You see, I am a Baptist, and this thing we are sittin’ in, well it is called a “baptistry”, and in a minute they will fill it up with water, and since you have already drunk the koolaid we gave you, then they will just dunk you in the water for a second, and then we will all be Baptists together! As I said, I am bringing democracy everywhere!

“I’m telling ya, that crazy reporter Anderson Cooper will here soon with enough Plumpynut to go around!”

Heh. You heard that Gold Digger song?

“Please, please smile and pretend I said something witty.”

Mark Overend
Minneapolis, MN

Is this the unemployment line!? I’m about to be out of a job!

Cynthia, Covington, Ga.

” You seem amused by the fact that soon I shall not be president anymore. I don’t “get it”.

Y’all know 50 Cent?

It has been a while since I have ridden public transportation. Have you been waiting long? When does the next train come? Do I need exact change? Am I asking too many questions?

Charlotte D
Stockton CA

I left the United States, so that I wouldn’t have to be around when daddy endorsed McCain.

Jana
Terre Haute, IN

‘I’m kind of a big deal-you might have heard of me-
the whole WMD scandal?
Axis of Evil?
911?

No! Michael Moore is the fat one!

Bush: “‘Lame duck, shmame duck’. No job, no phone, no problem.”

McCain told me that I could stump for him but I have no idea why he sent me here!?

Cynthia, Covington, Ga.

Umm…Ok, I don’t mean to interrupt you while you watch Mr. Obama on TV, but I am still the President, I swear.

“So…can we forget about the whole Hurricane Katrina deal…?”

Angelo
New York

Bush said, “I wanted to thank you all for putting on that fake smile for this photo shoot”.

They said, “Get the dern picture already, my jaws are hurting!”

Smile if you’re happy about me leaving the presidency at the end of the year. . . . . . .

My “floodpants” we’re donated by FEMA.

Momma always said, “Life’s like a box of chocalates, you never know whatcha gonna get.”

Did you know people like me here? Yeah, I heard there are a whole bunch of bushmen in Africa!

I have to say I love that “I’ll Be There” song you did but “ABC” is my favorite.

Oh…this is the bus that goes down the road to nowhere. HMMM…kind of like my presidency!

Cynthia, Covington, Ga.

Is this my new secret service team?

Could you teach me the Watusi?

How do you say ‘lame duck’ in your native language?

“Where did you buy your outfit? I need to buy Laura a late Valentine’s Day present”

~Erin, FL

“Have you seen my Dick Cheney voodoo doll?”

Wow, I can’t believe we’re auditioning for Tanzanian Dancing with the Stars! Don’t forget our first number is “Boot Scoot Boogie.” This is gonna be great!

” I almost wore the same thing today, how awkward would that have been, huh!”

“I’m flooding…..wha….wha…..whadya mean flooding?”

“Do you know the phrase, Don’t mess with Texas?”

I can understand why you won’t look at me. You think I’m a strange looking man and that’s why you and your friends are laughing.
Susan, CA

” You see in honor of president’s day I want John Mc Cain to choose me as his running mate, resign, then wha~la! I’m President again!
Why’s that funny?”

Betty Ann
Nacogdoches,TX

I just flew in from Crawford & boy, are my arms tired … heh heh heh heh heh

Dude did you guys see the Grammys? The Beyonce & Tina Turner performance was KILLER!

No Kidding !!!!
I am waiting for my next job interview…..

Ya’ll got any of that Obama Beer here?

Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve decided to vote for Obama.

So, as an African woman, would you consider yourself a woman first, or an African American first?

You know I’ll be free in a few months! Would you like me to fix your government next?

I’m a little turned-around-about. I’m supposed to be delivering life saving rescue aid to New Orleans, in the good ol’ U. S. of A. It’s right next to Texxxxasss. Do I go through Namibia first?

Have you seen my dad? I feel asleep at the airport and I think I got on the wrong plane. I’m suppose to be in Texas.

Whhooooweee ! It’s Paris Hilton “HOT” here!

Bush: Any of you seen Osama?

“Is this where I need to wait to audition for “The Color Purple?” *Man, that part is so mine, hehe*

Nice outfit, My wife has one just like that.

They said to “loosen up some & have fun!” So I took off the ole tie.

I know, I shouldn’t have let Dick go safari hunting but we’ll be safe in here. Renee, Kinderhook, NY

Boy, these auditions take forever. How much longer do we have to wait to see Simon, Paula and Randy?

“I’m just visiting” Don’t worry I won’t stay

Actually, this is the first time someone’s mistaken me for Anderson Cooper.

Uh…. hey there… sorry to bother you while you watch that Obama guy on TV, but I am still the President of the United States, I swear.
Elizabeth, Ladera Ranch, CA

So lemme ask you something, can i be president in your country next? ahh you think i’m joking do ya? no no i’m for real..

“Hey, that native foods sampler platter for lunch was GREAT! I don’t know what that spice was you all were putting on it but I haven’t felt this good in 20 years.

I’ll give you twenty dollars to braid my hair.

“Is there really no restroom in here?”

“Hot enough fer ya?”

‘Ahh shucks. I forgot about black history month!”

Betty Ann
Nacogdoches,TX

“So, you come here often?”

Yo. Yo. Check it. Y’alls crib is bangin’. Feel me?

I’m saving these seats on my right.

why should i move over?!

“I got one question: Am I at the front of the line, or the back?”

“Hi y’all… I’d like to introduce myself, I’m George Bush… Junior… ma daddies senior… he’s older than I am… anyways…. I’m the President… of the United States…. in America…”

is the test hard?

Wanna see a picture of my wife & kids?

You see, in America, where I’m from…………………………..

“…why, just last week me an’ Laura danced the Congo… I think…. “

Uuuuuuhhh, you know any Janet Jackson songs?

Dick’s back there, arms folded, refusing to come in, unless I let him come on the hunting safari… but he’s grounded from using guns until our term is done. It’s for his own good.
Kevin
Canada

Do you ever suffer from wardrobe anxiety? I do!

Betty Ann
Nacogdoches,TX

I promise FEMA will be here any minute. Renee, Kinderhook, NY

Can I cut in front of you? It is President’s Day, after all.

Oh I have a lot more amusng stories…Did I tell you the about the time my friend Dick had an accident with his shot-gun?

“Okay, now you say, “who’s there?”

Say you never been to America? They” LOVE me,” where I’m from!

“You all know i got my own private plane right? It’s call Air Force One. Wanna go for a ride?

So I told John McCain, “Yeah, I know what it’s like to be deserted by everyone on your right…”

Presidents day! What’s so funny?

whoa, I’m too far to the right again.

Feel free to chat, I will not plagiarise your words.

Are you sure you don’t want my help to create democracy?

I think hillary and obama need to stop putting each other down because when this is over , and who ever wins, the demecates will still want to look at the person who won and yet be willing to vote demecate in november. (turn the dirt off) the other guys from the old folk home need to go get their rocking chairs, and relax!