike.
I have been dark-skinned all my life and have had more than my fair share of such ostracism, simply because of the colour of my skin.It has not always been easy, but there is a Living God, who makes all things well and soothes hurt feelings.So still I abide.
A very good contribution Pastor.

Jeff, I have to disagree with your statement "all but white children face it...". White children do face it, just in a different way. You can't be too smart, or you're labeled as a nerd. You can't be too fat, or you're called names. Labels and stereotypes. At one point or another it happens to all children. Kids are cruel, especially in the middle school years, and they're pretty universally cruel. They learn this behavior from their peers and their families. Change has to start at home.

People who are not black reading this....stop embarassing us none blacks by coming on here and ranting about TD Jakes and how he is wrong and blah blah blah. The man is inspirational and this letter is supposed to be a good thing. How some of you are getting offended, I do not understand...immaturity, racism, ignorance, etc. But please...open your eyes and heart and except this messege!

Answer to one blogger, T.D. Jakes was a millionaire BEFORE HE WAS A PREACHER, read the history of the man. He is a respected preacher, listen to him sometimes, he does not sugar coat what he preaches to black people. He is an excellent preacher/teacher. I always tune in to listen on Sunday after my own Church Service, and I am not black. God Bless you Bishop Jakes, continue the good work.

Bishop T.D. Jakes, this is a story that should be told over and over. Most of us get it and for those that truly believe in diversity and wishes for a color blind society can be helped by reading this repeatedly and they too will get it.

In order for a society to heal itself from the ills of societal divisiveness it has to acknowledge that it exist...without admission this discussion will continue with no end in sight.

"America the Great Experiment" will achieve this, time is on its side and we will be the model for other nations to emulate. This will symbolize America's sigh.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s words, “Judge me on the content of my character and not the color of my skin” will no longer be a plea but reality.

This is truly a great story. No one can argue with a person's experience. It is unrealistic to believe that our race does not encounter hardships. Yet we must overcome them and speak greatness on ourselves. I have had many negative experiences that were very painful to me. Yet when I toured the slave castles in West Africa I was ashamed of myself. I am a strong woman because of the strong men and women that lived before me. I praise God for who I am and I know that our culture has been portrayed in a negative light in many instances. I have both parents, great extended family, wonderful neighbors, educators, and clergy that shaped my life. Thank you Bishop Jakes for sharing your personal family experience with the world.

I agree with JC and the others. The major problem I see today (granted, as a white male) is the divisive nature of the race discussion, that the decendants of African slaves are more subject to the pitfalls of racism than others, even recent African immigrants.

I live in Baltimore, and there is a pervasive culture - not uniform, but prevalent - reinforcing the idea of the black person, especially the black male, as a victim of American society. However, once outside of that culture, the playing field is quickly leveled.

The problem, as I see it, is the continued ghettoization of black people by black leaders and by others who depend on a captive, consolidated bloc of individuals for their economic success. By this, I mean the Jesse Jacksons of the world, the urban mayors of the world, the FUBU-styled businesses, the political candidates from swing jurisdictions who depend on a "safe vote".

It is very convenient to some to have black people as athletes, musicians, drug dealers, thugs, and bums. It reinforces stereotypes and reinforces the status quo, keeping government programs and government leaders chugging along, coffers full.

It's unfortunate, because I have met great people of all ethnicities. But for the most part, in America, opportunity is laid at the doorstep of all of its citizens. The question is whether you persevere, in light of the very real obstacles that may be laid in your path (regardless of the source or the reason), or you simply allow the naysayers to dominate the conversation. Unfortunately, too few in the black community have stepped up to grasp the gauntlet thrown down by Martin Luther King 40 years ago, and too many in that same community continue to live off their own people, be it through criminal thuggery or political thuggery.

To Tom:
It's true that many other children have physical differences that can be perceived as negative and criticized. But being black is still different than most of these other conditions. Disabilities can be overcome. Short people can take growth hormones, wear elevator shoes/heels. Freckles can be cosmtically removed. People can have eye surgery to correct imperfect vision. If you're overweight, you can choose to lose it–either surgically or through diet and exercise. However, if you are black, unless you want to disfigure yourself like some entertainers have, you have to stay that way and become comfortable with it. It is just not the same and presents a unique challenge for parenting.

PLEASE PUBLISH THIS!!!!

It is REALLY distressing to hear how this beautiful article can be taken out of context and made into a bad thing. All these Latinos who are writing how the black community doesn't do enough to embrace them. I'm practically falling out of my chair. This article is about black people taking responsibility for themselves. Latinos always cry this we are discriminated against too!! I'm sorry but history tells a different story. Mexican Americans and Latinos in general were not subject to Jim Crow. Latino Ameriocan children went to school with white kids and were not lynched like blacks were. Most Latino Americans identified as white before the 70's and still do. But the civil rights struggle which was carried by black folks risking their lives, churches being bombed, leaders being shot, children beat in the street allowed Latinos to change their identity and take advantage of Affirmative Action. In the 50's Ricky Ricardo was Lucille Ball's husband on television. And if that doesn't bake your noodle consider this: throughout Latin America the darker you are the worse off you are. The segragation of schools in Brazil is something akin to the U.S. in the 50's and the young people–the YOUNG PEOPLE, are indifferent to it. Racism is rampant in the Latino community but the response to changing it is, "stop whining." If you look at the unemployment rate amongst the darker, Mayan, people of Mexico and compare it to rates amongst the white Mexicans, it is shocking how disproportionate it is. The reason so many of these Mayan people love it here so much is because here they can get a job and support their family and here they are not at the bottom of the totem pole because at the end of the day being Latino is better than being black. I challenge every Latino American who reads this to consider the REALITY of their native land. Take a good look. No matter where you go in this world to be dark is to be at the bottom.

Many of us have been discussing these things for years. Check out the book by the great W. E. B. DuBois, The Souls of Black Folk, for a brilliant treatment of this very subject!

You know it amazes me how the prejudice of people can shine even through the powerful message of Bishop TD Jakes. Though his message was race and gender inclusive still people found a way to make something wrong with it. Since when does having a main stream dicussion about race constitute a victimization mentality or whining? Discussing the race relations that exist in this country does not constitute of whining or a victimization mentality when there is a school system failing our young children and a jail system waiting to lock them up. So to you racist and prejudice people who wonder why discussions about race relations are needed... just look in the mirror BECAUSE YOU ARE THE REASON. Us "VICTIMS" will move on when the racists that exist in world seize to exist.

Everyone of mixed heritage knows the harsh realities of society's shortcomings. The most we can hope for is the ability to hold our heads up at the end of the day, look ourselves in the mirror and think, "Hey, I'm okay."

Good Sir,

I was very touched by your article, and I hope that all people, of all races, colors, religions, sexual preferences, genders and cultures can practice this compassion and hope for positive change in their daily lives.

With that being said, I must ask something. I am an Irish-American from New England who has recently moved to the South. While living the majority of my life in the North, I never ran into any racial issues at all with anyone of any color. Not once. I have lived in the South for two years now, and I am a minority in my neighborhood as a white woman. I have seen, firsthand, the racial divide here, but I have not seen it toward African Americans. I have seen it toward white people, and have experienced it many times within the past two years, while minding my own business. How is it that the two poles of the country can be so different in their racial views? I was completely astonished by how white people were being treated in my neighborhood. Also, the use of the N-word within the race was another new characteristic to me. I had heard it in music in the past, but never experienced it in such casually high volume before between two or more people of color. Why do they use the term as a friendly calling, while it is historically the worst word ever created in any language?

I am very confused about the difference in the two areas of the country. I don't mean to disrespect, but is it a lack of education? A lack of instilled self-respect as children? Or is it ignorance? I believe that everyone – all races, religions, colors, sexualities – should treat others as they themselves would like to be treated. When everyone can respect themselves and others, then the wall dividing understanding and ignorance can be brought down. My question to you, sir, is how to go about that?

I would have been heartbroken for my daughter in this situation. I agree that we should teach our kids to loveand respect themselves as well as others no matter what color they are or what someone looks like.

How can you and otehrs sit there and say the comments to love yourself and love others when youhave said so many mean spirited things about Gay individuals. I am a Gay individual and my daughter is being brought up in a same sex household filled with love, kindness, and affection. Yet she will come home one day (she is only 4 now) and be upset becasue someone hates her because she has two moms. This is where the real insanity is in this nation. All People whould be treated with kindness and respect, no exceptions. Race issues in this country are a deplorable mark that will never be forgotten, nor should they. There is still a huge distance to go but how can we ever get there if we condone discrimination on one group but not the other. Either one believes in equality or does not. You cannot have it both ways.

Thank you TD Jakes for this excellent essay–it is sad that many African-Americans still have this idea that "black is bad" and their self-esteem is fractured, so it is important to have positive images of blacks and role models such as yourself to counteract some of the negativity that is out there.

I feel this article is in keeping with the theme "Black in America." It fully reflects the plight of that people– without neglecting other social biases and prejudices.

Good job.

Good word Mr Jakes.

To Mary,

It is interesting that you feel many Democrats won't vote for Obama because he is black. You are right...but I hope you see that it is just as true and appauling that some will vote for him just because he is black and charismatic without knowing what he really stands for and what kind of "change" he would bring to this country.

The truth is that all of us have our own "hot buttons" that push us to defend irrational positions and like or dislike others; but if we are to progress, we must each rise above our own emotions, fears, and insecurities to do what is right.

Some people say "Let's move on", but how can would move on when the police stops you while you are driving just because you are black. Alternatively, the large number of black men exonerated and released from prison in Dallas county. It seems to me that it is easy for those who have not experienced what black have experienced to say. I would like to subject them to them these type of experiences everyday for 100 years, and I will then tell you to shut, and go on with your life.

I'm a white female, I grew up in a white neighborhood, AND I can say that I often felt rejected by white people. And much like Sandra Fountain, it took a long time and a whole lot of mistakes to figure out "it's not me, it's them."

I know not everyone can overcome some of life's obstacles but it's really up to the parents.

May God bless this country.

JC, you sound like you are probably a white individual and living in Los Angeles I can see where you could maybe feel that there is no "minority" anymore and our nation is one big multi-colored tapestry. It's a wonderful view and I truly wish our country was there. Bishop Jakes' comment is not dated. Unfortunately, how we would like America to be and how it still is are two different things although we are slowly- painfully slowly- changing. In Minnesota where I live, we have a Scandinavian Christmas Festival every year. There's the ethnic food, the candles, the beautiful ethnic dress... Everyone talks about how lovely it is. We were watching the news one night and the news cast was reporting on a Kwanzaa celebration down in the cities. In case you don't know, this is of African origin and also happens around Christmas. There was ethnic music and dancing and traditional food and beautiful outfits. Everyone was smiling and obviously having a good time. My mother-in-law indignantly turned to her sister and said, "Well, if they like Africa so much, they should just move BACK there!" Her sister heartily agreed with her. I turned to them and said, "Well, I guess if you like the Scandinavian Festival, you should move back to Scandinavia, and if you like Polka, you should move back to Poland, and if you like to go to Pow Wows you should move back to.... Oh wait, if they move back to where THEY came from, we'll all have to move back to Europe." The point is, even though we do have many nationalities making up our country, many whites still feel subconsciously that they are somehow better. With what we see on TV and in our own government, why wouldn't we? Most of our government leaders are white men although that is slowly changing. I had one old white guy tell me the country wasn't ready for a female president and he wasn't going to vote for no Muslim. I pointed out that Obama was as Christian as he was. What he really meant was, "I'm not voting for no black guy," but he was embarrassed to be that straight forward. Many minorities live with this undercurrent every day of their lives, and as a white man, you will never be able to understand it, nor will you be the right person to be telling the black community what they "need" to do and not do.

In response to Bro Lee... "Hispanics never had to deal with having there language
taken away from them nor told that to read was a crime. African Americans had to fight through that nonsence for four hundread years.
"
Mr. Lee, If you would read your history, slavery is not a new idea, People have had slaves for many thousands of years. You seem to blame the "white" for all your problems,
As recently as 2002, Sheikh Saad al-Buraik of Saudi Arabia said that Muslims should take Jewish women as slaves. In 1953, sheikhs from Qatar attending the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II included slaves in their retinues, and they did so again on another visit five years later. The African continent has historically enslaved people for thousands of years. And a lot of those were "white" Europeans.
Twelve million black Africans were shipped to the Americas from the 16th to the 19th centuries. Of these, an estimated 645,000 (5.4% of the total) were brought to what is now the United States. The overwhelming majority were shipped to Brazil. Why aren't you boycotting the Brazillian Embassy?
So please educate yourself on history and stop blaming the "white" folks for all your problems. MAN UP and take resposibility for your actions... BRO !! and stop blaming other people.

In reference to what i just wrote, that is the first time I ever had a platform to tell what happened at school when I was young. Very rarely do we hear the white sde of racism. I still live in this town and have read articles in the local paper about how the whites and blacks had segregated washrooms..not true...It was in the washrooms that I was spit on ..in the face for being white) The black children hated us whites at that young age. I often wonder what they were taught about us at home before they came to school that caused them to call us white trash!

In reference to the mother, Carla who said people stared at her daughter suppossedly because she was black. Hw do you know? maybe they were looking at how cute her dress was. Thats why us whites are so uncomfortable around you. Everything that happens to you seems to be because of race. If a black person gets arrested and a white person...the black person can say..."Its because I am black" But can a white person say..Its because I am white? Why not?

Thank you and Amen.... JC of Los Angeles just didnt get it and thats part of the problem