This is my cell number, I don’t give it out to just everybody.

Pie equals 2r squared….right?

This week on DC Ink: Teachers, librarians and tattoo collectors alike are lining up for some of Clinton’s famous black and grey ink.

Hey baby, too bad you didn’t break a rib.

“So, you say your name is Monica, when did you bleach your hair?”

“This’ll be worth serious money in 2009: Former President and First Husband all rolled into one…”

“…here I wrote it room 360…but if Hillary answers the door just say you’re delivering a pizza…and oh…bring a pizza.”

Looking worriedly over Bill’s shoulder, the political advisor thinks, “Oh No! Why’d he pick the one in the blue dress!!!”

Hey there pretty lady! Give me a call later. Let me give you my number, it’s 555- . . . .

Hillary will always be my First Lady, but here’s my number. I’ll be in the oval office again next January.

So how much are you going to try to sell this on Ebay for!?

Cynthia, Covington, Ga.

Guy in the back: “…7..2..1…guess who’s getting a call at 3am tonight?”

“Oh that guy…he’s Secret Service. He does my spell check.”

Concerned fathers in the background try to assure interaction is at a PG level at all times…

“Pay no attention to that man looking over my shoulder.”

Please tell me that’s not your husband behind me.

Woman: You’re my first!

Bill: Yeah A LOT of women have told me that here lately.

Cynthia, Covington, Ga.

Don’t tell Hillary

hi bill leave my sister alone she is is not into those games

Here’s Obama’s cell number be sure to make A LOT of prank calls to it. And give it out to everyone.

Cynthia, Covington, Ga.

“That’s right, go ahead and dial 976-Bill and then press 1 for El Presidente.”

If you can follow the way we do the math, you’ll see Hillary is winning.

(Security Guard) Hey Will, I counted 3 arms. How many did you count?
Does that look like a fuse sticking out of that arm that’s in the cast?

Hey Bi……………BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

U.S.D.A. SUB PRIME. Hows about an upgrade sweet thang?

CANNOT BEAT THIS ONE;;;LOL
Dale R from Delaware March 25th, 2008 3:46 pm ET

This is my cell number, I don’t give it out to just everybody.

When I first saw you, I wanted to reach out and touch somebody’s hand. You know —” I ” can make this a better world, if you can ………………

Rebecca F
Roswell, Georgia

Scooze me, Bubba, but Hillary says I’m to report any strange and unusual activities directly to her.

“I have to write “Vote For Hillary” on here or I don’t get desert tonight.”

“Mind if I use your arm?
These days I have to write everything down.”

Is this guy still looking over my shoulder? Let me know when he looks away and I’ll write my room number on your cast. You can give it to some of your friends if you like. You know, as they say,…….the more the merrier and I do mean mary(er). Can I keep the pen?

….so….you’re a friend of Monica?

Here’s the number of my HMO. And next time, try to stay limber.

“’scuse me while i whip this out!” (gasp!) my cell phone i mean…

“How about if I write, ‘Vote for Hillary, or Bill’s bodyguard will break your arm’…..How does that sound?”

Lilibeth
Edmonds, Washington

I’ve got something in a cast I’d like you to sign…….(wink, wink)

Ohooo doggy….alittle lower please!

Uh oh! Here we go again. I’m to late to break this up, he’s already given her his phone number. Why can’t he keep his hands off women. I better hurry and break this up, before Billary sees him.

Here is my private number - call me after nidnight - don’t worry about Hillary, she doesn’t answer the phone past 5. By the way, you live in the same zip code don’t you? I don’t want you crossing any state lines after dark.
If you have to leave a message, please just mention client 10 - I prefer 9, but it was taken.

Oh, I’m sorry miss. I thought that was a CAST on your arm. Have you seen a dermatologist, gator lady……….?

“Clinton and the Original Cast ‘08. Write that down!”

Betty Ann
Nacogdoches,TX

Nevermind that yellow light. It’s just another flare up in my wife’s campaign.

Ben
N Las Vegas, NV

When I used the phrase, “give me a break” in my speech it was just a figure of speech.

Oh I don’t mind. I know what you’re going through, my wife had to get a cast when she was shot by snipers in Bosnia.

Nicky,
Charlotte, NC

Have I seen that dress your wearing before?

Don’t mind the yellow light. We’re taking incoming fire but Hillary is used to it.
Ben
N Las Vegas, NV

I know how you feel. Hillary hurt her arm Bosnia when she was shot at.

Here, this should get you back in the club. If you have any problems just let my secret security guy, Steve, know and he’ll take care of it.

I know how you feel. Hillary hurt her arm in Bosnia when she was shot at.

Charles McVicker
Charleston,WV

Don’t mind the yellow light. That’s a band from the Woodstock museum.

Ben
N Las Vegas, NV

The Clinton campaign reports that its campaign took a significant hit this weekend, when Bill was pickpocketed during a campaign stop. If anyone knows the man sneaking up behind Bill in this picture, please call Democratic campaign headquarters immediately.

Show this at the polling place and they’ll let you vote twice.

Ignore the guy looking over my shoulder, stare into the light and repeat after me, There were snipers in Bosnia, there were snipers in Bosnia…

You’re sure you’re just signing her arm ?

… because my right hand is tired.

Ben
N Las Vegas, NV

Thanks for showing me your cast. I know I need to get used to those.
Hillary’s gonna need one after Pennslyvania

Jack Magestro
Hartland, WI

Bill: “Here you go, darlin’ - my own personal recipe for the best darn barbecued ribs you’ll ever taste!”

No, don’t worry honey. Hillary will never find out. She can’t read the writing on the wall, what makes you think she can read your cast!

The gentleman in the back thinking, “I hope he’s not drawing out our playbook.”

OK - Bill…was….here….
Are you sure that’s where you want me to write it?

“Don’t tell Hill or Mon that I gave you this.”

I’ll sign yours if I can show you mine.

Jack Magestro
Hartland, WI

Sure you don’t want me to leave my mark anywhere else ?

Best so far … “He does my spellcheck”

Don’t mind the guy behind me with the light in his ear. He’s just
lining up for seconds.

Jack Magestro
Hartland, WI

“If someone asks, it’s our account number and you wanted to make a donation, got it?”

“Trust me, until this is over, I’m the one who answers the phone at 3 AM….”

Josh P.
Pittsburgh, PA
GO OBAMA

“I know your wife is desperate but she did not have to break my hand!”

National Inquirer front page headline reads: “2nd Clinton White House Scandal in the Making”

shhhhh you have to help me find the rear exit… I’ve been trying for weeks to join the Obama campaign

My left on your right. Let’s meet in the middle. I’ve got another arm yet.

Jack Magestro
Hartland, WI

Hi, I am Bill Richardson’s body guard. Please don’t hurt me your wife already got a hold on me!

You didn’t have to hit Bill Richardson that hard!

Forget Hillary, Barrack, and John. Let’s just re-elect Bill again. Bill Clinton ‘08.

Milford, CT

Cast your vote for Hillary … or this guy behind me will break your other arm!

MMMMMMM,,,,Wiliam loves Hillary…Not!

Even with Hillary, universal health-care will still come with a Bill.

Signed sealed delivered a vote for Hillary is a vote for me.

(Or)

Why didnt you get a blue cast to match that dress oh well heres my number I will be up at 3am.

Austin Texas
Obama 08

I feel your pain!

Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Hillary’s yours!!

Ridgewood ,New Jersey

Man in the back: “Oh man, why does he always give MY number to the ugly ones?”

I’m writing the phone number for Hillary’s hairdresser here
That mop of yours could use some work.

Jack Magestro
Hartland, WI

I know how you feel. Hillary broke my arm once

Yeah, I know. That guy behind me has been following me and hoping
for another voyeur opportunity.

Jack Magestro
Hartland, WI

Okay, now listen, this is how you get to my room……(Is that S.O.B. still looking over my shoulder?) If this weirdo follows you when you get to my room, just knock on the door and say, “you’re pizza’s here.” Then I’ll respond, “I didn’t order a pizza.” Then I’ll say, “but as long as you’re here, you may as well come in.” This way it will all look very innocent.
Oh, by the way, can I keep the pen?

My number is … call me.

Sorry about your arm, dear….you broke it trying to get out of the church during a Rev. Wright’s sermon??

“Now I hope I don’t have to twist your other arm that hard to get you to vote for Hillary on May 6th.”

Thank you, we need more advertising for Hillary 2008!!!

I just wish I could write you a no. for a good health care coverage

3 a.m.? No that will not do………Hillary says I can’t answer the phone at 3 a.m. anymore.

In my day, teachers gave us the paddle. They can brake arms now?

I have just made you a Superdelegate!!! See you in Denver…

Ilonga
Detroit, MI

” No child left behind” Sincerely, Bill

I want you to listen, and I want you to listen carefully:
I NEVER cast that woman!

“Pink is an attractive color on you. I favor blue though…”

Lisa
Abingdon, Virginia

“I sure am glad Hillary figured out a way to brand our super delegates!”

Hey - what’s Bill doing? I want one - can’t I get what she is getting?

“So you got thrown under a bus by Obama too! Amazing.”

I’ll sign this but this in no way means I’ll pay the medical bill. Hill is working on that one for ya!

“Don’t mind that guy behind me…in the wake of Hillary’s “misspeak”, I’ve got “fact checkers” following me around everywhere!”

when that starts to itch baby..gimme a call…

“Now don’t go selling this on eBay for a quick buck…okay?”

Ok…..I’ll write it down. After Hillary’s speech raise your hand and we will call on you. Do not deviate from the script!

WOW! I guess next time you better give them your lunch money.

“Remember our agreement….I’ll agree to sign your cast if you agree to “cast” your ballot!”

Don’t call at 3am, HIllary will be watching the phone.

steve ramsey and isaac
high level, alberta

Philadelphia Pa

Do you want to make a movie with me and Peter Paul. Here take my number hillary wont be home.

i missed the good old days when i use to put my mark some where else

steve ramsey
high level, alberta

you can take the testosteron out of bill but you cant take bill out of his testosteron.

dr steve ramsey
high level, alberta

you can bill me later

steve ramsey
high level, alberta

i usually shake hands ,..but in your case i put some ink

steve ramsey
alberta- canada

“Chelsea gets to go to one of Playboy’s top 10 party schools, Indiana University, on Monday and I get stuck at Rochester High School. Give me a break.”

“thats a lovely blue dress…have you seen the oval office??”

i will put the mark of zoro some where else

steve ramsey
high level, alberta

Yes..you heard right. Hillary was hit by sniper fire. This is how it went down.

Hey little lady! Here is my phone number, but just wait until my wife is in the oval office until you tell anyone about us.

All seems to be going well until the agent behind Bill leans in to whisper, “Doesn’t she kinda look like Linda Tripp?”

“Here are the directions where we can meet and don’t worry about the guy over my shoulder…he just likes to watch.”

We’re so sorry…when we threw the kitchen sink at him, we did’nt expect him to duck..

“Bill Clinton outlines Hillary’s healthcare plan one patient at a time”

Bill writes, “If you don’t want this to happen to your other arm, vote Hillary!”

“You say Obama was twisting your arm to vote for him?”

You’re lucky! The last person Cheney shot got it in the face!

DON’T MIND HIM - HE’S JUST LOOKING FOR WAEPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION

CAMERON COX
WINNIPEG,CANADA

Erica’s little head movement dance during this segment is priceless. The segment is not the same without it.

I’LL TELL YOU WHERE TO MEET ME LATER, OBAMAS SPY IS WATCHING OVER MY SHOULDER……..FOLEY, AL.

” I told you this would happen if you pulled the lever for Obama”

Take this to Monica, tell her she will soon have her old job back!

John Hodgson North Vancouver, BC

another Florida voter misunderstands the rules and cast herself and not her vote.

Curious onlooker spies former President now staying at arm’s length from “having sexual relations with that woman”….

Call me.

Bill: “Oh, don’t worry about that guy behind me. Hillary is making him check for cigars.”

B-I-L-L - W-A-S H-E-R-E !! Yup Got this one right!! If you Stop Breathing Over My Neck ill give u one too!!

Mr. Clinton signs the cast of a woman with a broken arm while his pinky tickles the palm of her hand.

“Are you sure there isn’t somewhere else you’d want me to sign?”

Lauren, NY

“You’ve got a friend in Pennsylvania? Lemme sign that cast!”

“What’s taking him so long, did he forget how to spell Sincerely again”.

How did I break my arm. um, um, I was trying to duck from sniper fire , when I was in Bosnia. Or was it when I fell down getting out of my pool? Yes, Yes, it was at the pool. Sorry Bill, I misspoke.

Bill taking Hillary’s “one woman at a time strategy” a bit to literal.

“So you say you did this whitewater rafting,I hate whitewater too.”

You said you asked Bush to do this, and he signed your forehead……………….

Jerry, San Antonio, Tx

You say one of Hillary’s flying monkeys did this to you? I guess you need to stop campaigning for the other candidate.

“Whip me, beat me, make me write on fat chicks!”

Remember that thing Monica did with my cigar? I have this Sharpie here…

Roses are Red,
Violots are Blue,
Vote for Hillary, or
the other arm gets it too!

Damn that Billy Clinton’s got game!

“I do believe Chevron-Texaco would have an interest in your hair; lemme give you their number”

Man behind Bill: I am what you call.. a Ventriloquist. Check out My Life-sized Bill Clinton, With Signing Action!

Call this number if you want to donate to my charitable foundation.

“Be careful now; don’t hit my bits & pieces”

Bill Clinton writes note of apology on woman’s cast. Her arm was broken by his twisting it while trying to convince her to vote for his wife. “I really am sorry I twisted too hard. Can you use your other arm to vote?” Michelle Foster, Denver, CO

I told you Hillary fights dirty, next time it ‘ll be the other one!

Subrata Mishra Atlanta, GA.

You know after a while this tatto craze will got out of style and you’ll be stuck with this!

SPOUSE VOWS TO KISS COWS WHEN WIFE WINS WHITE HOUSE

Kailua-Kona, Hawaii

Secret Service Man in back thinking…..”Does Clinton know that he is giving his private phone number to Hillary dressed in disguise?????”

Woman……..Hey give my my braclet back!

This is how you draw a picture of Jay Leno. You have to make the chin, bigger, so that it jumps out at you. Ok thank you Bill, now can you draw Larry King?

Man in background…….Hey watch it, that’s my wife!

A signed cast is worth a lot of money on ebay but a blue dress will net you a million in a book deal.

“Hillary wins the big states and I sign the big girls”

Ma’m, I’m gonna write HIllary’s name right here so you remember her in November .

And just hours later this woman would become the 3AM caller…

watch and learn kid. This is where I begin…

Instructions for how to “really ” rehabilitate your hand when the cast comes off and Monica’s email address for further details

Excuse Mr President, but I don’t think this is what Hillary had in mind on catering to women’s needs.

Sorry, I don’ t have a business card, but I’ll write my number right here!

Shall I write Bill or Slick Willey?

“I find it odd that I’m always the first one that’s called upon to sign these things”

President Clinton implements the new campaign policy of tatooing superdelegates for Hilary to make sure they don’t switch their vote.

OK — I know our tax returns aren’t public yet but I’ll write down everything Hillary remembers. You might want to roll up your sleeve a bit further.

“I had my arm broken one time. The first lady was, shall we say, a bit preturbed by my Oval Office behavior. She put me in a half-nelson and cracked my ulna in three places. I sympathize with your pain maam”

Secret Service Guy (to himself): “I was wondering where my Sharpie went. Why if he wasn’t the ex-President, I’d break his arm.”

That’s o.k I’ll spell it for you M-O-N-I-C-A. Monica

“Ohhhh Mr. President, I’ll remeber this moment for as long as……my cast is on.”

Have I told you about the time Airforce One was tailed by heat seaking missiles …Wait did that really happen or was that on 24, I forget…

Secret Service: “Advise… Hounddog has gone sharpie! I repeat… Hounddog has gone sharpie!”

Just leaving my mark everywhere I go, who is the man?

If Hillary was President, that broken arm wouldn’t have cost you a thing!

Not to worry, he’s just making sure that I can honestly report that I gave you my autograph and that I did NOT have sex with THAT woman !!

You want me to sign your what?…..how about I just sign your arm

I wonder if that hurt you as much as monica hurt me…oh who cares heres my number call me anytime i’m always up

Clinton still has “pull” with voters!

Is not a good map, but…We landed here…and the sniper fire came from over this way

“OH MY, DID U DUCK FOR SNIPER BULLETS TOO,HERES MY NUMBER. CODE WORD CLIENT# 5

Mr. President, um, I promised Sen. Clinton I would not let you do that anymore…

Gee honey Im sorry obama broke your arm trying to twist it to vote for him.

“I’m glad your RIGHT arm is out of commission, you’ll have to lean to the LEFT to compensate.”

Says the man behind Bill - “All come on Bill keep the line moving, not every woman wants your number”

Good thing that you’re ambi-dexterous!

No, that was the other Bill Clinton. I am Hillary’s husband.

Janice Virginia.

Bill says, I will be glad to sign your cast while the photographer behind you takes this picture for CNN. This will give CNN something else to take something innocent and good to make negative remarks about me and my wife.

So Your name is Hillary, how do you spell that?

Bill Clinton thinking to himself,

“Man, Hillary sure is making sure I behave, and if he doesn’t stop breathing down my neck, I will break HIS arm.”

“8-6-7-5…3-0-9″

You’re welcome, young lady. And since we’re on the subject, please cast your vote for Hillary.

This reminds me of the time I signed Hillary’s cast when she fell trying to get off the tarmac in Bosnia. She tripped over a little girl that got in her way.

David
Los Angeles, California

So how many superdelegates will Hillary get by signing this?

San Francisco, CA

Just a little advice, next year let your husband win the ncaa bracket pool.

“So, here’s the map of America…. Hillary’s won these States, and Obama’s won those others… so we still need this and this and this….Is it clearer now for you ?”

Yea I remember Chelsea broke her arm to, tripped over a box of cigars in my office.

I’m writing this on your hand in special ink so I can find you in the dark later tonight…

“All I can say is I wouldn’t be doing this if it were BLUE!”

Well, it beats signing a NASCAR cap!

You poor girl it’s a shame that the price of gas is costing people an arm and a leg!

This is the number to our bedroom phone. Don’t worry…Hillary NEVER answers the phone in the middle of the night !

Mark S.

Sacramento, CA

Who is George Clooney?

Bill says, “So super-delegate, who was it again that twisted your arm?”

I hope thats HER arm.

Your arm was broken at a Obama rally huh.
Let me just scribble out Bill Richardsons name and sign Hillary’s.

Clinton: “This ballot is a bit tricky to write on, and I think your state doesn’t quite get the meaning of casting a vote.”

Bill writes talking points on Hillary’s wrist.

Ya know - When I was president all our closest and most loyal aides and our followers had to go through a special ceremony and get this special secret tattoo. This was such a good idea, we’ve decided that we need to mark all our supporters for easier counting.

Girl: What’s looking at my cast arm?
Secret Service: I am looking your cast arm and Bill is writing your cast arm says ” break a leg” good luck.
Bill C: Maybe I can write your cast arm says “Please vote for my wife Hillary and visit to convention at Denver……. Thanks maam.
Megan D.
Shoreline, Wa

How did you say you did that? Dodging sniper fire in Bosnia?

Bill:
Now you won’t forget, thats a Big Mac with extra pickles and a LARGE fry.
Secret Service:
Sir, put me down for a double cheeseburger.

Another vote cast for Hillary.

I hate when he gives them MY phone number!

Don’t mind the secret service guy, He’s just making sure I behave myself…

“Mr. President, the last time a man touched me like this, John McCain was signing my cast.”

Oh! No bill is doing it again… Is he writing his phone number? Is he? Is he???? let me see!! let me !!!

Trick Cast: $15.95

Sharpie pen decoy: $3.00

A woman in a blue dress with her hand down your pants again: Priceless

LIsten, I’d tell you more about the blue dress but I’m dodging sniper fire!! Take cover!!

ok……these are the questions you will ask…..don’t mention Bosnia, or Ireland or ……..

you wouldn’t believe all that a guy has to do just to get his wife elected…….you’re in the 10:00 - 10:15 slot.

“In the future, young lady, I expect you to pick-up the telephone when it rings at 3:00 a.m.”

Stop right there…don’t go any further

“Now I want extra mayonaise so i’ll write it down so that you don’t forget.”

The wrist makes for a great cheat sheet. In fact, this is how I remember my wife’s name.

Clinton: ‘You know, it’s been a while since I left my mark on a lady in a blue dress.’

Stop right there Bill don’t go any further…I only wanted your autograph.

columbia,

Hello, let me sign my name on your arm, so how do you spell Hillary?

To everyone’s surprise former president Clinton draws a picture of a magic unicorn on a woman’s cast .

Gonna use your cast here as a scoreboard. One for him, two for us. One for him, ummm, 10 for us. Check this out Judas, we swept Pennsylvania. How ’bout them apples?

Is that my wife?

Columbia, SC

“Hello young lady, I will sign your name on your cast, so, is your name Hillary Clinton?”

”This is my nomber 3;00 am, 367-7509……Jany , I’ve got your nomber…”

So, do you need my room number too?

I bet if I belonged to a band you would let me sign your chest!?!

Clinton: ‘You know, it’s been a while since I last left my mark on a lady wearing a blue dress!’

Oh your a Florida voter. I must say when your state pushed up it’s primary the democratic party, was wright to punish your state. Excuse me miss, the man behind me wants to tell me something .What a revote in Florida. As I was saying miss, Me and Hillary, love the Florida, Voters, and think your vote should count.

In a moment reminiscent of Dan Quayle, former President Bill Clinton said to himself, “So…is potato spelled with or without an ‘e’?”

call me,never mind that bastard looking over my shoulder.

So this fixes broken things? Can I get one for my wifes campaign?

I’ve got to make this quick - the light of the sniper’s gun is right behind me. I need to dodge, dip, duck, dive and dodge my way to my limo!

I sure can sympathize with you friendo. Got a bad feeling I’m gonna be needing more than one cast after this shin dig. No country for old men these days.

You’ve got to be kidding - but well, ok - O-B-A-M-A

Bill: How do you spell “BFF”? You better be voting for Hillary now!

Never go against the family. Here that Judas?

Hey i’m sending my wife off to Bosnia tonight, i do that whenever i want to get away from her. Hey tell me is that her brother looking over my sholder?

Hey Honey-

What are you doin’ after the show?

The Luv Gov

And this is my phone number; call anytime Hilliary is on the campaign trail!

An